Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[hoping:)]

Mel- Yay for no work and time all to your self even though it will be spent doing chores! So what exactly is curling? I think I’ve caught a glimpse of it during the Olympics but not sure what it is.

Vicky- You are so lucky! Today was so cold both my cars refused to start! I will have to try more finger painting but you are so right. All those activities only cover a couple hours. I feel bad having her follow me around doing chores but she seems to like it. Yesterday she helped me hand wash one of my shirts, stir the pot for dinner and throw laundry in the washing machine. She would squeal with delight when I let her do any of it herself so at least she was enjoying it! I hear you on the TV guilt too. I always said I would never let her watch TV but she also loves the Disney channel especially Mickey Mouse Club House and Sophia the First. We are totally guilty of letting her watch a show in the morning while she has her milk and we are either sleeping or getting ready. She loves cartoons and I will let her watch while she has a snack or while I try to tidy/make dinner. This past weekend all we did was watch cartoons and I felt guilty the whole time but she was sick and only wanted to be carried or play on the sofa with her dollies.

I think it was Lexi who fell down the stairs but it is definitely something I worry about because once she sees stairs she just has to climb them! She would spend the whole day climbing up and down our stairs if we let her.

 

[hoping:)]

deleted- I thought I put this in my journal

 

[Jaymes]

Broken for me means that I begin slightly interested, then quickly lose interest making it painful. Then I can't 'finish' so he has been working harder to make that happen, but because he is trying so hard it takes longer making it more painful. We both end up feeling defeated. Him because I'm not, and me because I can't.

Indoor activities are the worst! Lexi likes to ride her bike, help with laundry, color, play stickers, play dough, play with the dog, she loves Dora, cleaning tables, (I give her a wet wipe and she cleans away...) pulling all the cushions off the couch and marketing forts or beds. We can do all that and more before noon. Lol it seems like she is only naughty while I have to attend baby John.

Mel I adore the name Sadie, weren't you thinking that if Kash had been a girl? I never liked the names I picked if the baby had been opposite gender for a different pregnancy. Chris would have been Alaiya, Bethany we didn't pick a boy name, Lexi would have been Peter, and John we didn't have any solid girl names.

I love seeing all th FB updates. With all the pictures! Keep them coming. Johnny woke up and is squirming too much to type more...

 

[msarkozi]

We were originally going to do Sophia, and we were going to do that until we decided on Sadie instead. It was on my list of names from Kash, but Gord picked Sophia off of it. But then we have been watching Duck Dynasty and he fell in love with the name Sadie, so I said we are doing Sadie lol!

Well, instead of Kash going to daycare this morning, we all slept until 10:00!!! I feel so tired now because of it. Then half hour later, I got a call saying we were expected at work for 12:30...so here we are......

Curling - well, it's 2 teams of 4 players on each team...can be men's, ladies, or mixed (but mixed means you have to have your skip and third opposite gender). The positions are lead, second, third, and skip. Your skip stands at the opposite end of the ice, holding the broom and calling the shots. You each take turns throwing 2 rocks, trying to get closest to the button (center ring) of the ice. So you want to knock out your opponents rocks to get closer to the button, so that you score the points. I'm not really sure if that helps explain it at all.....some people find it very boring, and I am one of those ones that can't even stand watching it on tv, but I love playing it lol!

Jaymes - that can be frustrating for both of you I bet. I am currently like that I am finding...but Gord barely touches me, so I think that is why for me. It's one of those things we hate talking about, but did you talk to your doctor at all? I hope it gets better for you!

 

[NatoPMT]

Got a negative test this morning, so CD1, 2 or 3 I assume. Thanks for all the advice on that

I need to tell him what I want done.

I think thats a really good idea, being specific

NATO....damn iPhone...anywho. I am TTC at the moment. Supposed to be baby dancing tonight but I am burning with fever and now feeling queezy so I'm doubting any BD will take place.

sorry I did know you are too, hope youre feeling better.

Afm: I'm okay, considering! Saturday night we spoke, I explained as much as I could, how unhappy I was, how we wasn't working, how we could maybe fix things, that I think counselling was worth a shot, that I thought he was a brilliant dad and that I would never ever make it hard for him to see the kids! His reply "why don't you wanna have sex with me anymore?" I said "because we have no protection!" (I'm not on the pill or anything and we haven't used condoms in years tmi)!

You know what he did! Went out and bought condoms!!! We obviously didn't have sex and he sulked all day yesterday! We then got into bed last night and he cuddled me then flew off on one saying "you're making a mug of me, what kind of marriage is this, you're fucking ridiculous"! I said nothing and went to sleep!

I'm done! That was the final straw

Im glad there's a definitive conclusion, even though its this one, its better if you feel absolutely certain. People manage, and people cope, and people become happy again. You will too.

Afm: I feel very out of sorts really down I cant seem to shift this feeling that somethings wrong. Steve says it my hormones I dont remember feeling this way with benjamin very weepy yes but not down. Apart from my skin Ive lost all my other symtoms no nausea or dizziness. Ive got an early scan on friday I should be bang on 6 weeks just pray theres a hb and all is ok. I think one of the problems is I feel more like I did with the pregnancies that ended in mc rather than how I felt with Benjamin. I honestly thought it would be easier this time round I dont feel anxious just I dont know not sure I can explain it distant I guess. Benjamin and I have got sing and sign today hoping getting out will help.

Both of my mc pregnancies i felt fine , the 1st time i didnt have a clue. How you feel might be more about your worries than whats going on. First scans are awful for us, and then they dont get much better thereafter. But of course they are a means to a wonderful end. I will be thinking of you on Friday

This is potentially the stupidest thing I have ever asked. So when exactly do you guys think you should be doing to deed during your fertile period? Every day? Every other day? I realize that I have never actually tried to get pregnant on purpose. All of my pregnancies were "surprises" except for my son that we lost at 22 weeks. And we were on a very strict fertility treatment plan for that one because my ex had testicular trauma and couldn't make semen.

You could try SMEP which has a really good success rate, but every bfp I have had I have done it on the day that i get positive opk, and the night after positive, they are the 2 big days

https://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm

Beleive it or not my parents have JUST come clean about how miserable they have been through their 40 year marriage, me and my sister found out things we suspected but never truly beleived and are now totally horrified. We also heard many times in our life from both sides how everything they endured they did it for us. Many times my dad said he would have left if it wasnt for us and the same was said by my mother. The result is two women who are always full of guilt whatever they do because they were brought up thinking if it wasnt for them everything would be fine.

Its not fair for parents to put their stuff on their children like that. He made the decisions about his life, he decided to get married, to have children, to be unhappy, to stay - its like asking you to be guilty for being born. Its a rare divorce that leaves everyone feeling like the right thing has happened though too, so you can be assured that your parents would have fucked you up if theyd split too. Happy assurance isnt it. But any parent who tells their children that would be likely to be the ones who manage to make a pigs ear of splitting too

Sassy, in that vein, the most damaging thing i think a split couple can do is show dislike for their former partner. Im not suggesting you or Danny would, but a child who hears their mother is bad or whatever from their father for eg, recognises that they are half of their mother, so they consequently are half bad themselves. Co parenting can work well but it takes thoughtfulness on both sides.

Jaymes, it takes a while for sex to be of interest for a reason, your body is telling you 'dont have another one yet!!' by making it unappealing, not your fault, not his fault. Natures fault. My dooda tok about 8 months to feel normal

Yeay for penny teeth! And hi to mel & sparkly - hope the preggos are well

Had a wonderful day with weasel, she gave her toast to another baby who wanted it this morning, she waved at the moon all the way home, we went to costa and when i took her out of the pram, there were 'ahh's from about 5 tables, she's obsessed with kissing me at the mo but today went through all her teddies and kissed them all. Massive cutery.

 

[msarkozi]

awe, Eloise is such a delight. Kash is very loving too, and so I get kisses a million times a day.

I was sick again this morning, and he came into the washroom and hugged me from behind, and then came to the side and hugged me and kissed me, and even flushed the toilet when I was doing puking. He's so caring. I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a caring little boy!

 

[LucyJ]

Thanks for your support girls Im doing better today had a bad night yesterday as there was some red blood when I wiped and I had cramping. Didnt sleep well but feel better today. Benjamin and I went to bounce & rhyme and met up with her friend and her little boy which was lovely.

Jaymes thats so scary about lexi falling down the stairs Im glad shes ok. Sorry you feel broken but john is only 12 weeks so give yourself time. I struggled afteer having benjamin just didnt feel in the mood, it was uncomfortable and to be honest we didnt really have sex much in the first few months probably not till benjamim was 8 months before it feel like it did.

Vicky I found sex uncomfortable and painful to was surprised because I'd had a csection. Im still numb round my scar its really odd.

Vicky, hoping Benjamin's a massive fan of mickey mouse club house. We do put it on for him usually to distract so I can get things done. Hes not that helpful yesterday I was pairing socks and giving them to him to put in the basket he started off well but then decided it was more fun to chuck them out and unpair them he loves painting. I havent tried play-doh but think I'll give it a go.

 

[VGibs]

Mel - I am obsessed with Duck Dynasty....I even got a "happy, happy, Happy" mug for Xmas. lol

 

[VGibs]

Nato - Thanks I am feeling better but it appears that Aurora has a dose of the flu now. I have heard of SMEP. On CountdownToPregnancy they have an intercourse timer tool and you can choose the SMEP as one way of getting the job done shall we say. I've never used OPK's but I am considering getting some if it takes me longer then 3 cycles. We are taking it kind of relaxed and going to get serious after 3 cycles.

 

[msarkozi]

lol! I bought Gord a "happy, happy, happy" t shirt and camo hat from their website for christmas. Of course they sent the catalogue with it, so now he wants to order everything!!! I love that show; way too funny

 

[LucyJ]

Both of my mc pregnancies i felt fine , the 1st time i didnt have a clue. How you feel might be more about your worries than whats going on. First scans are awful for us, and then they dont get much better thereafter. But of course they are a means to a wonderful end. I will be thinking of you on Friday

Thanks hun I think a lot of it is my fears as feels more like my mc than when I was pregnant with benjamin. I keep telling myself that each pregnancy is different.

Elosie is such a sweetie I love that she shared her toast. Benjamin blows kisses and gives cuddles, if you are very lucky he will give you a kiss but he cuddles his toys now especially mickey mouse and pluto, so cute.

 

[hoping:)]

Jaymes- I hope your low sex drive is due to the hormones. I’m sure you are both feeling frustrated. Penny loves making forts as well or just crashing into pillows or the bed is fun for her.

Mel- I think Sadie is perfect. Its not too frilly and goes great with the name Kash. Tim and I are also fans of Duck Dynasty. I love the uncle and dad! I think I get what you mean about curling. I think any sport is much more fun to play rather than watching it on TV. I’m glad you enjoy it so much. You have such a sweet little guy.

Nato- what a relief to already have a negative test. I would test positive for weeks! Too cute that Eloise is obsessed with kissing you and even shared the love with her teddies.

Luce- Has everything stopped? No more blood or cramps? I really hope so

vGibs- I hope she gets better soon. Have fun baby dancing!

 

[Jaymes]

I've had sections for all of them. The longest it has taken me to get feeling back in my belly was about 2 years. I've gotten my drive back at about two weeks before this one. I'm ready to be back to normal in that area...
TMI. Question, I've never had issues with the lady bits. Never had a yeast infection, nothing... Now I feel like I may be having phantom periods or something. About every couple of weeks I get crampy, and I get a big gush, (enough to wet my pants a little, but not urine as I've smelled it to be sure,) but when I go check its just a bunch of watery yellow cm. I wonder if it is a bacterial infection, a yeast infection or just part of the hormonal issue I've been having. I've never had this before.

 

[vickyd]

Jaymes you should get it checked out. Most likely its a hormonal thing, cause if it was a bacterial infection you would feel itchy and painful sensation down there. My doc always says never ignore any kind of foofy symptoms!

Luce im still slightly numb around my scar, my best mate has been numb there completely the last 5 years. In her case its showing no signs of improvement...Its so weird but i had stitches on my finger about a year before Hero and i still have a numb finger tip. Maybe the stiching leaves numbness???

Nato i decided that i just wasnt gonna get involved in my parents drama. After the initial shock i sat down and thought about it and came to the conclusion that they both decided to stay together all those years even though they were unhappy. Today they announced they were gonna give it another try. So i guess there issue wasnt staying together for us but rather their fear of being alone. There decision to stay together now, even though they filled our heads with all sorts of info no person should know about their parents, just solidified my theory that its always been about them and not us.

Eloise and kash and penny and i guess all the disco babies except mine are so cuddly!! I have to BEG Hero for a kiss lol!!!!! Shes such an independant little mo!

 

[NatoPMT]

Hi girls

Im ging to bring up a controversial topic because we've never discussed it before. Im currently in a bubble with Eloise, I dont need to discipline her. When she sees something she's not familiar with, she looks at me before she touches it. I either say 'You can touch it' or 'that's not for babies, dont touch' and she then doesnt touch it if i ask her not to.

My MIL at christmas did something that pissed me off. Eloise went to touch a switch and she shouted 'NO' in a really stern voice. I was standing with eloise and i could have said 'dont touch' but a) she doesnt need to be shouted at and b) I let her switch the lights off and on at home.

My sister used to say she didnt approve of smacking because how can you ask your children not to hit each other if you hit them, but 5 years on, she occasionally does smack them, so i know that this can change. I personally dont believe in smacking for many reasons. One being that being smacked engages their primitive brain and over rides their thinking, more modern brain, so by smacking, you can actually prevent what you are asking them to do...think about their behaviour.

My ideal is that Eloise will behave because she trusts me to make the right decisions for her when she's little, and therefore if i ask her not to do something, she will know its for her good rather than as a point of controlling her behaviour. I want her to not do something because she has respect for my opinion. I want her to control her own behaviour by thought. I am aware that this can go horribly wrong and to get it right i will need to put a lot of thought into it.

But I think that by having as few a rules as possible at this age, and giving her freedom where its not absolutely necessary, ie where something is dangerous. Im hoping she wont want to rebel against me. But the boundaries i do put in place, I want to instil them without discipline. So for eg, when she chucks her food on the floor, i just say 'food stays on your plate, teatime is over' and lift her out of the high chair. She never cries at this, as when she starts chucking food, she's had enough. I don't know how this is going to work when she does behave in a fashion that is unruly, or when she starts to test my boundaries. I know how i want to deal with tantrums - the holding technique, but thats as far as I have thought.

Do you think Im in cloud cuckoo land? what do you think / how do you discipline? It will be different for each child as each child is individual but Im interested to hear about how others manage behaviour and why.

Edit: Im also wondering what boundaries you put in place and if I have too few at the moment. A woman at stay and play last week told her baby not to stand on books - not telling her off, but saying 'books are for reading, not standing on'. I panicked and thought do i need to do stuff like that too? Im not even strict about bedtime, but i am careful that her routine and the order we prepare for bedtime stays the same.

Another thing was that Eloise refused to wear shoes, but she loves looking outside - so i started putting her shoes on and taking her straight into the back garden so she can walk round. Now she loves wearing her shoes. In that case, I'm trying to find alternatives to telling off to teach her what she needs to learn.

 

[NatoPMT]

Jaymes, you should defo ask a dr that.

Vic glad that you have found a way to deal with all this information - i think youre right, its about them, and I hope that seeing that its about them now fearing being alone rather than how it was presented to you has eased your guilt a bit. They are going to get strong reactions from you if they put their own spin on reality

Gibs, opks are very easy and take any of the guesswork out of it. If there's any stress at all with working out when to do it, id recommend them but if your easy breezy then just do what works.

Luce, that mustve been very scary - you saw what everyone said to me about red blood. My dr last week actually laughed at me when i said that Id been bleeding for 2 days so was scared there was a problem. He said that 2 days of bleeding was nothing to worry about more often than not. I soon took the smile off his face but that was about me, not whats happening with you.

I like the name Sadie too, don't like throwing up though, poor you! Glad you have your little boy looking after you so well. My friend's little girl is called Sadie, very cute.

Hoping, did Pennys teeth cut without problem?

On the tv thing, Eloise likes the film Cats and Dogs and In The Night Garden.

 

[vickyd]

Nato i really hate any type of hitting. Mostly because i was hit ALOT as a child and pre-teen. This kind of punishment is very widespread in Greece especially in my parents generation. They actually laugh at you when you say you shouldnt hit a child. The reason im against it (apart from the fact that it hurt lol!!) is that i dont think it ever helped me see what was right and what was wrong. Just installed fear in me...In the end i was just afraid of my father period. Even if i was doing nothing wrong i was always anxious around him. I would hate Hero to feel anxious around me and be to scared to tell me her thoughts.
I also think im failing in the discipline area, Hero has very few clear boundaries. I try to explain everytime why what she is doing is wrong but being a toddler she will look at me before she does it and if im watching she will go ahead. If i pretend not to see her she wont. Go figure... For now im stiking with the explain everything over and over again.

 

[Round2]

Discipline is tricky, I really had a hard time setting up my own boundaries and sticking to them. I think I'm similar to how you are Nato, I'm very against hitting and I try not to yell. My technique at that age was always distraction and removing her from the issue. As Maddy got older I found that I had to get more stern. We used time outs alot as she got older, but they usually ended up in full blown tantrums. Now that she's almost 6 years old I'm finding our techniques are changing again. Now my punishment is usually an early bed time. I've been trying to teach her to accept concequences, if she does something wrong, she needs to apologize and accept the concequences...but it usually ends up her throwing a fit!

 

[NatoPMT]

Same Vic. I was hit as a child as i have said on here before. Good for you for going against what sounds like the norm, so thinking away from your stereotype takes awareness in any circumstance, not just on this matter. smacking isnt illegal so i wont judge but i do hear a lot of people say 'if it was good enough for me...' which makes me wonder if thats a defence mechanism. If you then decide smacking isnt the right thing then you might have to confront how you feel you were parented 'badly' yourself

The reason im against it (apart from the fact that it hurt lol!!) is that i dont think it ever helped me see what was right and what was wrong. Just installed fear in me...In the end i was just afraid of my father period. Even if i was doing nothing wrong i was always anxious around him. I would hate Hero to feel anxious around me and be to scared to tell me her thoughts.
I also think im failing in the discipline area, Hero has very few clear boundaries. I try to explain everytime why what she is doing is wrong but being a toddler she will look at me before she does it and if im watching she will go ahead. If i pretend not to see her she wont. Go figure... For now im stiking with the explain everything over and over again.

What being hit taught me was to lie. I would be scared, so i would lie to get out of trouble and it didnt teach me to take responsibility for my wrong doings. And i would then approach things in a dishonest way because it didnt teach me to think about my behaviour, it just taught me how to take it under radar. It also taught me how to rebel. i couldnt discuss things for fear of being hit, so in my anger at being hit i would do purposely do naughty things to take some control back away from my mother, but not for her to find out, just for my own satisfaction.

By the time i was a teenager i was totally out of control.

Sounds like Hero is testing boundaries - she wants you to know what she's up to. She wants to see your reactions and how far she can push things. I think thats a natural phase. I know that toddlers feel more secure with boundaries but would have to do some reading up to see if i could understand what she's up to and how you could tackle it, but i dont have the answers either way. I think the boundaries you do have have to be absolutely consistent. Thats the other thing that messed me up, i would never know if mum was going to laugh at me or smack me round the head. I do know that the fewer rules the better when they are very young. And thats supposed to grow as they grow with their ability to process right from wrong and impulse.

quick google and this seems to be fitting - doesn't give specific examples of how to deal with behaviour, but might give you some ideas

https://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/04/no-bad-kids-toddler-discipline-without-shame-9-guidelines/

 

[Round2]

Jaymes, I'm sorry to hear that you feel broken. But really, I totally think you are being way toohard on yourself. You have 4 kids, two of them are under two and of them is just a few months old. Your body, hormones, emotions everything are out of whack. It's been 6 months for me and I still don't feel normal.

Luce, I'm sorry to hear about the bleeding. How are you today?

Mel, I love the name Sadie