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Dealing with other people's fertility!

I feel your pain, ladies.
I absolutely hate the jealousy /guilt over feeling jealous combo.

Can I rant a moment?
I have a younger sis who had her first this August and and older sister who is due in July. Both have conceived since I began trying. The little sis didn't try and the older sis only waited 3 months. Love them both, happy for them both... when's my turn damnit! :hissy:
 
I deal with by having a massive tantrum and my poor OH has to pick up my pieces, just recently I had to have 4 weeks off work due to not being able to cope with people's announcements plus the fact I see pregnant women and people with babies/children that I think don't they deserve! Am now on anti depressants however my best friend thinks she may be pregnant and I find it so hard as my partner and I were TTC 6 months before her and her daughter is now 2 with a poss 2nd on the way! It can be sooooo hard some days but every time I have a negative thought I have to think to myself we don't know the other persons full story (relating to people I don't know). I'm so glad there's other people in the same boat as me!
 
Miss_Awesome i TOTALLY understand!! I had got pregnant in July 2011 and had a miscarriage 1 week later in August. Me getting pregnant was actually a surprise bcz i wasn't trying hard to TTC. Ever since then i've been full blown trying and with no luck. A month AFTER my miscarriage my best friend announced she was pregnant. Her little boy will be 1 in May. It makes me SO sad looking at pictures of him because i know my little one would have been a month older. It's so hard to try to keep it all together when reading facebook posts. It's either a birth announcement, photos of babies, photos that are being shared about how much they love their children. GAH!!! Just makes you wanna rip your hair out lol. It sucks being the outsider looking in...
 
I completely agree babydust. I really hate those 'share if you're a mum' or 'share if you love your children' motivational picture things. :growlmad:
It's like some stupid exclusive club that we're not allowed into, and they're more than happy to shove in our faces that they are.

Ps. I absolutely adore your avatar picture about 'here's a picture of my dog'... That is basically my life! :haha: maybe we should start making motivational pictures for 'share if you're a dog mummy' or 'share if you love your dog'?
 
I completely agree babydust. I really hate those 'share if you're a mum' or 'share if you love your children' motivational picture things. :growlmad:
It's like some stupid exclusive club that we're not allowed into, and they're more than happy to shove in our faces that they are.

Ps. I absolutely adore your avatar picture about 'here's a picture of my dog'... That is basically my life! :haha: maybe we should start making motivational pictures for 'share if you're a dog mummy' or 'share if you love your dog'?

I deleted my sister in law because of this. She literally never posted anything besides baby related stuff during her pregnancy and after he was born. I check once in a while on her profile and sure enough, still the same old "My son is my world" posters and a)her timeline is her song b)Her main picture is her son c)all her statuses are her son. The worst part? She tricked my step brother into getting her pregnant by lying saying she was not on O day that she was still on the pill. Took her only 2 months of stopping the pill without telling him to get a BFP :growlmad: Cherry on the icing? They were still living with my mom and his dad at the time when she got pregnant. One with a part time job, the other none.
 
Tami, I'm so sorry about your sister in law. That must've made you so angry! Some people just don't deserve to be so lucky with having children!! :growlmad:
Did she come clean to your step brother after she got pregnant? What did he say?

How on earth can she think it's a suitable time to have a child. Regardless if how old they were, they were still basically living like children. Grr!
 
The announcements hurt a lot, everytime you see a new one on Facebook but what I think I hate more is the ones that drop not so subtle hints that they're pregnant yet won't come out and say it just yet. Had a girl I went to school with do this, post photos only drinking water and making a big deal of it, writing things about how she can't wait for a certain date, complaining that they're sick and sent OH out to get something for them at a random time of the night. So obvious and it feels like they're gloating more so than if they just announced it! In my opinion anyway!


It's definitely great to know we're not the only ones feeling like this!
And I will add i can imagine how hard it is when it's someone close to you falls pregnant, especially ones who do it sneakily like your SIL tami! I'm scared of how I'll feel/be if a sibling or best friend falls pregnant!

What's all your stories? How long have you been TTC?
 
Ooh valentine. I know exactly what you mean! I'm 99% confident that a girl is doing that to me at the minute. She's 19, been with her boyfriend a few months and neither of them are fit to be parents. But she's constantly saying how much she wants kids because they're 'cute' :growlmad:

People really do gloat and are so self centred when they're pregnant, and we just have to sit there and smile. :nope:

One of my really close friends got pregnant when we started TTC, but to be fair to her. She was very ill during her pregnancy and she's really low key, doesn't write much on Facebook or post pictures.

I'm Kathryn :hi: and I'm 22, DH is 29. We've been TTC for 13 cycles in total, although we did take a break for a couple of months June/August time as circumstances meant we couldn't.
So far I've had 21 day and 3 day blood tests which were fine, waiting on DH's SA before moving any further.

How about you valentine?
 
Ooh valentine. I know exactly what you mean! I'm 99% confident that a girl is doing that to me at the minute. She's 19, been with her boyfriend a few months and neither of them are fit to be parents. But she's constantly saying how much she wants kids because they're 'cute' :growlmad:

People really do gloat and are so self centred when they're pregnant, and we just have to sit there and smile. :nope:

One of my really close friends got pregnant when we started TTC, but to be fair to her. She was very ill during her pregnancy and she's really low key, doesn't write much on Facebook or post pictures.

I'm Kathryn :hi: and I'm 22, DH is 29. We've been TTC for 13 cycles in total, although we did take a break for a couple of months June/August time as circumstances meant we couldn't.
So far I've had 21 day and 3 day blood tests which were fine, waiting on DH's SA before moving any further.

How about you valentine?

Ugh the old 'kids are cute' thing! Yes of course they are a lot of work and some people just don't get that! Yet they seem to be the ones who have no trouble conceiving!

That's great about your friend, she sounds level headed :) sad that she was ill throughout her pregnancy though!

I don't plan to post anything on fb when (trying this new positivity thing) we do get pregnant!

Hi! That's great that your bloods were fine! When do you get DH's SA back? All that testing is exhausting isn't it! Do you have any ideas what your next move will be? Obviously depends on outcome of tests I know but just in the back of your mind?!

I'm Louise, DH and I are both 25, been ttc since late 2011. I had the blood tests and HSG a month ago and DH's SA came back slightly low, but nothing major. So we had our follow up and have decided to do ICSI. We sign the forms in Feb and hopefully get started pretty soon after that! :thumbup:
 
Ahh I'm glad you're getting ahead! Fingers crossed you'll get your BFP soon! It sounds like we're quite similar. Are you from the US or UK? What are your cycles like?

I'm really torn about the posting/ not posting on Facebook, because I really want my chance to 'bask' in the pregnant glory. But I'd hate to think I was hurting someone in the same way I'm hurt by others. :shrug:

DH is being a bit stubborn over getting it done, I don't know if it's nerves or he doesn't care or is just lazy. But I'm determined for him to get it sorted ASAP!
I'm not really sure about our next move to be honest, I'm thinking IUI/ICSI... But in a few months I want to start a process for adoption too :thumbup:
 
I completely agree babydust. I really hate those 'share if you're a mum' or 'share if you love your children' motivational picture things. :growlmad:
It's like some stupid exclusive club that we're not allowed into, and they're more than happy to shove in our faces that they are.

Ps. I absolutely adore your avatar picture about 'here's a picture of my dog'... That is basically my life! :haha: maybe we should start making motivational pictures for 'share if you're a dog mummy' or 'share if you love your dog'?

My dog is my life too! LOL. If it wasn't for her i don't think i could cope with this infertility. It's so hard to keep moving forward, but when you have your pooch by your side, it isn't so bad! :) Love my fur babies. Oh, and i'm so glad i'm not the only one who feels that way about the 'share if you're a mom" thing. Sometimes i feel like i'm being selfish and am over anazlying things, but i guess i'm not.
 
The announcements hurt a lot, everytime you see a new one on Facebook but what I think I hate more is the ones that drop not so subtle hints that they're pregnant yet won't come out and say it just yet. Had a girl I went to school with do this, post photos only drinking water and making a big deal of it, writing things about how she can't wait for a certain date, complaining that they're sick and sent OH out to get something for them at a random time of the night. So obvious and it feels like they're gloating more so than if they just announced it! In my opinion anyway!


It's definitely great to know we're not the only ones feeling like this!
And I will add i can imagine how hard it is when it's someone close to you falls pregnant, especially ones who do it sneakily like your SIL tami! I'm scared of how I'll feel/be if a sibling or best friend falls pregnant!

What's all your stories? How long have you been TTC?

Hi Louise, Hi Kathryn! :wave: Nice to meet you girls and hear your stories! I'm glad you both are getting your tests done and getting down to business as to what is going on!

My name is Rachael. I'm 24, OH is 25. We've been together 10 years and have been TTC for 17 cycles. Right before we started trying i did get pregnant. We were NTNP and luckily i got the BFP. Wasn't but 1 week later i had a miscarriage. The first 8 months of TTC after the miscarriage i tried SO HARD. Tried temping, OPKs, had a clearblue fertility monitor... after months and months of driving myself crazy... i've decided to just RELAX lol. Everyone still tells me to 'just relax, it will happen'. Anyone else get edgy when someone says that? I just wanna smack someone! lol. Anywho, the last ehh.... 6 months i haven't been crazy about OPKs. I just BD around the times i usually O and then take it as it is. Still no luck! I finally got insurance at my job so very soon i will be going to the doctors to find out what the heck is going on!!


Shew, it's so nice to vent with you ladies! I was over in the TTCAL forum and every single girl i've talked to has either had their baby or are pregnant right now. It gets so hard and devastating to read all that. I'm very happy for them, but i can't help but feel envy. I decided to come over the the LTTTC and am so happy i did!! :)
 
No! You're far from the only one. I know they don't do it to piss us off, but it's just like 'yes, I understand you love you child... But why not go and spend time with them instead of sharing what a great mum you are over Facebook'

Ironically one of my cousins posts this a lot... But spends most nights out clubbing and meeting men for sex (despite the fact she's married). Then when she's not out she's with her husband on all sorts of drugs. And to top it off, this week she's taking her benefit money and buggering off on holiday for two weeks... Without her kids!! :growlmad:
I'll never understand why some waste of air like her is lucky enough to have two lovely babies... Whereas I'm hard working and responsible, struggling with infertility and would give my right arm for a child.

My fur baby is what gets me through the day. I love him so much... He's a Dalmation called Roly. :)

What dog have you got?
 
:hugs:
It seems that we all are around the same age (22, 24, 25?)
I'm sorry you've gone through such a hard time. I agree with you about others on here, I always feel as soon as I get to know someone they get their BFP and they just seem to abandon you. This whole, exclusive club thing again :shrug:

I hope you get your insurance sorted soon and get find out what's going on and get your BFP :)

I hate the phrase 'relax and it'll happen'... Those are the words spoken by those who fell pregnant quickly and actually have no idea what they're on about.
 
Kathryn, I'm in Australia! Where abouts are you? We do sound similar! My cycles are generally 26-28 days but every couple of months I'm a week late so I must ovulate late (worst feeling ever, some woman as soon as they are late know they're pregnant; not me...I still test and every time disappointment!

For men it's a macho thing I think! They don't want to test in fear of the results making them 'less manly'. When we do tell our families we are doing/did ivf if anyone makes any remarks about him having a slightly low semen count, I'll literally never speak to them again! He already feels bad enough!

I don't blame you for wanting to put it on fb, do it! You deserve that! Plus I'm sure you'll do It in a tasteful way :)

Adoption process, how exciting! I don't know much about the process, is it intense? Would be such a rewarding thing to do, give a child a loving home with loving parents!

Hi rachael, Dogs are amazing! I page love my dog so much! I have an Aussie shepherd named Scout! They definitely make it easier :)

So sorry for your loss, that's awful! I'll never understand our bodies as long as I live! Sounds like a good idea moving over to LTTTC! I think if we didn't feel envy then something would be wrong with us :) how exciting that you can now get some answers with your insurance! Fingers crossed you get your BFP soon, same with all you ladies!

I hate hearing try to relax too, argh! It's ok if you choose to relax but to be told that by others who have no idea or have had a baby then they need to keep that to themselves! I got told to relax by a girl who plans to start trying in may and said it will
Be a cinche despite watching me and another girl we work with struggle to conceive! I only told her we were having trouble because she randomly said one day 'were going to get pregnant in may' and it made my blood boil because despite it being really positive of her she probably will and never even have any idea that others find it hard. Hope that makes sense lol!

We are all about the same age! Do you ever get told 'you're only young, you have time?' Because if I hear it one more time ill scream! It's not The point, when you've been struggling for so long for something I don't believe to any easier just because I'm young and 'have time'!

Wow this is long I apologise!
 
Louise - OMGosh! Yes! I always get told that i'm young. I always hear, "you're still young. you have a lot of time. relax... enjoy your youth". GRR!! :grr: makes me wanna knock some sense into them. It's awful when you feel like you can't talk to someone about wanting a baby. Do you have any good friends that you can speak to about your struggles? Only person i have is my OH. Other than that i just get on here and vent. Seems like no one understands, but us! :hugs: The girl you work with sounds like she definitely has no idea what it's like the struggle. Must be nice to say "im going to get pregnant this month".... and it actually happen. Now that's the kind of babydust i want!!

Kathryn - My dog is a cocker spaniel. Her name is Sadie! She's such a spoiled brat! But i love her lots. I see in your signature you adopted Roly. That's so sweet. Did you get him from a shelter? I've always loved dalmatians. Is it true that they go blind fairly early in their life? My dog Sadie had to get her eye removed last January. She had glaucoma and needed it removed :( She still is so chipper and acts no different! She will be 10 in March. Amazing how strong our animals are! Your cousin seems very ungrateful. She's going on vacation and not even spending it with her kids!??! How the heck can you do that? :dohh: I can't believe people. I know lots of people like her though and it always, always, always seems like they have kids. They never realize it's their kids that pay. I know this one lady who doesn't work and her kid is 12 now. Her kid has had NOTHING her whole life. Everything she's ever had was given to her and used by someone else. I don't understand why people don't want to give their children the best life possible.
 
Louise: Ahh awesome! I have never been to Australia, but I've always wanted to go! I'm from England :)
Argh! You must be so stressed out with your cycle right being like that?! If I was a week late I think I'd be climbing the walls! AF is evil! :growlmad:
My cycles have changed recently, I was used to having a 33/35 day cycle, ovulating around day 20/23. But I had a chemical in December and ever since then I'm suddenly O'ing around cycle day 13/14 :wacko:
I'm on 11DPO at the moment, and although I've been having unusual pains since 5DPO... I think I'm beginning to see brown CM so I reckon I'm out, again! I hate AF so much, it's intensely painful for me, and has been getting progressively worse, to the point where I want someone to call an ambulance or hope that I lose consciousness in order to stop feeling the pain.

I don't know what it is about DH, he tells me he's absolutely fine with it and that he'll do it. But he just seems paranoid about it and hasn't bothered to sort it out (he knows that I can't do it for him as I never can tell when he's going to be working) :dohh:
I don't blame you about people saying stuff to him, they wouldn't dare (or hopefully wouldn't) say it to a woman, so why is it any different?

It is quite intense, they like to volunteer with children (which I already do anyway), have pets in most cases (apparently they ask the children if they would like their new family if they had a dog, and if you do, you can get higher). In total I think it takes around 6-12 months. Which is why I want to get started, particularly if we found out something was wrong.
Although... That would finally mean admitting to my parents about having children! They'll not be happy! :haha:

I don't understand how people think you can relax in TTC? I think, eat, sleep TTC everyday! I don't know what I'd fill my days with :haha: If you want something so badly, how can you stop thinking about it?? I also hate the 'you're young' mantra. Yes, I am young... So shouldn't that make TTC easier? :shrug:
It's like in my area, as far as I'm aware I cannot start IVF until I'm 23 (luckily only 9 months away)... I will never understand! Why should I get such a low priority? Infertility is no less painful to someone who's younger. Surely it's not fair?!

If that girl doesn't get pregnant in May, she'll completely fall apart! I was naive though, I thought it would be easy! First month, BFP, no problem... And since then the months have gone on and on :( I think I'm finding it more and more painful as time goes on.

Rachael: luckily yes, I have a couple of friend who are really good with me. Albeit they think I'm slightly crazy, but then they know my situation and I'm not one to go by the rule book so!
My family, well, my mother is the worst! She hates the fact that I want to become a mum young, that I'm throwing my life away. When I told her that I intended to become a mum towards the end of my degree, she hit the roof and gave me a list of things she wanted me to do before I had children. She's wished my life differently, I'm very much a calm introverted person who works hard. But she's said she wished I'd go out, party and take drugs over getting pregnant. Who says that to their grown up, married daughter?!
Ironically, if she'd fallen pregnant with me straight away, she would've been only 3 years older than I am at the moment. But it took her 7 years.
How are both of your families about you TTC?

Oh bless Sadie! She sounds so cute, I'm sorry about her eye. What a shame! Dogs always bounce back from anything don't they? Yeah, we were asked to take Roly after our last dog passed away. He's wonderful! Not the best of behaved, but he's an absolute mummy's boy! :cloud9:
I have no idea if the go blind early in life if I'm honest? I know that they can have a lot of genetic problems, but they tend to show quite early on I believe?

It's so sad for the children when they're basically emotionally neglected like that. The problem is that they'll grow up into little tearaways with little respect for anything. But it's all in the parenting. I really feel sorry for them, they don't deserve to be brought into this world to be treated like that :(

Wow! That was epic! :haha:
 
Tami, I'm so sorry about your sister in law. That must've made you so angry! Some people just don't deserve to be so lucky with having children!! :growlmad:
Did she come clean to your step brother after she got pregnant? What did he say?

How on earth can she think it's a suitable time to have a child. Regardless if how old they were, they were still basically living like children. Grr!

The only way they put the pieces together is my mom asked my step brother "when was the last time you saw her refill her prescription" so my mother basically outed her. My step brother naturally was furious as he knew at the time they were nor suited to be parents not did he actually want kinds. He was child free! ugh. They were extremely lucky with her family paying for the whole thing, bought everything for them (very weird family).

Hopefully it will be our turn some day. At least with us there won't be any games played ;)
 
Oh boy, sorry ladies having one of those mornings where everything is gloomy because of TTC. Especially when you find stuff like this on your wall when you wake up:

"For those who "don't understand" why IVF is selfish, try thinking about it for a minute. Like, really thinking about it. IVF is essentially saying, "I value my genes more than I value actual children."

If these infertiles really WANTED a child, they would be willing to adopt one, regardless of age, ability, or race. The fact that they refuse to do this speaks for itself."

Why must it always be the ones who don't know wtf they're talking about who have the strongest opinions? Spend 3 years trying to conceive and then come back say just how easy it is..the catch? That person is child free! not childless, she chose the Childfree life so I think she should STFU.

Usually that stuff wouldn't bother me but I guess I'm at a low point this morning. 3 years and still an empty house, seeing a few friends do 2 under 2 since we started trying, many who managed one under 6 months. Feels like there's a cursed cloud following me.

But at the end of the day, I'm glad I got a place like her to go to know I'm not alone :hugs:
 

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