Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

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Nato sorry to hear you're getting shit off your in Laws. People would do well to butt out and mind their own bloody business. I got a lot of pressure to move Charlotte into her own room as all my friends with babies did it really early. She grew out of her moses basket really quickly, as she's quite long and everyone was saying just to put her straight into her cotbed in the other room. I ignored them and bought a crib. My Mum was also saying at first to put her straight in her own room, till I reminded her of the SIDS guidelines. You do what you feel is right for your Eloise.

Sorry for those who are not getting much sleep. I've been pretty lucky from the start as Charlotte sleeps so well through the night. She does however sometimes wake up at 5 and that's her up for the day, but as long as I get the solid block of sleep I'm ok. I've really resisted taking her into bed with me, but I occasionally do it in the morning to get a bit longer in bed. I'm too scared to go back to sleep properly though. Mal has been sleeping in the other room since her birth to get a decent night's sleep, which works as I can pass Charlotte over to him at 6.30 and then kip a bit longer.

Allie, if you're not happy with the alarm, maybe buy a new one. I find the Angel one to be great and I've never had any problems with it going off. Most of my friends have that one too. Perhaps yours has something wrong with it, but if it's making you more worried, I wouldn't use it.

Sassy, Poppy sounds so cute!

Rounders, the pressie sounds like a great idea. I'm sure Maddy will be fine when your LO is born.
 
PS Lucy I'm now terrified of choking after hearing about your incident! I really want to sign up to a baby first aid course. I think they run one through my local NCT
 
Nato I did do a first aid course if sorts the HV here run a 4 week course that all new mums are invited to they arrange it so you are with mums who have had babies at around the same time. They did 4 sessions a couple of hours each week they did a session on illnesses what to look for/ what to do etc and a session on choking and cpr it was very usefull and informative they had dolls to practice on. As for your mil/fil wtf!!!!! It drives me nuts that people feel they have the right to comment how you choose to raise your baby is up to you. Benjamin was with us untill 8 months we only moved him as felt we were waking him and he coped really well with it. I still bring him into bed with me if he wakes for a feed or just needs settling he goes back into his bed most of the time. I spent so much time worrying about spoling him that I was going to create a rod for my own back blah blah blah but actually none of that has happened he is able to send himself back to sleep unless somethings up and he needs us he does nap now and then sometimes on me sometimes in his bed or pram. He sleeps in his own room and he is developing amazingly well as far as Im concerened. He has a routine but its not so ridgid that he cant cope with chnage which was important to me. Im a big believer in you know your baby best.

Hoping I would say do what feels right for you. I've had moments with Ben when I thought he was being cheeky knowing mummy would come but I just think it was because he was happy to see me. I would say see how she goes. Enjoy your mothers day sounds great.

Allie I got told by a HV that Ben made himself sick by crying I dont believe that for a sec he was crying because he was sick I left him to cry you see and felt awful as he obviously needed me. We dont go straight to him now but I think I know his crys. Alastiar will get better at the sleeping Ben still wakes once a night sometimes he sleeps through but not often. He took awhile before we were down to once a night and being on soilds did help that so dont despair you and he will get there. Its bloody hard though. I wish I was someone who coped well on lack of sleep.

Sassy and Round Im sure your girls will be alright I like the idea of getting them a present for the baby and from the baby. Its all about them feeling secure and I bet they will love having a baby brother. My nephew coped well when my other nephew was born although he used to cuddle him by lying on top of him he didnt quite understand how to be gentle :haha: he is very gentle with Benjamin now. Its my little nephew who is 18 months that causes the problems he'll poke big brother whos 3 so he'll wake up and pinches his cars the little monkey. When I was little I used to climb into my brothers cot and watch him sleep my mum has always said I was like his shadow.

Sassy you'll be able to enjoy a nice glass or two of wine very soon :wine:

Round definitely treat yourself to pedi enjoy hope you have a great weekend.
 
Sugar it was only after it I was shaky mummy instinct definitely kicks in. The session I had was really useful as it gave me a bit of confidence that I could handle it. I was scared when we started weening to give him any finger foods so started giving him breadsticks and fruit at weekends when steve was there for back up now I cope better than him as Im used to it. You'll be alright and will cope. I'd like to say hes learnt but he tried eating an envelope which he'd pinched today :dohh: nowhere is safe. Im putting our post upstairs now to look at and all magazines in the cupboard.
 
Yeh I bought poppy a dolly about 6 weeks ago, I tell her to kiss it, cuddle it, give it a dummy etc and she loves it. When she wakes up I ask her where dolly is and she goes and finds it, I know this is obviously nothing compared to a real baby but it's a start.

She's points at my belly when I say "where's the baby?" but she doesn't actually know what a baby is!

Allie have you tried turning the sensitivity down? Where in his cot have you put it?x
 
Allie84 said:
Hoping, I have no sleep advice myself since I don't have a very good sleeper. I'd be thrilled with Alistair waking up just once a night haha! Do you think she realizes what she's doing and does it because she wants in your bed? I always wonder about that because they say that babies under a certain age don't 'try to get their way' but it seems like Alistair makes some things a game....like he'll cry and I'll go in and give him his pacifier and he'll laugh, I'll walk away and he'll cry, I'll go back and he'll laugh, etc. But at their ages to do they know better?
Click to expand...

i dont know, I remember cesca saying that at 6 months, they start to play you so certainly thats what some babies do, or are perceived to be doing

i havent seen that in Eloise yet at all. Waking up screaming as Penny and Eloise have done cant be a decision to do something, something has scared them or upset them to wake up crying i believe. might be a nightmare, or shes got tummy pain or somert. Eloise and Penny both smile as soon as they feel safe so i wonder if its a nightmare

What Alistair is doing sounds like what eloise does when shes crying when i leave her alone to go to the loo. But i think of it as just instant reactions to whats happening to them ie they dont want to be alone, they arent..laugh they dont want to be alone, they are...cry

but thats only my perception

0oo my teas ready, will finish after that
 
Oh and tea is a northern thing right? You have dinner at lunch? Correct?
 
Hoping I co-sleep or bring Hero into bed with me if , she wakes up crying. Although I love it
be aware that it becomes a habit for them and they will wake up and make a fuss just to get into bed with you. Im now weaning her off the co-sleeping as shes sleeping longer stretches every night and i guess shes ready to sleep the whole night in her own bed.
Nato parents and inlaws have an opinion on everything. Sometimes i welcome their advice because lets be honest, our generation has overcomplicated things. However, they should repsect our choices and not roll their eyes or make sarcastic remarks if they disagree. I welcome any advice thats given as that and not as a hidden criticism. If you are getting agro about Eloise sleeping with you imagine what i have to go through lol!
Hero is fiercly independant even though she still sleeps next to me. If anything i think our closenesss and my attachment parenting has made her very confident and kinda fearless. I say they are only babies once, why not make it last?
 
Girls I need advise I don't know what too do



Today my hubby and I took our son too the children's clinic as he is being assessed as he may have adhd or something else wrong with him so basically this was a follow up appointment from September last year, as we were discussing him and whats been happening she asked for reports from the school in regards to his behaviour etc in which they were supposed to of done between then and now but no contact has been made , this woman went on too say that we need parenting classes from other parents in how tok deal with him which is a 12 week course and I disagreed with her as we don't need to be taught on how to e parents as we feel that our skills are good and his problems lie with his development and attention span and the odd outbursts of cheekiness she then went on too say that she won't be helping us or figuring out if he has these problems until we do so then went on to tell us that it's like being a doctor you need to go study and learn to be a doctor you don't think you can do it until your taught well I was starting to get mad and upset for the fact she was saying his learning and behaviour problems were down too our parenting skills and this point I got upset and was in tears so I grabbed my bag and said to Paul I was leaving and as I got up she grabbed my arm true to restrain me from leaving the room I mean who does that too another person esp as I'm 5 1/2 months pregnant I was so upset an shocked at how she acted and treated us I don't know what too do ?
 
That does not sound professional in my opinion.

I hope I don't offend you, but the classes could possibly be beneficial as they could help you learn how to deal with those types of behavior, but at the same time parenting can't be learned from someone else because everyone's child is different.

Is it possible you could talk to someone else about his assessment? Like change doctors?
 
Ok Jen, I'm going to be honest, which is all I can do really. I think holding your arm was inappropriate, but i think you should be focussing on the treatment for aaron issue. I'm really sorry youre upset, it sounds like a horrible position to be in. You can complain about the arm hold, but unless she offered bad advice, i wouldnt personally. Whether she offered bad advice depends on why she offered the course. Why do you think she offered the course?

she won't be helping us or figuring out if he has these problems until we do so then went on to tell us that it's like being a doctor you need to go study and learn to be a doctor you don't think you can do it until your taught well

I assume that you think her inappropriate behaviour is also mirrored in her suggestions, and that if she is inappropriate then her treatment route is also inappropriate?

I think i would go on a parenting course if i were offered a free one. I understand that the implication is that there is something in your parenting that maybe causing Aaron's issues, but i agree with her in that every person in the world could prob benefit from learning - none of us are perfect. But add to that the issue that she's indirectly saying that your parenting caused the problems, of course i can see why thats upsetting.

ADHD is very contentious. I only know that from reading the Daily Mail reader comments - the readers really dont believe it exists and is just a product of bad parenting - i dont know enough about it to argue that its real against those sorts of bigots but i do know that learning problems with behaviour problems are a complex set of issues that are dynamic and not really easy to categorise. I dont know, but maybe this is standard procedure for adhd patients and therefore a parenting course is what everyone has to do and this is the route for treatment?

am i being naive...ie is this a system that you are wary of for some reason? If the only reason is that you dont believe that parenting is an issue, then is it just a step that you can get out of the way in order to get Aaron treated? Once you prove that then you can get him treated? I know treatment isnt that black and white

Before you do anything, a second opinion will can clarify their system and why that choice was made by this dr
 
^^^ great advice, you post things so well.

Jenny I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, big hugs.xx
 
I feel her grabbing your arm was at least mildly inappropriate. However, based on only what you said, I don't feel like she was saying his behavioral issues were down to your parenting. I believe (or I want to believe) her suggestion of parenting classes was to help you better cope with his behavior. And, if he does have something going on, learning to parent a child with those specific tendencies CAN actually help reduce the frequency and severity of behavioral incidents. It's not that you're a bad parent, but it never hurts to be more informed. My ex-husband's son has some very classic signs of Asperger's (though he's never had him officially diagnosed), and he's made sure to read a lot of books regarding how to more effectively parent a child with that type of issue. He's a great father, and the fact that he's so eager to learn how to be an even better parent is part of what makes him such a great father. None of us know everything, and it's okay to listen to someone to find out if they have some useful knowledge to impart. Even if you learned one or two things you hadn't thought of before and they helped Aaron, that seems like it would be time well spent (to me).

Of course, I can only go off of the information you gave us. So, maybe I don't know enough about the situation to make this judgment call. Perhaps there's something more I'm missing?
 
Sugar: thanks for the support.

"I'm too scared to go back to sleep properly though. "

I am like that too, but i have a giant bed, so i put eloise in her sleeping bag and move all the pillows and duvet away from her to make it safe and then i do go to sleep properly.

Luce: thanks i will ask the HV

Benjamin was with us untill 8 months we only moved him as felt we were waking him and he coped really well with it. I still bring him into bed with me if he wakes for a feed or just needs settling he goes back into his bed most of the time. I spent so much time worrying about spoling him that I was going to create a rod for my own back blah blah blah but actually none of that has happened he is able to send himself back to sleep unless somethings up and he needs us he does nap now and then sometimes on me sometimes in his bed or pram. He sleeps in his own room and he is developing amazingly well as far as Im concerened. He has a routine but its not so ridgid that he cant cope with chnage which was important to me. Im a big believer in you know your baby best.

see that sounds exactly how i want to do things. I feel that if i let Eloise know she's welcome in the grown ups bed when she needs it, that i am always there, then she will grow in confidence to not be clingy and to feel secure when the time is right. I was worried about spoiling, but it doesnt work like that. you actually cant spoil a baby. The more love and security they get, the more confident they get - and let babies be babies..'independent' my arse.

Sassy, yes dinner is tea and lunch is dinner round my way

breakfast is still breakfast if that helps.

Vic i love it when i get to bring eloise into bed too.

" Sometimes i welcome their advice because lets be honest, our generation has overcomplicated things. However, they should repsect our choices and not roll their eyes or make sarcastic remarks if they disagree. I welcome any advice thats given as that and not as a hidden criticism. If you are getting agro about Eloise sleeping with you imagine what i have to go through lol!

this is the 1st thing in my life that feels actually very simple. I have to say, i havent had a single bit of useful advice from any parent or parent in law. My sister has given me some good advice so i havent minded as much when she tells me eloise needs her own room - everyone else has told me crap, like give a month old baby water and she coughed once, take her to the dr and toss like that

Hero is fiercly independant even though she still sleeps next to me. If anything i think our closenesss and my attachment parenting has made her very confident and kinda fearless.

exactly. my thoughts exactly.
 
Jen are they doing an assessment or have they assesed him in his school environment? Im assuming they havent made a diagnosis yet and may be looking at other possibilities such as autism I know my nephew has been assessed for this and adhd although they seem to believe it is aspergus although my bil & sil werent asked to attend a paratening course they were given stratgies to deal with some of his behaviour they are great parents but I know it has been very hard for them at times and they have needed the support. Tyler has extra support at school which has been very benefical although no definite diagnoses has been made.

As a teacher I would say she was inapproriate saying she wouldnt help if you didnt attend the course as surely the most important thing is Aaron and if he is suffering from adhd or something else then he needs support at school. Is it worth finding out more about the course to see what its about as if like dazed said it would give you different strategies to help it may mean you also meet other parents who could provide support.

Jen Im so sorry you've been upset and grabbing you wasnt right I'd see if you can speak to someone else or could you talk to the senco at aarons school.

Nato I think one of the problems with adhd is that there are some parents who say there children have it as an excuse for not dealing with there childrens behavioual problems. I remember spending ages with the senco at my school try to track down a child in my class assessment only to find out he'd never been assessed mum had just decided he had it he didnt he just had no discipline (sp?) or encouragement mind you she also called him a little shit so not great he responded really well at school. Also it can often be misdiagnosed theres a lot of cross over with autism/asperghers.
 
the dr could learn to present her suggestions in a more positive way such as...

And, if he does have something going on, learning to parent a child with those specific tendencies CAN actually help reduce the frequency and severity of behavioral incidents
 
LucyJ said:
Nato I think one of the problems with adhd is that there are some parents who say there children have it as an excuse for not dealing with there childrens behavioual problems. I remember spending ages with the senco at my school try to track down a child in my class assessment only to find out he'd never been assessed mum had just decided he had it he didnt he just had no discipline (sp?) or encouragement mind you she also called him a little shit so not great he responded really well at school. Also it can often be misdiagnosed theres a lot of cross over with autism/asperghers.
Click to expand...

yeah i can wel imagine that

from what i can tell, people are just stuck in whatever was the mode when they were younger. A lot of the comments seem to be 'well we never used to have ADHD, how come we have it now?"

which is possibly the thickest reason for denying something i have ever heard.

(ie we didnt used to keep babies in the room with us, why are you doing it now <bitterface>)

Dont you just hate it when you strip the bed, and think 'oh, I'll put the new sheets on later" and completely forget to

Then when you go to bed later, youre confronted with a naked bed and you have to put the new sheets on then

sulk.
 
NatoPMT said:
the dr could learn to present her suggestions in a more positive way such as...

And, if he does have something going on, learning to parent a child with those specific tendencies CAN actually help reduce the frequency and severity of behavioral incidents
Click to expand...

Absolutely! That would have been preferable, as opposed to the more maybe accusatory wording her Dr used.
 
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