Don't want to go back to work now...

[frenchy]

Hi ladies

Just thought I'd post on here for a bit of advice. Bit long winded but please bear with me!

My beautiful baby girl was born last November so is just 5 months old now. The first few months were tough to say the least. I had a lot a trouble adjusting to motherhood and felt overwhlemed most of the time. As dreadful as this may sound during those first couple of months, I would have sold my soul to be able to go back to work and have some 'normality' back in my life and so I arranged with my employer to go back at the beginning of May (which is now just 2 weeks away).

Anyway, to cut a long story short, over the last 2 months or so, I am pleased to say that I have now fully 'adjusted' to motherhood and love every moment of being with my little girl however, with the return to work date now looming, I can't bear the thought of leaving her. I know that all mums go through this and that it is something I will have to face up to eventually, but I really don't know if can do it.

Financially, I really do need to go back to work although we could possibly scrape by. My husband is very supportive but is finding it difficult to understand how I'm feeling and thinks I should just go back and get it over with. I told him I'd live on baked beans for 3 months if it means I could stay with her but the whole idea of leaving her is breaking my heart.

I left her for one day last week with the childminder as a trial day and the second she closed the front door I was a blubbering mess! I have to say that I've even stunned myself at the depth of emotion I'm feeling about this but as silly as it may sound, I just feel that she's MY baby and it should be me feeding her, playing with her and tucking her in for her naps.

Do you think it's possible to tell my employer that I've changed my mind and want to change my return date? Any advice on this would be much apprecaited.

 

[thelilbump]

i think you can change your return date yes but i'd do it sooner rather than later really as it's soon approaching. you are going to have to leave your baby eventually but IMO you should do it when your ready

 

[lillysmum]

i think you can change you mind but if i remember rightly you have to do it 28days in advance so the sooner you speak to your employer the easier it will be to try and arange something.

just to play devils advocate - on the other hand maybe staying with her and then going back with evoke the same feelings later on down the line

 

[caggimedicine]

I'm going back to work on 1 June and I know that it's going to be horrendous for me leaving Harry... but I know that I need to do it both for myself and financially for all of us. We too could possibly scrape by (and I mean scrape by) if I chose not to go back to work, but i'm not sure i want to live that way. So, for me anyway, it's going to be hard, but I just keep concentrating on the fact that we will have more money and will be able to do a lot more with Harry on the weekends, like take him places we wouldn't be able to afford if I didn't work, and buy him lots of toys etc. I'll be working Monday - Thursday, so will at least have Friday with Harry.

The other thing you would need to consider if you chose not to return to work is that if thye've paid you maternity pay, usually companies have it written into their policy that they pay you maternity pay on the agreement that you will return to work, and if you don't return (at least for about 3 months usually), then you have to pay it back.

Have you considered going back to work to see how you get on first? You could speak to your manager about your feelings and see if they'd consider you having a gradual return - doing a few hours each day for the first week... then some more the second week etc etc?

 

[roxie78]

I was in a very similar situation to you. I too had my baby in November and I was due to go back to work in May. I also struggled in the first few months but thankfully am getting on much better now! I have now decided to have 9 months off so am going back to work in August! I'm hoping to go back part time though for 2 or 3 days a week as I'm not sure I could leave him for a whole week!

 

[Fossey]

I had a similar experience. I only had 8 weeks after Liss was born due to financial reasons. People thought it wasn't enough but I had to go back/ A few weeks before I was dreading it even though i work from home so am with her all day anyway that how we differ. Although I still didnt want to miss the time we had together. I went back and I slotted in fine. The feelings do go, I know our situations are much different as you are leaving your baby, but you are not alone with wanting to change your mind. I also looked up if you can change your return date and like ppl have said i think yes but with notice. Good luck and do what you feel is right.

 

[AC81]

I understand totally how you are feeling. I have spent so many hours crying over having to go back to work. It feels so unnatural to leave my baby with someone else but I have to go back to work next month due to financial reasons. All I can think about is how many firsts I'm going to miss out on. Luckily I'm only returning to work 3 days a week and she'll be staying with OH's mum while I'm at work, but it doesn't make it any easier. It really is breaking my heart.