Due Date February 9th 2013
I joined this site hoping to find someone else who knows how I feel right now. I have always wanted children and honestly thought I would have at least 2 by this age (25). My husband was a little slower to come around so I was super excited on June 13th to learn I was expecting as he still hadn't decided he really wanted to try yet. He was instantly on board (he often needs a shove lol) and I walked around in a state of euphoria after an early ultrasound detected "twins". I had been cramping for about ten days so I had gone in for an ultrasound to check for major problems and the ultrasound tech AND radiologist apparently didn't know what they were doing (I was informed this two weeks later by my OBGYN, whom I had to wait a month to get into) and flat out told me I was for sure having twins and gave me an ultrasound picture to prove it. Two weeks later at my first REAL appt., my OBGYN (I think I'm switching, I didn't appreciate the lack of consideration in the conversation) Laughed and made a joke that "small town radiology departments don't have any idea what they are doing.. I can't believe they told you for sure that is twins, the second sac stopped developing and you will harmlessly miscarry it at some point."
He acted like I was silly for being excited the first information and laughed it off as not a big deal since it was so early. After all, my healthy sac was perfectly good so everything is awesome!
But its not for me. We had told everyone it was twins (I'm stupid right? It's just that I have never been so excited about anything in my life) And even though it was only two weeks, for two weeks, that was the idea I carried around in my head and my heart and I was devastated to learn otherwise.
I feel HORRIBLY guilty because when I saw the HB of my healthy baby and the doctor looked at me for happiness, all I wanted to do was cry. This is so silly because it was so early, and I SHOULD be happy to have a healthy baby and I am so depressed.
Then I go to a baby shower last weekend and an old high school friend who lost a set of twins at 16 weeks last year comes up to me and informs me how lucky I am to have gotten to keep one of the twins. AND SHES RIGHT!!! omg I would never downplay what she went and is going through in a million years.. But I'm still not ok.
My poor baby deserves a mommy who is happy and excited like I was. And I want to be... But I feel devastated.. I haven't gotten out of bed hardly at all in like 8 days and everyone around me is assuming it was too early to be a big deal, and i'm sure they are right. So I just feel so alone. Please don't judge
Ty for reading
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