devestated - please help

[nicksi27]

Hi ladies I can't believe I'm writing this but yesterday at my 20 week scan we were told our baby had died a few days earlier. She said the heart had a bit of fluid round it and baba had died in the last few days. I'm going out of my mind as to why and has anyone else been through this?I had protein in my urine last week, a mild uti and raised blood pressure but the consultant has said it can't be that but I don't know what to think. By yesterday bp and urine were completely fine. I have to go to hospital tomorrow to give birth - I feel just broken and empty. I was shouting at the screen 'just bring it back'. The sonographerss words are haunting me. I'm petrified that if it was high BP or uti that has caused this - it will happe n again x

 

[PallyD]

Hi, I just wanted to say I am really sorry for your loss and a big hug.

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I also lost my Ava at 20 weeks , there was NO heartbeat either. I also had high blood pressure but I don't know if this was the cause. They did test her tissue , but it did not grow, so i will never know. I know HBP can cause a loss if it is not controlled. Did your doctor tell you anything that may have caused it? I am so sorry your going through this and I pray you get some answers. I also think my HBP may have cause my loss also, I just don't know. If you ever need to talk I am always here, we all are. Andrea XOXO

 

[Bride2b]

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know those words are not much comfort as all you want right now is to have a healthy baby growing. All I can offer is support in saying you are not alone in this. There are some lovely women who use this part of the forum who have been through exactly what you are. My loss didnt happen in this way, my waters broke & I gave birth 8 hours later. But there are some here who found out at their scan appointment.

You probably are experiencing huge amounts of emotions at the moment, but its also quite common to be feeling 'numb' like this cant possibly be happening. You have got tough journey ahead. Dont expect too much from yourself, its a case of trying to get through each minute, hour and day as best you can.

I dont know if anyone has explained to you what will happen tomorrow, I assume they have. I just want to give you some food for thought about the arrival of your baby. I hope what I am going to say doesnt upset you, but looking back I wish I had some time to think about what I would want to happen. I had no time to make decisions & had to go with my gut instinct at the time. Part of me wishes I had done things differently....but nothing in the world could have prepared me.
They will probably offer you to have photographs taken. If you think you dont want them it might be a good idea to have them taken but kept with your notes, as there may be a time in the future when you will want them. These are something that you wont get chance to have again. I had to ask them to take photos 2 weeks later - I have hands and feet. I regret not having a photo of me and my baby - again its all personal choice but something to think about as its horrible having regrets.
They will ask you if you want to hold your baby. If you do, then spend as long as you need, dont feel like you need to put him/her down too soon. I wish I had held mine longer. Again these are moments that you will remember forever....and they dont have to be sad memories.
They will probably take foot & hand prints for you too. These again are lovely keepsakes - mine have brought me huge comfort.
I also had moulds taken & then silver jewellery made from the imprints. (something I arranged myself a few days later)

I hope tomorrow goes smoothly for you. I hope what I have just said isnt insensitive at this time. In a way I wish I had known then what I know now about how to get as many memories of my much loved baby. I guess so many of us here have had regrets about not having photos etc.

Please know we are here for you, if and when you need us. I'll be thinking of you at this time xxx Gemma xx

 

[jojo23]

im so so sorry hun, i saw you post this in second tri and i just felt so heartbroken for you!

all i can say hun is please dont blame yourself, you did nothing wrong!!! unfortunately sometimes we just dont know why our little angels leave us so soon but the hospital will go through everything and double check it all!!!

dont be scared about the birth itself hun they will be so caring with you and its not as awful as it may seem...in fact i think for me it was the easiest part!they wont let you be in any pain and it will be very private!!

you will be asked if you want to see your little one or not and its completely your choice hun. i saw my little girl and will remember her for the rest of my life and she was perfect!!!! i didnt take any pictures but i did get an angels certificate and little cards etc... these are things that seem so trivial right now but trust me in the weeks to come they will comfort you more than you know!

if you have a husband/boyfriend/etc then lean on him when you need to. you will be amazed at the strength they have when you have none... its very hard to take all this in at once and to be honest for me it hit me a few days after we buried my little one, i just broke down! but its ok to cry..and scream and rant and whatever other emotion you may feel. dont bottle it up hun we have and some still are going through it everyday and it really does help to talk about your feelings, just to have a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen makes all the difference!

i really hope the next few days are as easy as possible for you, it will be the hardest thing you will ever go through hun but you WILL get through it. you will never ever forget your little angel as we remember ours daily and you are in my thoughts!!!
we are here 24/7 if you need to talk about anything or have any questions no matter how small!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[OliveBay]

Hi nicksi, I'm so sorry to hear you are goin through this. It makes me so sad whenever someone new is exposed to this awful experience.

I lost my little boy, our first child, at 22 weeks in September. All had been fine with the pregnancy but I stopped feeling him move for a couple of days so went to get checked out just in case. The midwives at my local clinic couldn't find a heartbeat so they sent me to hospital for a scan, where they told me he had died. I will never ever forget those moments and seeing that image on the screen - not something any woman should ever have to go through.

The next few days will be very tough for you, as will the weeks and months to come, but I wish you lots of love, support and strength. I had a gap of about 3 days before I went into hospital to be induced for labour, and found this a useful time to read up on what to expect during and after the labour, and the whole thing went suprisingly peacefully and afterwards we spent a long time with our little boy in the hospital before we left, holding him, talking to him and taking photos with him. This may not be how you choose to do things, everyone makes very different choices and that is absolutely fine. We are never to know how we will deal with such things, but you will make the right choices that suit you and even though it will be an awful time, please know that things will get easier in time.

If there is anything you want to know or anything else you want to share, please let us know. I've only quickly skimmed through the other ladies' responses, but I know they will have given you some great advice and words of comfort. I wish I could give you a massive hug, my dear. I am so so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle on yourself and make sure you use the support around you that is offered from family and friends.

 

[nicksi27]

Thank you all for your kind and comforting responses - I still feel like I'm going out of my mind and haven't slept a wink since yesterday. The doctor has prescribed me some tablets so that I get some rest before tomorrow. We plan on seeing our baby, finding out the sex and we have the names jacob or ava picked - looking through baby name books today was utterly heartbreaking. I just can't imagine coming home tomorrow not pregnant and I know you ladies will know exactly what I mean by this. I hope to be pregnant again soon but at the same time know I will spend the pregnancy a nervous wreck I think I need to decide on this in time- who knows how ill feel tomorrow. I used to think everything happened for a reason but I can't comprehend this - our baby was perfect at 12 weeks. It seems to have dragged so much to get to 20 weeks and now this

My doctor rang me today and said that with the urine last week only showing trace protein and only marginally raised BP he really thinks this was a heart problem and not pre eclampsia that's caused this. I guess we will just have to see what the tests reveal but then that's a 6 week wait - all this waiting for months and now more waiting.

I think I'm rambling here but my minds just churning. I will let u all know how tomorrow goes - again thank you for your kindness, talking to people who have been through this will be the only way to cope

Xxx

 

[dancareoi]

Thank you all for your kind and comforting responses - I still feel like I'm going out of my mind and haven't slept a wink since yesterday. The doctor has prescribed me some tablets so that I get some rest before tomorrow. We plan on seeing our baby, finding out the sex and we have the names jacob or ava picked - looking through baby name books today was utterly heartbreaking. I just can't imagine coming home tomorrow not pregnant and I know you ladies will know exactly what I mean by this. I hope to be pregnant again soon but at the same time know I will spend the pregnancy a nervous wreck I think I need to decide on this in time- who knows how ill feel tomorrow. I used to think everything happened for a reason but I can't comprehend this - our baby was perfect at 12 weeks. It seems to have dragged so much to get to 20 weeks and now this

My doctor rang me today and said that with the urine last week only showing trace protein and only marginally raised BP he really thinks this was a heart problem and not pre eclampsia that's caused this. I guess we will just have to see what the tests reveal but then that's a 6 week wait - all this waiting for months and now more waiting.

I think I'm rambling here but my minds just churning. I will let u all know how tomorrow goes - again thank you for your kindness, talking to people who have been through this will be the only way to cope

Xxx

I am so sorry for you loss.

I had to give birth to my LO 12th Jan 12. The hospital took photos for me of the baby and hand and foot prints,which they placed in a special booklet. I now treasure this. I keep it by my bed so I can be with my baby all the time.

Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes at the heartbreaking time.

 

[winterwonder]

Oh hun, i am so so sorry for your loss. We all know what your going through and if you ever need any support this place is brilliant. I too found out that my lil boy had passed away at my 20 week scan, and it sucks, because there you are going along happily with your pregnancy with absolutely nothing wrong and then this happens.

Please take care of yourself xxxxx

 

[Kelly9]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Just typed a bunch and realized it's a couple days later.

I hope you've got lots of love and support with you

 

[Miss Mitch]

I just want to say i'm so sorry you're going through this, i'm still waiting for my Olivia's post mortem results as they don't know why this happened either at 21 weeks xx

 

[xxTracyxx]

Thinking of you

 

[kayleigh Jane]

Hi ladies I can't believe I'm writing this but yesterday at my 20 week scan we were told our baby had died a few days earlier. She said the heart had a bit of fluid round it and baba had died in the last few days. I'm going out of my mind as to why and has anyone else been through this?I had protein in my urine last week, a mild uti and raised blood pressure but the consultant has said it can't be that but I don't know what to think. By yesterday bp and urine were completely fine. I have to go to hospital tomorrow to give birth - I feel just broken and empty. I was shouting at the screen 'just bring it back'. The sonographerss words are haunting me. I'm petrified that if it was high BP or uti that has caused this - it will happe n again x

I am sooo sooo sorry for your loss. It is awful. No one should have to go through this!
I know what you are going through. In July last year I lost my baby girl at 23 weeks. I didn't feel her move for 2days and went to be checked out and she had no heartbeat, I too had to go back 2 days later to be induced.
Hardest day of my life... But my baby she was just perfect and I am glad I got to hold her and kiss her.
I did find out why she wasn't growing properly and a few more problems.

I am very glad I got the post mortum done as I had to know, but sometimes there is no reason..as hard as that is. I hope u get some answers.

The funeral was hard. Very hard! I still have her ashes in my bedroom as I cnt part with them right now.

Just please try and stay strong. I only managed to stay strong and get thro those first few weeks as I have a 3yr old boy who I have to be a mum too and he brightens my life.

You will get thro this...it was nothing at all you did and I know I blamed myself (I probably still do)
I moved house the week she died..
Was I stressed??
Why didn't I go to hospital sooner??
Did I lift something??

But now I know, it was nothing I did and nothing could have stopped it.

I am now 12weeks pregnant and very scared!

Please msg me if u ever need a chat.

I wish u all the love in the world x x x x

 

[tummymummy]

Im so sorry for your loss sweetie hugs and love to you at this awful time xxxxxxxx