Cyber Cycle Sisters !! xx

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Rachel good luck at your scan tomorrow, be thinking of you xxx

Lucy great news about hearing the hb, it must have been lovely to hear xxx sorry to hear it's your edd for your angel today, hope your feeling ok xx

Dee what a lovely bump! He/she being a very active bean then! Xxx

I'm away this weekend, be back on Monday to catch up. Hope you all have lovely weekends xxx

jo hope the midwife goes well tomorrow (I think it is tomorrow if my memory is correct) xxx
 
Best of luck for today Kanga, let us know how you get on x
 
Rach hope the scan went ok this morning I am sure it did.

Lou - thanks the midwife is today and I am so scared... I am having a real paranoia right now that its over and there is nothing alive in my tum! I guess I have to wait till Wed to find out unless they miraculously find a heart beat today but I am doubtful. I so hope I am wrong... Am at work just now and I just want to be at home. I work with a girl who is 28 weeks pregnant and every time I see her tummy I just think I so want that to be me getting to that stage. I know its natural to have feelings like this but I fear the worst... not sure why!
 
M2A - WOOOOOHOOOOOO Congratulations on your bean... I am so happy for you!
 
Goddess, good luck today, i know I've said this before but I'm sure your baby is ok and I think what you'e feeling totally natural. Try not to worry hun. xxxx
 
Thanks for all your good wishes girls x

I had the shittest scan ever this morning. It was a horrible place, wouldn't recommend it. Future babies or something in Reading. They made me pay before I went in and sign a disclaimer that they wouldnt be checking embryos health etc, wft~!

The screen was all fuzzy, the sonographer had no sense of authority and we felt uneasy. She didnt say anything for ages (never a good sign) and when i asked he what was happening she was like, just let me finish. It was like she didnt know how to tell us

She said there was no fhb. I just wanted to get out of there.

Rang midwife who suggested going to hospital for confirmation, which we did, and its confirmed. Bubs dies at 8 weeks. I thought something was wrong last weekend, I think you just know

So its back to the drawing board for us. My only ray of hope atm is knowing Lolly had 2 mmcs and is now well on her way to a successful pregnancy.

I'm wondering if its me being unable to produce a placenta as its about 8 weeks when that happens

We got further than last time though. And we got some pics, there was an obvious head, boys and arm/leg nubs x

I feel really weird atm, its like i'm not that bothered like i was last time. maybe i'm just used to it

we are hoping to get a D&C tomorrow, just waiting for the surgeon to confirm he can get an anethatist. At least we won't have to go to the nhs hospital where it was AWFUL last time and we were kept waiting for 2 days
 
Rachel I am so so sorry, what a bitch she was, especially with what's happened. Big hugs sweetie. Thinking of you xxx
 
Rach Im so sorry. there are no words but you know we are all thinking of you. I really hope you get this sorted and get some good news very soon. Sending you lots of hugs xxxxxx
 
Had a bit of drama today and it was one of the worst moments of my life..

I was a bit apprehensive all day as I was going to the midwife for the fetal heart rate check and she freaked me out last week... so this is how the visit started..

I am sitting in the waiting room and the midwife that I have seen on the previous 2 occasions calls me into her room not by name but hi come on in.... I sit at her desk and she asks me so how long ago was your LMP... I said 17th May... she looks a bit confused and then asks me how far along are you? I then look at the chart and it does not belong to me some girl called Meghan.. so I tell her I am not Meghan my name is Joanne. It takes her a few minutes to work out what I have just told her and she begins to fiddle with the computer and says oh yes thats right...i remember now your here for the fetal heart rate check.

I lie down on her couch, she tries for a few minutes and can't find it, tells me that she is going to borrow someone else's doppler meanwhile as she leaves I am lying on the sofa with my jeans right down over the pubic area and she pops out and leaves the door open... She comes back in try's to find the heart beat with the new doppler and can't find it. At this point she looks a bit odd and it seems like she can't deal with it she is laughing a bit and she tells me the fact we can't find the heartbeat at this stage is really concerning..you need to have an ultrasound. I tell her that I have one booked for Wednesday morning but I would like one before then to check things out. The part that was good was she managed to get me into a US clinic 30 mins after the appointment in Chinatown. I am sitting in shock getting pretty scared and feeling very sad as I am alone when I hear her telling the person on the phone the scan is for a viablility check and it doesn't look good. She gives me the form for the scan, tells me less than half of the patients we see without the fetal heart rate on doppler find a heart rate at the scan and tells me frankly it doesn't sound too hopeful... she skips out of the room laughing and tells me as I leave the office I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

At this point I am in a really busy part of town, I dont drive and I have 30 minutes to get to China town by cab if i can find one... I call my husband and tell him what has just happened and told him that the midwife pretty much said that she thinks the baby is dead. My husband is an hour away by car and I know that he is pretty torn and sad that I am going to have to go the Ultrasound scan alone... and I am positive its bad news and at this point so is he.

I find a cab after 10 minutes and get to the Ultrasound place in Chinatown they are super nice and take me in straight away... I am lying on the bed and i see she has found the baby and the uterus and even though I am no expert I can't see a heart beat so I began to cry... she did something else at this point a new setting and she then put her hand onto my arm and said do not worry there is a heartbeat there I will go through it all with you in a minute i am just doing some measurements first... she told me that the reason that your midwife probably could not find the heartbeat is that your baby is very very active and is not staying in one place for too long. It was waving its hands and legs around, zooming around from side to side and upside down just darting around real fast... i was crying at this point too but in relief and happiness and the sonographer was so nice she was awesome.

Anyway today's drama over. I am so relived its incredible and really while i was on the way for the scan by myself i feared the worse and thought this is the worst thing i will have to wait for and hear.

I have decided that I am also going to change to another midwifery practice... i am going to go with the one that I used when I had Euan they were an awesome team and the only reason I chose this one was convenience its on the way home from work. I understand that the midwife was concerned but I don't feel her behaviour or words were appropriate and i felt that she scared me unneccesarily but maybe I am just over reacting. What do you guys think?

The good thing that came out of the scan was my dates have been moved along and I am now 12+3 as opposed to 11+4 so that is good.
 
Rachel I am so so sorry to hear your news... I would not have put in my post if I had read that first I am sorry if it appears insensitive. I can imagine what you went through at that scan and I just hope that they can start to investigate things for you to get through this.
We are all here for you when you need us. I hope you get your D&C soon and don't have to wait long like last time.
Huge hugs to you and just remember your cyber cycle sisters are here for you 100%.
 
Jo, that must have been so scary, I can't believe she was laughing. What on earth could she have found so funny?? I would defo change. I think it's important that you feel happy with your midwife. I have the same midwife I had with both of my children again this time, I am so happy as I trust her 100%. Glad lo is fine though x
 
rach im so sorry hunni massive hugs cherub xxx im thinking of you xx
 
Rachel, I am so so sorry. And the way you found out was so horrible. I don't know what to say but I am sending lots of love to you and your OH. We are all here for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Jo, I think my heart stopped beating as I read your post - I definitely wasn't breathing - I am so glad all is ok - and you're nearly in 2nd tri!!

Definitely change your midwife - asap. The midwife you saw sounds slightly deranged. xxxxxxxxxxx
 
Oh no Rachel, I am so so sorry :hugs: good luck with your op - make sure you take some time out to heal. I will be thinking of you :hugs:

I hate the fact none of us know for sure the reason for our losses - maybe ask if there's any tests they can do?

take care

hxxx
 
Rach just thinking of you and hope that your op is now over.. take care XX
 
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