Excuses

[TigerLady]

Wet nurses were actually very common -- up until rather recently. It wasn't 'posh' for mums to bf'ed before formula, so wet nurses were the perfect solution for them.

I can ALMOST see the temptation of finding a wet nurse for my son for one night, as he won't come close to sleeping through either -- never has!

Or maybe I should do what J threatened and sew his eyes shut!!

 

[TigerLady]

P.S. I don't think anyone really MEANT to offend anyone else.

TBH, I think the OP was directed as a rant about a particular person that BB knows... and about those who choose to FF and then aren't honest about their reasons. It had nothing to do with which is better and if FF is right or wrong. But I could be wrong.

Lets' all hug and make up!!! C'mon! Group hug everyone!!!!!!!

 

[nikki_j]

*Participates in the group hug* Hehe xx

 

[Tiff]

woot!

 

[petal040]

I think the OP was directed as a rant about a particular person that BB knows... and about those who choose to FF and then aren't honest about their reasons. It had nothing to do with which is better and if FF is right or wrong

That's what I took it as... I think the reasons for feeling the need to have an 'explanation' or whatever are linked to pressure to bf... and maybe that is where the emotive issues lie.

I definitely didn't mean to offend. Hugs to all...

 

[becstar]

Group hug! Mind my left boob though, Ilana kicked me in it earlier, little monkey...

 

[nikki_j]

Group hug! Mind my left boob though, Ilana kicked me in it earlier, little monkey...

x

 

[fantastica]

Also saw a post in here once about wet nursing? at least I think that's what it was called, where someone else feeds your baby...maybe in 'caveman' times then people would've been likely to do that? (i know you were being a bit sarky when you mentioned it but still ). Another thing about that comment...'back then' or maybe not even that long ago, my son and maybe me wouldn't have made it anyway...so there'd have been no need to feed him.

I think that was my thread

I was kind of joking but at the same time I wasn't. At the time, I was really struggling with bf and my LO would not accept expressed milk or formula from any bottle or cup I had tried. I was so desperate for a solution. I remember thinking if I knew someone who could bf my LO even just for a few hours, in a way it would be such a relief! (I hadn't seriously considered it as in real life I don't know anyone who breastfeeds - but I had had the thought).

I would probably have stopped bf a long time ago if my LO had taken the bottle. But that wasn't an option. That's why I referred to 'caveman' days - because it was another situation where formula wouldn't be an option.

I'm sorry if that upset people - I absolutely didn't mean it in that way - I just meant that maybe in some situations it might work for some mothers to nurse another baby etc... because I wondered if it would have helped me.

I hope that makes some kind of sense and again I'm sorry if it was upsetting. I kind of wish I had never posted it now

Hugs

nooo don't be sorry or anything! I'd never heard of it before, and it was quite interesting...I'm not really offended by any of it...I posted in here a while ago asking about everyone's opinions on ffing mums...and everyone was so understanding! think it's just an emotional issue!

it's always good to debate things though!

was just sort of referring to the first post saying women would've had to breastfeed...and the wet nursing kind of suggests not everyone did!

I'm not making much sense anymore...I guess it's just it says everywhere about 'breast is best' etc...kind of makes ff seem so bad, when not everyone realises how hard it is to not be able to!

Do remember being slightly judgemental myself in hospital though...when milk hadn't appeared at all..and the girl in the bed next to me just decided to stop...obviously that's fine, but I felt a bit annoyed that she was able to do it so easily but had just chosen to stop! Kind of jealous in some ways!

I like reading all the bf discussions etc...even if sometimes they can be 'upsetting' (nothing to do with what anyone says!)...make sure i'm prepared for next time!

 

[petal040]

Aah okay - phew! (I don't like upsetting anyone!)

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Aww hun no we arnt upset


xx

 

[cleckner04]

I agree it's a completely sore subject. I want to be proud of my achievement at sticking with the BFing so far because it was seriously hard in the beginning after a C-section and horrible pain from that on top of constantly feeding her. But at the same time I feel like I have to censor myself and hold myself back from talking about it because I don't want to make other women feel inferior or like a failure if it didn't work out for them. I had my moments where I wanted to quit so bad but than cried at just the thought of it. So I've been to that breaking point. I know if there were more information out there, I probably wouldn't have felt so alone. I'm SOOO grateful to this site in particular to get me through that time. And if my husband wasn't so supportive and helpful, I seriously never would have stuck with it.He wanted me to breastfeed as badly as I wanted to. He'd even help me latch her on in the beginning. I know not everyone has such a great support system. I wasn't informed at all about breastfeeding before I started out. I thought I'd go in to it just knowing what to do because everyone always seems to talk about how natural it is. Obviously that isn't the case because it hurts and is hard work.

I could never judge someone else for how they feed or even how they parent for that matter. I have my opinions on things and I do what I think is best in any given situation and I think that is all that matters. Everything about parenting ends up being a sensitive subject because we all want to be good parents. What works for me, may not work for someone else. I think breastfeeding in particular is such a sensitive subject for women though. I agree with what everyone said about that fine line between being proud and being preachy. I find myself biting my tongue about alot of things. Putting children in front of a TV for example. I disagree with it but I always keep quiet when people laugh about what shows their children watch. Because who am I to judge?

I'm so proud of how this thread has ended up so far. I thought it would end up in a huge argument but you girls have been super understanding. It's good to see discussions like this that actually don't turn into a battle.

 

[grneyednurse]

It definitely isn't something that comes naturally or is easy...your baby may feed more often than with formula because it is so easily digestable...they may want to feed almost constantly and you may think they aren't getting enough-but as long as they are wetting 6-8 diapers they are def getting enough....it IS the best thing for baby and women need more support and education prior to giving birth on what to expect....it is at times very difficult in the beginning, but oh so worth it as your LO will be less sick less often and I never had one ER trip with my 3 BF LO's until after a year and a half! While my friends bottle fed babes were practically living in the ER in the winter months esp. I remember with my 1st one in the hospital after giving birth I had nothing to do with BFing as the nurse had my BB and was putting the my daughter's screaming mouth every minute or so...she would latch on after several screaming minutes only to lose her latch and start all over again...I had no clue what was going on! lol But I persevered and had a great nurse who taught me the ropes! With my 2nd and 3rd I was a pro!

 

[Sherileigh]

I feel like I can certainly enter into this thread...as I really do have a fantastic excuse NOT to BF and it literally kills me everyday. I'd never in my wildest dreams even thought about not being able to do it...but my son has never latched and short of starving him there was no way to get him interested in doing it. So I did the next best thing and I pump...have done for almost 6 months now! And damn it I'm proud of it!!! I may not be BF'ing the normal way...but man is this hard. My milk is now running low, my breasts are rejecting the pump, and getting clogged/blocked ducts everyday... but I'm still going and will continue as long as I can. Dedicated...or stupid? Not sure anymore!

 

[lyre]

exclusive pumping must take amazing dedication, you should feel very proud! X

 

[Blondie2008]

I BF for a short while and then switched to FF.Why? If i'm honest its because i didnt like it, i was exsausted and totally overwhelmed by everything in the beginning. I was ready to put a stamp on Bethan's head and post her back to the hospital!! lol

I was much happier FF. My husband could help out and i started being confident enough to venture out of the house. Me being happier and stronger certailny did he world of good for LO.

However i have to say that i always think the world of people who do breastfeed. I know how hard it is and how draining. BUT this still doesn't make me feel guilty about giving up, If i could go back in time i would have done exactly the same again!

I really don't mean this in any offensive way at all

Merry Christmas to you all xxx

 

[bloodbinds]

Just to let everyone know the point of this thread was to tell woman they shouldn't be ashamed of not BFing! They shouldn't feel the need to make up excuses as to why they stopped when every woman should be able to understand why someonbe would want to stop - it's such hard work!

Well done to all those woman who admit why they stopped or didn't even start BF! It means your not ashamed and you shouldn't be because you've just done what you thought best for your LO, which is the most important thing!!

Sorry to anyone i offended, it was more annoyance at my step-sister more than anything, lol.

 

[becstar]

Aw, we're all so nice here - well done ladies!

PS Ilana has now managed to kick me in the other boob - I am considering a reinforced steel bra.

 

[florabean1981]

i asked my sister today what made her stop bf-ing her 2 boys. she bfed her 1st born (now 5) for 13 months, gave up all dairy (he has a lactose sensitivity which is getting better as he gets older), never pumped or gave formula & did BLW and she was only 20, with no support network or anything- i am 100% proud of her & even tho i'm 3 yrs older, she's my guru when it comes to all things baby, lol. she gave up coz it freaked her out that he had a full set of teeth, was walking at 9mths & starting to talk & he was heavy (29lbs at 12mths!) to hold, a fidgit & kept biting & kicking her by accident & when he started trying to hook her boob out whenever he wanted, wherever they happened to be, she was like, nah that's it thanks! lol.

with her 2nd at age 24, everything that could go wrong, did go wrong & she had a c-section, was totally on her own (her ex buggered off when she refused an abortion- what a git!) got mastitus in the 2nd week, had cracked & bleeding nipples, then they both got thrush, then her c=section opened up & she ended up in hospital with infection & bleeding, while i looked after her eldest... she pumped while in the hospital the best she could, but got mastitus again, then got 2 poisonous cysts in 1 boob n had to have them drained & was on iv anti-biotics so she was no longer able to bf her baby... all that in 6 weeks! On the 7th week, she came home & came to stay with us & she was like, screw this! she had to think about her health & happiness & the happiness of her other child, as well as her new baby, so she stopped bf-ing & gave formula.... both her & her 2 little boys thrived & are very happy n healthy.
while she is sad not to have been able to bf her 2nd boy for longer, she says she doesnt regret anything. i asked her if she was proud of herself. her response was, "what's to be proud of? so long as your child gets milk, oes it really matter where it comes from?"
that really surprised me tbh, as i thought she would be proud of herself, but inatead, she was totally not bothered either way! then she added, "i'm proud of you tho coz you're a wuss usually!" yeah, thanks sis!!!

 

[Seraphim]

P.S. I don't think anyone really MEANT to offend anyone else.

TBH, I think the OP was directed as a rant about a particular person that BB knows... and about those who choose to FF and then aren't honest about their reasons. It had nothing to do with which is better and if FF is right or wrong. But I could be wrong.

Lets' all hug and make up!!! C'mon! Group hug everyone!!!!!!!

I'm really sad to come back to this thread and see the course it's taken.

My interpretation was that it highlights the empowerment which is due to ALL mothers who TRY breastfeeding, regardless of how long it lasts. ESPECIALLY those who need to stop. The whole point being... that a flimsy 'excuse' takes away from people who've had real honest and difficult problems.

To turn it into a judgement on women who FF is unfair - because it never was. That's just personal demons talking I'm afraid.

Before I got to the 'derailed section' I was going to comment that yes, wetnurses would have been used before formula, and there were always BF difficulties.

I also thought that the thread - as it was - was a good example of just how difficult BFing can be... which as everyone's agreed, is the one thing which seems to be lacking out there and would really help some women avoid switching to FF.

IMHO (possibly naive) I would have thought anybody who's tried BFing would be the most understanding of how hard it is, and in one of the best positions to understand how come some people need to stop.

Sad it turned into a BF vs. FF discussion, because that wasn't how it started.

 

[Tiff]

I'm not exactly sure what you mean? Unless you mean my comments, but it was the cavewoman comment that I thought was out of order. That's not being empowering, that's being condescending.

I have to say that I am very, very impressed with how this thread turned out. We all were able to say our views (even if our views weren't the ones intended by the OP, but thats what happens when you get a bunch of different personalities... you get many different views on things.)



I really didn't think it was a debate, more like people just giving opinions?

Anyways, these threads can go south super quick and it was really nice to see everyone talk their way through without tempers flaring and being angry.

I feel like I can certainly enter into this thread...as I really do have a fantastic excuse NOT to BF and it literally kills me everyday. I'd never in my wildest dreams even thought about not being able to do it...but my son has never latched and short of starving him there was no way to get him interested in doing it. So I did the next best thing and I pump...have done for almost 6 months now! And damn it I'm proud of it!!! I may not be BF'ing the normal way...but man is this hard. My milk is now running low, my breasts are rejecting the pump, and getting clogged/blocked ducts everyday... but I'm still going and will continue as long as I can. Dedicated...or stupid? Not sure anymore!

Dedicated! I still think pumping 100% has got to be the hardest thing to do yet! That's awesome that you're doing that for your LO. He's lucky to have such a dedicated Mama!