Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[TwoMummies]

Can I just ask where everyone finds their donors? OH and I are feeling really downhearted about the search for a donor. Always was my least favourite part of ttc!

I signed up to loads of sites!

There is:

co-parent match (some are just sperm donors who want no contact)
pollen tree
pride angel (designed for lesbian and gay couples)
freespermdonationsworldwide

We found our donor on co-parent match but had enquiries and one's we were interested in on all the sites, we liked having a lot of choice however as we were quite fussy.

 

[SpudsMama]

TwoMummies - That'd be great thanks I've already covered the basic stuff but I'd be interested to see what others have asked their donors. I'll PM you my email address now... xx

 

[Tegans Mama]

I had 3 donors one month! As long as none want contact with the baby then its fine!

Sorry but I really disagree with this.

What happens when the child grows up and they ask about their father? Even if you have agreed no contact the child still has a right to know who their father is.

Also what happens if the child is diagnosed with a genetic condition? You will need to inform the donor as other children will be a risk and you won't know which one.

On top of this you will need medical history etc.

There is just too many issues that could pop up and too many potential issue's for a child if you use multiple donor's.

Imagine if you were told that your mother has no idea who your father is?

I'm sure if the child had a genetic problem, the mother would alert ALL the donors she used and then possibly get genetic testing after the baby was born. At least that's what I would do

Hmmm as for the "father" thing, I'm not sure how I feel about that one. Tegan has a donor, not a father. Our next child will have a donor, and not a father. Just because some bloke donated their gametes, doesn't make them her father. Fair enough if she wants to know, BUT the majority of children born to lesbian couples (where the couple are the parents with no outside influence on the child from the donor) have not yet grown up so there's no research telling whether or not they will actually WANT to know their biological father.

 

[TwoMummies]

Yes see I understand that and would prefer this baby to not want to meet the donor in all honesty and would have prefered completely annoymous if possible but I keep thinking what if the child asks?

There will obviously come a day when they realise there had to be a male involved somewhere and I want to be able to answer any questions that pop up and give them info if they want it.

It may never happen and I hope it dosn't but I would rather be prepared for it.

I think because my older two child have access with their father (we were in a relationship at the time) this baby is more likely to ask about their father then if all our children were donor conceived.

It's a tricky subject isn't it and everyone has different views. The reason why fertility clinics stopped sperm donors donating annoymously was because too many children once grown up were requesting the details and the clinic couldn't tell them, they changed the law to deal with this issue so I feel it must have been a pretty big issue.

Who knows though, if only we could see the future!

 

[Tegans Mama]

True. Of course your circumstances are very different to my own. If there is already a father in the picture to other children then they are obviously going to ask.

Before the law was changed the majority of clinics didn't work with lesbian couples anyway - only single women and married straight couples.

 

[TwinsFanMTB]

Tegan's Mom- We use Clear Blue Easy. I think they are totally worth it. Staring at lines trying to determine how dark it is and what it means drove me bonkers. With CBE I get a smile during my peak ovulation time and get a plain ole circle the rest of the time. So for me they are worth the money.

 

[ebelle]

Would like to add my 2 cents worth to the known donor debate.

I've had many long and serious discussions with my partner on this. She wants anonymous, I want known. My rational is very simple.

When I was a toddler, my mother and father had a divorce and she remarried my stepfather when I was around 3 years old. My stepfather then adopted me and my last name was changed to his last name.

I never knew he wasn't my father until I was about 8 years old. That was the first time I met my biological father. In the 31 years I've been alive, I've spent less than 3 months with my biological father. It was only 4 years ago when I had a health scare that I found out more about my biological father's family and health background.

I had lost a lot of weight in a short time (15 kg in about 3 months) and the doctors couldn't figure out why. They asked about family disease history and I couldn't answer cos I didn't know anything about my biological father's family side, although I did know that my mom's side of the family has a history of hypertension and strokes. Eventually I found out that both my biological father and my grandfather has colon cancer at a relatively young age. That put me at high risk of cancer. The doctors did a cancer marker scan on me and fortunately, I was fine. But I did have to remove some polyps which turned out to be benign.

I guess my point is, even if our children don't have a father, it is still important to have access to certain health information. Granted the donor may not have health problems now, but you never know 10 or 20 years down the road.

Hope you can see why I feel a known donor is important now.

 

[LunaBean]

Everyones reasons are different and all valid. When I only started looking for a donor I specifically wanted a known one so the child would know who its 'donor' was, hed never be its father as he wudnt be bringing it up or having contact until 18. It was very difficult finding one who wanted that, but I did, and I got pregnant, and suddenly he wanted to take me to hosp apps, paint the nursery etc. That was NOT wat we agreed, he wudnt be rearing this child. Then when I lost the baby at 6 weeks he said hed got too attached and cudnt be a donor anymore because it made him realise he waned to have his own child.

The next donor was to be known too,but only at 18. I got pregnant, updated him, and he started texting me eveyday wanting information. I lost that baby too and told him I couldnt use him because he was too involved.

The next donor I found didnt want to be known. I got pregnant,told him, and recieved one good luck text. That suited me far better. But I lost that baby too.

With my current donor, he'll have yearly updates on the baby and contact at 18, possibly sooner if we both agree. But hes WONT be the babys father. Hes the donor. He wont have visitation rights etc. In send him scan pictures but never hear from him between times.

I had medical histories from ALL my donors. The time I used 3 was after losing my 4th baby, and none of the donors wanted contact. Its no different to when clinics used to send out anonomous sperm donations before the new law. Morally some people have a problem with it. I didnt do it lightly, I asked alot of advice from people, both friends and on here. I DID get pregnant that cycle but lost that baby too. When uve lost so many you do start to get desperate amd want to increase every chance, but I dont regret doing it.

If someone had a one night stand at the back of a nightclub with some un-named guy, they wudnt know anything about him. Therefore cudnt say who the 'father' was. I can tell my child I searched for someone to help me have him because I wanted him so much. There 'are' lesbians having one night stands to get pregnant. He can ask about the donor and I can pass on his questions. No, he wont have a father, but he'll have a mother who loves him and went through a hell of alot to get him.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I think people are confusing anonymous and unknown donors... To me an unknown donor is a donor who is UNKNOWN to the CHILD - i.e the parents have contact details for the donor and can contact him at any time, but he doesn't have access to the child and will never be a part of the childs life. An anonymous donor is a donor who donates and then disappears into the mist, never to be heard of or seen again.

With Tegan's donors we actually intended to have them as a part of her life, but it turned bad and didn't happen (through no choice of my own, might I add). With our two mc's donor, he didn't want any contact at all, even at 18, but we did have contact details for him should things go wrong. With the next child, we want an unknown donor, who is not part of the childs life but who we have contact details for should we need them. There's a MASSIVE difference between an unknown donor and an anonymous one.

BUT I don't really get why everyone is judging each other for their choice of donor - we're meant to be on this thread to band together and support each other since we face adversity from all other directions anyway, not slyly insult each other for our immoral choices

 

[SpudsMama]

I've gone for a known donor every time, with the exception of FOB (the one who messed me about the other week which led to me searching again). He wanted to co-parent which I agreed to because at the time he was a friend, not someone I met on a sperm donor forum. Before that, every donor I used was ok with me keeping in contact, sending photos and updates etc. But no physical contact unless the child wanted it aged 18 or over. This time, yes, TC is a known donor, I'll be sending him updates and pictures, which he's perfectly fine with, but he'll also be sending me updates and pictures of himself and his own two young sons. I liked the idea of, when my child asks about their father (which he/she's bound to seeing as I'll be a single parent) I can provide them with so much information of him and his two "brothers". We've also discussed him meeting the baby if/when I conceive, and although I'd have to think long and hard about it when the time comes, I think I'd be ok with it. He'll have no parental rights, he's not going to be financially involved and it wouldn't be regular contact. Especially since he's only in the UK for a few months (he's from America). He won't be on the birth certificate.

But that's just what I'm comfortable with, as is TC (my new donor). Everyone's situation is different... xx

 

[Tegans Mama]

Tegan's Mom- We use Clear Blue Easy. I think they are totally worth it. Staring at lines trying to determine how dark it is and what it means drove me bonkers. With CBE I get a smile during my peak ovulation time and get a plain ole circle the rest of the time. So for me they are worth the money.

Thankyou!

I bought a pack that has twenty in last night. Fingers crossed they treat me as well as they treat you

 

[ebelle]

I just want to clarify that I think its fine for everyone to make their own choices and I'm not judging. I am just sharing my own personal experience and why I feel strongly that our donor should be known and not anonymous. My partner and myself intend to be the only parents to our children and the donor will play no part in parenting. I just want to be able to contact him in case of future health issues.

In no way does that mean everyone should use only known donors.

I think people are confusing anonymous and unknown donors... To me an unknown donor is a donor who is UNKNOWN to the CHILD - i.e the parents have contact details for the donor and can contact him at any time, but he doesn't have access to the child and will never be a part of the childs life. An anonymous donor is a donor who donates and then disappears into the mist, never to be heard of or seen again.

With Tegan's donors we actually intended to have them as a part of her life, but it turned bad and didn't happen (through no choice of my own, might I add). With our two mc's donor, he didn't want any contact at all, even at 18, but we did have contact details for him should things go wrong. With the next child, we want an unknown donor, who is not part of the childs life but who we have contact details for should we need them. There's a MASSIVE difference between an unknown donor and an anonymous one.

BUT I don't really get why everyone is judging each other for their choice of donor - we're meant to be on this thread to band together and support each other since we face adversity from all other directions anyway, not slyly insult each other for our immoral choices

Thank you Tegan's Mama for bringing up the point of clarifying the difference between anonymous and unknown donors

And yes, we should be here to support each other through our TTC adventures and not being negative and judgemental.

Hope everyone is having a good day

 

[SpudsMama]

I had my blood test results today (CD6 hormones) and everything came back normal except for progesterone which was on the low side... 1.0 nmol/l. Does anyone know if that's really low and anything I could do to help... tips? xx

 

[Tegans Mama]

No advice from me but I hope it's nothing serious TTC x

 

[day_dreamer]

I remember when I had my blood tests my results were 4 on cd19 then 17 on cd30... they had to be over 35 to indicate ovulation had occurred...my cycle that month was super long so O was never detected for me.

how come they did cd6 bloods? I thought cd2 and 21 were usually taken (never knew why I had cd19 lol)

 

[SpudsMama]

I've never known why he wanted me to have CD6 rather than CD2 or 3, but he seemed very adamant about it, so I went along with it xx

 

[Pinkorblue11]

TTC- has he gone over your results with you or did you just get them over the phone? I would ask him is the progesterone level low enough to need something like progesterone cream or pills, maybe he can suggest something else. If not, maybe seek a second opinion, if you can..

I'm so glad to read about the clear blue easy digital opks. I've been wondering about them for a while also and I think I will try them out this time.

 

[SpudsMama]

Pinkorblue11 - I swear by the CB Digi OPK's! I went in to see my GP to get the results, and he said everything was normal, but progesterone was a little low. He didn't say anything else. I had the receptionist print off my results so I have them for future reference... xx

 

[Pinkorblue11]

TTC- Awesome! Okay, well if he knows you're ttc and isn't too concerned, that could mean it's nothing to worry about. I hope that's the case, and you'll have a bfp in no time!

 

[faithbabies]

ok so AF has arrived finally lol i'm ready for the new cycle and will start taking clomid on friday..fingers crossed!!

will catch up with u guys later, we've got some bad weather right now...have a blessed day