Clomid Buddies (moved from TTC board)

[Ask4joy]

Thanks babylights...my best guess is that the embryo just started to implant and my hcg just barely got high enough to show faint positives but was already on it's way out and had already filtered out of my blood by today. Makes me wonder what is going on...my guess is this has happened more than 3 times but my hcg has only barely gotten high enough 3 times to show up on a test. Why is the embryo dying as soon as it starts to implant? All the immunological tests have come back normal.

 

[babylights]

That's exactly what I was thinking for myself too. My blood tests were at <1 after just two days of faint positives both months so I think mine were even earlier losses than yours. Really makes me worry about my egg quality. I'm sorry that we're both in this unfortunate position but I take a little bit of solace that we're not alone. Let me know what your RE says and I'll do the same. Huge hugs &#10084;&#65039;

 

[BelleNuit]

Ask my guess is it is a sperm or egg quality issue. Sometimes eggs won't have enough energy to keep dividing past a certain point. In other cases there are sperm DNA fragmentation issues so that the embryo will divide well in the beginning but result in a CP later on when the division becomes increasingly embryo lead. Either way I do think IVF and embryo testing will be the best route. I'm sorry this is happening!

 

[Ask4joy]

Thanks girls. I am going to ask about the DNA fragmentation test. DH has to do another SA before IVF with the new clinic so maybe they can do both with the same sample? It may determine whether we do ICSI. At our IVF info session we learned that they like morphology to be above 15% and DH's was 13% last November at his SA. That combined with my aging eggs may be our problem.

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya my DH only had 10% morphology and he continues to drink heavily. At least he's smoking less weed. He's such an idiot sometimes lol. I think it's smart for you to get that fragmentation test

 

[Ask4joy]

I indulged a little myself this month too (DH didn't because of the job scenario) but I don't really think that has anything to do with the cp...may have even helped me relax and GET pregnant.

 

[LAR83]

ugh.. Ask I am so sorry you are going through this again! IVF should help, like you said, especially if you get the embryos tested before using them, but still.. it must be so heartbreaking to have to go through this, especially so many times

I found out that there is a good chance I can get tested for Zika when I get back from my vacation, so I may not have to wait 6 months, which is very exciting.

For those who take ubiquinol, what brand do you use? I was taking 600mg/ day and then I ran out of pills. I need to buy more now, but taking 600mg a day is pretty expensive. Just wondering if anyone has found any that are more affordable.

 

[BelleNuit]

I only take the coq10 leading up to O which does keep the cost down somewhat!

 

[Ask4joy]

Thank you, LAR...it sucks, but so does trying for so long which I know we all understand. Thank goodness for science! I'm thinking we should do one more month on 100mg clomid. What do you all think? It may have helped me concieve faster and maybe 2-3 more eggs/embryos will give me 1 good one? And it's cheap!

Here's the coq10 we take...we only take 100mg a day because it's so expensive (and this is a cheaper one) but I really think we need to be taking more!

I just want to say I am very grateful for all of you and don't know if I'd still be half sane without your support!

 

[babylights]

That's also the same Ubiquinol that we take, Jarrow Formulas.

Ask, how many rounds of Clomid have you done? Multiple doctors have recommended we try three before moving on to IVF.

 

[BelleNuit]

Lar thats great news you can get tested for Zika, can your husband be checked too? is it the same protocol for him??

Honestly Ask you seem to be handling everything really well. I just feel very strongly that IVF is going to work for you! Like you say, thank goodness for science!

I got invited to a close friend's (who is also my cousin) son's first birthday in a couple weeks. Her kids call me aunty and I know they would really want me to be there. But depending on the outcome of this IUI I'm thinking of not going. I was only able to hold her baby for the first time a couple weeks ago, a few months ago I could barely look at him it hurt so much (so I am making progress lol). I think a first birthday would be really difficult for me. She knows about the infertility but I don't know if she would understand if I told her that was the reason why I couldn't be there. I don't really want to make up some crummy excuse either. I dunno, I might just wait and see what happens this week and go from there. I went to her daughter's 3rd birthday last year and even that was sad for me. You get into those situations and you start to wonder if you will ever get to celebrate the first birthday of your own child.

 

[babylights]

Belle honestly if it were me I wouldn't go. I just don't trust myself not to burst out crying these days and although I'm sure they really want you to be there, sometimes you really do have to think of yourself first. Sorry if that sounds super harsh toward your friend/cousin, but I can't imagine how hard you'd have to work to not only be there, but to put on a happy face while you're in so much pain? It sounds like a lot and you shouldn't have to go through that ❤️

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks lights. I know first birthdays are important. I know I wouldn't burst into tears at the party, but I can't promise that I wouldn't bawl on the drive home, and I'm tired of feeling that way. I'm being selfishly self-protective I know. I'm just tired of being in situations where my heart aches and there is no easy fix.

 

[Ask4joy]

Babylights - I've done 5 rounds of clomid but 4 were 50mg and I was only ovulating 1 egg. Last month was my first round on 100mg. It's definitely a lot cheaper than IVF but doesn't raise success rates that much for unexplained.

Belle - I'm not going to my step-sister's baby shower for that same reason. Why put ourselves through that? And I don't want to ruin her day by choking back tears or pretending to be happy when my heart is breaking. Take care of yourself and if you think you'll be forcing a smile the whole time maybe think twice about going.

 

[steph1607]

Missed this whole conversation last night, damn the time difference! Really sorry Ask, you're right, everything does suck. I don't think you have anything to lose by trying one more round at 100mg. It obviously did something and like you say, it's a hell of a lot cheaper than IVF.

As for the baby showers, I am 100% with you all. I haven't been to one since my nephew was born and I wasn't even trying then so it didn't affect me, but I could not do it now. I work at a university and sometimes have to deal with students interrupting their studies due to pregnancies - I barely even know these people and even that hurts. One of DH's friends (I might have said before) announced in April that his girlfriend since September had fallen unexpectedly pregnant. We saw them a couple of weeks ago and she strolled in with this lovely bump. Thank God it was sunny and I was wearing dark glasses... I tried so hard to ask all the right questions and give all the right reactions, but I found the whole thing exhausting. They're both such lovely people and I just end up feeling like such a bitch. My husband is wonderful and so understanding, but I think he does struggle to understand that side of things. So I try not to really say too much about it to him because I don't want him to think I'm some kind of jealous, evil woman!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks ladies, I think I'm going to wait and see how I feel that day, but I'm leaning towards not going. I'll just spend the day hanging out with my dog instead lol. She's become a replacement for a baby for DH and I.

I agree Ask, those ovulation induction meds aren't fixing anything for unexplained. I hate that it is likely that you'll have to do IVF, but I'm so excited to see it work for you!

 

[babylights]

Ask I would def treat the first four rounds of Clomid as one round.

Belle I think I say nightly that I never would've gotten through all of this without our pups. Just love those faces!!

 

[Ask4joy]

Sounds like a good plan, Belle. I call our kittens (who are growing like weeds) my therapy cats! When I realized I was having another CP and was lying on my bed crying my little girl kitty came over and started snuggling with me...it really made me feel so much better. And they are me and DH's first pets that we adopted together so they feel like our little babies.

I realize it probably won't work but I'm thinking I'll give 100mg clomid one more go. That also gives me an extra month to be extra healthy and improve my egg quality as much as possible before IVF. The month after that I'll probably be put on birth control (part of the IVF protocol) then have my retrieval IVF in September. I think with PGS they usually do a FET the next cycle because they have to wait for the test results before transferring...maybe not a bad thing bc I've read some places that frozen transfers may be more successful than fresh after all the stims. It's good to have a plan! My fear is that they will do PGS and I won't have any normal embryos...but I read that 90% of women my age have at least 1. Maybe depending on how many blasts we get we will decide how to proceed regarding PGS (and how many to transfer - 1 or 2).

Steph - it's definitely hard talking to pregnant friends. Especially ones that "weren't trying". The only thing that gets me through it is telling myself that my time will come and that I'm going to love every second of it! Even when I'm puking! Lol

 

[babylights]

Have you considered doing 150mg for the last hurrah?

 

[Norelisa]

You need 15% morph for IVF? Then we are out even before beginning.. sigh.. hubby still don't take his supplements and vitamins every day so guess his swimmers are getting lazier by the day, and I get so frustrated - we know he is part of the problem - so why should only I be trying?!

We are still staying with my mother in law, hubby started working last week and this week he is already away (yay).. Tomorrow evening I will start viewing some flats, and hopefully my birth certificate will arrive soon so that I can get into the system here soon... Vive la France... I feel like crying almost every day, I don't think we made a good decision moving here