~*~Feb Lovebugs Baby Club :)~*~

[Caz-x]

I may have to invest in a swinging chair

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Pixie

Well done on the weight gains Lana and Gill

I am so knackered. Got about 3 hours sleep last night (in 12 hours!) Went out on my own with Edward for the first time today to meet a friend for lunch, which was an hours bus journey either way. I had him in the baby carrier because our buses aren't too pram friendly so my back is killing me now too.

Can anyone else not sleep when their LO is asleep because they're too busy thinking over stuff from the day/week/month that they should have done differently I think I might be suffering from anxiety or PND. I'm really really struggling. I cry all the time still, I feel like Edward would be better without me most of the time, I cried in john lewis today because I went to the parent and baby room to feed Edward and had to sit in the bottle feeding bit rather than BFing My jaw and teeth constantly hurt too because I'm always clenching them together without realising xx

 

[2bananas]

Lana, Tahlias feed are getting longer, but she rarely reaches 20 mins. I feel like she spends ll her time 'snacking' which is why I sometimes feel like I am feeding her permanently lol.

She had a rubish night again. Slept 8-10, fed then woke up at 1240 and was awake almost all the time through to about 515am!! Am shattered, kept having to pick her up as she would feed fall asleep on me but within what felt like seconds of being put down would wake up & winge. In total I think I got about 4.5 hrs sleep split up into little bits. Kaden is in bed, and should be there till about 230ish and have just managed to get lil lady to sleep too, put her off my chest into her moses so I will see how long it takes her to wake up & realise!!

I'd love it if xander would do a 20 minute feed - fact is he does exactly what you are describing, feeds, falls asleep, try put him down, wakes and wont settle wants to feed a bit more, use me as a dummy for a bit, wont settle again.... if i didnt have belle then it wouldnt be so much of a problem but i just dont have the time in the day to pander to him being stuck on my boob for 90 minutes + at each feed

As much as im disappointed to not be exclusively bf, it just isnt practical for me. still, 30 minutes at each feed is still giving him goodness from me i guess.


Oh - we've got a visitor coming tonight! the tooth fairy! Belle has lost her first tooth - this thing has been wobbling for what feels like months! So glad its finally out! and she is beside herself with excitement!

 

[2bananas]

Pixie

Well done on the weight gains Lana and Gill

I am so knackered. Got about 3 hours sleep last night (in 12 hours!) Went out on my own with Edward for the first time today to meet a friend for lunch, which was an hours bus journey either way. I had him in the baby carrier because our buses aren't too pram friendly so my back is killing me now too.

Can anyone else not sleep when their LO is asleep because they're too busy thinking over stuff from the day/week/month that they should have done differently I think I might be suffering from anxiety or PND. I'm really really struggling. I cry all the time still, I feel like Edward would be better without me most of the time, I cried in john lewis today because I went to the parent and baby room to feed Edward and had to sit in the bottle feeding bit rather than BFing My jaw and teeth constantly hurt too because I'm always clenching them together without realising xx

Katy

Is it worth you speaking to your hv or gp?

You may just have some mild anxiety at the moment hun in which case you can get some medication just to lower your anxiety levels, i had these after Isabelle but i was also in anti d's too. Are you still managing to cope with day to day things or is everything feeling overwhelming just now?

Edward would not be better off without you hun, this is just you feeling a bit low and thinking you arent doing a good job when you are doing a fantastic job!

it is important to speak to someone though sweetie, dont ignore how you are feeling as if you are struggling and maybe dealing with pnd then there is a lot of help out there for you and its important you do what you can to improve how you are feeling

I know all about pnd so if you need someone to talk to then im all ears xxxxxx

 

[2bananas]

I may have to invest in a swinging chair

Xander has one and i can hand on heart say when i put him in it he looks at me as if to say ' whats this crap then'

he is so underwhelmed by it lol - i thought he'd love it

im hoping it grows on him

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I'm not sure really, day to day I manage to sort him out fine, although I do end up crying when he cries a fair bit at night. I seem to have lost all ability to really sort myself out unless I have to. Other than today I didn't get dressed or shower for about 3 days (I know that's gross, but I just literally could not find the energy or desire to get showered and dressed). I only did today because I was meeting a friend for lunch and didn't want to let them down. I think I might make a doctors appointment, my HV isn't very approachable.

Thanks for the advice xx

 

[2bananas]

I'm not sure really, day to day I manage to sort him out fine, although I do end up crying when he cries a fair bit at night. I seem to have lost all ability to really sort myself out unless I have to. Other than today I didn't get dressed or shower for about 3 days (I know that's gross, but I just literally could not find the energy or desire to get showered and dressed). I only did today because I was meeting a friend for lunch and didn't want to let them down. I think I might make a doctors appointment, my HV isn't very approachable.

Thanks for the advice xx

Definitely make the appointment then hun. I used to go days at a time without showering and getting dressed, it was just too much effort - if you can force yourself to do it though it can help get you feeling a little more motivated for the day xxxx

 

[gills8752]

Aww Katy! Definitely see your doc. If one doesn't help, see another one. You need at least some positive help to keep focused even if they don't prescribe drugs, they should at least give you some motivation.


p.s - go shower - I can smell you from here!

 

[Pixie71]

Hi Katy
Know the feeling, I sobbed on my mums shoulder on saturday for about 20 mins, didnt wash either for a day or two, couldnt be bothered.. My teenager is acting up too and has had two notes from school re behaviour. Like I need more stress like a hole in the head.

Took Tom for a walk earlier and he slept with the dummy. He feeds for 15 - 20 mins some times and others for 30 mins, he certainly doesnt go on to the other boob afterwards.

Well we had fertility treatment to have Thomas (OH probs - he is not sophies dad) and we got what we wanted, so my sister says we got what we wished for...... as hard as it is, we will get through it and it will get better hun.

Do you have any extended family or very close friends who would take baby for a few hours to let you sleep? Thats what i have done a couple of times and it helps. Try some relaxation techniques too, thats what i have started doing.

Big hugs to all.
xx

 

[ramblinhaggis]

Pixie

Well done on the weight gains Lana and Gill

I am so knackered. Got about 3 hours sleep last night (in 12 hours!) Went out on my own with Edward for the first time today to meet a friend for lunch, which was an hours bus journey either way. I had him in the baby carrier because our buses aren't too pram friendly so my back is killing me now too.

Can anyone else not sleep when their LO is asleep because they're too busy thinking over stuff from the day/week/month that they should have done differently I think I might be suffering from anxiety or PND. I'm really really struggling. I cry all the time still, I feel like Edward would be better without me most of the time, I cried in john lewis today because I went to the parent and baby room to feed Edward and had to sit in the bottle feeding bit rather than BFing My jaw and teeth constantly hurt too because I'm always clenching them together without realising xx

Aww Katy that sounds a lot like anxiety to me. I was the very same with summer, because she was my first and I had absolutely NO experience of babies before she arrived. I was also 19 and 600 miles away from any family bar my DH. Even when I was doing things 'right' I still convinced myself I was rubbish and constantly punished myself for everything I did wrong or hadnt managed to do.

Definitely go and see your doctor and talk about how you are feeling, or print off your post above and show him or her it. There is actually a scale, called the edinburgh scale, where you can answer a few questions and see where you score, in terms of depression, have a look here:


PND TEST

Its really really hard with your first baby, nothing prepares you for it at all and when you arent getting enough sleep, its even harder. What you really need is for someone to take edward for a while, let you get your head down and take care of yourself for bit, at least in the short term until you see your doc. xxx

 

[Caz-x]

I may have to invest in a swinging chair

Xander has one and i can hand on heart say when i put him in it he looks at me as if to say ' whats this crap then'

he is so underwhelmed by it lol - i thought he'd love it

im hoping it grows on him

I have a vibrating chair (fisher price rainfrest one). Havent had her in it yet, but might try it soon. Well done on the weight gain btw.I can understand you not wanting to be feeding him for 90plus minutes, I wouldnt want to either, gosh, I feel like a bad mummy to Kaden as it is as I seem to either be rocking Tahlia off to sleep/feeding/changing her. He sometimes sits in his little chair just looking at me with these big sad blue eyes & I wanna cry . Hoping that she starts to settle quickly & sleep better soon so that I can be Kadens mummy again too.

ETA; tooth fairy eh!! Whats the going rate for a tooth these days? I used to get 50p

 

[Caz-x]

Pixie

Well done on the weight gains Lana and Gill

I am so knackered. Got about 3 hours sleep last night (in 12 hours!) Went out on my own with Edward for the first time today to meet a friend for lunch, which was an hours bus journey either way. I had him in the baby carrier because our buses aren't too pram friendly so my back is killing me now too.

Can anyone else not sleep when their LO is asleep because they're too busy thinking over stuff from the day/week/month that they should have done differently I think I might be suffering from anxiety or PND. I'm really really struggling. I cry all the time still, I feel like Edward would be better without me most of the time, I cried in john lewis today because I went to the parent and baby room to feed Edward and had to sit in the bottle feeding bit rather than BFing My jaw and teeth constantly hurt too because I'm always clenching them together without realising xx

Katy. I do think that the lack of sleep/worrying about the BF etc is getting on top of you hun. You also have to remember that your hormones are all over after having a baby and it is a huge deal to be a parent & have this huge responsibility placed on you for caring for your child. Edward would never be better off without you, you are his mummy & his whole world, who else grew & nurtered him for 9 mths & is doing everything in her power right now to care for him each & every day - you hun, thats who & you are doing an excellent job . I think that you need to speak to your GP just to check you aren't getting pnd, but try not to worry that you are getting it as that might make you worry & stress even more ( if you know what I mean & that makes sense to you?).
Just a thought but with regards to the BF. I think I read that you were having trouble getting him to latch properly initially? Is this right? The reason I ask is that one of my friends baby was (or seemed to be) feeding for hours on end & when the BF counsellor came to see her about it & to help (I know you didnt get the support you needed) she noticed that he couldnt latch properly because the underneath of his tongue was attached too far forwards making it hard for him. He has had it snipped back now & is feeding much much better. I was wondering if something like this was looked into for you?

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Thanks everyone. It means a lot to have some support

Caz- they never checked anything like that, no matter how much I asked for help I was told to just keep trying to latch him myself and he just never did it xx

 

[pinkclaire]

Katy- a lot of what you said sounded pretty normal to me, I cry a lot of the time espesh at night when I'm exhausted and he won't stop crying. Nothing prepares you for the extreme exhaustion either, can see why they use it as a form of torture! But Edward is definately not better off without you and if you feel like your not coping you must go see the doctor espesh after the bf problems. Make sure you tell the doctor how let down you feel and how bad not being able to do it was. They just give up way to quickly.

Caz- that's a Tongue tie James had the same thing, I asked Katy about that as apparently it's really common esp in boys. The midwife who is breastfeeding coordinator in my area is part of a campaign to try make the check part of the one day checks as she's seem what a difference it makes to mums and babes x

 

[EmmaDueInFeb]

Katy, have you tried the National Breastfeeding Helpline 0300 100 0212

They can send someone round, if you really want to try breastfeeding and aren't getting any support.....

You really seem to have got yourself in a wee pickle, but please don't worry about PND as Caz says, it'll just add to your woes. I remember the feelings you are having oh too well, luckily 2nd babies are nowhere near as stressful, as it worried me the anxiety would come back.

Just remember, he's only a baby, he's not scary, and he DEFINITELY needs you, you're his world. So when you feel stressed, honestly take a step back & take a breath......just think he's only crying, don't let it make you anxious...its just his only way to communicate, its not personal, he's not being mean to you....I remember feeling like everytime Tia cried it was like she was critisising my abilities. It is good you got out with him on your own, I remember that making me feel a bit more human, if only for a small time.

Have you got anyone who can watch him so you can sleep, as things are definitely never as bad after a few hours kip??

I so feel for you, as I've been there, and I'm on my second baby, and sooo enjoying this time, so much that I feel a bit guilty for my 1st, how daft is that, so please don't beat yourself up, ur doing great, believe it xxx

 

[Caz-x]

Thanks everyone. It means a lot to have some support

Caz- they never checked anything like that, no matter how much I asked for help I was told to just keep trying to latch him myself and he just never did it xx

Katy, never feel like you dont have any support, even though we are only on a forum, we are all here for you hun. Just wish I could give you a proper hug . I can't believe you never got more help for the bf especially as it meant so much to you. I have been very fortunate with both my children in that they have been born in places where I have had as much access to bf support as I needed. I saw my bf lady last wk and she rang me out of the blue yest just to see how I was getting on lol. We also have a bf support gp that meet once a week that you can go to to get advice or just meet up with other mums etc. Its rubbish that you havent got this. .I wonder why its not the same throughout the country?

 

[ramblinhaggis]

Katy, have you tried the National Breastfeeding Helpline 0300 100 0212

They can send someone round, if you really want to try breastfeeding and aren't getting any support.....

You really seem to have got yourself in a wee pickle, but please don't worry about PND as Caz says, it'll just add to your woes. I remember the feelings you are having oh too well, luckily 2nd babies are nowhere near as stressful, as it worried me the anxiety would come back.

Just remember, he's only a baby, he's not scary, and he DEFINITELY needs you, you're his world. So when you feel stressed, honestly take a step back & take a breath......just think he's only crying, don't let it make you anxious...its just his only way to communicate, its not personal, he's not being mean to you....I remember feeling like everytime Tia cried it was like she was critisising my abilities. It is good you got out with him on your own, I remember that making me feel a bit more human, if only for a small time.

Have you got anyone who can watch him so you can sleep, as things are definitely never as bad after a few hours kip??

I so feel for you, as I've been there, and I'm on my second baby, and sooo enjoying this time, so much that I feel a bit guilty for my 1st, how daft is that, so please don't beat yourself up, ur doing great, believe it xxx

Totally agree here katy, the crying is the hardest, because you think there must be something wrong when your baby cries, but sometimes, they are just crying because they cant do much else.

There were quite a few things I did with my first to try help me get out of the funk i got myself into. Some of them are cognitive behavioural therapy techniques and they really did help:

1. Try wearing an elastic band on your wrist. Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on negative thoughts, pull it back as hard as you can and let it go. Ouch, it will sting a wee bit, but the reason behind it, is that it distracts your thought pattern and can help you break the habit of 'learned thinking' that goes with depression...reacting to things in the same ways all the time.

2. Get out of the house once a day, doesnt matter when or where, but get out in the fresh air it will be great for you both. Try to do it every day. If you have a garden, even just go out there.

3. Use the forums! I wasnt a member of this forum with my first, but I was with another and when it all got too much, I would come online and rant away. You cant keep things bottled up inside it just leads to explosions in the end and noone will berate you for finding things hard with a new baby, I doubt there is a mother on the planet whom wouldnt understand.

4. Cammomile tea. Sounds daft but it worked for me. I would have a cup in the morning, one at lunch and one before bedtime. Its a very mild natural sedative, excellent for taking the edge off feeling anxious.

5. Keep a diary, try to find a minute every day to write down all you are feeling. If its negative, read it back and try to find the positives in the negatives, its quite easy to do once you get into the swing of it. Find things to praise yourself about, the smallest of things. They all mount up into big things in the end. You could do affirmations too if you wanted, you know for example, a smoker whom wants to quit may listen to a cd that repeats things to them whilst they are sleeping? Affirmations are like that. Pick two statements such as, i am a strong confident mother, and repeat it to yourself three times a day, every day. Its another cognitive exercise but can be really effective. You can change the statements as you wish.

6. Alternative therapy but Evening primrose oil is meant to help with hormones in women, I have been taking it. Having a warm bath with lavender and rosemary aromatherapy oil dripped into it will help relax you, along with alternate breathing, excellent for anxiety. Close one nostril with a thumb and breath out through your nose. then let go and close the other nostril and breath in through your nose deeply. Keep doing that alternating the nostrils. Its very good for helping you get to sleep. A drop of rosemary oil (literally just a drop its like vix lol) on your pillow when sleeping and a drop in a tissue to breath in will help with anxiety/depression too.

I am sure I did a lot more, but dont want to overload you, and dont know if any of it will be of use to you, but its just some of the things that helped me xxx

 

[EmmaDueInFeb]

Man I wish I'd known about this forum on my first baby

Also Katy, I think I speak for everyone when I say, use us, we've all been there...there's nowt you can say, or admit to feeling that we haven't already been through...there's no such thing as a stupid question, and believe me when i say ur more normal than you give yourself credit for, cos I bet ur thinking that ur the only one xx

 

[2bananas]

Morning everyone.

how are you all today??

I have been up since 3am and i am buzzing from all the caffeine i have had - me and coffee are new best friends, xander is in a pattern of waking 3-5.45am, its driving me crazy, since i get up at 6.30 i just dont see the point of going back to sleep for 45 mins.

so my new start to the day begins at 3am.......... so glad he went to sleep @10pm last night with only a brief feed at 1.30am. at least i got a couple of hours!!!

Such a busy day ahead i just dont know how i can stay awake!! a million things to do.

hope you are all ok.

xx

 

[gills8752]

Great tips max!

I do find the forum a great help too. If I'm ever feeling down or frustrated, I just rant on here and I feel much better!

Aww lana - You'll have to get an elastic band round your wrist to keep you awake - I'm sure the pain of snapping it against your skin would work! lol


Ever since I got pregnant my nails started growing fantastically and now they are super long. I have had to change the way I type now, I don't want to cut them but keep finding myself catching them on Shelby
It sucks, I want long nails