Family present budgets

[Talia12]

Does anyone else's family set budgets for Christmas present buying? (For adults anyway). Last year we all agreed not to spend more than £20 on each other adult in the family, and we agreed it wasn't really enough to get decent presents so we bumped it up to £25 this year.
For kids (I've got two nephews) I'm spending about £80 on each of them.

I'm really annoyed now because I've just found out from my mum that my sister told her this year's budget was £35. I'm 10000% sure we agreed £25. She's obviously got it wrong and she's spent £10 more on each person than I have, and tbh I'm really annoyed about it because it just becomes a pissing contest and makes me look bad. I can't afford it even without the added expense of having a baby due in January. Plus I just think it's unnecessary. You end up thinking "hmm, £10 left to spend on this person, need to find something" rather than just getting things they'd actually even like.

Basically my solution to this is that I'm going to spend £35 each on my sister and BIL, and stick to the agreed 25 for everyone else. But I will still look a bit stingy to everyone, compared to her.

Does anyone else have someone in their family who's over generous with spending on gifts to the point that it's actually a tiny bit rude/unfair? Or am I being really unreasonable by saying that? 😱

 

[leoniebabey]

We dont do a budget. We all just spend what we can afford. I dont give to recieve so im not fussed if i get a cheaper prezzie than i gave. Ive had years where i can afford more and some years like this year ive had less.
I do pjs and sweets for nephews and neice
£10 in a card for my younger sisters
Pjs for my older sis and a yankee or bottle of something
My mam i dont budget just whatever she wants so it varies
Friend will be pjs and again a yankee or bottle of something

 

[catty]

Yes my MIL buys more than i do for my kids. I asked her this year if she could cut down but we shall see!

I know exactly what you mean for buying for the sake of it but tbh i dont care anymore if i look stingy then so be it as im not getting into debt so people can get an extra bathbomb or crap to bump up the pressie. Just remind them the budget and say i think we should stick with that next year as xmas is more for kids

 

[george83]

My mum will always spend much more on my niece than she would ever spend on my nephews or my children and for no justifiable reason. She is the oldest and I appreciate that the older the children are the more expensive their wish list is but I feel if that’s the case spend the same on my niece and her brothers - who are also both teenagers and want equally expensive presents - and not always single my niece out.

I wouldn’t say that you look cheap either so don’t worry about that, presents vary in price so much from shop to shop these days nobody would know how much you’ve actually spend

 

[Talia12]

True about it being hard to tell how much people have spent, I suppose! Especially when I always do my best to get things on sale and stuff haha.

No, I don't give to receive either and I honestly wouldn't mind at all if I spent a fair amount on someone and they only got me something tiny/cheap - in fact I would much prefer that than the other way round! It's when people (people being my sister...!) spend much more on me/my ds than I have or can afford to on them. It's just annoying because we created this budget idea specifically so that no one would go overboard and no one would feel compelled to spend more than they can afford. And I know that if she thinks the budget is £35, she'll have probably spent £40 on each person.

I know I might sound really ungrateful - it's just that it's not just out of generosity that she does it but kind of a way of showing what an amazing and generous person she is, if you see what I mean. Same thing always happens at birthdays, we'll all go round for my mums birthday for example or my granny's, and I'll have brought like four little presents and she'll be there with a huge plastic bag full of them. Obviously you sound like an ungrateful twat if you say "you buy too many presents", but it does just get to a point where it makes people feel uncomfortable.

Anyway excuse the little rant haha! I'm sticking to my plan on 35 on them and 25 on all other adults. And I said to my mum, don't listen to her it was definitely 25 so please don't spend more than that on me! As one of you ladies said, Christmas is more about the kids. I don't need or want expensive presents. As long as I've got a couple of things to tear open on Christmas morning I'm happy

 

[Talia12]

Oh and totally grandparents etc should be fair and try to spend the same on each child. I do for my nephews, they might not realise how much stuff costs but I do and the only way to make it fair is to spend the same. If your niece is asking for expensive stuff on her wish list then either she just can't get it from her grandma, or grandma has to match the price for all the other grandkids too, I totally think!

 

[WackyMumof2]

We shop for our kids and 2 nephews and nieces. Open budget on our kids and $20 for the other 4 just because our family is growing. We have up to a $200 budget for each other but don't always use it.

 

[c1403]

It's quite difficult to have a monetary budget when you can sometimes get a good bargain and then it will look like someone has more than another.

With my family (Mum, Dad, Sister) we don't set budgets and just buy what we think each other will like. My mum sometimes does a set number of presents (say 10 each) but I've picked some expensive things this year so wouldn't expect it to match my sisters, plus I have children and she doesn't.

With the children (only have my two in the immediate family) there is no budget either but I have asked them to cut back as they have so much. My mum has done them 10 gifts each plus a stocking....not cut back that much ha ha

DH has a big family, Mum, Stepdad and 6 siblings plus partners and children. I used to do just his parents and younger siblings (4) but this year it's not happening (long story but they don't deserve anything). All we now buy on his side is his neices (2) and nephews (2) and my budget on them is £10 each as again we are just not as close.

I don't give to receive but at the same time I like to know that my girls are being thought about and with DH family that isn't the case. They didn't send them a birthday card (or gift) or even call them and never ask how they are etc. However, I will not leave the children out so do always buy a little gift, knowing my two won't get nothing back.

In light of your post, I wouldn't worry about the budget, you're not all going to sit there and total up what everyone has got. Just get what you think will be enjoyed and not just buy for sale of it. Maybe if you're that worried a joint gift for each couple ?

 

[JessyG]

We dont set budgets but everyone knows we are the poor relation in comparison to my sister so never ask for anything that is expensive. I aim for 20-30 for each adult similar for my 2 neices and about 10-15 on a present for my friends wee boy. Its meant to be a gift from my DD to her DS to i figure i shouldnt be spending too much.

I have spent a small fortune on my DD but she doesnt actually have all that much it just seems to have gone that way this year.

My OH buys for his dad step mom and brother because i stick to a similar budget and he prefers to spend a bit more more like 40+ for each person and i am unwilling to do that as i just dont think its necessary.

 

[kirstybumx3]

We don’t set budgets as a family. I’ve always spent a lot more on my niece than SIL spends in return on mine, but her OH does set her spending limits! So I don’t mind at all, not that I would anyway.
With adults I set my own target spends but if I go over that on something that’s fine too. Usually I spend around £150 each on my mum and dad, the same for MIL and FIL. £50 each on SIL and BIL and my brother and sister and about £20-30 each other family members.
I don’t think people really look at their presents and try to work out if the person has spent enough do they, surely?! I wouldn’t worry just spend your £25! X

 

[jay92]

Aw I feel ya hun. My oldest brother and his wife are exactly the same. One year me and two of my three brothers decided to book a cottage for weekend away somewhere that meant alot to them. We had asked my other brother to contribute...no I have mines already he said christmas morning comes. Parents were overwhelmed by their cottage stay and then oldest brother and his (broom shoved up her arse) wife walk in hand them an envelope. A week away at this posh posh hotel in St Andrews.

I just laughed but my other two brothers were furious. It's the same every year so now we tend not to tell them what we're getting now....lesson well and truly learned.

We don't buy for adults except parents as there's so many of us lol but we always do kids and parents. For parents usually 150/200 each or all chip in and get something they'll love. And kids is 50 for nieces and no budget usually for dd's

We aren't allowed to just buy whatever for my nieces though we get sent an email, the entire family and told what to get drives me mental but to keep the peace for my parents I just do it.

I had a huge falling out with them this year on my dad's birthday and haven't had to speak to them since which is wonderful but will still drop off girls gifts can't pick your family hey

Xx

 

[Twag]

I set a budget for everyone (accountant in me) so as I have 2 sisters and a brother all of whom have a partner and then 2 children each and then I have 3 godsons, friends kids etc it is a lot of people and as such a lot of money!!!

So between me & my siblings (and partners) we do a secret santa (my mum pulls our names out of a hat and lets us know who we have got! - this year we have set a budget of £5 for it to be a challenge to see what we can get!

 

[c1403]

If I got told exactly what to get they wouldn't get it. It's different if they are just ideas or suggestions as all kids like different things. For example I send lists to my family of ideas for the girls. That's all it is, ideas. I don't expect them to only buy off that list.

I know one year a cousin of mine sent a list for her son's birthday, the stuff was all really expensive Lego sets. My auntie couldn't get the set as they weren't in stock so got another one and my cousin emails her saying she got the wrong one. How f***** rude. Her kids dont even say thank you!! Now no-one even asks her what to buy her children, my mum just gets them PJs and sweets.
Oh and in comparison, she asks for Lego set and my daughter got a book (nothing against books by the way but hardly compares to a £40-50 Lego set)
Some people are terribly rude!

 

[george83]

I set a budget for everyone (accountant in me) so as I have 2 sisters and a brother all of whom have a partner and then 2 children each and then I have 3 godsons, friends kids etc it is a lot of people and as such a lot of money!!!

So between me & my siblings (and partners) we do a secret santa (my mum pulls our names out of a hat and lets us know who we have got! - this year we have set a budget of £5 for it to be a challenge to see what we can get!

We do a secret Santa between me, my oh, my sisters, their oh’s and my parents. We set a £10 limit but it’s great, nice to have something to buy and obviously open but no stress over the cost of buying for everyone

 

[kbwebb]

in previous years we usually spend 50 per parent then 20 per sibling, children usually 10-20. then DD we usually spend 150-200 depending on what she wants.
they all give each other lists with ideas on.

this year were probably going to just do parents and not siblings just because we cannot afford it and neither can they.

 

[jay92]

If I got told exactly what to get they wouldn't get it. It's different if they are just ideas or suggestions as all kids like different things. For example I send lists to my family of ideas for the girls. That's all it is, ideas. I don't expect them to only buy off that list.

I know one year a cousin of mine sent a list for her son's birthday, the stuff was all really expensive Lego sets. My auntie couldn't get the set as they weren't in stock so got another one and my cousin emails her saying she got the wrong one. How f***** rude. Her kids dont even say thank you!! Now no-one even asks her what to buy her children, my mum just gets them PJs and sweets.
Oh and in comparison, she asks for Lego set and my daughter got a book (nothing against books by the way but hardly compares to a £40-50 Lego set)
Some people are terribly rude!

Yep hun it is totally rude. It actually comes formatted to tell each person what to buy and where from etc. I couldn't even imagine being that controlling. It truly is unbelievable. It's at the stage no one visits them because they have big fancy hpuse and your constantly watched and cleaned around. One time I went in kids were immaculate as always and I always make sure I'm gleaming when I visit my brother got the hoover out and hoovered round us. That was the final straw I walked out and send a rather regrettable but totally honest text afterwards. Never spoke since lol

Xxx

 

[Buttercup84]

I don’t buy for many people but if I did I’d be a bit annoyed if a budget was agreed on and one person went out and spent more. I don’t think I’d spend more myself though, I’d stick to what was agreed.

 

[wildflower79]

A few years ago we agreed with my brother and sil we'd only buy for the kids. We don't have a set budget, but usually spend around £20 each for my 2 nephew's, which is around what they spend on our girls.

Last year hubby's brother was so generous he got both me and hubby a £100 Amazon voucher each. While it was v much appreciated and v kind of him, I felt pretty embarrassed as we'd only got him a £30 voucher and some chocs. There's no way we could afford to spend that much, nowhere near. He also buys presents for our girls too. I've told hubby to tell him not to spend so much this year (or not to bother with us at all), but hubby's not v good at having conversations like that with his family, so we'll see. It just made me feel really awful ☹️

This year we're spending around £50 on parents for a steam railway voucher. It varies each year with what we can afford.

 

[c1403]

If I got told exactly what to get they wouldn't get it. It's different if they are just ideas or suggestions as all kids like different things. For example I send lists to my family of ideas for the girls. That's all it is, ideas. I don't expect them to only buy off that list.

I know one year a cousin of mine sent a list for her son's birthday, the stuff was all really expensive Lego sets. My auntie couldn't get the set as they weren't in stock so got another one and my cousin emails her saying she got the wrong one. How f***** rude. Her kids dont even say thank you!! Now no-one even asks her what to buy her children, my mum just gets them PJs and sweets.
Oh and in comparison, she asks for Lego set and my daughter got a book (nothing against books by the way but hardly compares to a £40-50 Lego set)
Some people are terribly rude!

Yep hun it is totally rude. It actually comes formatted to tell each person what to buy and where from etc. I couldn't even imagine being that controlling. It truly is unbelievable. It's at the stage no one visits them because they have big fancy hpuse and your constantly watched and cleaned around. One time I went in kids were immaculate as always and I always make sure I'm gleaming when I visit my brother got the hoover out and hoovered round us. That was the final straw I walked out and send a rather regrettable but totally honest text afterwards. Never spoke since lol

Xxx

That's so sad. I know people like this. Their lives must be so unfulfilled and Boeing. You and your family are better off without people like that.

 

[jay92]

That's so sad. I know people like this. Their lives must be so unfulfilled and Boeing. You and your family are better off without people like that.

Without a doubt hun we were not brought up that way at all. Their kids weren't even allowed to Duke for apples last year or bite donuts off the string incase they got filthy. Feel fir the kids xxx