Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[BrandiCanucks]

What kinds of things do you have already, fire?

So far, releasing all financial commitment of donor, confidentially based on a need to know basis (giving the exception of doctors and lawyers), agreement that if a child is conceived he will make no effects to contact child but will be provide contact information so that when we decide to disclose his identity the child he might be contacted. We have lots of items concerning the roles of each person involve- that he will have no involvement and my husband will be daddy.
I am trying to have all bases covered.

I gave my donor the option...no contact at all with the child throughout her life, with the exception of medical needs, such as genetic testing; not meeting the child until she is 18, or meeting her before she is 18, ONLY if she asks to.

In the end, we agreed that I would send pictures and updates, and that there would be no contact between him and the child until she is 18, with the exception of medical emergencies.

We agreed that in the event of, God forbid, she passed away, I would contact him with any funeral and burial details if he wished to attend.

I included the purpose of the donation and contract (the purpose was conceiving and the healthy and safe delivery of a child), that I release him of all financial and parental responsibility of the child. His name will not be on the birth certificate, and that I will not pursue any sort of financial assistance from him, before her birth, during her life, or after her natural and accidental death.

I said that I would contact him for medical issues, such as genetic testing, ONLY if it deemed necessary for a diagnosis from a medical professional.

I also put in rules for the donor...that he was forfeiting all parental rights and would not seek contact with her until she is 18, that he also will not pursue custody or visitation with her, etc.

We agreed that over the course of donating, we would split the travelling needed for the donations. He took the first round (all we needed was one), and that I would reimburse him for his travels, and then I would take the second round of travelling and so on.

We agreed that all scheduled donations would be made at least one week in advance, so as to ensure everyone is available during the proper time in the cycle. (This one doesn't work for everyone, but I know I ovulate on CD13 so this was easy for us) In the event of a cancellation, everyone will make their best efforts to provide at least 24 hours notice.

That's pretty much all we put in there. Unfortunately, for him, he found out the hard way that in Canada, the contract means nothing, and that the best interests of the child go above the contract. One of the women he donated to ended up not being able to support her child and took him to court for child support, and while he still does not see the child (mother refuses despite the court order), he is still paying $600 a month in child support to a child he was never supposed to know, and whom he doesn't know. It was after this incident that he stopped donating.

Our contract is somewhat void now..mutually agreed upon, as, over the last three years, we have grown to be close friends, and recently started a relationship. He still has not met our daughter, and I'm holding off on that for now, so as not to confuse her. But we are going to start trying again for our Number 2, at the end of October.

 

[ace28]

Okay, everyone, a few people were discussing donor contracts so I figured I would post the one we used. It's basically covered EVERYTHING and our lawyer ok'd it, so if you need a starting place for your own contract (or just want to copy this verbatim!) check it out! Our contract was specifically for us not wanting a lot of contact and the donor did not want to have parental rights or be financially responsible in any way.[/COLOR]

Spoiler

Semen Donor Agreement Specifying Terms, Conditions, and Agreements For the Donation of Semen to be Used for the Purposes of Artificial Insemination​

This agreement is made this ___ day of _____________, 2011, by and among ______________________________ [biological mother's name], hereafter referred to as "Recipient," __________________________ [Recipient’s partner and presumptive second Adoptive parent], hereafter referred to as “Adoptive Party,” and ___________________________________ [donor’s name], hereafter referred to as "Donor."

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the promises of each other, Donor and Recipient, and Adoptive Party agree as follows:

Each clause of this agreement is separate from the others and should a court refuse to enforce one or more clauses of this agreement, the others are still valid and in full effect. ______________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

1. 
   Donor agrees and understands that the purpose of the insemination is to produce a child or children. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• Recipient and Adoptive Party agree to pay for Donor's Infectious Disease/STD screening, if current records are not available. Donor agrees to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases including the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). A copy of the Donor's examination and testing results shall be provided to Recipient prior to insemination. If the medical examination and testing reveal that the Donor has a sexually transmitted disease or may transmit a genetic defect, Recipient and Adoptive Party may cancel this agreement by giving notice of such cancellation to Donor. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• Donor understands that he is providing, free of charge, his semen for artificial insemination and agrees in advance to consent to the adoption of any child conceived through this process by the Adoptive Party. Donor waives paternity rights, if any, to a child conceived through artificial insemination of sperm donated pursuant to this agreement. Donor agrees not to attempt to form a parent-child relationship with Recipient's child. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the relinquishment of all rights, as stated above, is final and irrevocable. _______________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• 
  Recipient, Adoptive Party, and Donor agree that Recipient and Adoptive Party hereby relinquish any and all rights to hold Donor legally and financially responsible for any child or children who results from the artificial insemination procedure using the Donor’s semen. Each party agrees the Donor shall not be named as the father on the birth certificate of any child or children born from the artificial insemination using Donor’s sperm. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• Each party acknowledges and agrees that she or he signed this agreement voluntarily and freely, of his or her own choice, without any duress of any kind whatsoever. It is further acknowledged that each party understands the meaning and significance of each provision of this agreement. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• There are no promises, understandings or agreements between the parties other than those expressly stated in this agreement. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

• This agreement shall be construed under and in accordance with the laws of the State of ________. ___________________________ (Donor, Recipient, and Adoptive Party Initials)

__________________________________________________________
Signature of Recipient and Date

__________________________________________________________
Signature of Donor and Date

__________________________________________________________
Signature of Adoptive Party and Date

 

[2moms2be]

Hi fire & ace

And I'm sorry, Skylark... you definitely didn't let anyone down. This is a crazy journey, and we all have to come through it in our own way. It's really, for the most part, beyond our control. You were very generous and kind to offer, and I hope that your friend has lots of luck building a family in whatever method she chooses. You're always welcome here

On my end... still no ovulation. OPK line is getting dark again (not positive yet), but I don't trust it anymore. I'm thinking I'll probably just abandon this cycle and wait for AF to start over. I've already gotten three wasted donations and am feeling rather hopeless.

FX for the rest of you, and I will be back for cycle #4! I'm considering starting Vitex and seeing if it helps keep me regular. I was regular for three cycles before this one, but before that, had some irregular months. So I dunno.

Hi again! Funny seeing you here.

Sorry about the OPKs... it definitely doesn't look like you've ovulated yet! How frustrating!

I'm still on the same cycle I was on when we were in the TWW thread. No ovulation for me yet either! Ah, well.

Oh, God bless you. If I make it to CD40-something with no O, I'm going to take up drinking

OPK's are still negative. EWCM is back. I'm about to run out of OPK's. I have 100 more on order... if I don't get them before I run out, I'm taking it as a sign and just throwing in the towel on this cycle.

Thanks! I've been feeling a lot of cramps today and had some weird glob-y cream colored semi-stretchy CM, but OPKs are negative. I'm so confused still! I even POAS and it was BFN, of course. So now I'm hoping it's the showing up so I can just start over! I'm taking soy next cycle so we'll see how that goes.

I hope your cycle turns around for you!

Ugh, I feel your frustration. Hang in there; maybe it's just a crazy cycle... Our bodies are so nutty sometimes.

I got another positive OPK today!!! Whee! Way darker than anything else I've seen this cycle. Glaring. No mistaking it. Like, twice as dark as the control line, haha. So I'm hoping this is finally it. Trying to get another donation... have to check with my donor and see if he's available. But this is my last damn try. If there's no O after this, I'm calling it quits for this cycle.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Does anyone know where I can order collection cups online that will be here in the next two weeks and are sterile? I'm not quite recovered enough for NI right now, so we're gonna do AI and I can't find any in my local drug store

 

[firechild30]

Thanks for the input ladies! I just discovered that my state has no specific laws regarding ai, and that if a married couple has a baby, the husband's name automatically goes on birth certificate. I definitely still want a contract, but thought it was interesting. Apparently, contracts concerning ai may be void in particular states.

Looks like next cycle we will do our first insemination. Need to have some tests done, but can certainly begin trying in the meantime. DH is super excited

 

[justhoping]

Thank you Rumpskin!

Debbie! How wonderful! I love the "Debbie is keeping me warm for mummy and daddy" that is so sweet! Such an amazing thing you are doing!

I am hoping & praying the insemination works first try... otherwise it may be another year before we can afford to try again! We have been saving for this one attempt!

Did you try anything different on the 3rd attempt that may have helped? If you don't mind me asking, were you using fresh sperm? We will be using frozen donor sperm.

Thanks!

Well we used fresh samples every month. For the first 2 months, I used the syringe and then placed the instead cup in. The last month we did, I done 1st day using preseed oil, used the syringe and then didn't use a cup, 2nd day I used preseed, used the syringe and then placed the cup in, 3rd day no preseed and no syringe, just poured the sample straight into the cup. I don't know which day worked obviously lol but we like to think it was the first dayas we did insems at my couples house that day so the baby would have been conceived in their bed However, while other months I spent a long time with my legs up the wall and bum in the air, this month I laid down for about half an hour afterwards and then made a point of sitting down for long periods of time as you would normally in an upright position because then your cervix is dipping straight into the cup of sperm.


Sorry if this post is a bit graphic!

Hope it helps though

question do u put the preseed in the cup and if so how much?

thanks in advance

 

[ace28]

Does anyone know where I can order collection cups online that will be here in the next two weeks and are sterile? I'm not quite recovered enough for NI right now, so we're gonna do AI and I can't find any in my local drug store

I have two questions/comments: What is NI? I see it mentioned alllll the time and I don't know what it is!!!

2) If you're just doing at home insems, amazon.com has plenty of cups like you're talking about. I don't think they have to be sterile as long as you're doing ICI, although it certainly doesn't hurt ("normal sex" is certainly NOT sterile, right? ). We ordered some from amazon but then realized that our donor prefers to give a sample directly into an instead cup- easy peasy.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

When I conceived my daughter, he made his deposit into a Dixie cup and I sucked it up with a syringe and deposited the deposit at the entrance of the cervix and it took on the first donation.

I suggested the same but apparently he has other plans and asked for sterile cups? Still waiting to hear back from him hahaha

NI is Natural Insemination, so, sex.

I got Brooke's Prediction back tonight...not quite sure how to feel about all of it, but she was right about some of it.

Hi Brandi....What I'm being shown is a BOY coming in, but not right away..I could be wrong, but they're showing "delays"...I have to say Dec/Jan for conception or when you find out. They're also showing "changes"...I'm feeling this is "meds" related, if this makes sense. When I pull cards on M***, your donor, for some reason I'm getting "conflicts" and "anxiety" around him...does this make sense? I do think he'll follow through with it, but right now a little "on the fence"??? Let me know if you can validate this, if you know! He may not be expressing this to you.
Of course there's a chance I'm misinterpreting the message! Also what's this about a "phone call"...appears to be an important call coming in soon...a call you've been waiting for. Let me know if this makes sense!
Keep me posted!
Blessings, Brooke

Well, the meds, at my followup a few days ago, my surgeon told me that my iron is low and he prescribed me some iron supplements. But, on top of that, he also told me that if I was not pregnant by November, to call and they will book the followup dye test, so there is a possibility that more meds might come out of that.

Now with M***, prior to agreeing to take the friendship to the next level, he expressed to me that he was no longer donating because of one of the women pursing child support from him, and despite the contract, she won. So he had told me he is iffy about donating again, but that he would donate.

He also did tell me a few days ago that he's getting cold feet about Natural Insemination, so it's possible that he doesn't want to go too far too quickly, because he said we can still definitely do Artificial. I'm okay with that, because I don't feel like my body is ready for sex yet anyway because of the surgery.

As for the phone call...I'm trying to think and I really can't think of anything, but if I get an important call that jogs my memory, I will definitely update.

I like Brooke's prediction more than Jenny's, lol...with having conception in December or January rather than the end of next year...and the part about a boy. I REALLY want another boy, but will love another girl too.

Just waiting for Cheri's now!

 

[burrr]

Hi,

I've been reading your contract situations with interest and wondered if anyone had any experience or insight into my possible situation.

One of my options for TTC now is to use donated sperm from a man who I kind of know. He's married to one of my friends and he's offered to donate. He's donated through clinics before so he's aware of the implications of donating and has recently been screened.

Obviously, with us women being friends, it won't be a situation whereby they never have any contact with the child until it's 18. My friend and I don't see each other a great deal but are on FB and Twitter together and I do plan to put photos up there if I ever get to have a child. The donation will simply be a donation, I'm in a civil partnership so my partner will be on the birth certificate as second parent. I don't intend for him to visit and meet the child because it is his child. If I meet my friend with the child and he happens to see it, it will be as if any other husband of my friends meets my child, no special relationship.

I would like to have the opportunity to request medical access if he grants it but I'll understand if he doesn't want it.

Anyone had a contract with a situation a bit like this? I found it easier to think through the issues with the thought of using a stranger but now it's someone I kind of know, through someone else, it's a bit more complicated.

I am also reading with interest your methods and timings, hoping to learn from you all as you go along and be able to join in a couple of months, if we do go ahead using this donor.

 

[HopefulFairy]

question do u put the preseed in the cup and if so how much?

thanks in advance[/QUOTE]

Hi we put 1ml in bottom of soft cup but use syringe in AI and put cup in afterwards x

 

[firechild30]

Does anyone know where I can order collection cups online that will be here in the next two weeks and are sterile? I'm not quite recovered enough for NI right now, so we're gonna do AI and I can't find any in my local drug store

I used test county. There's also always softcups.

 

[firechild30]

Just popping in to say hello to all the newbies and a big welcome back to Firechild, I've often wondered how you were

Good luck to all and lots and lots of

Look at your beautiful girl! She is sooooo big. I heard Leah had success while I was away, but haven't seen her on the board in a while. I thought I remembered that their wedding would be around this time. Do you love being mummy? I bet it is worth all the craziness we all go through to try to get pregnant. Any plans of future siblings?

DH and I have decided to only try until June 2014. Our new donor is biologically related to DH so he is ecstatic. The process is so hard on me that we have decided if it doesn't work in this time frame, we will create different goals for our life and family. My main objective this time is to not be consumed by trying, but to keep enjoying my life while we try. The disappointments just hurt too much.

 

[Kiwi2307]

Hi ladies. Feeling a bit down in the dumps so need some positive vibes (if possible in the situation). Can only get one donation, tomorrow, but in previous months I've ovulated the day of pos opk and I got my pos today! Is it worth still trying. Will be at least 36 hours after positive/peak opk?

 

[Mummylou23]

yes it is xxx
As for leahmsta she hasn't been on since 25th sept bit worrying.

 

[Nimyra]

That's tough, Kiwi. I'd take the donation anyway for sure. There is still a chance. What I learned is that even if I usually ovulate the day of post opk, that won't necessarily happen every month. Some months I didn't ovulate until 2 or 3 days after! So, just try to relax and do what you can do.

There is so much of this that we simply cannot control. If your donor isn't available as much as you need, you can use the time to start looking for another, but if he's really the donor of your dreams, then you need to just do what you can do, and not stress about the months where things don't go quite right.

Best of luck to you this month.

 

[LunaBean]

I would still try too, sometimes you can ovulate late!

 

[Nimyra]

Luna! I've missed you. What's the news? How long have you been TTC #2? How is everything going with work, love, Noah? Are you still child-minding?

 

[c.30]

Just popping in to say hello to all the newbies and a big welcome back to Firechild, I've often wondered how you were

Good luck to all and lots and lots of

Look at your beautiful girl! She is sooooo big. I heard Leah had success while I was away, but haven't seen her on the board in a while. I thought I remembered that their wedding would be around this time. Do you love being mummy? I bet it is worth all the craziness we all go through to try to get pregnant. Any plans of future siblings?

DH and I have decided to only try until June 2014. Our new donor is biologically related to DH so he is ecstatic. The process is so hard on me that we have decided if it doesn't work in this time frame, we will create different goals for our life and family. My main objective this time is to not be consumed by trying, but to keep enjoying my life while we try. The disappointments just hurt too much.

Yeah some people drop off the radar once they get their BFP, I doubt it's anything to worry about, hopefully she and her partner are just enjoying their new journey being a mummy is awesome, this little girl brings me so much happiness and I still look at her at times, think of what I went through and I'm amazed that I produced something as beautiful yes, I've already talked with my donor about a sibling, he says he's ready when I am. I would like to clear Deanna's first birthday so past April but yes, there's a definite possibility of more LOs in my future, I certainly can't see myself stopping at one

I wish you all the luck in the world, the lengths I went to, the travelling mostly, when TTC was insane, lol. It did take over my life and was like a full time job, which was fine for me, but yes, trying to keep some normality is very important too

 

[GrassRoots]

Starting to feel a little deflated - 9DPO today and took a test and there's no hint of a line at all. Dangit. I'm assuming if it's not positive by tomorrow, it's pretty likely that I'm not pregnant but still holding out hope...I really don't want to do this again, lol. This process is not fun, as you all know.

 

[Kiwi2307]

Stick with it Grassroots, 10dpo is still early for a BFP.
So I got the donation last night and according to
Opk I'm 1dpo, but waiting for FF to
Confirm in the next few days. Very slim chance but hey you gotta be in it to win it.