February Valentines 2012 - We have our first Valentines!

[Jokerette]

okay, small vent session about my mom

So... growing up I was very close to both my parents. 2 years ago my parents got divorced when my mom left my dad unexpectedly. Ever since then I have become closer to my dad, but my mom and i have been tense ever since. We bicker and fight and its been a real struggle. Several years ago I told my mom that someday I wanted her in the delivery room when her first grandchild was born. But that was before we drifted apart.

Since I got pregnant I sat down and told my mom that DH and I decided we only wanted it to be the 2 of us in the delivery room when I am in the final pushing stage. She keeps giving me the guilt trip about it saying that everyone she talks to says the grandmother should be in there, yada yada yada.

I told her that I would like to have her come in occasionally when I am in labor to help me get through the contractions and during the long hours, but NOT during the actual pushing. She keeps saying "okay, but if you change your mind I'll stay"... or " I have a feeling once I am there you;ll want me to stay during the birth"... or "all the ladies at my work say i should get to stay".

I also told her I want my mother-in-law to alternate with her and come in to help during the contractions but not during the actual pushing. My MIL is a doula and I am really really close to her. Honestly I sometimes think it would be more beneficial to have my MIL there with me the whole time, but I am trying to be nice and involve my mom a bit because i do think my mom will be good at helping me feel better when I am in pain and i know it will mean a lot to her.

But my mom will just not let it go. She says she thinks my MIL is pressuring me into having her in there (she's not), and she says she thinks the only reason I'm not letting anyone in the pushing stage is because i dont want to chose between my mom and my MIL.

I am getting so mad and frustrated with her. I just want her to respect my decision and stop second guessing everything and just trust me that I know what I want and if i say I want them to both leave during the pushing then they better f-ing leave.

I'm almost at the point now where I dont feel like dealing with any of this and I just want me and DH there the whole time alone... but in reality I do think having my MIL there would be helpful as a doula, and i think my mom would be very nuturing if she would just stop pressuring me about letting her stay the whole time. So... argh! So annoying. My mom thinks I'm trying to not hurt my MIL's feelings, but really its my mom's feelings im trying to protect.

Anyway, me and DH invited mom and MIL over for dinner Thurs night to go over everything we expect from them if they are to help during the labor process. Hopefully my mom hears what we say and stops trying to push her own agenda.

thanks for letting me vent

 

[ZombieKitten]

Jokerette: i feel your pain! i had to have "the talk" with my mom too. I love my mother SO MUCH and we are very close, but she is also a wicked worry wort and she stresses me out so much. I had to tell her that I just want it to be me and DH... however, my MIL (who happens to be a nurse) will most likely be in there just to keep DH comfortable. DH is very anxious when it comes to hospitals and doctors, and he feels like they'll always try to pull the shades over his eyes so he wants his mom there to keep him calm, and inform him of any issue if the doctors are trying to "beat around the bush". I felt really bad when I told my mom that I don't want her in there but my MIL will be in there. But I talked to my mom and I explained to her that the only person I want with me is DH, and if it's going to take my MIL to keep DH comfortable, than so be it. I wasnt going to tell my mom she makes me to nervous because I didn't wanna hurt her feelings. But after talking with her for a while and explaining my reasoning, she understood (or she at least pretended to). It still hurt me though. I wish I could have my mom there but I KNOW for a fact that she'll stress me out too much. She calls me everyday to ask me how I'm feeling, and if I so much have a headache, she'll start CRYING and asking a million questions and the phone calls always end up with me near scolding her telling her to CHILL OUT! Then after I hang up I start crying because I feel bad that I just scolded my own mother. DH gets so frustrated with her because she calls EVERY SINGLE DAY (sometimes 3-4 times a day) and everytime she calls it always ends the same way, and he feels like she's putting unnecessary stress/guilt on me. Don't get me wrong, I am seriously truly blessed that I have a mother who loves me SO MUCH that she thinks to call me every day and she cares about me more than anything, but I wish she wouldnt get so upset over silly little things like me being tired and grumpy. The other day she called me crying because she mailed DH a birthday card but I guess she put the wrong zipcode so she got it back in the mail, and she went on and on about how she was so sorry and hopes he's not mad at her. I was trying to stay cheerful and I was laughing with her and telling her not to worry, and that men don't care that much about cards he's not mad at all! But she wouldn't stop apologizing and crying about it! AHHHH sometimes she just cares too much!!

but anyways, sorry that went on for so long haha. I hope everything works out for you guys on Thurs! I'm sure your mom will understand

 

[Almost Mama]

aww i'm so sorry Jock!!
it's so hard dealing w/mothers and whatnot.
my mum passed away a year and a half ago, and i'd LOVE to have her there, but i know she'd have been very controlling as well.
she was with my wedding, anyway. at the end of the day, you just need to make sure that you have who will make the experience easiest for YOU. don't let anyones guilt throw you off.

keep us posted!

 

[Almost Mama]

I'M EXHAUSTED!

I really hate the idea of complaining, since it took DW and I so much time, emotion, and $$$ to conceive, lol.
but really, i'm so done!

i'm a very small girl, i'm 5'2", and weighed just 90LBS pre-pregnancy... and considering it's my first, i didn't realize what a toll it would so rapidly take on my little body!
i was perfectly fine... having a WONDERFUL pregnancy, really, up until last wednesday. it's like... the day i turned 35 weeks my body gave out.

i can't do a thing to get the swelling in my feet down... it's so excessive that i can hardly get them into my UGGS! they hurt so badly that even my blankets at night make them ache so much... same with my hands.
i've also had a pre-existing condition with my tail bone... so NOW... geeze... even walking is a battle some days.

still a week and a half to go at work... and friday and saturday just killed me.
up @ 7am for work... was there until 5pm, home to have dinner and change... off to pre-natal class until 930, home to shower, then straight to bed because i was so exhausted i literally felt ill.

saturday i was up again for pre-natal class from 930 am until 330 pm, then off to a memorial service for DW'S uncle... except there was an accident in the hi-way, and we sat still for over an hr in traffic, only to drive into the heart of Toronto (which, if you don't know, is an INSANE traffic city)
where ppl from her fathers side of the family pawed all over bump for so long, and dragged me from one place to another and gave me all the same advice that ive heard countless times> they didnt let us out of there for an eternity.

came home, got bunnie's book case put together (finally) and stocked... only to realize that it was now 11pm, and i still hadn't eaten dinner!

i'm so sorry for the grumpy rant, but i just feel like i need to get it off of my chest.

i don't think i'd be taking it so badly if i could sleep... but shes SO hyper at night, and the cervical shock-like pains i've been getting seem to be getting worse, and more frequent, by the night... so i'm constantly up to toss, turn, pee, or readjust... which as we all know... takes AGES at this poing. *sigh*

i just want to be able to bend my toes!

 

[ellitigg]

all of you who are having rough times at the moment. Just a few more weeks and it will all be forgotten and feel worth it.

I've had a down day too today. I'm not really sure why. We went out for lunch with friends who had a baby about 3 months ago. He was a real sweetie so it wasn't that I was put off or anything but I think I just had one of those 'argh can I really do this' moments. I know it sounds awful but when you're so used to being able to do whatever you or DH feel like, some days I just don't know if I'm a good enough person to be 100% selfless. Most of the time I'm ok so I think it's just a blip and I'm sure when bub arrives I will feel completely different, or at least I'm relying on that maternal instinct kicking in!

 

[tiggertea]

It's def easier than you'd think to get used to the change that's coming.

 

[Jokerette]

Zombie kitten- thank you! Yeah its a tough dynamic wanting MIL there but not mom, and it's a debate about whether it's worth it to hurt feelings or not. Thanks for understanding, it makes me feel better.

Almost Mama- hearing your perspective makes me look at it differently too. I have to remember I am lucky to have my mom here and lucky that she wants to be there . Thank you for reminding me of that. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful for her! I think I might text her now and tell her I love her

Also about the pregnancy taking a toll on your body... Yeah it seems like for me it hit yesterday... 36 weeks and I'm so done! We're almost there!!!!

 

[TeQuiero]

to the ladies that need it!

Elli, it is definitely a lot different when it is your own baby. You are at the end of your pregnancy and everything at this stage can be annoying. When the baby gets here you will feel a bit better and you will not even notice that you can't do everything that you used to do. And then, you can still get a baby sitter to give you some parent time!

 

[swanxxsong]

I see there's a few of you who need hugs! So sorry to hear things are not going pleasantly for some of you. xoxo

I'm a little behind; my in-laws came out yesterday despite the snow and we were kept busy by that during the day, then they sat with my mom and watched Aria so Chris could take me out for my birthday. We got a nice dinner, then came home and snuggled with our baby and puppy. My mom went home today, so I'm admittedly nervous about tomorrow. My first day alone with Aria! But friends of ours are coming to visit in the afternoon, so that'll be fun.

Just hanging out to watch the football game tonight, and enjoying a quiet night in with OH and the dog and baby. My friends are all stunned that I didn't make plans for my birthday, but I can't think of a greater way to spend my day. Though I wish the snow would melt!

Hope everyone's doing well... another week beginning, and we're getting so close to February! Wonder who'll be next?!

 

[TeQuiero]

Sometimes I wish there was somewhere around me that had a really big flight of stairs.... that way I could walk up and down them to try to encourage labor! But, there is no such luck for me.... most stairs that I walk in any given day is like 3 at a time (in and out of the house)

 

[suzzle]

Hi all, thought I'd check in!

37 weeks today!!! Section booked for a week tomorrow, hoping I'll get a sweep on Wed & amniotomy on Monday though so that I don't need it

I find it really odd that mums & MIL expect to be at the labour or birth at all?? Obviously, having a MIL that's a doula would be fab & I'd utilise it, otherwise they both stay out if the way & wait for updates from DH until they are told they can come to visit! I feel like from start to finish, VBAC or section, it's just 'our' time. But I guess everyone is different?

Still haven't uploaded that scan pic from Wed... must do it via laptop before he's actually here

Swan - you sound a lot more upbeat! Are things a bit better now?

 

[tiger]

hi ladies !
im back
so a quick bump pic from the last 8 days , ive dropped ! and boy can i feel it !

everyone thinks im due any day now and when i tell them i have a month left (one month exactly today ) they go on and tell me i wont last that long. i think i will, she wants to keep me in pain it would be just my luck.
will catch up tomorrow properly (it nearly 8pm here)
have an appt wednesday morning and am going to mention about my swelling. my hands, feet and toes have been swelling quite severely for the past week. and i can squish my fingers in :S

 

[swanxxsong]

AHHHH Suzzle!! You're so close then! I hope things progress naturally for you.

I didn't want anyone else a my birth. Well my friend is a doula and had she been able to come I would have said yes. Otherwise no lol. My mom actually said she feels that first 24 hours of bonding is too important and therefore she didn't plan to come until I asked her to be there. Turns out since it was unexpected lol she couldn't come until a day after because they were in NY for my dads job.

But my in laws arrived at 130am (she was born at 12:22...) and I didn't even get to shower or anything. I really was not pleased.

Things here are going so much better! Though when I nurse on my left side she always let's half the milk just run out of her mouth. It's so messy and awkward. I'm hoping she gets better at that in time lol. But she's gaining and is back at her start weight!!! so yay! 2 more weeks before she sees her pediatrician again.

 

[AmaryllisRed]

I agree w/suzzle-- So odd that moms and mil's would want to be in there for labor. Traditionally that's mommy and daddy time, you know? Of course, back in the day, they didn't even let dads in!
I of course won't be allowed anyone other than DH in the OR with me-- and that is just the way I'd want it. My dad's GF is a nurse on that floor of the hospital, so she will be allowed in there, whether she's working or not, and I think I'd like her there... But now she is supposed to be having foot surgery around that time and might not be able to walk... so Idk.

My aunt was just telling me how she was asleep when her daughter was born (in the 70s) and how that was commonplace!! She woke up and they said, would you like to see your baby? And she said, what did I have? How times have changed...

tiger, everyone seems to think I should be ready to pop this baby out, too! It's sort of embarrassing... And I have a month and three days left. (A month to my section yesterday.) I figure by a week before, people will be asking if I'm having twins.

 

[Guppy051708]

yeah, those are called twilight births and only the US did them. Sometimes they knocked you out from the get go but usually you were in hard labor and then they knocked you out for the baby to be born, laid you on your back in stirrups, and then did an assisted deliver. ....so harsh....oh the horror...i def would have been one of those "hippies" and got the hell out of the hospital haha. They were doing it routinly in the US. and moms had no say. They even did this to healthy mothers....all healthy mothers.

I used to think i would only want DH with me...but,tbh i was REALLY glad that my mom was there...she had 4 unmedicated births out of 5 (and the only reason her first was medicated was because the ward was too busy and they were trying to slow her labor ). I dunno if being unmedicated changes things though....because eventually you get to a point where you really could care less because you are just in such a place you wouldn't care...but i was glad to have her there, otherwise i believe my birth would have gone entirly different...probably very hospital routinish.....anyone that attends a birth should be "in the corner" unless the mother asks. basically they should just be a fly on the wall unless the mom wants help. ...the problem is a lot of ppl dont understand that

but everyone has their own comfort...i would NEVER EVER allow MIL there!!!! NO FREAKING WAY! i would probably gestate an adult human being if she were anywhere near me!

 

[TeQuiero]

Amaryllis, that is funny, because with one of my Aunts my grandma said that they were pushing on her uterus while she was asleep and were working to deliver her... I think it would definitely be a bit strange to go to sleep pregnant and to wake up not.

 

[Guppy051708]

tiger! You def dropped! Your bump looks like somebody elses! lol

 

[TeQuiero]

With DS1 I had my mom, my stepmom, and DS1's father.... but I was also only 15. With DS2 I wanted my best friend and DH.... and then my mom kinda just stayed in the room when it was time to push . This time I am planning on it being DH, me, and my stepmom.... my stepmom is really supportive, and we invited her. DH would prefer her over my mom any day!

 

[AmaryllisRed]

Amaryllis, that is funny, because with one of my Aunts my grandma said that they were pushing on her uterus while she was asleep and were working to deliver her... I think it would definitely be a bit strange to go to sleep pregnant and to wake up not.

I know, isn't that odd??
How can they even call that "having a baby" if you're asleep when the "having" part happens? I don't know. I'm glad they don't do that anymore.

My mom thought until a couple weeks ago that I was asleep for my section with DS. I'm like, no, Mom. Duh. She saw me like right after when I was in recovery and they brought DS in to me.

When I was in labor with DS (though I never made it to the pushing part), my mom was there, and of course my DH, and my MIL... at first I was sort of horrified that my MIL came and was seeing me in that state, but then I guess I sort of lost my pride... and was just happy to have someone to talk to!
Afterwards, though... ugh... I had been in labor for two days and had a c-section and felt disgusting. And anyone who wanted to could just traipse through my door! I'm glad this time I'll be showered and a little fresher for receiving visitors.

 

[KjConard]

Hey Ladies, here are a couple pictures of my little Cameryn Olivia. She was born last Wednesday at 4:17am, weighing 6lbs and was 18 1/2 inches. I just realized I hadn't posted pics yet and wanted to share her cuteness with you all! We feel so very blessed!

*I posted my birth story on my blog for those who love reading birth stories as much as I do, here: https://balancedhealthylife.com/2012/01/22/my-birth-story-cameryn-olivia/

https://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b162/Kjirsten22/IMG_0704.jpg

https://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b162/Kjirsten22/IMG_0721.jpg