Hi everyone,
It's Lorynn here. I've been on the site for a while but I've pretty much been inactive since I had my youngest daughter. If you don't know my story, I'll try to give you a gist of it in as short a paragraph as I can
Nobody ever believes that I am a 24 year old mother of 5. I wouldn't believe me either. In fact, some think I'm crazy or wild or both. I have more kids than my parents and my boyfriend's parents had combined. I've made my fair share of bad decisions that have fortunately ended in blessings. I've seen some other moms on other sites who were young with more than two kids (I saw one who was my age with 6 kids!) It's crazy, but you better believe it.
I got pregnant in my first semester of college, I wasn't quite 18 yet. My boyfriend, David I had met at a mutual friend's high school graduation party a few months prior. I will admit I was never a wild child, but when I went off to college, something changed about me that I can never explain. Anyway, I found out later in the semester after being in denial and not wanting to take a pregnancy test that I was pregnant, and I was so scared. Dave and I told our parents during winter break of 2008 that we were expecting a child and needless to say, they were very disappointed in us. Dave's dad didn't talk to him for a while. I decided to return to school for the spring and work through the pregnancy. I had my first son about a month after finals that semester (June 2009). Everything fell into place, and we were doing just fine. We returned to our college town, got an apartment, and came back for the fall, with the baby. I was taking classes part time, and Dave was full time, plus he was working. Things went well, and we finished the fall semester in one piece. Spring semester 2010 rolls around, and we find out that we're pregnant again. I probably cried for two weeks straight because I felt so stupid and our families had already been so great to us. We didn't go back home that summer, we decided to stay at college so I could take summer classes and Dave could work two jobs. We both entered Fall 2010 with a strong mind, and I made arrangements to take finals early and online. I gave birth to my second son in December 2010.Being pregnant in college is as hard as it sounds, from the exhaustion, to the cravings, to the weird stares, to the moments where your belly is too big to do certain things. I had large babies, and I was a slender athletic 5'4 and 130 lbs before having my first baby. My bellies were all out front so going to class felt like somewhat of a sideshow in the 3rd trimester, especially the second time around. Anyway, we finished junior year with no new babies. I got on birth control after the second baby, but got off of it when I was having some really bad side effects. I got engaged (unofficially) in the last semester of our senior year.
Dave got a great job right after graduation, and I found work at a hospital clinical laboratory while I applied for grad school. We were finally set! Then I got pregnant with my twin boy and girl. Coming off birth control did some wacky stuff with ovulation and my period (that I wasn't getting for a while) so this was a total shock. This time, we had a sense of calm. We had so many people rooting for us and we had accomplished the nearly impossible (with tonsss of emotional, financial, and spiritual help from amazing friends and family) so we could only be shocked and excited. I gave birth in April 2013 to my twins. We decided to try for one more after that, and I gave birth this past spring to my baby girl. Dave and I got married this past summer!
So now...I will get to the point.
I am embarrassed. I was embarrassed when I conceived my oldest two children because I was so young and careless. The twins came at a perfect time, but now, I haven't told anyone outside my very close friends and husband that I'm 16 weeks pregnant right now. I don't even know why I'm embarrassed. I have 5 beautiful kids, an amazing husband, the best friends and family I could ever ask for, and an education. Why do I feel embarrassed? I can't even bring myself to drive upstate and visit my family because I actually look pregnant. I know it's not something i should ever keep from my mom or my sister or my dad, but I just feel like maybe they think we're careless and taking advantage of their help. Granted, we aren't relying on anyone financially anymore (very grateful for that), I still feel very bad, and I don't understand why. I'm just venting on here because I feel like I have no choice but to go up there and tell everyone. Why do i feel like this? Is it so bad to have a troop full of kids with the man I love so much? Why am I beating myself up? Yes, I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant so early and yes I wish I hadn't been silly enough to let it happen a second time. But I've been blessed with the most beautiful most amazing little bundles of happiness I could have ever prayed for.
While I understand that not many people can relate exactly to this, can anyone offer any advice on how to focus on the positives? Thank you so much for reading this super long novel, I'm sure there are typos somewhere. Thanks so much
-Lorynn
It's Lorynn here. I've been on the site for a while but I've pretty much been inactive since I had my youngest daughter. If you don't know my story, I'll try to give you a gist of it in as short a paragraph as I can
Nobody ever believes that I am a 24 year old mother of 5. I wouldn't believe me either. In fact, some think I'm crazy or wild or both. I have more kids than my parents and my boyfriend's parents had combined. I've made my fair share of bad decisions that have fortunately ended in blessings. I've seen some other moms on other sites who were young with more than two kids (I saw one who was my age with 6 kids!) It's crazy, but you better believe it.
I got pregnant in my first semester of college, I wasn't quite 18 yet. My boyfriend, David I had met at a mutual friend's high school graduation party a few months prior. I will admit I was never a wild child, but when I went off to college, something changed about me that I can never explain. Anyway, I found out later in the semester after being in denial and not wanting to take a pregnancy test that I was pregnant, and I was so scared. Dave and I told our parents during winter break of 2008 that we were expecting a child and needless to say, they were very disappointed in us. Dave's dad didn't talk to him for a while. I decided to return to school for the spring and work through the pregnancy. I had my first son about a month after finals that semester (June 2009). Everything fell into place, and we were doing just fine. We returned to our college town, got an apartment, and came back for the fall, with the baby. I was taking classes part time, and Dave was full time, plus he was working. Things went well, and we finished the fall semester in one piece. Spring semester 2010 rolls around, and we find out that we're pregnant again. I probably cried for two weeks straight because I felt so stupid and our families had already been so great to us. We didn't go back home that summer, we decided to stay at college so I could take summer classes and Dave could work two jobs. We both entered Fall 2010 with a strong mind, and I made arrangements to take finals early and online. I gave birth to my second son in December 2010.Being pregnant in college is as hard as it sounds, from the exhaustion, to the cravings, to the weird stares, to the moments where your belly is too big to do certain things. I had large babies, and I was a slender athletic 5'4 and 130 lbs before having my first baby. My bellies were all out front so going to class felt like somewhat of a sideshow in the 3rd trimester, especially the second time around. Anyway, we finished junior year with no new babies. I got on birth control after the second baby, but got off of it when I was having some really bad side effects. I got engaged (unofficially) in the last semester of our senior year.
Dave got a great job right after graduation, and I found work at a hospital clinical laboratory while I applied for grad school. We were finally set! Then I got pregnant with my twin boy and girl. Coming off birth control did some wacky stuff with ovulation and my period (that I wasn't getting for a while) so this was a total shock. This time, we had a sense of calm. We had so many people rooting for us and we had accomplished the nearly impossible (with tonsss of emotional, financial, and spiritual help from amazing friends and family) so we could only be shocked and excited. I gave birth in April 2013 to my twins. We decided to try for one more after that, and I gave birth this past spring to my baby girl. Dave and I got married this past summer!
So now...I will get to the point.
I am embarrassed. I was embarrassed when I conceived my oldest two children because I was so young and careless. The twins came at a perfect time, but now, I haven't told anyone outside my very close friends and husband that I'm 16 weeks pregnant right now. I don't even know why I'm embarrassed. I have 5 beautiful kids, an amazing husband, the best friends and family I could ever ask for, and an education. Why do I feel embarrassed? I can't even bring myself to drive upstate and visit my family because I actually look pregnant. I know it's not something i should ever keep from my mom or my sister or my dad, but I just feel like maybe they think we're careless and taking advantage of their help. Granted, we aren't relying on anyone financially anymore (very grateful for that), I still feel very bad, and I don't understand why. I'm just venting on here because I feel like I have no choice but to go up there and tell everyone. Why do i feel like this? Is it so bad to have a troop full of kids with the man I love so much? Why am I beating myself up? Yes, I wish I hadn't gotten pregnant so early and yes I wish I hadn't been silly enough to let it happen a second time. But I've been blessed with the most beautiful most amazing little bundles of happiness I could have ever prayed for.
While I understand that not many people can relate exactly to this, can anyone offer any advice on how to focus on the positives? Thank you so much for reading this super long novel, I'm sure there are typos somewhere. Thanks so much
-Lorynn
