don't want a boy because of past!
- Thread starter Malouka
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Hi Ladies
I am surprised and happy with all the helpfull comments. My pregnancy was planned and I never made a deal out of the sex of the baby. I guess deep inside I already 'decided' that it was going to be a girl, which is a bit silly. I know it's normal to have a bit of a preference but I was going too far in it which I realise. About the counselling. I also think I need more counselling but I was so happy that my depression suddenly stopped and then came back because of this gender issue. I am starting to make myself think it's a boy and that he can be cute and sweet as well. I don't want a girl just because of the problems I have with men. I realise that that is wrong! We all want to raise our daughters in a way that they will not fall for a bad guy and that they know there are some bad ones out there, but we also don't want them to think men are monsters!. Any way, thank you all for your sweet comments and I'll keep you updated!
I am surprised and happy with all the helpfull comments. My pregnancy was planned and I never made a deal out of the sex of the baby. I guess deep inside I already 'decided' that it was going to be a girl, which is a bit silly. I know it's normal to have a bit of a preference but I was going too far in it which I realise. About the counselling. I also think I need more counselling but I was so happy that my depression suddenly stopped and then came back because of this gender issue. I am starting to make myself think it's a boy and that he can be cute and sweet as well. I don't want a girl just because of the problems I have with men. I realise that that is wrong! We all want to raise our daughters in a way that they will not fall for a bad guy and that they know there are some bad ones out there, but we also don't want them to think men are monsters!. Any way, thank you all for your sweet comments and I'll keep you updated!
lovelylisa84
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Release that pain because it is only seaping into your future and denying you the happiness that you should be experiencing as a new mom. Not all men are the stero-typical men...your husband is a good man, right? Knowing he will help shape your sons future should be reassuring. Little boys are so awesome! I love my son Noah who will be turning 7 and im so excited that this one is also a boy. I have a daughter who is a tween and OMG its so hard and not that my sons will never be difficult but im grateful for them all. A mothers love runs so deep- or at least it should.
Either way whether if it is a girl or boy, I think you should go back to see a therapist again because it is obvious that your issues are still not resolved and your son will need all of your unconditional love and encouragement to become a good man.
I will be praying for you and hope you can one day find resolve.
Either way whether if it is a girl or boy, I think you should go back to see a therapist again because it is obvious that your issues are still not resolved and your son will need all of your unconditional love and encouragement to become a good man.
I will be praying for you and hope you can one day find resolve.
2016
Mummy and Preggo with #2!
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Just wanted to point out, there are many awful disgusting women out there in the world that do terrible unspeakable things. Just because you didn't experience hurt from one, doesn't mean it's only men that can be bad.
But your son (if it is a boy) won't be like that at all. He will adore you and hopefully you will adore him too. Hopefully if you do have a boy it will restore your faith in the male species.
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I am having a boy and his father is a twat but I dont expect him to be the same, children learn what they live and he is innocent and will therefore learn from his surroundings at home it is a parents job to instill good morals and values children dont learn that themselves. Even if you have a daughter how will you cope with her wanting to date men?? either way this will be an issue so as suggested its best to seek help and maybe find a way to see a positive to having a son. Good luck
jogami
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Its how we raise our sons hun, I truly believe that. I am so sorry you've been on the abusive end of a vile man but please don't be scared of mothering a son. Perhaps baby is a boy because God wants you to get over your fear and realise how wonderful boys can be! I too was so convinced I was having a girl but now that I have my son he is my world! I'd love these 2 to be boys as well so I have 3 sons to protect and watch out for their mama.
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DaisyAnne
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My husband has 6 brothers (oldest is 40, youngest is 19)...and I would trust every single one of them with my life or my child's life. There definitely are lots of good men out there, and I'm so sorry that you had to grow up experiencing some of the bad ones 
Thankfully, you have a great man there for you now, and between you and your husband, you all will be the ones to set the example for your children. We do not have 100% control over our kids' choices, and therefore I think we all worry about the choices our kids will make- I think that's totally normal! However, the wonderful thing is that you have a great husband who you know will be a great example for your kids along with yourself, and that makes a *world* of difference!
Personally, I would love to have all boys if I could! I love my nephews so much, and my husband's family of all boys is such a neat family that I would love having all sons!
Thankfully, you have a great man there for you now, and between you and your husband, you all will be the ones to set the example for your children. We do not have 100% control over our kids' choices, and therefore I think we all worry about the choices our kids will make- I think that's totally normal! However, the wonderful thing is that you have a great husband who you know will be a great example for your kids along with yourself, and that makes a *world* of difference!
Personally, I would love to have all boys if I could! I love my nephews so much, and my husband's family of all boys is such a neat family that I would love having all sons!
fertilesoul
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If your baby turns out to be in fact a BOY... you, as his mother, will be able to raise him to respect women. And your husband will be able to set a good example for how to treat women, which your son will be able to observe at home every day. We need more parents raising loving, respectful little boys...I was sensitive about having a son but I'm really careful that he never receives toy guns (not even water guns) and I also make sure there is no violence in cartoons he watches. His favorite TV character are Dora and Cailou so you DO have control of what he is exposed to and how he is brought up.
miss cakes
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fertilesoul is right they arent all voilent little thugs lol my son is more gentle than my daughters hes 5 and he gets scared to pick up my 13 month old because he dosent want to drop her and hurt her and picks up snails off the floor so people wont stand on them he also has a red purse he insists on going to the shops with lol little boys are hilarious and actually in my experiance even more loving than girls as girls are alot more independent my son loves cuddles and playing games with me and stuff wheras my girls pretty much tell me to go away because they can do it themselves haha my point is boy or girl they each have thier own great qualities x
M
MrsEngland
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It sounds like you have a good husband so if your baby is a boy he would have a fantastic role model right?
There is no reason to say if you have a boy he would turn out to be a bad man, all you can do is bring him up to know right from wrong. At the end of the day you can't change if baby is a boy or a girl all you can do is try to deal with your past and change your views. I know its not easy to deal with abuse (from personal experience) but at some point you have to hun, especially if its gunna affect your children.
There is no reason to say if you have a boy he would turn out to be a bad man, all you can do is bring him up to know right from wrong. At the end of the day you can't change if baby is a boy or a girl all you can do is try to deal with your past and change your views. I know its not easy to deal with abuse (from personal experience) but at some point you have to hun, especially if its gunna affect your children.
amotherslove
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i agree with quite a few of the posters, you should seek professional help. these feelings are valid but your concerns are not love. furthermore i'm concerned that your bias and feelings towards men would impact your child negatively if you do wind up having a boy. self fulfilling prophecy if you know what i mean. if you believe the child is bad, and project these feelings at him, it could cause him resentment at the very least.. or worse cause him to act out and become that which you fear. but if you love and nurture this child (boy or girl) he/she can become anything you hope and dream. believe me.. women can be and often are just as bad if not worse than many men.. you have been on the recieving end of awful things.. i have also, though nothing compared to what you seem to have gone through, these feelings and issues must be dealt with if you hope to raise either a healthy minded boy or a girl with a healthy outlook on men.
