Just found this thread now. I have struggled with depression since I was 16 years old, so almost 12 years now. Somehow I have found a way to be "successful" but at the end of the day I feel like a fraud, like this is someone else's life. I took meds up until the age of 19, but they made me feel numb, and while I didn't cry the way I did when I wasn't on meds, instead I was just cold and never cried at all. For the past 8 years I have tried to battle the depression with diet and exercise, as well as trying to keep myself from situations that throw me down that path. It worked pretty well for a couple of years with a couple of periods of time where I would slip, but by 22 I was really starting to struggle with it again on quite a regular basis. It would keep me in bed for days. When I finally landed my dream job 2 years ago, I had my longest stretch without a bout of the depression and suicidal thoughts that I had had since I was 16; I was happy and positive about life for about 8 months straight. Well in the last year or so, things have started to really take a turn for the worse. I am having more down days than up days, and my OB told me to monitor my mood because I am now pregnant. Unfortunately I am unhappy far more than I am happy, pretty much daily or every other day I feel terrible about my life. I told who I thought was a close friend that I was having suicidal thoughts and I was pretty scared and feeling messed up. Her answer was that I have an obligation to my child now and I better snap out of it and stop being so f*****g selfish and hasn't spoken to me since. I already feel poorly enough about myself and my situation and helpless as to what to do since I can't work out hard the way I used to due to the baby. I go for walks and jogs and do yoga as much as possible, but it doesn't seem to help because I am so used to doing exhausting workouts to help me sleep. I have stayed home from work twice this week due to terrible migraine headaches which I believe are being triggered by stress. My OH and I have been having problems a lot lately due to many factors, his ex being one of the major ones. I'm about at the end of my rope these days and my brain has a way of making me believe there is nothing good left in my life. I feel like I am failing my baby by being so down and depressed, and I feel unable to enjoy my pregnancy the way I wanted to and the way I thought I would. No one seems to understand what I'm going through and the solutions are all things I am already doing... I don't really know what else I am expecting from here, maybe just a support unit of people who maybe understand where I am coming from....
. It's the little things. I hope you continue to feel better!
and I'm even more sorry your so called friend is not a true friend. Even though I have to say people don't get depression unless they've been through it. 
