Do you think CC/CIO is wrong?

[indy and lara]

^^^ In response to this I would like to share our experience. Emma was with me constantly. I rocked her to sleep, I BF on demand, etc but she cried like a banshee at times. I was a devoted reader of the Baby Whisperer and hubby and I used to wonder why on earth Emma didn't give the different cries/ clues as it suggested. I realise now that she just didn't. She did cry and nothing would have changed that. That was the baby she was. She was not left to cry but was comforted immediately but nothing changed her crying pattern.

Whether or not this behaviour was acceptable to another culture or parenting method is pretty irrelevant to me. We are all different afterall and she did what she did. In the words of that much cliched line, babies don't read the parenting books.

I hear you. Mine was the same. Upon reflection, a combination of personality/acid reflux/immature digestive system, shoulder pain. It was worse before I decided to adopt attachment parenting practices around 5 weeks. It truly changed our lives.

He still cried - but instead of me resenting his cries and looking at him with annoyance/anger ("why aren't you like others?"), wearing him/rocking him/cuddling 24/7 at least increased my emotional attachment to him.

A big part of attachment parenting, which many don't realize, is that it focuses less on the "bad effects" of crying on babies (which in the long-term is IMO rather debatable and I disagree with those who swear up & down that it WILL harm your child for life), but it helps strengthen the bond between mothers and babies and their cries, even if the baby wails like a banshee.

Dr Sears Fussy Baby book is for babies like that. It doesn't say it will cure constant crying or even make it significantly better, but it offers gentle ways to cope with it without breaking the bond.

Yip that is us to a tee. Emma had silent reflux which was to do with her prematurity apparently and the other thing in the mix is just her personality. Hubby and I still look in disbelief now when we are out and folk are having coffees etc and their baby is sitting contentedly in a pram. No chance! We may have gone out lots but one of us was always holding, cuddling, feeding her.

 

[PepsiChic]

well you can just keep offering it to him, but only when you've put him down for bed, that way he associates it with bedtime, as he gets older he'll get used to it more.

you could try wearing it down your top for a few hours prior to his bedtime so it smells like you too.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Am I the only person that doesn't use baby books? Mind you, I don't like being told what to do

 

[PepsiChic]

Am I the only person that doesn't use baby books? Mind you, I don't like being told what to do

i dont even, i used to read one when my LO was 1-2 months old, realized that i was either doing what it suggested or doing the opposite and i was happy with it.

i follow my babies cues. im baby-led.

 

[KatelynsMummy]

Am I the only person that doesn't use baby books? Mind you, I don't like being told what to do

No your not, ive never read a baby book/parenting book because IMO baby's arent text book and neither is parenting, even though they may benefit some people, I know they wouldn't benefit me

 

[indy and lara]

It was by reading the Baby Whisperer that we realised Emma had silent reflux. The hospital had said that she did not have reflux but it turned out that she did it was just the silent type. For that I will always be grateful. I like the ethos of the BW but it did not work for us. Beyond that, nope. That said, I have read lots of child development books for my job so they are always in my mind somewhere.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Am I the only person that doesn't use baby books? Mind you, I don't like being told what to do

Nope I have never ready a baby book, babies arn't books and I wanted to wait and care for Aidan depending on him as a individiual child with individual needs x

 

[AppleBlossom]

Oh glad it wasn't just me then. I don't read them for the same reason I don't look up all these so called "statistics" and things. My child is an individual. Studies aren't done on an individual basis, same as books aren't written for one individual child. I suppose they might help in some ways but I think I did a fairly good job without them (I hope lol)

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

You have done/are doing a great job hun x

 

[Lightworker]

Indy and Lara- oh yeah I can appreciate why what Africans do would be irrelevant to you, I know alot of people couldnt care less what other cultures do, but I thought to add an African perspective given the diverse nature of BNB, and also just info for the few that may be interested. x

 

[aliss]

Books are not always a bad thing - I was the dumb pregnant woman that cared about nursery matching colours yet didn't know that a baby had to be burped! Sometimes we need some help if nobody in real life can help us!

 

[Lightworker]

Oh yeah I agree books help people alot. They also broaden your ideas, and test your assumptions. Reading books doesnt necessarily mean you follow whats in the book, I have read plenty and rejected plenty, but Im glad I read them.

 

[mummy3]

I wouldn't say cc/cio were wrong, I just dont personally agree with them. With my 4 getting them to sleep generally involves walking them then nursing to sleep, when my first had awful colic for going on 2 years that meant alot of comfort feeding during the night but she was in pain so there was a reason, when the colic passed she slept better.

My kids have all been preemie so I expect a longer period of sleepless nights but they all get there eventually. I usually get flack from health visitors etc because I dont put my kids to bed awake until they are ready and usually past age 1, there's no way I would put my 4m to bed awake when I know she will settle for a nap happily if I nurse her to sleep When she wakes at night, I get her and nurse her quietly in a dim light until she goes back to sleep, if its a tummyache then she gets a warm bath/massage/walk until she feels better. Last night my 4m old(2m corrected) slept 9 straight hours which was awesome, she taught herself in her own time.

 

[indy and lara]

Indy and Lara- oh yeah I can appreciate why what Africans do would be irrelevant to you, I know alot of people couldnt care less what other cultures do, but I thought to add an African perspective given the diverse nature of BNB, and also just info for the few that may be interested. x

Absolutely taken out of the context it was written in. It was not a dismissal of another culture but the fact that this theory/ idea would not fit my daughter at all. I also said that what other parenting methods say was irrelevant to our situation too.

What I clearly said is that it is irrelevant what other cultures do as MY DAUGHTER DOES NOT FIT THAT MOLD. Even if we were living in an African country she would still have cried as she did. I already know the theory behind why children in other cultures may not cry having read it previously and know quite a lot about parenting around the world. I would not be very good at my job if I didn't have an interest in how others parent.

As I said already, Emma cried and cried. It is irrevelant what experts say, what is acceptable in other cultures or what the woman 3 doors down from me said. She would always have done her own thing regardless.

 

[Lightworker]

Indy- yep I think I misconstrued your post - your scenario does counter the African theory. x

 

[indy and lara]

Indy- yep I think I misconstrued your post - your scenario does counter the African theory. x

Thank you. I am really not someone who thinks other cultures are to be ignored. Far from it. Emma just does not fit into the whole theory....there is always one who is a spanner in the works though to every theory

 

[indy and lara]

Oh and I just see I called her mold rather than mould. Nice. She really isn't fusty.

 

[stardust599]

In the first 5months of life Macy would have thrown the theory of the African culture out the window too. I do think it's lovely that they wear their babies 24/7 but unfortunately carrying Macy around in a sling for the first 5months of her life did nothing to stop her crying (severe reflux, colic, milk intolerance). In fact it made her worse as I think a sling made her uncomfortable. We had 15hour crying spells with only a break for 1 or 2minutes and no amount of rocking/shushing/feeding/wearing etc helped. When we were admitted to hospital for her crying we were moved off the ward to an isolation room where they could shut the doors on us as the doctors and nurses couldn't bear the sound of her screaming. She is an extreme case though.

At 5months she turned a corner and her digestive problems became a thing of the past.

I'm the first to admit that Macy's sleep problems were my own fault, I created awful habits out of desperation - we didn't have a consistent way of getting her to sleep - I did anything that worked and by the time she got to 7months she did not know how to sleep at all. Her reflux was completely under control with medication and not bothering her at all at this point in case anyone is wondering. I confused her with co-sleeping, rocking in the pushchair, keeping her up until she was exhausted, putting her down at the first signs of tiredness, sleeping in a dark room, sleeping in the living room, sleeping on me, sleeping alone, different routines etc etc. My poor lamb had no idea how to shut her mind off and fall asleep.

We tried all other methods first - shhh/pat, PUPD, feeding to sleep, wake to sleep, dummy etc. etc. We exhausted every option until the only thing left was CC. If you look at my posts when I was pregnant it was never something I'd have considered.

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - that I agree with CC but I think it should be as a last resort only after all other methods have been tried properly and it should be researched and carried out properly. I also think it depends on the baby and why he/she is crying. I don't think it should be used on babies who feed through the night or who need to be weaned off swaddling or a dummy - there are more gentle ways to do that and to (for example) suddenly stop feeding a baby who has been used to filling up over night is wrong in my opinion. I also don't think it should be used on babies who are going through separation anxiety.

You should be confident about your baby and their needs before going ahead. I knew that LO was only crying out of pure frustration because she was simply exhausted and she didn't know how to sleep. I do not regret or doubt my decision one bit, I know 100% in my heart (and head) that I did the right thing and that it has been healthier for her in the long run - 3days of a lot of frustration and CC was worth saving LO months and months of frustration and stress at each and every sleep time. I think it would have been detrimental to her to continue the way we were.


xx

 

[charlotte-xo]

In the first 5months of life Macy would have thrown the theory of the African culture out the window too. I do think it's lovely that they wear their babies 24/7 but unfortunately carrying Macy around in a sling for the first 5months of her life did nothing to stop her crying (severe reflux, colic, milk intolerance). In fact it made her worse as I think a sling made her uncomfortable. We had 15hour crying spells with only a break for 1 or 2minutes and no amount of rocking/shushing/feeding/wearing etc helped. When we were admitted to hospital for her crying we were moved off the ward to an isolation room where they could shut the doors on us as the doctors and nurses couldn't bear the sound of her screaming. She is an extreme case though.

At 5months she turned a corner and her digestive problems became a thing of the past.

I'm the first to admit that Macy's sleep problems were my own fault, I created awful habits out of desperation - we didn't have a consistent way of getting her to sleep - I did anything that worked and by the time she got to 7months she did not know how to sleep at all. Her reflux was completely under control with medication and not bothering her at all at this point in case anyone is wondering. I confused her with co-sleeping, rocking in the pushchair, keeping her up until she was exhausted, putting her down at the first signs of tiredness, sleeping in a dark room, sleeping in the living room, sleeping on me, sleeping alone, different routines etc etc. My poor lamb had no idea how to shut her mind off and fall asleep.

We tried all other methods first - shhh/pat, PUPD, feeding to sleep, wake to sleep, dummy etc. etc. We exhausted every option until the only thing left was CC. If you look at my posts when I was pregnant it was never something I'd have considered.

I guess that's what I'm trying to say - that I agree with CC but I think it should be as a last resort only after all other methods have been tried properly and it should be researched and carried out properly. I also think it depends on the baby and why he/she is crying. I don't think it should be used on babies who feed through the night or who need to be weaned off swaddling or a dummy - there are more gentle ways to do that and to (for example) suddenly stop feeding a baby who has been used to filling up over night is wrong in my opinion. I also don't think it should be used on babies who are going through separation anxiety.

You should be confident about your baby and their needs before going ahead. I knew that LO was only crying out of pure frustration because she was simply exhausted and she didn't know how to sleep. I do not regret or doubt my decision one bit, I know 100% in my heart (and head) that I did the right thing and that it has been healthier for her in the long run - 3days of a lot of frustration and CC was worth saving LO months and months of frustration and stress at each and every sleep time. I think it would have been detrimental to her to continue the way we were.


xx

wow you have certainly been through alot with your LO. glad shes turned a corner for you, it mustve been exhausting for you both.

 

[smokey]

Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do, its only wrong if the child is being ignored because the parent cant be bothered to deal with them.

But where is the difference in the impact on the child. I believe that cc/cio is wrong largely because of the hormone/stress release in the brain and the chemical reaction this can cause, the long term effects of this leading to detachment, emotional issues, trust issues etc. Whether the parent is doing cc/cio out of a perceived notion that they are doing the child good, or because they just 'can't be bothered to deal with them'. The fact remains, that a baby is being left to cry for a substantial amount of time. The chemical release to the brain doesn't stop just because the parent is sitting on the other side counting down the 5/10/15 mins until they can go back in there.

So there is little differance between someone who doesnt go to deal with their baby because they just cant be bothered to get up because there is somthing good on tv and someone who is at the end of the rope with a baby that has been crying all night for no obvious reason, they have been fed, changed, cuddled, has had no sleep themselves for 48 hours, has no partner available or friends and family to help out and have exhausted all options and crying because they just dont know what is wrong or if they are doing somthing wrong.

Sorry but somtimes the world isnt as black and white as do this and dont do that.