Emotional Rollercoaster!

[ladywife]

Hello Ladies, I'm new here but I regularly lurk around TTC forums. I decided to sign up because this has a wonderful section dedicated to waiting to conceive!

DH and I agreed when we got married 5 years ago, that we would wait 5 years to get pregnant. We decided on life goals to achieve together before TTC and we've reached them all! We've discussed TTC at length, we've discussed names, parenting techniques, even down to how we want to decorate the spare room as our nursery. My heart soars during every conversation! However.. when it actually comes down to BDing, DH has a complete change of mind. He'll be happy and giddy to discuss TTC with me, how our lives will be during and after pregnancy, how he doesn't want to be an "Old Dad" etc., all throughout AF, during the time leading up to ovulation and then after ovulation.

I understand that talking about it and actually doing it are two completely different things, but I can't help feeling like every month I am on this emotional rollercoaster, soaring so high while we plan to TTC, then completely heartbroken when he backs out of it.

This may just be a rant, but I hope there are at least some sympathetic souls who can understand or relate to where I'm coming from. From now on I'm not going to engage in any planning-talks with him, I can't take feeling so hopeful and then plummeting down month after month (6 months of this so far!) It may just be that he needs some extra time to acclimate to actually doing it, and I am fine to give him that time. I'm not a patient person, but I want more than anything for us to do this together.

Anyone else in a similar boat, or have been before? What did you do to help your DH's fears?

 

[Mrs.Gj]

I want to say that I think your hubby is a very lucky man. You sound level headed, understanding, and sincere even during your emotional rollercoaster. My only advice would be to talk to him about it if you haven't already. Maybe ask him if there is something specific or if it's nerves or he just needs some time. Tell him about the emotional rollercoaster and that if he needs time that's fine as long as you are both in this together. I sincerely wish you the best.

 

[Leggiero]

Just wanted to echo Mrs.Gj and compliment you on having such a mature and compassionate perspective on your situation and your husband's feelings. Also just want to offer hugs, since I can relate to what you're saying. My OH has done the same thing and once changed his mind about TTC over the course of a couple of hours! I worry that not talking about TTC or planning for pregnancy could just be sweeping a potentially larger issue under the rug. I would encourage you to confront him about it directly - and even if he admits he's conflicted or outright tells you he needs more time, you'll at least have an answer and DH will know what you're going through. Good luck!

 

[ladywife]

Thank you both so much, I felt as if we talked about it so much but when I really think about it, we don't really talk much about how he 'feels' about it, if that makes sense. I suppose it makes sense he could be just as excited as I am, but also hesitant as well when it gets down to it. I'll definitely make a time when we can sit down and have a heart to heart, and I think doing that will help us both out -- me with feeling heartbroken and confused, and him getting to say exactly what is on his mind about the situation beyond the giddy excitement of it 'potentially' happening.

Thanks a lot

 

[Mrs.Gj]

So glad we could help. I hope your heart to heart does you both some good. Big hugs and best of luck!