Disappointed in "baby-making" sex.

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by Soili, Jan 23, 2011.

  1. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    Please, tell me I'm not the only one like that. I know it's the guys who tend to complain more about it, the whole thing with feeling pressured to deliver and killing the spontaneous part of it, but I have a complaint as well.

    First of all, I expected to O on time. As soon as the counter started telling me I was getting into fertile times, we bd'ed every day. Now normally that's A LOT for me. Our usual rate is 2 times a week. I was expecting my temps to go high, but they still didn't. And now I'm puzzled. Should I continue every day thing and be completely dead and turned off by any hint of sex in no time at all? Or should I go every other day and lower the chances? Or should I rely on OPK (that I'm starting to hate with passion)?

    Second of all, I don't believe my sex drive is getting any higher closer to O. In fact, it's actually at the peak right before AF and shortly after. I'm a freak of nature.

    Third, I would like to complain about spontaneous part and pressure to deliver as well. There's nothing spontaneous left at all. And the pressure to deliver results in making sure the :spermy: don't escape too fast. I don't like laying still after. I wanna cuddle and have some more fun. Add pre-seed and softcup to it and it just gets so mechanical.

    I actually can't wait for this O to be over with, so I can have some fun and relaxing sex instead of this pressured, scheduled, come at the right time, lay still, joy-killer sex.
     
  2. ebony2010

    ebony2010 Pregnant with #2

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    Yes it is forced. sometimes I'm not in the mood and I have to pretend I am to just get it out of my DH who has a low sex drive. :wacko:

    I really think every other day is plenty and I always think that if you don;t know if your OH's sperm is totally up scratch it lets the levels build back up too.

    Have you had EWCM? Maybe you are close to ovulation but havn't ovulated yet? I don;t ovulate until CD18/19. x
     
  3. tallybee

    tallybee DS '04, DD '06, DD '15

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    I agree it can take the fun out of things! Feeling like it's got to be done and laying with legs in the air :wacko:

    It'll all be SO worth it in the end though!
     
  4. TTC86JMS

    TTC86JMS Well-Known Member

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    I totaly understand wat ure goin thru,dis TTC ting realy takes sum fun out of d sex,ever since we started fertility treatment DP has seem 2 loose interest in it about 50%,dats sayin a lot coz he is usualy a high sex drive guy,now I'm havin 2 force it out of him.it gets us in lots of fyts at tyms,lyk last nyt he came home drunk wen he kne we wer supposed 2 do it.its realy a joy kill dis schedule ting.but hang in der,dey say havin sex wen ure pregnant is much mor enjoyable(I dnt kno 4 sure,but I hope so)n on top of dat no TTC pressure,let's focus on dat.
     
  5. Traskey

    Traskey New twin mummy

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    There is pressure when you know you are about to ovulate, especially if you are not feeling up to it. Every other day is sufficient, according to the books, so if you are having an off day it's ok. It's very easy to put way too much pressure on yourselves.
     
  6. mom22boys

    mom22boys Well-Known Member

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    YES doing it to conceive is a bit different. I always thought my children would be conceive out of a wildly passionate night. LOL more than likely not! My poor hubby is really feeling the pressure. Usually a quicky is nothing for him. He cannot do a quicky now for nothing. TMI! I know. I did find that when I was pregnant I wanted it all the time and it was nice for him cause usually we are 2 times a week people! LOL
     
  7. mom22boys

    mom22boys Well-Known Member

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    I forgot to add that I read somewhere that sperm live a while. So everyother day I think would do the trick!
     
  8. HockeyMom

    HockeyMom Well-Known Member

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    Keep your head up. I have recently found myself that it really kinda sucks the fun out of the whole trying to have a baby...loving one another and cherishing the moment, or just the sassy fun. I feel like i am the one doing all of the work! I'd like him to initiate from time to time...never turns it down-so why not start it. GOSH! Sorry...my random vent. I feel like I am under the pressure since he is along for the ride...i am trying to think of things to keep it fresh since he isn't!?!

    I also agree...the whole laying there not moving too much really bites. I am one of those people who has to or it is Adios my lil friends!
     
  9. Broody1976

    Broody1976 Well-Known Member

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    I've found I really struggle to orgasm :( I'm so busy concentrating on him doing his bit, I can't relax enough to do it myself.
     
  10. Star7890

    Star7890 New mummy

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    Maybe you could pop over to ntnp for a while? Its just like ttc but they believe in a more relaxed way of doing it... so not charting or anything just going with the flow and bding whenever you want (regardless of time in cycle) Im not going to be ttc until October but when I do thats were I will be going!!! xxx
     
  11. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    ERConnell, we've been NTNP for 6 months and while I did find it a lot of more fun in the sex department, but I also found that I'm just as disappointed in having my AF arrive each month, as if we were TTC. And I can't deal anymore with not knowing if it's because we ddin't do it on the right day or because there's something wrong or it just didn't happen yet.

    Unless your regular sex life consists of at least every other day with no breaks like "I'm not in the mood today" or "Too tired", then NTNP will drop your chances significantly.
     
  12. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    I actually couldn't get there at all the other day. Like point blank, no go. And it happened before maybe 2 or 3 times in 7 years we're married. Usually I'm the easy one.
     
  13. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    I'll sign under every word!

    LOL That's actually really funny, thank you for the cheer up! :D
     
  14. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    LOL yeah! I too was under impression that it takes some great sex to babies! Who would have thought, that it actually takes careful planning, scheduling and working hard on it ;)
     
  15. kates84

    kates84 Mum to one

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    My advice, for what's worth (given that although I am very much trying, I have kind of a laid back approach and don't think pregnancy a little bit sooner is worth a miserable baby making process) is to focus on quality rather than quantity if things are getting tedious for you.

    I think you are absolutely fine doing it every other day - infact it increases sperm quality.

    To keep it exciting, send each other naughty texts throughout the day, starting mental foreplay hours beforehand.

    If you can't make the days spontaneous, you can make the times and places spontaneous - literally jump him the minute he gets through the door or have a good old make out session followed by a quickie on the couch while dinner is slowly cooking away.

    Ask him for a massage to help you with your tension - and let things progress.

    Go out, even if it's just for a little walk like when you were dating and hold hands and playfully tease each other so that when you get back you want it.

    I strongly think that happy sex = happy baby :-D
     
  16. Feisty Fidget

    Feisty Fidget Rainbow Baby

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    I agree with Kates - just before we conceived sprout :sex: had become such a chore it was a relief when I finally got my :bfp: Now we obviously have to try again and this cycle I swore that I would try and enjoy the :sex: As I knew it would increase our chances of keeping up the :sex: schedule if DH thought there was some excitement in it (he has very low sex drive! :wacko:) We didn't quite go to the lengths that kates suggested but if I don't get my :bfp: this month then perhaps we will try next month.

    As for reaching orgasm I generally can't do it either so now as soon as I am led with that pillow under me I generally hide under the covers and ahem help myself along :blush: I can tell you that at first I wanted to die of embarrassment but after I got over that it was nice to be getting some pleasure out of the act too and feeling like I was helping things along :haha:
     
  17. kates84

    kates84 Mum to one

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    Ahem....errm.....I could reccommend certain toys that really help this (I am blushing crimson as I type this, believe me)

    If he is the one who isn't in the mood, I get him to use them on me first - then he sure as heck is and is very "quck" if you get my drift. Then I finish off myself with them.

    Going back in to my hole now.
     
  18. meltanton

    meltanton Mum of1,2angels&expecting

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    Hahaha u crack me up Kate! xx
     
  19. chan221

    chan221 Pregnant

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    We try to do it as normal, we have foreplay, all different positions ect. Just make sure that when he does the deed im in the right position and just lay there for a bit (trying not to cough, sneeze or move lol).

    We have been trying for so long now, I couldnt take boring sex no more lol
     
  20. Feisty Fidget

    Feisty Fidget Rainbow Baby

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    :rofl: Kates you have really made me chuckle, thanks for the great advice my darling! xxx
     

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