Cycle Buddy Central!

[horseypants]

I'm depressed so I shuddup for a while. I'm doing that messed up thing where every five minutes I think I must be pregnant/will never ever have children. I've been poas like a lunatic. All BFN. It's still early so yay, I get to torture myself for another full week. And I feel unsure that I ovulated at all. The worst part is squinting at the lines. But I can't help it. I'm addicted. Have you ever seen Requeim For A Dream and everytime they do heroin, there's that neato audio/video sequence where they're getting their hit ready? It sounds like paper tearing and such. Well that's me, sitting on the pot every morning and afternoon. My moods are so effected by my addiction that I randomly almost tore a woman I work with a new one cause she was getting on my case.

I'm looking forward to Thursday night, when I'll be taking a little road trip. OH is interviewing for a job in buttfuck. I hope to move there someday and be barefoot pregnant and poor, in 104 degree heat with too many grimy children running around, making a mess and screaming all loud that they want more sugary snax.

I tried to talk to my sister about maid of honor stuff and planning the wedding. She was about as nice as she ever is, which is not very nice at all, and I wonder if I really want to force us to try to live the dream. Maybe I should just admit shit sucks and give the fuck in.

HAHA! Wow I feel better.

All that said, I guess my chart looks good. But all the twinges I felt last week were probably my poor injured uterus post d&c, trying to repair itself. ...I wanted to say "trying in vain" but then decided that might sound dramatic.


HAHAHAHHAHAHA you guys, i found a clip from requeim for a dream. This is me poas, but i'm immediately squinting then tortured and needing another fix. (less dancing, more regret) LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEWgk0_zTQQ&feature=fvwrel

 

[libbyam2003]

Ah poas addictions all around! I only test once a day, sometimes skip a day... then DH will say oh hey take a test NOW and it'll be like 5 pm. So I do. Just to get bummed yet AGAIN in the same day. I need to mute him! Only tested once today so far. Starting to think my ICs are broken, ha.

 

[Rachel789]

Libby-Wow you are really late! Are you going to see a dr? How do you know your O day, opks? Do you temp? Good luck I hope you are pregnant and it just isnt showing up. Any symptoms?

Horsey- It is so good to see you are still around. I totally understand staying away when you are feeling down, I do the same. Your chart looks amazing! I think you have a great chance

If you want to be barefoot and pregnant in 104 degree heat there are plenty of places in florida where that is perfectly acceptable

 

[horseypants]

Rachel, what's the update with you? xo

 

[libbyam2003]

I don't know my o day for sure... no temping or opk yet... I had a half day of bad cramping couple days after I thought it'd happen, so thinking I am 19dpo. But not very scientific!

And yup I notice I am quieter on here when I'm feeling more pessimistic. Partly because I don't want to be a downer!

 

[Rachel789]

Nothing really to update for me. 6 dpo no symptoms as usual. Just waiting out this TWW and time is dragging. If my temps look ok 13 dpo I will likely test then which is one week from today. I am not a POAS addict like you horsey I prefer to not see BFNs after seeing them for a year.

 

[horseypants]

rachel, i so hope it's your turn!!!!!!!!!!! yor charts always look SO GOOD - this one's the best yet

 

[Rachel789]

Ugh I know my charts are always such a tease I am tempted to stop temping now so I don't torture myself but during the TWW I am an addict for temping instead of POAS. Gotta be an addict for something right?

 

[horseypants]

yes they are! yes you do! hehe.

Not to one up you, but i took my temp 3 times this morning. and each time i write down for instance that it was 97.11 at 6.41am and then 97.45 at 7.30am and then.... you get the picture. I tend to have higher temps later in the morning, so after OH wakes me up a million times and i finally get one that I like, (ie 97.90) I decide I'll keep it and wake up. Despite this, I'm not addicted to the temping - that's your addiction. I can stop whenever I want to.

I am so grumpy today. PG sign?

Sweetpea, i love love your sandals, especially the colors and texture on our internet page.

 

[Rachel789]

you are too funny with the taking your temp until you see one you like. I used to take mine a couple times when I would wake up a lot which is often during the TWW but it just drove me nuts and confused me so I decided from here on out only one temp to be take and I try my best to take it within an hour of my normal time.

This TWW is really dragging on. I would love to think I have a shot at being pregnant because how perfect would that be to get pregnant before I have to get the painful HSG test and spend possibly thousands of dollars on IUI cycles. Come onnnnn ONE TIME let me be pregnant!!!! Arggggg, its been one damn year of nothing but BFNs, I don't think its too much to ask. I know DH's are amazing, I had a nice cushy lining this cycle and decent BD'ing timing with some ewcm. There is no reason for it not to happen.

I am so hopeful but honestly I feel no symptoms and feel the same as I do every other lame ass BFN cycle, after a year of this I know when it won't happen so I am thinking it didn't again.

 

[horseypants]

gr! seriously! you, haus and sweetpea next!

are you doing a natural cycle after the hsg? i see you have the iui scheduled for october..... i have a friend who is pg with twins - ivf.... she got pg right after i mc-ed and the babies are already all bouncing around and something like 10 weeks. time is flying. that's the thing i guess, once you do get pg and make it to the 12 week mark, it looks from my perspective at least that time flies! rmsh1 what fruit are you....... going to look......................... baby dreams is back in pregoland too.... and kristina karma, (haus and my first connection) she must have already had her baby......

 

[Rachel789]

My dr doesnt want me to take meds the HSG cycle. He says it can increase the risk of MC if you have complications due to the HSG such as infection. So I think he doesn't want us to waste money on an IUI cycle and then have to cancel it if I had issues.

I ovulated this cycle which was my first cycle post clomid but I think I only o'ed because I still had clomid in my system. I do not have faith that I will O next cycle. I hear you are REALLY fertile after an HSG so I really want to take advantage of that and have a chance at o'ing next cycle. So I am considering trying soy next cycle to ensure I o. Of course if I have any issues with the HSG I will just not try that cycle but I will have the HSG around CD6-8ish so I should know before I O if I had any issues with it like an infection. I am still not 100% sure yet what I will do I am going back and forth with trying a natural cycle and taking the soy.

 

[sweetpea417]

Hi girls. Boring cycle day 2 here. Horsey, I have seen Requiem for a Dream and disturbingly like it. It was one of 5 DVDs DH and I owned when we lived on Maui and were broke as f$ck and I was barefoot and preggo... Sounds like your story a lil bit lol! It happened exactly that way too except DH was hurt from a really bad accident (almost died) and I was stressed out like you wouldn't believe.

It's funny how the world works and I always like to remind myself that things all happen the way they are supposed to or are gonna (that's what I believe anyways) and the reason we aren't all preggo yet is because it's not the right time for it. In my experience, pregnancy usually pops up at a very inconvenient time in life (hehe or that's how it always seems anyway lol).

 

[rmsh1]

Sorry I have been away, far too much going on

I have an olive inside me now! Booking in appointment on Sept 6th, and hopefully my 12 week scan the week after that

 

[libbyam2003]

CD2...

 

[sweetpea417]

Libby

Bex! Good to hear from you! Awwww an olive now huh? So happy for you

 

[Rachel789]

Bex-It is great to hear from you! Yay for olive baby

Libby- Sorry AF showed

 

[horseypants]

sweetpea, thank goodness things turned out the way they did. what a scary time it must have been, and yet, those times fill ya with nostalgia looking back.

when i look back on the last ten years, i wonder what i have to show for it and wish i hadnt ruled out getting knocked up young.

i'm sort of energetic and fun (mood for the last two days or so) but underneath i'm on the verge. being obsessed with testing and temping upon waking is making it so all my secret thoughts are desperate baby wanting ones and it's like im keeping myself busy and cheery on the outside compulsively cause if i really stop to think, i'll feel like such a failure. yesterday i worked non stop, first at work and then at home, and then still couldnt sleep once i finally slowed down for the first time and went to bed. i was so sure i'd be prego again soon and now im thinking the second time might have been a fluke cause i was accidentally drinking a bunch of st john's wort tea (it looked like normal chai) a month before o, and the stuff thins your blood. i remember the cycle before my bfp, there were no clots to speak of in af.

this cycle, ive been doing no vitamins and no pills of any kind.

next time, im gonna load up on the vitamins and maybe even take aspirin all the way through. maybe my lining is too goopy and im having an implanation problem? which could be the reason for the chemical before too? bah. it'a ll bs psuedo science. i'm really just wanting to be pg. so many people have already had their first child since my first mc and i still cant be happy for the ones from my real life.

i'm about to come up against my tentative wedding date too and though i want to keep trying, i'm scared that after a bfp, the problem is im not confident it will stick past 10 weeks, so i dont want to get pregnant say 3-4 months before my wedding and 1) not have lost any weight 2) not be pregnant 3) be undergoing a gory tragedy and be sad inside. i would feel so cursed, basically like ive been feeling for the last year.

i know what i gotta do is stop wanting it so bad. isnt that the catch 22.

libby, im sorry af showed

rachel, how's it shakin' today? how do you feel? any booby prickles yet?

haus, where in the world are ya?

rmsh1 - i've been keeping up on your trials and tribulations in your journal. you sound like such a prego, im so happy for ya. your situation proves what sweetpea is saying - that pregnancies tend to happen simultaneously with other significant life challenges. someday you will look back on how your little family bloomed amidst chaos! good luck on the house and the job stuff. take care of yourself as much as you can and please find a way to carve out time and space for rest. we love ya and your lo! (that's little olive) next stop, prune, right?

 

[Rachel789]

Horsey-My RE told me to take one baby asprin daily. He said he helps thin the blood out and increase blood flow to the uterus, so you might as well give it a try it can't hurt!

No symptoms here as usual. I got my progesterone level results back today and it was only 7.4 which is pretty low. I think they like to see at least 10. Progesterone peaks at 7 dpo and I had it done first thing in the morning 5 dpo so I am hoping that is why it was low but I really don't know how much of a difference a couple days would make for the level That is probably why I never get any symptoms in the TWW, because my progesterone levels suck. Ugh..its always something ruining my chances. I think I am out yet again this cycle.

 

[horseypants]

rachel, i thought progesterone makes your temp go up and your rises have been really good. i am surprised. when you do iui, they are going to give you stuff to take right? good that you are getting to the bottom of things.

THANKS for the license to take the aspirin. i heard some of the baby aspirin are coated and others not? -that you should take the uncoated ones? anyway, for next cycle, im just gonna take one a day of the baby variety. tell me if you learn anything more about the subject .