Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[Mafi419]

I really hope it works with AI for you It must be very frustrating getting pregnant with IVF and that having a M. I'm really sorry about that

I'm sure everything will work out just fine for you best of luck!

 

[MilitaryMummy]

Hi everyone sorry to bother you all... I am new to all the donor sperm stuff and have been trying to read up but i do get so confused about it all???

Where do you begin? I'm near London and i was wondering how much it all costs and the likeliness of it all happening?

Feeling really confused by it all to be honest and over whelmed.

xxx

 

[burrr]

Hi military mum. How are you planning to use it? You can find known donors online and do at home insemination. Or you can order from a sperm bank in Denmark and have it shipped frozen to your home. This is a bit of a legal grey area though. Our you can go to a fertility clinic and use anonymous sperm to do intra uterine insemination or ivf. Iuis are a bit pricey, ivf is a lot pricey.

The women in this thread are doing at home insemination either with a known donor or shipped frozen. Using a known donor is free except for any expenses your donor might incur eg travelling.

If you're planning clinic treatment, being near London gives you a good selection of clinics.

 

[MilitaryMummy]

Is at home insemination best? I dont think my partner is really up for knowing who the dad is you know? Think he would prefer it anonymous. But not really sure what to do. How much is just a visit to a clinic to get some advice? and any advice what clinic? xx

 

[Mafi419]

I think it depends on the clinic. In the UK, the initial consultation can be about 175 pounds :O
I've contacted some clinics in Denmark and Netherlands, because their IUI treatment is a lot cheaper, and some of them have free initial consultation via skype. Spain also has very cheap IUI treatments (about 1000 euros for everything).

Btw, regarding the shipped sperm. My favorite donor happens to be anonymous which is a pity because I really adore his profile and he is the perfect donor for us. When a female same-sex couple goes to register a child, they have to be in a civil partnership and have had a child conceived artificially so they can register both their names as parents. If I were to use the sperm from Cryos, I would have to show them something from the clinic to prove them that the child was conceived artificially. My point is, can they ask me about the donor status? If for some reason they found out he is anonymous? Do they have a way of finding that out? I really like this donor and I so didn't want to choose another!

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Fresh sperm is best to use over frozen, as it lasts longer and gives a higher chance of success. I chose a donor online and used fresh sperm and used him twice...once for my daughter, and once for this baby. My story is rare, as both babies took on the first and only donation both times.

I just wanted to point out that you CAN still remain anonymous even with a donor from online. The only thing I know about my donor is his first name, that he lives in Toronto (I HAVE been to his home for one insemination, but do not remember, nor did I keep the address), that he is Armenian and English, and that he's a Pisces. That's all. I DO have an email address for him, but his name comes back as Matt X. We had considered a contract until we both discovered that a contract wouldn't mean anything here in Canada (our kind of donation is technically illegal and the rights of the child would override the contract).

Anyway, we've now been in contact for four years, he's donated twice, and we both trust that he's not going to come after custody or access, and I'm not going to go after child support. We agreed that the ONLY other time I'd contact him is if there was a medical or genetic issue and we needed to test the biological father in order to diagnose the child, in which case he can do that without us being in the same room. We did become friends over the four years but have drifted apart since the BFP this time around.

Just wanted to pass on that you CAN still remain anonymous with a "known" donor. I still don't know his last name.

 

[burrr]

Mafi, I don't think you have to take anything in to prove the conception was artificial. I'm not doing anything except picking up a pot of sperm off a random guy I meet up with and I know my partner can still be on the certificate. When I spoke to a lawyer, he said that because we're in a civil partnership we'll just go down to the registrar's office together and put both names on the certificate, no proof of conception needed.

I get the impression the same works for married, heterosexual couples.

Brandi, did you meet your donor though? It's not completely anonymous if you've met him face to face as you still see him. I know what you mean, that it's anonymous in that neither can track the other down but you do still know him a bit and know who he is. If you bumped into him in the street in a city with your child he'd still recognise you and realise that the baby of a certain age was his. That's obviously okay for you, but I think people who want complete anonymity would be uncomfortable with that.

Military, mafi is right that some Danish clinics are cheaper. You'd have to factor in flights and possibly accommodation, but I know of women living near London who hopped on an early flight to Denmark, had IUI and caught a late flight home. It would take some planning, timings wise and I don't know how successful that would be. It would probably work out cheaper than IUI in this country. Have a look at Stork in Copenhagen, and Copenhagen Fertility Centre too. In London there are a wealth of clinics, I wouldn't know where is best to start.

 

[Child2Hold]

Hey everyone!

So my preferred donor backed out. Preferred because he was only 20 min away. We'd been talking about it for a few years (when he had just started dating) and now his new husband won't let him donate. I'm glad I had a few backup donors in place. But they're either 6 hours away or they ship using TYB (which I'm not sure how it works).

On a happier note I randomly asked another friend (as a joke) if he'd be my donor and he said YES! Plus he's only 5 min away!!!!! I've got 47 days to iron out all details with him or I'm giving the shipped a try.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Burr, the only time we met face to face was for the two donations, so about 10 minutes each time. Personally, I prefer to have the email contact because I already do have a child (not through donation) with genetic abnormalities and medical issues, so if one of those were to come up with my youngest or this baby, then I would prefer to know I can send off a quick email and ask that he go to the Children`s Hospital to submit his blood for the genetic testing and find out what my child had, and who gave it to him/her. Other than that, we don't speak anymore and he lives far enough away that I know I won't run into him (and he doesn't drive so there's no chance of him coming to my small town for nothing)

 

[burrr]

Yeah, that's an advantage of a known donor. Mine said when we met that he'd like to be contacted if we needed medical support like that, as he'd want to help the child out. Which was great as I was going to ask him that anyway!

I hope you don't have the issue arise with your younger children but good that you have the contact there if you do.

Child to hold, that's rubbish about your preferred donor but great news about your friend! Hope you can get it all sorted out in time!

 

[Mafi419]

So, I just spoke to a clinic in Spain about AI treatment. I actually know a girl that conceived at the first try with this clinic. They told me I would have to go for a consultation to determine what kind of treatment is the right one for me. On that consultation, they would request some particular tests and investigations (depending on several things; I could take my own tests if I had the ones they need - that varies a lot). In Spain the donor is completely anonymous and there is no way to track him down. The first consultation would be 165 euros, the sperm would be 309 euros, and I'm still waiting on the fees table to know how much the AI treatment itself is. I honestly don't think that the entire process would be more than 1000 euros, even if I were to do all the exams and investigations there. The flights are very cheap, just try the low cost companies (this particular clinic has branches all over Spain). I think this might be a very good option.

 

[happymommy12]

Hello! ! I'm new, congrats on your pregnancies and all the babies born via donor.
Excuse my english but i'll do my best

So you're talking about clinics, i'm spanish, we did in vitro and one insemination with donor sperm, we traveled for 3 hours, everytime we went to the clinic, Ivi , it was about 1.500 euros plus medication, 400 euros. And in vitro, well in fact was icsi, it took 6.000 euros plus 1500 in medication. If i can help you, ask me whatever.

Ok now my story, my husband has 4 kids from a previous marriage, but he got a vasectomy and a reversal a year after. He has antibodies in sperm. First treatment i had chemical pregnancy, second round negative. It was with my hubby's swimmers, then we tried ai with donor, but had very high risk of multiple conception, i had 8 eggs, and they canceled.we can't afford more treatments.

After a lot of crying and being so depressed we conceived a beautiful baby via known donor,it was natural ,my friend didn't want to do it other way.and we we're so desperate, and he's so hot so it wasn't traumatic at all.don't think i'm a bitch, i used ovulation test, and we had sex only once the day before ovulation.we never saw each other so it's good for us.

We are trying for a sibling with hubby but i have no hope, so maybe we'll look for someone in internet, any advises? Better local? Age? I think it's difficult but is worth it.

Sorry for the long post, hope we can share the process, thanks ladies!!!!!!! And good luck if you're inseminating soon...

 

[Mafi419]

I contacted a potential donor a few days ago. I want to explore all my options, and my spouse was less hostile to this idea after we found out that, because we are married, she would be automatically on the birth certificate of any child that I give birth to (that was conceived artificially).

The donor replied in a matter of hours, and he was very nice and interested. He talked a bit about himself, made some inquiries about us, and suggested we might meet soon to talk in person. He also sent some photos (I never asked) of him as a child, of several family members, and of his girlfriend and child (that I'm assuming is his child). I asked him a few things back, particularly if he had donated successfully before. He immediately replied saying that yes, he has donated before and some children were conceived with his sperm. He also attached 2 photos of different children and their parents, saying that those were the children conceived with his sperm. I don't know why, but the fact that he sent me those photos made me more suspicious. Does this makes sense to you?

Also, one of the children has to be at least 3 or 4 years old (in the pictures), and the donor is 22. Is this off?

I would appreciate some feedback, if possible than you for your time and attention.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Not necessarily. Some donors start donating as young as 18, legal age here, or as young as legal age wherever you are. Also, some children tend to look older than they really are. Most people who meet my youngest daughter (donor baby) think she's a lot older than she is cuz she's taller and speaks at nearly a 4 year old level. She'll be 3 in May.

As for the donor sending photos, that's pretty typical. When I first contacted my donor, he sent me a description of himself, his family, their background, sent a photo of him today and him as a child, and also attached a photo of two of the children successfully conceived. He went on to tell me the average number of tries it took, which was 2-3. We were successful on the first try twice.

Got to see my little guy today. He's measuring 3 days ahead and doing well. I have an anterior placenta, which is why I'm not feeling him as much but all is well. 4 heart chambers, 3 vessel cord. Can't complain!

Here he is! Kesler Benjamin Silas! Gender Reveal for my family is tomorrow so I've attached the cupcakes too.

 

[Mafi419]

Thank you for sharing that, that made me feel less insecure. It doesn't help that my spouse is the most paranoid person alive lol (really! -_-)

Oh my god the cupcakes are such a good idea!! And they look just perfect! Congratulations on your boy

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Looks like pregnancy brain got me again. Here's my little guy.

 

[Mafi419]

I sent an email to that lawyer Natalie Gamble (that works with fertility law in the UK), and she told me that sometimes they have cases of lesbian couples being taken to court by the donor, demanding more contact with the child. Have you ever heard of such cases) Do you have first hand experience with them? Can you please share what you feel about it?

That's our biggest fear. We've found the perfect donor, but are really afraid that this might happen.

Thank you.

Mafalda

 

[BrandiCanucks]

You can draw up a legal contract between you and the donor that clearly outlines that you and your partner are the parents/legal guardians of any child that comes from a live birth from any donation, and that they will not seek child support from the donor, nor will the donor ever seek custody or access to the child, or that the donor will not seek contact with the child until the child is 18, nor will the recipients seek the donor until the child is 18.

 

[c.30]

Lovely scan pic Brandi, hope you all enjoyed the gender reveal

 

[Mafi419]

You can draw up a legal contract between you and the donor that clearly outlines that you and your partner are the parents/legal guardians of any child that comes from a live birth from any donation, and that they will not seek child support from the donor, nor will the donor ever seek custody or access to the child, or that the donor will not seek contact with the child until the child is 18, nor will the recipients seek the donor until the child is 18.

Yeah, we can sign a pre conception agreement, but in the UK that is not enough. If a donor were to take us to court, "The court will take into account what you agreed at the outset, any written donor or co-parenting agreement", but that per si won't prevent it from happening.