Did you smoke during a pregnancy?

[Linnypops]

Babymamma - E-cigarettes do indeed contain only nicotine which is the only addictive substance in a cigarette, but it's not really about addiction per se. You can be addicted to cucumber sandwiches and noone will bat an eyelid.

You're right though that nicotine alone causes issues, including reduced blood flow to the placenta - higher incidence of miscarriage and placental abruption etc. The thing that really bothered me about cigarettes was Carbon monoxide, a horrid chemical which reduces oxygen to the baby.

You're right, it is your body and your choice, and since you're young you're lucky because there are less overall risks . re: quitting, essentially you have to want to, all smokers know that. So, no point in pushing this point with you - but what did it for me was I got a really great e-cig in the end (greensmoke the best i had tried, and i tried a fair few!). Then you have to get off that but you can reduce the amount of nicotine gradually as you go, you get less bothered about it and then you just stop.

 

[Celesse]

The thing is giving up smoking is exactly putting your mind to it. When I smoked I would hit the highest level of dependency on one of those "how addicted are you" calculators.

I tried and failed loads of times to quit, for various reasons. I'd say "I'm giving up for my health", but what I meant deep down was "I want smoking to be less dangerous to health". Or I'd say "I'm giving up because it costs too much", where as deep down I meant "I wish smoking wasn't so expensive". I'd find ways of cheating the addiction, I remember stopping smoking for several months, but continuing to chew nicotine gum and getting a lesser fix that way.

When I actually 100% wanted to not smoke any more I was able to stop. I used gum for 2 weeks to break the immediate association and then quit the gum cold turkey and after 72 hours the uncontrollable intense cravings were gone and so were the withdrawal symptoms. All I had to do was go 72 hours without nicotine to break 10 years of heavy dependency, and I could only do that with will power.

So yes, its a addiction and a very powerful one, but it is just a case of putting your mind to it and getting through 72 hours without nicotine to break the physical addiction.

 

[BabyMamma93]

i agree, its all about will power. something i have nothing of because i dont want to stop smoking for me, and like i said before, that is really selfish i get that, but its just not that easy! i havent made the point that i have atleast cut down, i dont smoke 20 a day, not even 10 a day, its more having a cig when ive had my morning brew, after lunch, tea and before bed, i may have one or 2 in between that depending what im doing. i understand people are going to judge, me saying i dont want to stop is asking for people to say things to me, thats their opinion and i respect that, but annoys me how nasty people can be about it!

 

[pinkpolkadot]

Smoking during pregnancy (or any other time) is bad. I will not dispute, qualify, or diminish the science related to that in any way, shape or form. However, I don’t think shaming and lashing out is the right answer. Pre-pregnancy I was easily a two pack a day smoker. At this point, I’m down to five a day. Struggled doesn’t come close to what I go through every passing hour. I can’t even think by the hour, I struggle to get through every 15 minutes. I can only sleep 4.5 hours a night because I wake up from nicotine withdrawal. I spend 19.5 hours every day taking it 15 minutes at a time. I am drinking nearly two gallons of water a day just because it gives me something to put in my mouth. I understand a lot of you think it’s just “putting your mind to it” and I can tell you, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and my quit date is the 9th of January. Before getting pregnant, I lost 74 pounds over the last two years. I did it for my health and because I wanted children. I knew the risks associated with being obese and being pregnant and that was the battle I felt I could win first. I honestly thought I had more time to quit before getting pregnant because I had been on Depo so long. But that wasn’t the case. I work with a pregnancy smoking cessation counselor, my doctors and nurses are thrilled with my progress, and I work my ass off every single day.

I understand the sentiment that what we are doing is harmful, but do you react the same way when you see an overweight or obese woman pregnant? Do you expect her to just “put down the fork” the moment she finds out she is pregnant? Do you think that she is an awful person because she struggles with it everyday and some days she loses? The science is pretty clear on this subject too. Overweight and obese women carry a higher chance of premature babies, having hypertension, diabetes, other gestational complications etc… Yes, smoking can cause premature birth, so can extra weight. Yet, we smokers are maligned and ostracized, criticized, made to feel worthless and bad mothers because we have an addiction that we fight every hour. I’m not here to slam curvy women, I was one. Health and wellbeing are more important than any number on the scale. I remember the struggle, I remember hating myself, I remember have nothing to wear and being relegated to the back of the store for floral patterned clown tents that “hide” your fat. I support those women. I tell them that they are trying to do what is best for themselves/babies/children/family. I tell them that they are beautiful and it’s okay that it’s hard. Sometimes it takes time, some days you win, some you lose. Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the benefit of quitting when your entire body is racked with pain, and the headaches and nausea are easily solved with a six inch long lit cigarette. When you change your clothes again because you’ve sweated through them for the second time that day. It’s hard to feel like you’re succeeding as you deeply inhale the smoke and know what it is doing to your unborn baby. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror, or to see your nicotine stained hands rub your belly apologizing. We don’t need your guilt. We don’t need your motivational speeches. We don’t need the science or stares. We know. We hurt. Every single puff. Some may still tell us to suck it up, but next time think of where in your pregnancy that you may be lacking. Maybe it’s nutrition. I eat whole, non-processed foods, I don’t judge your pre-packaged McDonalds. I drink water only, I don’t judge your soda. I offer support and understanding. I offer love and guilt free motivation. I offer you friendship because we all struggle with something. We are all lacking somewhere. Don’t hate me. I certainly don’t want enemies here. Women struggle with this though. This site is supposed to be supportive, but instead I feel maligned and I’m sure I’m not alone. We need “Congratulations on trying to quit, going down to three a day is great!”. We do not need shame.

There's a huge difference between women like yourself and women who really couldn't give two hoots and are totally uneducated about the effects of smoking on their babies. The type of people who say their Mum smoked with them and they're fine etc I can't condone someone feeling no guilt about what they're doing.

I'm really sorry for what you're experiencing and I hope it starts to get easier soon.

But surely if someone is uneducated about the effects you can't blame them for that, and if they don't understand what harm it is doing then you can't expect them to feel guilty?

To be fair I think everyone on here who said they smoke/d during pregnancy said that they do still feel guilty, are not proud or that they think it is wrong in spite of the what the outcome was.

I would think women who do know the possible effects and claim not to give a hoot are very few and far between, and even they probably do carry guilt but are putting a up a defensive front due to the reactions they have received or expect to receive.

 

[bananabump]

Everyone knows that smoking when pregnant is wrong.. so if someone decides not to educate themselves on the reasons why and the harm that they could possibly be doing to their baby, then yes it is their fault.

I'm not going back through the whole thread again to find the examples I was referring to, but yes quite a few women have been very blasé about it and even the woman just above said she'll admit she's selfish and doesn't even want to quit! Who has that attitude really?! Surely you'd want to do anything in your power to stop, to protect your unborn child.

I'm not in the wrong here ladies and I'm a very supportive person if someone has the right attitude. I just don't want anyone ending up with a deformed, dead, or severely ill baby and to have that blame and guilt for the rest of their life.. Trying to make people feel better about the fact they're still smoking isn't going to prevent that.

 

[BabyMamma93]

Everyone knows that smoking when pregnant is wrong.. so if someone decides not to educate themselves on the reasons why and the harm that they could possibly be doing to their baby, then yes it is their fault.

I'm not going back through the whole thread again to find the examples I was referring to, but yes quite a few women have been very blasé about it and even the woman just above said she'll admit she's selfish and doesn't even want to quit! Who has that attitude really?! Surely you'd want to do anything in your power to stop, to protect your unborn child.

I'm not in the wrong here ladies and I'm a very supportive person if someone has the right attitude. I just don't want anyone ending up with a deformed, dead, or severely ill baby and to have that blame and guilt for the rest of their life.. Trying to make people feel better about the fact they're still smoking isn't going to prevent that.

IMO i think your a very judgmental person, im sorry im not so perfect in that i haven't stopped smoking for my baby, im sorry your so perfect that you don't smoke, but there really is no need to be nasty about it, all you needed to do was post that your a non smoker, yeah i respect your opinion, we all have them, but being nasty towards people who do smoke when pregnant isnt going to make them want to stop, maybe you should change your attitude and help those who do smoke by supporting them that its not easy to quit, no matter what your view is on it or simply just but out?

 

[bluejen]

Smoking during pregnancy (or any other time) is bad. I will not dispute, qualify, or diminish the science related to that in any way, shape or form. However, I don’t think shaming and lashing out is the right answer. Pre-pregnancy I was easily a two pack a day smoker. At this point, I’m down to five a day. Struggle doesn’t come close to what I go through every passing hour. I can’t even think by the hour, I struggle to get through every 15 minutes. I can only sleep 4.5 hours a night because I wake up from nicotine withdrawal. I spend 19.5 hours every day taking it 15 minutes at a time. I am drinking nearly two gallons of water a day just because it gives me something to put in my mouth. I understand a lot of you think it’s just “putting your mind to it” and I can tell you, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and my quit date is the 9th of January. Before getting pregnant, I lost 74 pounds over the last two years. I did it for my health and because I wanted children. I knew the risks associated with being obese and being pregnant and that was the battle I felt I could win first. I honestly thought I had more time to quit before getting pregnant because I had been on Depo so long. But that wasn’t the case. I work with a pregnancy smoking cessation counselor, my doctors and nurses are thrilled with my progress, and I work my ass off every single day.

I understand the sentiment that what we are doing is harmful, but do you react the same way when you see an overweight or obese woman pregnant? Do you expect her to just “put down the fork” the moment she finds out she is pregnant? Do you think that she is an awful person because she struggles with it everyday and some days she loses? The science is pretty clear on this subject too. Overweight and obese women carry a higher chance of premature babies, having hypertension, diabetes, other gestational complications etc… Yes, smoking can cause premature birth, so can extra weight. Yet, we smokers are maligned and ostracized, criticized, made to feel worthless and bad mothers because we have an addiction that we fight every hour. I’m not here to slam curvy women, I was one. Health and wellbeing are more important than any number on the scale. I remember the struggle, I remember hating myself, I remember have nothing to wear and being relegated to the back of the store for floral patterned clown tents that “hide” your fat. I support those women. I tell them that they are trying to do what is best for themselves/babies/children/family. I tell them that they are beautiful and it’s okay that it’s hard. Sometimes it takes time, some days you win, some you lose. Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the benefit of quitting when your entire body is racked with pain, and the headaches and nausea are easily solved with a six inch long lit cigarette. When you change your clothes again because you’ve sweated through them for the second time that day. It’s hard to feel like you’re succeeding as you deeply inhale the smoke and know what it is doing to your unborn baby. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror, or to see your nicotine stained hands rub your belly apologizing. We don’t need your guilt. We don’t need your motivational speeches. We don’t need the science or stares. We know. We hurt. Every single puff. Some may still tell us to suck it up, but next time think of where in your pregnancy that you may be lacking. Maybe it’s nutrition. I eat whole, non-processed foods, I don’t judge your pre-packaged McDonalds. I drink water only, I don’t judge your soda. I offer support and understanding. I offer love and guilt free motivation. I offer you friendship because we all struggle with something. We are all lacking somewhere. Don’t hate me. I certainly don’t want enemies here. Women struggle with this though. This site is supposed to be supportive, but instead I feel maligned and I’m sure I’m not alone. We need “Congratulations on trying to quit, going down to three a day is great!”. We do not need shame.

Most of the posts are attempts to encourage ladies to give up. I suppose it can come across as judgemental but we are talking about something which causes serious harm to women and their babies.
The fact that you struggle so much every day tells you what an awful addiction it is. So ask yourself: do you want your child to feel like that? Heavy smokers can pass the addiction to their unborn baby meaning baby will have nicotine withdrawal after birth. Also, children of smokers are far more likely to smoke, later in life. So your child will probably go through the same horrific ordeal.
I also wanted to point out that the people saying 'I smoked and had a 9lb healthy baby' or 'my cousin smoked and her 2 year old is happy and healthy' what you are missing are( and I sincerely hope this doesn't happen) the long term effects - those that won't be evident in the first years of life - developing bronchitis, asthma or other respiratory conditions, repeat infections, all later in life as well as taking up smoking themselves, leading to the very high and real risk of premature death, lung and other cancers, amputations to name a few. (These can also happen to you and could stop you enjoying your children or seeing them get married etc)
What I'm saying is think long term. I gave up 3 months before I started TTC for these reasons. The reason I and others sound judgemental is that it's hard to believe this isn't enough to stop people smoking.
I wish you all the best , I really do.

 

[pinkpolkadot]

Everyone knows that smoking when pregnant is wrong.. so if someone decides not to educate themselves on the reasons why and the harm that they could possibly be doing to their baby, then yes it is their fault.

I'm not going back through the whole thread again to find the examples I was referring to, but yes quite a few women have been very blasé about it and even the woman just above said she'll admit she's selfish and doesn't even want to quit! Who has that attitude really?! Surely you'd want to do anything in your power to stop, to protect your unborn child.

I'm not in the wrong here ladies and I'm a very supportive person if someone has the right attitude. I just don't want anyone ending up with a deformed, dead, or severely ill baby and to have that blame and guilt for the rest of their life.. Trying to make people feel better about the fact they're still smoking isn't going to prevent that.

OK well I have to disagree with you there, I just don't think everyone is that way inclined/smart enough/has been brought up to go out and educate themselves.

The lady you mention has actually said she knows it can cause harm and wishes she could quit. I am guessing she probably does feel guilty knowing what it could do to her baby, but I can't speak for her of course.

 

[bananabump]

Smoking during pregnancy (or any other time) is bad. I will not dispute, qualify, or diminish the science related to that in any way, shape or form. However, I don’t think shaming and lashing out is the right answer. Pre-pregnancy I was easily a two pack a day smoker. At this point, I’m down to five a day. Struggle doesn’t come close to what I go through every passing hour. I can’t even think by the hour, I struggle to get through every 15 minutes. I can only sleep 4.5 hours a night because I wake up from nicotine withdrawal. I spend 19.5 hours every day taking it 15 minutes at a time. I am drinking nearly two gallons of water a day just because it gives me something to put in my mouth. I understand a lot of you think it’s just “putting your mind to it” and I can tell you, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and my quit date is the 9th of January. Before getting pregnant, I lost 74 pounds over the last two years. I did it for my health and because I wanted children. I knew the risks associated with being obese and being pregnant and that was the battle I felt I could win first. I honestly thought I had more time to quit before getting pregnant because I had been on Depo so long. But that wasn’t the case. I work with a pregnancy smoking cessation counselor, my doctors and nurses are thrilled with my progress, and I work my ass off every single day.

I understand the sentiment that what we are doing is harmful, but do you react the same way when you see an overweight or obese woman pregnant? Do you expect her to just “put down the fork” the moment she finds out she is pregnant? Do you think that she is an awful person because she struggles with it everyday and some days she loses? The science is pretty clear on this subject too. Overweight and obese women carry a higher chance of premature babies, having hypertension, diabetes, other gestational complications etc… Yes, smoking can cause premature birth, so can extra weight. Yet, we smokers are maligned and ostracized, criticized, made to feel worthless and bad mothers because we have an addiction that we fight every hour. I’m not here to slam curvy women, I was one. Health and wellbeing are more important than any number on the scale. I remember the struggle, I remember hating myself, I remember have nothing to wear and being relegated to the back of the store for floral patterned clown tents that “hide” your fat. I support those women. I tell them that they are trying to do what is best for themselves/babies/children/family. I tell them that they are beautiful and it’s okay that it’s hard. Sometimes it takes time, some days you win, some you lose. Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the benefit of quitting when your entire body is racked with pain, and the headaches and nausea are easily solved with a six inch long lit cigarette. When you change your clothes again because you’ve sweated through them for the second time that day. It’s hard to feel like you’re succeeding as you deeply inhale the smoke and know what it is doing to your unborn baby. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror, or to see your nicotine stained hands rub your belly apologizing. We don’t need your guilt. We don’t need your motivational speeches. We don’t need the science or stares. We know. We hurt. Every single puff. Some may still tell us to suck it up, but next time think of where in your pregnancy that you may be lacking. Maybe it’s nutrition. I eat whole, non-processed foods, I don’t judge your pre-packaged McDonalds. I drink water only, I don’t judge your soda. I offer support and understanding. I offer love and guilt free motivation. I offer you friendship because we all struggle with something. We are all lacking somewhere. Don’t hate me. I certainly don’t want enemies here. Women struggle with this though. This site is supposed to be supportive, but instead I feel maligned and I’m sure I’m not alone. We need “Congratulations on trying to quit, going down to three a day is great!”. We do not need shame.

Most of the posts are attempts to encourage ladies to give up. I suppose it can come across as judgemental but we are talking about something which causes serious harm to women and their babies.
The fact that you struggle so much every day tells you what an awful addiction it is. So ask yourself: do you want your child to feel like that? Heavy smokers can pass the addiction to their unborn baby meaning baby will have nicotine withdrawal after birth. Also, children of smokers are far more likely to smoke, later in life. So your child will probably go through the same horrific ordeal.
I also wanted to point out that the people saying 'I smoked and had a 9lb healthy baby' or 'my cousin smoked and her 2 year old is happy and healthy' what you are missing are( and I sincerely hope this doesn't happen) the long term effects - those that won't be evident in the first years of life - developing bronchitis, asthma or other respiratory conditions, repeat infections, all later in life as well as taking up smoking themselves, leading to the very high and real risk of premature death, lung and other cancers, amputations to name a few. (These can also happen to you and could stop you enjoying your children or seeing them get married etc)
What I'm saying is think long term. I gave up 3 months before I started TTC for these reasons. The reason I and others sound judgemental is that it's hard to believe this isn't enough to stop people smoking.
I wish you all the best , I really do.

That is exactly why we may sound judgemental. I'm a very open minded person but I will never condone smoking during pregnancy. I just can't get my head around the fact that some women are still willing to risk it. This is a public forum and if people are allowed to talk about how they smoked during their last pregnancy and the baby was fine so they're going to do it again this time, then I'm allowed to voice my opinion on how ridiculous their attitude is.

 

[pinkpolkadot]

I am certain nobody is asking you to condone it!

 

[morganwhite7]

Speaking from MY OWN EXPERIENCES.. I smoked about 10-15 cigarettes a day. I quit due to getting MS and them making me want to throw up last pregnany around 6 weeks. So fairly quick. When we lost our son, I started back up again heavily.. It just felt like a way to relieve my stress. BUT after getting my BFP this time around (due the same day as our son was last year) I quit THE DAY I found out. After smoking probably a pack a day for the months preceding conception, and at the time of. I quit about the day I miss my period, I tested at 10DPO. And it was NOT hard. Okay it WAS hard getting over the first week without em, but if you have the WILL-POWER to do what is RIGHT for your baby who can't say no it's self, then you will be able to quit. I think it is easy to ignore how dangerous it is to you and the precious unborn baby by simply not being informed. If you only knew, I think you'd find it in you, too, to quit.

I don't want to sound judgemental at all, I just know from experience that any woman has the strength and (should have the) will-power to quit for the innocent life inside of them. It is hard physically for that first week, but my gosh there is no reason to risk everything for a selfish habit.

(There are many days I watch hubby puffing on a smoke and almost reach over for one, too. But I HAVE to say no. And it's easy when I remember I have a little girl inside, depending on me!)

I'm sorry if I hurt any feelings, I just encourage anyone with this problem to research a bit and maybe scare yourself into quitting. Good luck ladies!

 

[BabyMamma93]

i think im going to stop posting on this thread.. again i will say for the millionth time, i understand the risks of smoking, and just because i smoke while pregnant doesnt mean i think other should do, no way! id give support to people willing to stop smoking because i know how hard it is, like ive said i have cut down but i cant stop 100% i have already tried, theres no point trying to make me sound bad for smoking as though ive never tried and smoke 30 fags a day, tbf i dont give a flying hoot what you have to say about me, yes i feel guilty for not being able to stop smoking at the click of a finger, and if guilt alone helped a person stop smoking i dont think there would be any mums to be that smoke, but unfortunatley, guilt and snobby comments are not enough to kick a persons addiction

 

[bluejen]

You are bring unreasonable. I would and do support anyone quitting smoking at any time. If you had posted a thread about giving up and perhaps saying you smoked 30 a day and now down to 2 or whatever, people WOULD encourage and spur you on. But as you've said, you are not going to quit, you tried and think it's not worth trying again, my point is- of course it's worth trying again! You are attacking people for telling you the risks because you don't want to hear them. It's really great you've cut down - I mean that - I just think you don't give yourself enough credit, you are strong and could channel that energy into cutting down further or quitting with help and support xx

 

[BabyMamma93]

Your probably right, im not trying hard enough, i could try 100% harder but like ive said I dont want to stop smoking for my self, yes i want to stop for my baby but for my self, no, ive even told this to my midwife and she agrees when i say 'if u dont want to stop a addiction for your self, you wont for anyone else' I know this is true, my grandma was a alcoholic, she wanted to stop drinking for me, my sister and my mum, but not for her self, she went to meetings, spoke to people and had a ton of support, but she still went back to the bottle bcos SHE didnt want to stop drinking for her own sake, she ended up dying of alcohol poisoning at only 43 YO. if SHE wanted to stop drinking for herself she would have and she may still be here now, but she didnt, she was selfish and thats life! The reason its annoying me people going on and on about the risks is because i already know, not because i dont want to hear them, i do feel guilty when i have a smoke but as said, if guilt alone was enough to kick an addiction, id have quit when i first found out! and to be honest, it bothers me alot less when its put in a nicer way like you have, not a snobby bitchy way like above like people that dont smoke are far better people and much better mums than the ones that do, thats my point as to why it pees me off when people are judgmental

 

[calic]

Smoking during pregnancy (or any other time) is bad. I will not dispute, qualify, or diminish the science related to that in any way, shape or form. However, I don’t think shaming and lashing out is the right answer. Pre-pregnancy I was easily a two pack a day smoker. At this point, I’m down to five a day. Struggle doesn’t come close to what I go through every passing hour. I can’t even think by the hour, I struggle to get through every 15 minutes. I can only sleep 4.5 hours a night because I wake up from nicotine withdrawal. I spend 19.5 hours every day taking it 15 minutes at a time. I am drinking nearly two gallons of water a day just because it gives me something to put in my mouth. I understand a lot of you think it’s just “putting your mind to it” and I can tell you, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done and my quit date is the 9th of January. Before getting pregnant, I lost 74 pounds over the last two years. I did it for my health and because I wanted children. I knew the risks associated with being obese and being pregnant and that was the battle I felt I could win first. I honestly thought I had more time to quit before getting pregnant because I had been on Depo so long. But that wasn’t the case. I work with a pregnancy smoking cessation counselor, my doctors and nurses are thrilled with my progress, and I work my ass off every single day.

I understand the sentiment that what we are doing is harmful, but do you react the same way when you see an overweight or obese woman pregnant? Do you expect her to just “put down the fork” the moment she finds out she is pregnant? Do you think that she is an awful person because she struggles with it everyday and some days she loses? The science is pretty clear on this subject too. Overweight and obese women carry a higher chance of premature babies, having hypertension, diabetes, other gestational complications etc… Yes, smoking can cause premature birth, so can extra weight. Yet, we smokers are maligned and ostracized, criticized, made to feel worthless and bad mothers because we have an addiction that we fight every hour. I’m not here to slam curvy women, I was one. Health and wellbeing are more important than any number on the scale. I remember the struggle, I remember hating myself, I remember have nothing to wear and being relegated to the back of the store for floral patterned clown tents that “hide” your fat. I support those women. I tell them that they are trying to do what is best for themselves/babies/children/family. I tell them that they are beautiful and it’s okay that it’s hard. Sometimes it takes time, some days you win, some you lose. Sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it.

Sometimes it’s hard to see the benefit of quitting when your entire body is racked with pain, and the headaches and nausea are easily solved with a six inch long lit cigarette. When you change your clothes again because you’ve sweated through them for the second time that day. It’s hard to feel like you’re succeeding as you deeply inhale the smoke and know what it is doing to your unborn baby. It’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror, or to see your nicotine stained hands rub your belly apologizing. We don’t need your guilt. We don’t need your motivational speeches. We don’t need the science or stares. We know. We hurt. Every single puff. Some may still tell us to suck it up, but next time think of where in your pregnancy that you may be lacking. Maybe it’s nutrition. I eat whole, non-processed foods, I don’t judge your pre-packaged McDonalds. I drink water only, I don’t judge your soda. I offer support and understanding. I offer love and guilt free motivation. I offer you friendship because we all struggle with something. We are all lacking somewhere. Don’t hate me. I certainly don’t want enemies here. Women struggle with this though. This site is supposed to be supportive, but instead I feel maligned and I’m sure I’m not alone. We need “Congratulations on trying to quit, going down to three a day is great!”. We do not need shame.

Most of the posts are attempts to encourage ladies to give up. I suppose it can come across as judgemental but we are talking about something which causes serious harm to women and their babies.
The fact that you struggle so much every day tells you what an awful addiction it is. So ask yourself: do you want your child to feel like that? Heavy smokers can pass the addiction to their unborn baby meaning baby will have nicotine withdrawal after birth. Also, children of smokers are far more likely to smoke, later in life. So your child will probably go through the same horrific ordeal.
I also wanted to point out that the people saying 'I smoked and had a 9lb healthy baby' or 'my cousin smoked and her 2 year old is happy and healthy' what you are missing are( and I sincerely hope this doesn't happen) the long term effects - those that won't be evident in the first years of life - developing bronchitis, asthma or other respiratory conditions, repeat infections, all later in life as well as taking up smoking themselves, leading to the very high and real risk of premature death, lung and other cancers, amputations to name a few. (These can also happen to you and could stop you enjoying your children or seeing them get married etc)
What I'm saying is think long term. I gave up 3 months before I started TTC for these reasons. The reason I and others sound judgemental is that it's hard to believe this isn't enough to stop people smoking.
I wish you all the best , I really do.

My post was mostly referring to those who are disgusted by women who are still smoking (me) past BFP. I do not want my child to go through what I am going through at all, which is why my quit date is in two days. The fear that I will fail is overwhelming. The fear that I will hurt my baby by continuing is stronger though. It is difficult because of the addiction, it is made more difficult when you're entire social network are also smokers (including DH). I wanted to quit before TTC, but my weight was causing a lot of issues at the time, and it was a battle that I felt I could tackle, smoking wasn't. I've smoked for more than a decade; over a pack a day (20 cigarettes) for over 7 years, two packs the last 3 years. If I take a short three hour drive somewhere I could smoke almost an entire pack. I didn't just smoke, I was a dedicated smoker. Is it bad. Absolutely, unequivocally. You're disgusted by my actions? Welcome to my every day. No one can be more harsh on me than me. Do I think I can quit on Thursday and never pick one up again. Yes... I'm down to three today, I'm only going to have one tomorrow. A lot of us smoking women are working with medical and psychological professionals on a regular basis to quit and quit forever. They help by being understanding. They help by supporting. I know that none of you are under any obligation to be kind, however please know that many of us just want our problems understood, just like many of you have problems within your control that you want support on. The next week is going to be agonizing, it's going to be stressful. I'm afraid. I'm vulnerable. More than anything, I'm human and incredibly fallible. Encouragement and kindness go a long way in helping a smoker feel like they are making the right decision and to stick with it.

 

[morganwhite7]

^Really, really proud and inspired by that post. It was so hard for me too. I quit pretty soon after BFP but my gosh it sucked SO bad for a minute.. you CAN DO IT mama!

And you can always have another after pregnancy, but it's wonderful knowing that you've kicked the physical habit and may not ever need one again. Or maybe you could stay a light smoker after. Really awesome though, it's tough but do it for that baby. Once they start moving around in there you'll realize what a great decision you made, I know how hard it is now though!

Good luck, make more promises to quit publicly, it will encourage you to keep with it FX'd!

 

[bluejen]

I found it helped to just think "I won't have a cigarette today " and focus on that rather than worry about long term failure. Could you not smoke for a day - that Sounds a lot more achievable than never smoking again. Then you just think that every day for the rest of your life! Ok not quite that easy but what I mean is, you don't smoke that day - you succeed! You did something awesome! 'Never smoking again' isn't measurable. That helped me anyway - good luck xx

 

[calic]

I found it helped to just think "I won't have a cigarette today " and focus on that rather than worry about long term failure. Could you not smoke for a day - that Sounds a lot more achievable than never smoking again. Then you just think that every day for the rest of your life! Ok not quite that easy but what I mean is, you don't smoke that day - you succeed! You did something awesome! 'Never smoking again' isn't measurable. That helped me anyway - good luck xx

-Morgan
Thank you!! I would love to make it more public, but the fear of backlash makes finding support difficult. I really want to stay smoke free after birth since I want to do long term breastfeeding and I don't want baby exposed to thirdhand smoke and the chemicals in breastmilk. I know I can quit, it's just difficult to think about.

-Bluejen
My quit date is on Thursday (1/9) so that will be my day without one. I think there will be a lot of "I will not smoke today" And I need to find something to keep me busy. Like I said, it's going to be a rough week ahead, but I have my scan on the 14th, so I'm keeping that at the forefront of my thoughts when I think about quitting. The prospect of seeing my baby is actually making it easier to not smoke.

 

[AP]

I know this is an odd way about it but this really worked for me. When I was pregnant, I went to work and I struggled with my routine. The idea that I didnt have any cigarettes on me was horrid because i ended up craving them more. So I had one single cigarette at the bottom of my bag. It was just... "there". And I felt comforted that it was there but I never smoked it. (it eventually just got trashed in my bag!)

 

[bananabump]

Your probably right, im not trying hard enough, i could try 100% harder but like ive said I dont want to stop smoking for my self, yes i want to stop for my baby but for my self, no, ive even told this to my midwife and she agrees when i say 'if u dont want to stop a addiction for your self, you wont for anyone else' I know this is true, my grandma was a alcoholic, she wanted to stop drinking for me, my sister and my mum, but not for her self, she went to meetings, spoke to people and had a ton of support, but she still went back to the bottle bcos SHE didnt want to stop drinking for her own sake, she ended up dying of alcohol poisoning at only 43 YO. if SHE wanted to stop drinking for herself she would have and she may still be here now, but she didnt, she was selfish and thats life! The reason its annoying me people going on and on about the risks is because i already know, not because i dont want to hear them, i do feel guilty when i have a smoke but as said, if guilt alone was enough to kick an addiction, id have quit when i first found out! and to be honest, it bothers me alot less when its put in a nicer way like you have, not a snobby bitchy way like above like people that dont smoke are far better people and much better mums than the ones that do, thats my point as to why it pees me off when people are judgmental

Doing it for your baby should be enough though, and it's a sad situation if it's not. I'm not trying to be bitchy or nasty... and I certainly don't think I'm a far better person or Mum than you as I don't know you. But I will judge every person who carries on smoking when it is very possible to stop, I know it is. Because you will feel even more guilty if there's a problem with your baby so I really hope you manage to quit. For your sake and the baby. I'm sorry I can't be more supportive than that but I'm not a professional and I feel VERY strongly about smoking during pregnancy for personal reasons. I do hope you try and quit though and wish you all the luck in doing so.