Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[hoping:)]

I love the DH reaction stories!

Lucy- your lines are awesome! No need to squint... they are blaringly obvious!!!

Sassy- Penny weighs about the same at a year old! How exciting you will be moving into your new house! Whatever is going on with DH I hope it is resolved soon... we are all here if you need to rant.

Round- I hope things get better soon for your hubby

Nato- thats crap! I can't believe you waited around for 3 hours and didnt get seen. 7 weeks will probably be better any way when you will for sure see your little bean's heart beat thumping away.

Yep, sadly confidential. I so badly want to spill my guts.

 

[Sugarlove2]

Nato, I can't believe you have to wait that long for an appt! Are you feeling better now? The referral for a scan sounds like a good plan! Bet John is over the moon!

Yes I took a low dose of meds whilst preggers. Like Cesca, I got referred to the mental health team about 7 years ago, when I was incapacitated with panic attacks and off work for 6 months. I tried to stop them when I got my BFP, but the anxiety started up again, so I was advised to stay on them at a low dose. I think I'll always be on them tbh. This dose just keeps me nicely ticking along.

All these stories of telling hubbies is making me tear up!

Round, hope your hubby starts feeling better soon. When I got prescribed antid's, it took me ages to start them as I was so scared. I also found my anxiety rocketed and I had to swop to a different one in the end. Must be very hard on you too with having 2 little ones to worry about as well as your hubby.

Sassy, sorry to hear you're having problems with your hubby.

 

[VGibs]

LUCE!!!!!!!!!!! Thats awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! I saw that news and went tearing to the bathroom thinking for sure because you got your BFP that maybe I had one too! I'm due today but have no spotting or anything so I was hoping...BFN Oh well...on to next month I guess.

 

[msarkozi]

lol, love the DH reaction stories! those are awesome

Gibs, until the witch shows, don't give up!

 

[LucyJ]

V dont give up hun you never know I had a bfn a couple days ago so untill she shows your not out.

 

[VGibs]

Well fingers crossed but I am not gonna get my hopes up. I have way too many AF symptoms. lol

 

[prgirl_cesca]

i suspect the courses are quite short, they cant afford to do long courses of counselling, although im sure they think its the combination of therapy and meds that would work best for you - i don't know enough about the meds to comment. CBT is a good immediate starting point though. Were you talking about it before it all came to a head? Dont forget we are here to listen too...

I knew something was up, I knew something was up from day one when I just didn't bond with him like I thought I would, didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think a lot of it is my failure to breastfeed him and the guilt I feel because I let him down, and the surgery that followed to repair my broken boobs after getting the abscesses was so traumatic I feel like it was my punishment for failing to feed him. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel. And it's just got to a point now where he's grown up to be a fussy eater because of his reflux and intolerance (food still = pain to him) I get hysterical when he doesn't eat because once again I feel like I am failing to give him adequate diet. Then I have major control issues and I am fine in the week when I am working as I am good at my job, and Luca and I have our routines of toddler groups and playdates then I go to work etc, then at the weekends it all falls apart because then I have to think of my husband, other family etc and it just makes me so anxious and most sunday nights I am in tears from an argument. Having Luca has almost destroyed my marriage - we argue all the time (although since I got myself to Drs and they've referred me to counselling things have got better as he's taking it seriously that I'm unwell as opposed to just thinking I am a bitch) and things have been very tough on that front.

I suppose I haven't really spoken about it to anyone because I shouldn't find it tough, I shouldn't sometimes find it hard to bond with my son, because we wanted him so much and went through so much to get him - it's wrong for me to hate being a parent so much most of the time. I think of all the people desperately trying to have babies and I feel so bad for them as I bet they'd be a better parent than I would....

Anyway, on that depressing note I am going to counteract it all by saying CONGRATULATIONS LUCY!!!! AMAZING NEWS!!

 

[msarkozi]

oh Cesca! I just wish I could give you a real hug right now. I wanted to cry for you reading that. You are not a failure sweetie, and it will get better...you just need to take things one at a time, and slowly. Thank You so much for sharing your feelings with us, as I am sure that was hard to do. We are always going to be here to listen, so PLEASE come talk to us whenever you need to!!

Try to remember that not everyone can breastfeed (I couldn't either), and you are not a failure because of that. Also, there are times that all of us wish we could have a break from being a parent. It's a natural feeling.

Just keep smiling, because you are beautiful and that little boy needs you. He loves you very much and he doesn't think you are a failure at all! Your marriage is going to get better...just take it slow!

big xoxoxo

 

[NatoPMT]

i suspect the courses are quite short, they cant afford to do long courses of counselling, although im sure they think its the combination of therapy and meds that would work best for you - i don't know enough about the meds to comment. CBT is a good immediate starting point though. Were you talking about it before it all came to a head? Dont forget we are here to listen too...

I knew something was up, I knew something was up from day one when I just didn't bond with him like I thought I would, didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think a lot of it is my failure to breastfeed him and the guilt I feel because I let him down, and the surgery that followed to repair my broken boobs after getting the abscesses was so traumatic I feel like it was my punishment for failing to feed him. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel. And it's just got to a point now where he's grown up to be a fussy eater because of his reflux and intolerance (food still = pain to him) I get hysterical when he doesn't eat because once again I feel like I am failing to give him adequate diet. Then I have major control issues and I am fine in the week when I am working as I am good at my job, and Luca and I have our routines of toddler groups and playdates then I go to work etc, then at the weekends it all falls apart because then I have to think of my husband, other family etc and it just makes me so anxious and most sunday nights I am in tears from an argument. Having Luca has almost destroyed my marriage - we argue all the time (although since I got myself to Drs and they've referred me to counselling things have got better as he's taking it seriously that I'm unwell as opposed to just thinking I am a bitch) and things have been very tough on that front.

I suppose I haven't really spoken about it to anyone because I shouldn't find it tough, I shouldn't sometimes find it hard to bond with my son, because we wanted him so much and went through so much to get him - it's wrong for me to hate being a parent so much most of the time. I think of all the people desperately trying to have babies and I feel so bad for them as I bet they'd be a better parent than I would....

Anyway, on that depressing note I am going to counteract it all by saying CONGRATULATIONS LUCY!!!! AMAZING NEWS!!

the pressure to breastfeed is actually too much now i think, mothers have to be this, they have to do that and everyone in the world thinks its acceptable to judge / tut tut or have an opinion. It's got to stop. I know thats not just the cause but it does make me mad. It sounds like your button with attachment to food and nurture has been pressed with being Luca's mummy - there's some trauma there with the surgery and it sounds like a perfect storm has been created. It really could happen to anyone with the 'right' combination of factors happening in the wrong way. Its frightening to think how close we all are to having an episode.

Glad Rich is seeing things differently now, even just having the understanding can change things dramatically. It does sound like there's a lot of pressure and expectations (whether that's from you on yourself or others) and when things dont comply to the expectation it feels upsetting. It might be worth seeing how the personal therapy goes, and getting some of your own if the courses are very short - the near future is the most important thing and getting this current situation in hand. Then you will have a better idea of the wider situation.

" I feel like it was my punishment for failing to feed him. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel"

Nothing you ever feel is silly, sometimes you just need to be understood rather than being told 'stop thinking that'

will answer everyone else later. Need to get dressed - the little weasel was up from 2am - 3.30am this morning, nothing compared to Rounders wake ups but im just not used to it!

 

[Sassy_TTC]

I was up at 23:30, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:20, 4:05, 4:45, poppy woke at 5-6, then Zac woke for the day at 06:30!

Seeeeeeee if you can beat that, go!

 

[LucyJ]

Quote:
Originally Posted by NatoPMT
i suspect the courses are quite short, they cant afford to do long courses of counselling, although im sure they think its the combination of therapy and meds that would work best for you - i don't know enough about the meds to comment. CBT is a good immediate starting point though. Were you talking about it before it all came to a head? Dont forget we are here to listen too...
I knew something was up, I knew something was up from day one when I just didn't bond with him like I thought I would, didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I think a lot of it is my failure to breastfeed him and the guilt I feel because I let him down, and the surgery that followed to repair my broken boobs after getting the abscesses was so traumatic I feel like it was my punishment for failing to feed him. I know that's silly, but it's how I feel. And it's just got to a point now where he's grown up to be a fussy eater because of his reflux and intolerance (food still = pain to him) I get hysterical when he doesn't eat because once again I feel like I am failing to give him adequate diet. Then I have major control issues and I am fine in the week when I am working as I am good at my job, and Luca and I have our routines of toddler groups and playdates then I go to work etc, then at the weekends it all falls apart because then I have to think of my husband, other family etc and it just makes me so anxious and most sunday nights I am in tears from an argument. Having Luca has almost destroyed my marriage - we argue all the time (although since I got myself to Drs and they've referred me to counselling things have got better as he's taking it seriously that I'm unwell as opposed to just thinking I am a bitch) and things have been very tough on that front.

I suppose I haven't really spoken about it to anyone because I shouldn't find it tough, I shouldn't sometimes find it hard to bond with my son, because we wanted him so much and went through so much to get him - it's wrong for me to hate being a parent so much most of the time. I think of all the people desperately trying to have babies and I feel so bad for them as I bet they'd be a better parent than I would....

Anyway, on that depressing note I am going to counteract it all by saying CONGRATULATIONS LUCY!!!! AMAZING NEWS!!

Oh cesca I am so sorry you have been going through this and pleased you feel you can open up to us & that you are getting some help. I think talking about what you've been going through will help, it sounds like by the time you get to the weekend you are burnt out. It upsets me to hear women who feel guilty because they havent been able to bf theres so much pressure on mums these day it makes me cross as bf doesnt work for everyone for many reasons you had a hell of a time with the abscesses you shouldnt feel guilty hope the councilling helps you see that. Your marriage will survive you seem like a very strong couple and the fact your hubby realises theres more going on now will only help. You have a healthy happy little boy thats down do you I understand you worry about what hes eating and with the intlorances must make it so much harder but remember he loves you and doesnt think you are failure which you arent you're not.

We're hear to listen and nothing you say is silly

It must have been the night for babies waking we had another rough night I feel exhausted Benjamin woke at 12:45am and didnt go back to sleep till gone 4 am he came in with us he went back in his cot where he just screamed abd screamed abd in out bed he just wanted to chat he wouldnt sleep at all. He asked for food so ended up giving him something to eat and eventually an hr later he crashed out in our bed. Ahhh hoping it was just a blip and he'll sleep better tonight.

 

[VGibs]

I was up at 23:30, 12:45, 1:15, 2:30, 3:20, 4:05, 4:45, poppy woke at 5-6, then Zac woke for the day at 06:30!

Seeeeeeee if you can beat that, go!

Ouchhhhhh

 

[VGibs]

reared her ugly head...in the unsexiest way possible. Ian and I thought we would "get one in" before she came. Well...let's just say, he is a very patient and understanding man my Ian. lol Now to deal with the cramps all day at work Blech

 

[msarkozi]

sorry she showed up Gibs! hopefully this will be the month

oh girls! I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight...poor things!

I am so glad it is the weekend again already! I am going to take Kash swimming in High Level tomorrow. I keep telling him about it and he smiles. I am probably more excited then he is lol! I want to get him into swimming lessons again this summer, so I better start taking him swimming more before that happens.

Anyone got any plans for the weekend? (other then sleep lol).

 

[NatoPMT]

Sugar, as someone who knows little about the meds, they obviously work for you but do you feel youre suppressing the behaviour rather than dealing with it so you have the chance to work through it and eliminate the behaviour instead? Thats a rather clumsy question... sorry, but im genuinely interested. I know some people have chemical imbalances which it helps with but i dont know the difference. Obv you dont have to answer if its too personal

Feeling much better today, am nowhere near as tired and my eyes have gone back to normal. Its quite scary seeing what you will look like at 80.

Hoping, have you set up the meetings? The ethnicity will need discussing i assume? There's no genetic link but there might be cultural elements they were hoping for from your pregnancy?

Luce - how are you feeling today? Hows steve, is he still doing laps of the kicthen? V jealous of your parents seeing the northern lights, that is massively on my to do list

Gibs, sorry af arrived

Im ok, much better - no sign of ms whatsoever, and my boobs arent sore either. Slight concern about chemicals / mmc but i dont think any of us would be able to avoid that worry before you all tell me to stop worrying.

 

[Round2]

Sugar, as someone who knows little about the meds, they obviously work for you but do you feel youre suppressing the behaviour rather than dealing with it so you have the chance to work through it and eliminate the behaviour instead? Thats a rather clumsy question... sorry, but im genuinely interested. I know some people have chemical imbalances which it helps with but i dont know the difference. Obv you dont have to answer if its too personal

My hubby went to psychologist where basically they told him that some people do in fact just have chemical imbalances. He is definatley one of them, he can't find any reason for feeling anxious, it just comes out of no where for no apparent reason.

Glad you're feeling better today. Nothing but happy thoughts. Little Nato Baby the second is just fine.

Cesca, your post made my heart sank. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I really hope you can find something that works to improve things for you. I can see why you didn't want to open up about it on this thread. But I hope you know you are not alone. We are all hear to listen and the more you talk, the more you might just find others that are feeling the same way.

 

[NatoPMT]

i need to understand more about it before i start back at college (hopefully BabyNatoII has just delayed that by another 2 years!!) oo doorbell

 

[LucyJ]

Im tired but thinking its because I didnt sleep well. Ive been a bad wife instead of doing housework when Benjamin finally went down for a nap I fell asleep on the sofa with the tv on. I feel like Im on fire I was like that with Benjamin it kicks in late afternoon and by the evening Im like a furnace steve was whinging last night that it was like sleeping next to a fire

Steves so happy and positive which is good as I tend to worry. Hes told not pee on anymore sticks I tested again this morning just in case it was a false positive dont know if you can get them it was positive which is reassuring.

I really hope mum & dad get to see the lights but if they dont they've still had an amazing time shes been able to email they've been on a snow mobile, been on snow shoe walks, had a husky ride where they go to drive, saw new year in at a frozen lake, held husky pups, visited a reindeer farm, went cross country skiing and I think they are visiting a amerthyst (sp?) mine today. They come back tomorrow.

I think its only natural to worry I know have been Ive been getting alot of cramping today when you let your mind wonder and go to past experience it brings up these worries. Ive got an appointment to see my dr next wed hoping she'll get me in for an early scan. I want to talk to her about the whooping cough injection are you having it?

Mel sleeping will hopefully be on the agenda over the weekend. Tomorrow we are taking Benjamin to the aquarium and sunday not sure yet but if its a nice day think we will go down the beach for a walk.

 

[msarkozi]

omg, Luce you just made me jealous with saying beach!!!! The weather has been fairly mild here for the last week (which is not normal this time of year), and I swear we have 5 feet of snow, if not more in places! lol!

The aquarium sounds nice. I wish I could take Kash places like that. I bet the little ones just love seeing that kind of stuff.

You really don't ever stop worrying. I kept having a feeling the baby was dead because all of a sudden I wasn't sick anymore. I got the doctor to check for the heartbeat yesterday to reassure me. He couldn't find it for a long time and I was panicking, but then he found it and I felt much better. Our history has made us paranoid freaks about pregnancy lol!

 

[heart tree]

Girls you really need to stop being so chatty and stop getting pregnant while I'm on holiday! I can't keep up!!

Wow and Congrats Lucy! I can't believe how many preggers we have right now.

Cesca, I think you are incredibly brave for vocalizing your feelings. I have nothing but respect for you. I'm glad you are seeking counseling.

Nato I'm also glad to hear you are feeling better. My MS came and went with Delilah in the early days.

She keeps sleeping through the night! I keep waking up. We're moving her to her crib when I get home. I'm kind of sad about it but know it will be good for my marriage.

The little girl I told you about passed away on New Years eve in her parents bed with them next to her the entire time. Feeling sad and pensive right now.