Do you think CC/CIO is wrong?

[littlestar85]

After a LOT of reading and research I believe that my natural instincts on the matter are right... CIO/CC is wrong. I know a lot of people don't like to hear that and I know there's probably no point explaining it further as it always turns into bickering, but I really and truly believe that babies cry for a reason and to ignore that is a) unnatural and b) leads to later problems.

 

[stardust599]

Nobody is saying that by doing CC we let our babies cry all the time and it is the norm. I find it insulting that somebody would assume that. Macy always cries for a reason and it is never ignored.

Crying is not the norm for Macy either...

When she was newborn I always picked up on her cues and she hardly cried. When the reflux set in she cried 24/7 and I always held her. I did sleep training at 7months when I knew that the only reason she was crying was out of pure frustration at trying to fall asleep. In the long-term it has meant a lot less crying and stress and IMO is much healthier for her.

Now when she cries it always means something. We're in a good routine so she never cries from hunger but she will cry if she gets a bump or a fright. And when she is feeling poorly (like now, think she's coming down with chicken pox) she will cry too. She also cries if we've missed a sleeptime and she gets overtired, but as she has healthy sleep habits she only cries initially when I put her down but a quick cuddle and reassurance and she settles herself off to sleep. Would someone like to explain this no crying secret to me please? I must be missing something major!

 

[Laura2919]

Like I have previously said all babies are different or at least thats what we are told so how comes people seem to think that it will affect all babies negatively.

All babies cry for a reason be it that a baby needs a bottle, a dummy, a change of nappy or a cuddle, they are all reasons. Those of us that CC/CIO dont just leave our children all day everyday crying. Its learning between something they want and something they need. They dont need to be picked up they want to be picked up!!!!

Chloe and Jaycee are happy little girls who know when bedtime is and yes, not every night is this perfect happy place where they just get into bed and drop off, they are 2 years old of course its not always perfect but I never have to settle them myself. I go in, I tuck them in, I give them a kiss, tell them I love them and then I leave. This has been our routine for a long while and they are happy and they are healthy.

They were born 10 weeks early and they are thriving at nursery, they are with children who were born at term and do things quicker than those. There is no issues from me or anyone in their care development team at nursery that have any issues.

I also dont buy the whole when a baby is crying it doesnt know the difference. Of course it does. A baby in pain will not cry the same as a baby who is just after a cuddle. I fed my girls seperately so I could spend time with each of them individually when one was hungry the other would sometimes wake up at the same time and cry, if no one was about to help then she would keep on crying until I had finished. With CC that stopped when she knew that she wasnt getting what she wanted as in a cuddle or me to sit with her.

Its such a shame we cant all be perfect in this world, you know a breastfeeding, co sleeping, cloth nappy, anti CC/CIO saint! I'm sorry but there are worse things in the world. We all make our choices for what we think is best for OUR children. We arent saying yes everyone go ahead and do CC/CIO its fantastic, most of us used it as a last resort when we were at our most tired, most lowest points in regards to sleeping!

 

[littlestar85]

After a LOT of reading and research I believe that my natural instincts on the matter are right... CIO/CC is wrong. I know a lot of people don't like to hear that and I know there's probably no point explaining it further as it always turns into bickering, but I really and truly believe that babies cry for a reason and to ignore that is a) unnatural and b) leads to later problems.

> I think wanting to be cuddled is just important a need as needing feeding, burping, changing etc.

This thread asked for opinions, that's my opinion.

https://www.incultureparent.com/2010/12/why-african-babies-dont-cry/

 

[littlestar85]

Also, people believe it will affect all babies negatively because despite all babies being different they all have the same basic biological make-up; such as when it comes the physical effects like the release of cortisol.

 

[littlestar85]

Do I think they are wrong? Yes, completely and utterly. My son is a person, a human being and deserves to be treated with the respect and dignity that I would treat any other person that I loved deeply. I would NEVER walk away from my husband if he was crying, nor my mother, my sisters, or my best friend. and they DO have the ability and cognitive awareness to know whats going on. My son doesn't, and I won't put him through that. I've seen the state he gets into, during the day, because I won't let him eat a 7th manderin. Rocking in the corner biting his fist in anger/sadness and frustration. The thought of him doing that, in the middle of the night, in the dark, alone and scared while I sit on the other side of the door in an attempt to 'train' him, makes me feel sick to the stomach. In 18months I've not had more then 5hrs straight sleep at a time. He is a horrible sleeper, and I'm 100% positive anyone else would have gone down the CC/CIO route with a child like him by now. But I never could, never would, and never will. and if that means I lie by his side till he falls asleep for the next couple of years until I can rationally and logically discuss with him whats going on and know that he completely understands, then so be it. As his mum, thats my job. If something EVER happened to him, I NEVER want to look back and wish I'd just cuddled him to sleep the night before.


For those that mentioned the Ferber method, this is a great unbiased write up of it, please take a read.

https://www.parentingscience.com/Ferber-method.html

Well said!

 

[AppleBlossom]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

 

[littlestar85]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

People would either comment on it or just accept that you believe in something and not care less because they don't know you and therefore what you think shouldn't really affect them. Or, someone might agree with you and see that there is someone else whose beliefs are the same as theirs and talk to you about it, kind of like the 'ask me about' thread in Baby Club.

Or you could edit it to a more sensitive-member-friendly sig if people really can't help but be offended by it.

Or you can link your sig to a blog where you slate them, good idea...

 

[AppleBlossom]

I think, tbh, I would get a pretty negative response if I were to put that I was openly anti-co-sleeping. But, of course, openly saying you're anti-CIO/CC is perfectly fine...

 

[stardust599]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

 

[AppleBlossom]

I don't get the sigs either. Each to their own and everything but I just don't feel the need to tell everyone what an amazing parent I am. People just know. lol

 

[sjminimac]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

Well thats a little bit patronising. Equally i don't need to know you're a young mummy but i don't make snide comments about it

 

[littlestar85]

I think, tbh, I would get a pretty negative response if I were to put that I was openly anti-co-sleeping. But, of course, openly saying you're anti-CIO/CC is perfectly fine...

Is it? I never said it's perfectly fine, just that it's my opinion. I've read the research but I never force it on people. There are many anti-CIO/CCers who do throw out low blows (such as the comments that wound you up) and I don't agree with that. It's one thing stating your stance, it's a whole other thing forcing it on people. Signatures can be useful for gauging who you do and don't want to respond to.

The fact is you can say whatever you want, especially if you're in a thread in a debate forum asking for opinions. I would tread a lot more carefully if this weren't the debate section.

 

[sjminimac]

going back to the topic at hand, i don't like CIO i think it's desperately sad. CC is not for me or Charlie, it just wouldn't work so i won't put either of us through it. I'm not going to judge or turn against people who do. Your babies, your parenting choices.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Well either way, like I said, I don't agree with co-sleeping. I think it's extremely risky and I couldn't put my child at risk like that. But again, each to their own. People disagreeing with CIO/CC doesn't bother me in the slightest. It's when people get all high and mighty about it, using words like "wrong" and "cruel" that it annoys me. I may think that about co-sleeping but I don't throw words like that about, iykwim? That's what I was trying to get at anyway

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Ooh, people are not going to like this but what the heck. When I see sigs like that I just think they are building a rod for their own back trying to get baby out of their bed in the future lol.

 

[KittyVentura]

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

I just think that people are passionate about certain parenting styles and aspects and are proud of the way that they do things. It can also be helpful to see how other mothers do things at a glance so you can easily pinpoint someone that follows a similar parenting style and choose to go to them for advice or to talk etc.

Some people do, in fact, have sigs that say almost exactly what you have put and declare that they use 'sposies and FF etc. Blinkies too.

Personally I think it's great that people are so passionate about being a parent that they choose to share their methods with others. It makes me smile... even if the thing being raved about goes against my own personal approaches lol

xx

 

[stardust599]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

Well thats a little bit patronising. Equally i don't need to know you're a young mummy but i don't make snide comments about it

Why would you make snide comments about it when it reveals nothing about me or my parenting styles? It's completely different - I'm not trying to come across as this perfect, amazing better than you mother. It's just a statement saying that 1. I am young and 2. I'm proud of my daughter. You may judge and make your snide comments in your head but I bet you wouldn't presume I'm in a long-term relationship, I have my own house and my own car, I have a well paying job in local government, I did exceptionally well at school, I don't drink and my baby was planned??

Anyway I don't find the signatures offensive or anything, they just make me laugh.

Completely off-topic now...

 

[stardust599]

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

I just think that people are passionate about certain parenting styles and aspects and are proud of the way that they do things. It can also be helpful to see how other mothers do things at a glance so you can easily pinpoint someone that follows a similar parenting style and choose to go to them for advice or to talk etc.

Some people do, in fact, have sigs that say almost exactly what you have put and declare that they use 'sposies and FF etc. Blinkies too.

Personally I think it's great that people are so passionate about being a parent that they choose to share their methods with others. It makes me smile... even if the thing being raved about goes against my own personal approaches lol

xx

Maybe you have a point there, I'm certainly proud of my parenting but I don't flash it across my sig for all to see incase I offend someone. If I was to put anti-cosleeping in my signature (I'm not anti-cosleeping though) I can imagine a lot of people who feel upset and find it offensive. If someone puts "anti CIO" in there signature it's like they're applauded. Or that's what it feels like anyway.

It's only on this forum I've come across it though, I'm a member of a few others who have a more accepting view of CC. xx

 

[sjminimac]

I enjoy seeing all the "anti-CIO" things on people's sigs. I don't agree with co-sleeping. Wonder what would happen if I put "anti-co-sleeping" on my sig...?

Lol, the signatures make me laugh too. Do we really need every aspect of a person's parenting shoved in our faces? I don't get it. I don't put -

"Controlled Crying, Traditional Weaning, Disposable Nappy Wearing, BF+FORMULA Feeding, Pushchair Using, Stay-At-Home, (Horrible) Mother to a very happy little baby

Can you imagine!! xx

Well thats a little bit patronising. Equally i don't need to know you're a young mummy but i don't make snide comments about it

Why would you make snide comments about it when it reveals nothing about me or my parenting styles? It's completely different - I'm not trying to come across as this perfect, amazing better than you mother. It's just a statement saying that 1. I am young and 2. I'm proud of my daughter. You may judge and make your snide comments in your head but I bet you wouldn't presume I'm in a long-term relationship, I have my own house and my own car, I have a well paying job in local government, I did exceptionally well at school, I don't drink and my baby was planned??

Anyway I don't find the signatures offensive or anything, they just make me laugh.

Completely off-topic now...

ah well, you see, that's just another example of assumptions/prejudgements...i wasn't insinuating that by being a young mum you wouldn't be all of the things you described - my comment was referring to the fact that your post was the opposite of 'perfect mothers shoving parenting styles in other peoples faces' whereas your 'proud young mummy' sig is the opposite to me, a proud 30 year old mummy. Peoples parenting styles aren't important to you, your age isn't relevant to me.