Disco Derail! - TTCAL/PAL Discussion and Support!

[VGibs]

Amanda - I found things never get easier per say, just different kinds of hard.

 

[Sparkly]

Amanda - I found things never get easier per say, just different kinds of hard.

This made me lol, and is very accurate. My DS is 20 this year and still wakes me during the night, but usually when he's coming home from a night out Things change as they get older and the worries are different but it's no less responsibility x

 

[msarkozi]

I miss one day for being sick and too much to catch up on lol! I didn't fully read everything, so my apologies.

I have to be the odd one out here with Gibs. I do spank Kash when it is needed, and we do raise our voice at him if he is doing something that is going to hurt himself. We sternly tell him no. If he keeps doing something when he is asked not to, he will get a spank on the butt. Now, this is not a full blown act of violence, this is a tap on the butt, which is covered by a diaper. I was spanked as a kid, and I believe in it.

When Kash was biting me, he would get bit back and he would get tapped on the mouth. He no longer bites, and only bit a few times. He learned it is not nice to bite and it hurts.

We use our words with Kash as well. Say when he is ripping books, we say Kash books are for reading, not ripping. We have to treat our books nicely, otherwise we won't have any to read.

We do not do time outs, as they simply are too young to understand what these are at this age. When he is older and understands what a time out means, he will be getting those too.

I'm sorry if you all think I am wrong about how I discipline my child, but we all need to do what works for us. All children respond differently to different kinds of discipline, and what works for some, will not work for others. The fact is, you need to be consistent with whatever form you choose

And I can say too, when Kash continues to disobey what we ask him to do or not do, all I have to say is do you want a spank and he says no and listens. He knows what a spank is and that it means you are in trouble.

 

[Jaymes]

I am not against any form of discipline. As long as it works and there are clear boundaries. What works for some kids doesn't work for others. It varies greatly even with siblings. My oldest was very good and hardly ever needed to be disciplined, but my older daughter likes to push the boundaries and see what she can get away with. Her punishments have always been greatly different than her brothers simply because they respond differently. I have to agree that time outs have never been effective for either of the bigs, and the littles are simply too young to even try it with. I am sure I'll have to get creative and figure out what works for them as well. Currently the threat of loosing electronics works for C, B is having a time where incentive is working, (bribery, if this gets done we'll be able to go out for pedicures, it would be sad to not be able to go do that, or something of the like) Lexi is still learning so we tell her things like 'oh no! We don't bite our friends, we bite food... Biting hurts.' She has had her fair share of being bitten and biting at preschool, and I have to say its been a hard concept for her to grasp. And J is too little to be disciplined.

 

[hoping:)]

We all have our own opinions and it our own decision to parent how we want. You all know your kids best and know what will work for them so no judgment from me I'm still figuring this out as we go! I think this topic is interesting and I like hearing what other people are doing. From what I have read so far I've come to understand that the way we discipline now will evolve as our kids grow.

AFM- Penny and I have booked our train tickets for next month! I'm so excited. If anyone is interested Amtrak is having a 20% off sale until the 22nd

Surrogacy- our profile has been officially sent to the couple we like as well as our medical docs to their doctor. FX they all want to work with us. We did get another profile to look at but feel strongly about sticking with our 1st pick.

 

[hoping:)]

When did you switch your child to a front facing car seat? Penny is still rear facing at the moment and I was planning to switch her but am confused about the guidelines. Some say 1 year old and 20 pounds but others say they have to be rear facing until the age of 2

 

[Allie84]

Amber, I believe it's rear facing until age 2 if you can. We are definitely rear facing as long as we can. It's because when you are in a crash the rear facing car seat will slam back against the seat (like a cocoon) and they will be protected from flying objects. If they are front facing they don't have the protection. You know how rear facing car seats have alot of front/back movement? Btw, I'm glad you booked your train tickets!! What route do you have to take and how long is it? I take it it's through Denver?

Mel, I love the name Sadie! I really love it.

Jaymes, I agree with the other girls, you are still in the post partum period and hormones are going out of whack!

Lucy, sorry to hear about the bleeding but glad it's over. Excited for your scan tomorrow!!!

Hearty, awww i hope Delilah starts sleeping through the night. Once she really sleeps through the night you will have some sense of a life back. Alistair sleeps 12 hours straight at night and having that time has made the world of difference. Hang in there!

 

[msarkozi]

They say it has to be 22 lbs (which I think most of them are at about 1 yr of age). They recommend 2 years as it is safest. I switched Kash at a year (he was just at 22 lbs), and it made life so much easier. He was not good in the car at all, but once I changed him and he could see me and everything else, he has been amazing!

 

[msarkozi]

oh, I have to say this for all you mama's - next time your child is sick (or even yourself), but Vicks on the bottom of your feet before bed, and a pair of socks over top! Works great for coughing! Kash slept all through the night last night when I did this to him, and I never coughed all night either.

 

[Allie84]

Re: discipline

I was raised by VERY permissive parents. I was never hit or punished. I rarely heard the word no. I have hippie parents who weren't able to spoil me monetarily (I grew up in relative poverty/working poor) but always spoiled me with love and letting me 'get my way.' Now, I don't really want to be exactly like that but I will take a lot from it. I find it interesting that those of you like Vicky and Nato who were hit were rebelious teenagers. I think Amber you were a bit of a rebel in high school as well? I was the exact opposite. I was never spanked or given any boundaries or punishment and I was a 'goody goody.' In fact, I think I felt lost and craved some boundaries. I joined a church and became religous on my own at 13 and joined a church with a lot of rules. Yes, I did take advantage of my parents, I'm only human!! I would take advantage of no curfew and stay out until 3 am all the time and I would lie to them and say I was at a friend's sleepover and I'd really be at a party, etc. But I never got in any trouble at school or with the law so I got away with it. Oh, now Alex says I can't handle the word 'no'! Probaby because I never heard it, I dunno. My mom's official motto: Ignore bad behavior, praise good behavior

Anyways, when it comes to Alistair I don't believe in smacking/spanking or yelling. I was never raised that way, I'm not familiar with it, and it's just not me. I will use the word 'no' when dangerous things are involved, but I try not to use the word 'no' too often. I try to explain instead, even though it's over his head at the moment. Alex is more of a fan of 'no' and being stern. We will need to talk about that and figure out a common ground, I think.

What I've learned from development psych courses is that there's permissive, authoritarian and authoritave parents. My parents were very permissive. It's been shown that authoritiave parenting yields the best results (according to studies I've read). It's balanced, and involves high expectations and boundaries but it also loving. I think my own personal style right now is leaning towards an authoritative/nurturing/attachment combination. I'm just a beginner though and I respect that may change. Just my 2 cents!

 

[VGibs]

Oh my goodness I am wore out...*tired face* I am so over working 10 hour shifts. Then coming home and having to BD is just wearing me out LOL I told Ian tonight "Man I am too old for this much doing it."

 

[hoping:)]

Thanks for the info! I know one of the reasons for keeping them rear facing longer is for muscle control. If they don't have good control it is more likely for their neck to snap in a forward facing carseat during a bad accident. Penny is good in the car so I guess we will try to get as close to 2 as we can

Allie- we actually have to leave out of Raton. This means we will drive 2 hours. It is still the best option because if we drove all the way I would need to drive at night because there is no way Penny could handle a 6+ hour drive awake. I thought about flying but I'm afraid she won't sit still plus arriving by train just sounds fun! The train ride is almost 5 hours

I totally was a rebel in highschool. My dad was all about communication growing up but my mother was not. She was more vocal and easily flew off the handle. I was an angel until I turned 16 and got a car.

 

[vickyd]

So yesterday i went for an x-ray on my back, the pain was unbearable not only there but also down my leg and arm. They diagnosed scoliosis, which is a curvature of the spine, that apparently is something that is there from a very young age! I will have to meet with orthopedic surgeons and see how bad the curvature is and treatment options. Really 2013 has started off really bad!!!

 

[VGibs]

Vicky - I've known a lot of people with scoliosis and usually they suggest a sleeping back brace and physio therapy. Surgery is a last resort kind of thing. I wouldn't worry. Do you see a chiropractor? They can help as well.

 

[vickyd]

I will meet with the doctors probably today, unfortunately i googled alot of stuff last night which really worried me. Im hoping the doctor doesnt share googl's opinion lol!

 

[Sparkly]

Vic - My youngest brother has scoliosis it was diagnosed when he was a teenager. He hasn't needed to have any treatment for it, the curve of his spine has kind of twisted his ribcage a little but it doesn't cause him any major problems just discomfort that he seems to have learned to live with.

I hope it's not as bad for you as Dr google says, you should know better....but then we all do it

 

[Round2]

Vicky I have that.... and actually mine is curved quite badly. However, I've never had any issues. The only potential problem arose when I wanted an epidural. I was warned ahead of time that it would be difficult and would probably not work the first time.

 

[NatoPMT]

Vic I found out i have a curve in my spine as they were trying to administer the epidural. Must be from us being hit with belts. Hope it goes ok at the drs, let us know what they said

Hoping, cant wait to hear about the surrogacy news! They MUST know youre the best!

sorry i dont have time to answer properly as i have to do the ironing being weasel wakes up but thanks for everyones input to the discipline thing. Smacking is popular in canada then! The difference between a controlled tap and what I got as a child is stark, i was properly whacked, so my experience doesn't properly relate to what Kash and Aurora are experiencing, I certainly wont judge but I'm sorry I can't agree with it as my experience has left me scarred...although I know I dont know whats right for anyone else's child.

Just a quick update, i saw my GP yesterday and she was amazing. She's signed me off work until March and referred me to the recurrent mc clinic, which she shouldnt have done as the nhs state 3 conseq mcs for referral. I have spoken to my manager and it seems to be very likely that I will not now have to work my notice which is fucking fantastic. My little bean gave me a gift of not having to leave his/her big sister for a month.

i read something that made me laugh but have forgotten what. Hope youre feeling better Allie.

 

[LucyJ]

Vicky hope all goes well with your dr and its not as bad as dr google says. The internet really can be a gift or a curse. Good luck hun.

Nato thats great news yoy've got time off with your little girl and you've been referred. Your dr sounds great just what you want someone to listen, understand and then act for you.

My scan was inconclusive the scan lady saw a gestational sac and yolk sac which are measuring at roughly 5 weeks 6 days so she said it was still early. She was positive that this look good there was nothing to concern her that it was abnormal in any way. So I have another scan in 10 days on the 28th Jan. The dr said cautious optimism.

 

[vickyd]

Nato i will use my scoliosis to install yet more guilt into my dad!!! Hahaha!!!

Sorry you guys also have it but im glad its so common and no one else thinks its such a big deal, misery needs company and all! So I guess im the only one with such bad back and leg pain??? Im now considering this was the reason i had such bad spd with Hero....Funny though, when i had an epidural with Elektra they didnt mention anything...