Dealing with other people's fertility!

[wellsk]

People who are child free are often the worst! They think that they are the superior beings because they have some sort of 'free will' over their drive to have children. They love to spout absolute drivel and will want you to know that they're child free.

I intend to adopt and go through IVF, that would blow her crazy ignorant little mind!

It won't be like this forever Hun, you will get your babies someday through whatever means. And you will be an awesome mum because your babies were long awaited for and loved before they were even conceived

As for your sister in law, that's just really bad! She's lucky your step brother didn't leave her... Why don't people think things through??

 

[tamithomas]

He wanted to originally, that's the "Funniest" part because she did it out of those "if I get pregnant I'll get him to stick around for sure" mentality. He came crying to me about it, I didn't talk him out of it nor did I encourage him to stick around that it was ultimately his choice to stick around if he wishes. My mom just so much as put the word abortion on the table as an option and suddenly it was war 101 with my sister in laws family ganging up on my mom. Personally it would've been the best option for the time but I digress since this is not that place to talk about that stuff. But yea he originally did want to leave but still take care of the kid just not with her. He did end up staying with her after the shock wore off.

Adoption has always been an option for me, after all my husband is adopted because his mom got ovarian cancer at the age of 21 but that was way back when when the only option was to take out the whole reproductive system. We would like to give that same chance my husband got to another child but we would like a child of our own as well . Adoption should not be a back up plan, you have to be in it for all the right reasons which is what childfree people don't get lol.

 

[wellsk]

Yeah, I guess those things take time... I wonder if her family was partially behind it? I thought that when you said they funded it all and then confirmed it for me when they ganged up over the 'A' word. I don't know how you could ever get over such a betrayal, I guess you could be happy again, but could you trust her?

I've wanted to adopt/foster for pretty much as long as I've wanted children. My DH wasn't so keen on the idea, but he knows that it would make me happy and he'd be okay with for that reason.
You have to take the route that you're happy with, at first I was unsure that I wanted to do IVF (for personal reasons), but since then I've decided I'll try absolutely anything.
It's really sad that there's such judgement over matters like this, and the main problem is that the highest percentage of the judgement comes from people who've never been in, and never will be in that situation. Sigh!

Sometimes I wish, that just for a day, I could pass on my pain to someone else, and they'd soon change their mind!!

 

[tamithomas]

Don't think her family was behind it, but they're so religious that if they could make themselves as one with the bible that they would hence their whole "no matter the situation, BFP is the greatest gift in life" attitude. But her sister we were wondering if she would not kidnap the kid or something lol. I know we all get pissed at the stereotype of childless people are kidnappers but she actually fit the profile. She would hover over her sister like crazy acting like it was HER baby, not her sisters. Her sister had gone through 3 m/c and chances of conceiving are pretty slim but she was really..really creepy.

I got over it pretty quickly when I heard the news of her BFP. Except I distanced myself once I knew for sure my step brother was sticking around. Long story short, my step brother is also my ex whom not to tap my own ego but has a serious obsession with me. Even while with her he'd say stuff to her like "i lost everything, i lost my job, i lost Tammy" so in a sense..even my parents suspect she had the kid just to make sure he wouldn't wonder off back to me. But jokes on her cause I'm forever happy with my DH. But yea, I distanced myself and cut ties because I did not want to end up any reason for their falling out if it ever happened. I'm a believer in a happy family and I would never forgive myself if I ended up being a reason there would be problems. They got their own life to live now.

Yup, that's what I told the person that posted it that it's those who don't live it who have the biggest opinion. Well here's my copied and pasted message :

He who knows least is usually the quickest to throw around an opinion. just fyi. Try TTC for number of years and then say just how easy it is to switch over to adoption like as if it's chosing between coke and pepsi. So many unwarranted parents get to be parents but many of the TTC ladies and men are perfectly suited to be parents, why should the ones who are suited for it be condemned for wanting their own child aka help nature takes its course while the crack whore lets her baby starve gets to have that chance? Doesn't sound very fair to me and that's the main attitude people have towards infertiles seeking out fertility treatment.

 

[wellsk]

Ahh right! Hmm, that does make things difficult. Her sister does sound creepy, although as you said, I really really hate that stereotype. I'm pretty sure that's why my friend won't let me see her baby, as before she knew I was TTC I was really excited about her pregnancy and several people joked that I would steal the baby

Wow! That does make it confusing and difficult
It must be awkward to be kind've tied to him forever?

As for you post, Well said!

 

[tamithomas]

Yea it does tend to get awkward at times but for the most part we manage. My DH and I went to go visit the LO when he born was out of respect. Boy did I regret that decision. If you want the number one candidate for rubbing a LO in your face she won the gold medal hands down which made it that much more obvious. My ex and I were together first before our parents got together but my mom seems to be happy with his dad which is all that matters to me now.

Yea the stereotype really ticks me the hell off. I lost respect for the show Criminal minds because they did 4 episodes (I did a marathon and counted them) on that particular subject. Childless women kills mother and steals baby story. UGH. Too bad, loved that show.

 

[wellsk]

How evil! It's just so rude and insensitive to do such a thing! I'd be so angry and probably couldn't keep my feelings secret. You're pobably right, it sounds like she did it on purpose... what a bitch!

It's horrible, people don't seem to get the fact that we don't want their baby (unless they don't want the child, then I'll have them! Like the madness over gender and those who wish misscarriages on themselves), we want our own!

 

[tamithomas]

Yup exactly. I now tend to avoid my friends kids even though I'd love to be around them. Not the first time that happened. We went to go visit a friend of ours last month who had a 3 month old LO and the mother was just like my sister in law, rubbing the baby all over in our face even though the couple fully knew we M/C 2 weeks before the birth of their LO. I need more mature friends lol. That's why I'm thankful for this community who seems to have more maturity in their pinky then the world combined .

The only reason I kept my cool is because it was 8:30pm at night and most of the babies on that level of the hospital were asleep so I didn't wake them up but had it been at home you'd be sure enough that I would've let it rip. So glad I closed that door of my life. They can shove the baby in everyone's face but I won't take any of it.

Luckily, in the end there is one person very supportive which is the most important person you need to be supportive is my DH. He wants to be a dad just as much as me which helps. Even he caught on to the rubbing it in the face shindig my sister in law pulled. Oh well, at least when we get our LO that baby can bet their bottom dollar it will come in with love and no childish games or born simply for the parents gain

 

[babydust818]

Hey girls :wave: How is everyone doing?

I've had such a rough day yesterday. I had to put my cat to sleep I only had him 9 months. I found him as a stray outside. He was living under my neighbors porch. I am just so happy to be able to say i was the final chapter of his life. It's so hard putting down an animal, but especially when they're your children. Since i don't have kids, i treat my animals as if they are. Such a rough day.

On a happier note, my OH gave me my Valentine's Day present yesterday. It was to see my favorite group. It was even for last night. I had mixed emotions because i had just put our cat down and i was feeling so sad that i didn't even know if i wanted to go, but i did and i had a blast!

 

[wellsk]

I'm so sorry about your cat Hun! Massive hugs!
Although as you said, at least you know that for a short while you gave him the best life possible.
I lost my previous dog 6 months ago, they are like your babies and I still get tearful thinking about him sometimes.

I'm glad you managed to get out and take your mind off things. Who did you see?

 

[autumn1983]

I can completely relate! A girl at work told me she was pregnant but I was the last to know because she didnt want it to upset me (she knows about my fertility issues). Yes, I often find myself waiting for that next announcement that isnt mine

 

[babydust818]

Thanks Kathryn! It truly is so very hard when it comes to your fur babies!!! I went and saw 3 Doors Down and Daughtry. Ever heard of them?

 

[wellsk]

Yes I have, I've listened to them both When we were in Florida 3 doors down were playing at the Hard Rock Cafe

 

[tamithomas]

Hey girls :wave: How is everyone doing?

I've had such a rough day yesterday. I had to put my cat to sleep I only had him 9 months. I found him as a stray outside. He was living under my neighbors porch. I am just so happy to be able to say i was the final chapter of his life. It's so hard putting down an animal, but especially when they're your children. Since i don't have kids, i treat my animals as if they are. Such a rough day.

On a happier note, my OH gave me my Valentine's Day present yesterday. It was to see my favorite group. It was even for last night. I had mixed emotions because i had just put our cat down and i was feeling so sad that i didn't even know if i wanted to go, but i did and i had a blast!

My condolences

 

[babydust818]

Thanks Tami!

Kathryn, do you like them? i think they're awesome groups. They did a great job the other night. Was nice to get away and get my mind off of things!

Where's everyone at in their cycles?!

 

[wellsk]

Yeah they're not bad!
I'm more a European rock girl though

At the moment I'm CD6, just waiting for AF to leave and expecting O to be on CD13

How about you?

 

[babydust818]

ooo! you will be O'ing very soon!!!

any plans for vday?

Well.. i'm CD 17. I should be O'ing anytime now. I used an OPK and it looks neg as ever. Hoping to O soon!

 

[Chatterwockin]

Can I just say quickly I was sickly in love with my bump when I was pregnant with my son.... Thought rainbows were beaming out of my arse! Probably the sort that would drive a lot of people on here bonkers .... But at 36 +6 my baby died in my belly... And my world was wrecked... I know its tough but everyone needs to keep in mind you never know someone's whole story, like the previous lady said. X