Children starting school without being potty trained

[Pearls18]

Some very interesting resposes

My friend is a child minder and looks after a little boy who is almost 3 (she has had him since he was 8months). The boys mum asked my friend if she would potty train him as "she didn't have time". Just like to point out that my friend has this little boy Mon, Weds &Thurs 9am-3pm, the rest of the time he is at home with his mum! So, although my friend tried to start with potty training, it isn't backed up at home so the little boy is really struggling with it.

My question is this - These days, where there are more working parents, can this contribute to 'late' potty training? Do some working parents genuinely not have the time? Is it harder to potty train when the child is being looked after by child minders etc from a younger age?

Yes, I think some parents have taken a lazy approach, but this isn't the case for everyone.

I would be disappointed if my LO wasn't out of nappies (during the day) by 18months - 2yrs max (not disappointed with my LO btw... In fact I'm not sure disappointed is the word here, but can't think of another!) but I know that things sometimes don't go according to plan. This is just for myself, however and I do not judge anyone else with how they go about potty training

I personally wouldn't send my child to school in nappies/pull ups

This is a good point, my DH and I work full time so Elliot is with a mixture of nursery/childminder/family 5 days a week 8.30-5.30 ish....I guess I should be looking at how we will be handling potty training as I will need conformity and support from all sides! It's a shame I can't just send him a long and get someone else to potty train him I had better help at home though lol.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

well 'legally' they do not have to attend school until they are 5, so you do have the option to keep them back an extra year, and in my daughters school the first year is mainly learning through play, i think she has only started having 'lessons' as such in year 3 and she is 6 turning 7 x

they can start at 5 but they would miss year R. x

 

[smelly07]

well 'legally' they do not have to attend school until they are 5, so you do have the option to keep them back an extra year, and in my daughters school the first year is mainly learning through play, i think she has only started having 'lessons' as such in year 3 and she is 6 turning 7 x

they can start at 5 but they would miss year R. x

would they? i thought they would just be a year behind and start in reception iykwim.

 

[tallybee]

well 'legally' they do not have to attend school until they are 5, so you do have the option to keep them back an extra year, and in my daughters school the first year is mainly learning through play, i think she has only started having 'lessons' as such in year 3 and she is 6 turning 7 x

they can start at 5 but they would miss year R. x

would they? i thought they would just be a year behind and start in reception iykwim.

Yea I think they would, and just be the oldest in their class. I know a couple of kids at the school mine go to who have been kept back a year (not related to toilet training though)

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Nope, I am in England and my child was born 13th august. I battled 3 tribunals with the LEA to put him back a year but they wouldnt accept it and he had to start straight into year 1 if I did put him back a year. Most people read misconceptions online but reality of doing it is really not so simple.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

personally i dont think the age of 3 is 'too late' or starting pre-school still in nappies is 'wrong'............but its a long time between starting pre-school and starting school and i think by school age (if the child doesnt have any additional needs) there is no reason why a parent shouldnt be at least trying.

My youngest is 25 months and isnt ready to be potty trained yet but i know what a difference a couple of months can have on a child and how much they grow and learn and understand so much more in that short space of time, my eldest was 26 months and it took two days with not a single accident after those two days.

every child is different but they wont do it by themselves they need help and guidance from their parents.

When i talk about 'lazy parents' i mean the ones who admit it so and are just not interested in potty training their child and arent encouraging it at all. x


sarahkka: your little boy has only just turned 3, you are doing all you can and i bet you he will have this toilet training buisness sussed way before he starts school.

I agree. We started potty training DD1 at 2.5 years, she was fully trained within about 3 days and has never had an accident up until this day, she is now 8.

DD2 on the otherhand, well we tried to potty train her at 24 months but she just wasn't ready, we tried again at 27 months and she was dry after about a month during the day and most of the time at night, she did still have occasional accidents during the night though for the first year. Them 3 months for us made a massive difference.

And I wasn't saying that it was 'a big deal' for a child to have an accident, just not all children will have to contend with one when making the transition to school.

 

[mum22ttc#3]

I looked at keeping DD2 back until 5 incase she was not accepted for the school we have choose. The way I read it was that we was able 'legally' to keep her back until the term she turned 5.
For us this meant that she would start in year 1 as she doesn't turn 5 until the last term, but would miss Reception completly.
If she had had an early birthday, say october, then she would have had to start 'by law' in th January.

 

[indy and lara]

well 'legally' they do not have to attend school until they are 5, so you do have the option to keep them back an extra year, and in my daughters school the first year is mainly learning through play, i think she has only started having 'lessons' as such in year 3 and she is 6 turning 7 x

they can start at 5 but they would miss year R. x

would they? i thought they would just be a year behind and start in reception iykwim.

Yea I think they would, and just be the oldest in their class. I know a couple of kids at the school mine go to who have been kept back a year (not related to toilet training though)

In Scotland when you defer entry the child starts P1 the next year and would just be one of the oldest in class. However in England this does not happen and the child would still have to join Y1, missing reception altogether.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I looked at keeping DD2 back until 5 incase she was not accepted for the school we have choose. The way I read it was that we was able 'legally' to keep her back until the term she turned 5.
For us this meant that she would start in year 1 as she doesn't turn 5 until the last term, but would miss Reception completly.
If she had had an early birthday, say october, then she would have had to start 'by law' in th January.

Yes this was the same case as with us x

 

[smelly07]

I can see how parents would be put off by doing it then, i really didnt think they would put them straight in to year 1.
Personally i wouldnt hold my child back from starting school at 4 anyway BUT even if i did want to knowing they would go straight into year 1 to me its pointless keeping them back a year in the first place.... if that makes sense x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

You still have to appeal to LEA about it, you cant just DO it IYKWIM.

 

[feeble]

On potty training early (I.e before 2)

I think this can be dangerous if the child is not ready, my friends little boy was potty trained by 18months but a lot of it was done through fear and they have such a small vocabulary then (if any at all)

He is now terrified to poo and will hold poo in for days and days, to the point where he gets very ill, he also half poos and then pulls the poo back into himself, meaning he has dirty pants and trousers but still hasn't pooed.

They have had to (at three) put him back in nappies to re-train him.

I would rather wait until j is ready, he has a potty now (which he promptly put on his head) but I cannot see him being potty trained by 2, by three I imagine definitely but not by 2

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I agree to wait until they are ready. By waiting till my son was 4 we saved loads of stress and he was dry day and night from the start of it xx

 

[feeble]

It doesn't need to be a race after all...

Keep it gentle and make positive steps, don't rush it and make it all negative that's my vibe x

 

[freckleonear]

Hmmm I agree with waiting until they are ready but I think we often hinder their ability to be ready. A huge percentage of the world's children are potty trained by 1 or 2. I've noticed amongst my friends who use cloth nappies and allow loads of nappy-free time around the house that nearly all our toddlers are potty trained well before 2 years old (my daughter started potty training herself at 16 months). I also think it's really important for babies to see their parents/siblings eliminating on a daily basis right from the time they are tiny. Obviously there are some toddlers who simply aren't ready until later on, but if the majority of toddlers in our culture are potty trained so much later than the rest of the world, it seems to me that we are delaying them somehow.

 

[freckleonear]

And just another random thought, disposable nappy manufacturers are always claiming that their products are better and improved, so I wonder if there is a link there? It's well known that children in cloth generally potty train earlier because they can feel the sensation of being wet, so if disposable nappies are keeping children drier and drier...

 

[feeble]

Well j is in cloth and has plenty of nappy off time, but I just don't know how i would potty train him before he can talk?

 

[Pearls18]

I'm the type of mum most mums on here hate lol.....I like working to timetables, I like routine, I don't do baby led *shock horror hit the nasty lady* and I am planning on starting when he's 2. I will research into it beforehand, and if he shows signs before I will follow them, but I will definately start around 2 I won't wait until I think he's 'ready', I won't force anything I am not going to give a deadline for it to be complete lol, but even if it's just leaving a potty around the place just to get it started. Famous last words as I often say....but things have worked ok so far.

 

[feeble]

We bought him a lovely see through pink potty yesterday

So far he has Put it on his head, my head and his dads head Lol!

But it's here for him to get used to

 

[Pearls18]

We bought him a lovely see through pink potty yesterday

So far he has Put it on his head, my head and his dads head Lol!

But it's here for him to get used to

I love it that he has a pink potty haha! I'm dreading it tbh, wish I could just put pants on him and point at a toilet and that be that