Feeling depressed

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by FJL, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months and NOTHING. I'm 24, he is nearly 26, we're both healthy and very active and take care of ourselves.

    I know that it takes the average couple 6-12 months, and maybe i'm jumping the gun a bit but I thought it would happen much quicker than this.

    The reason i'm most upset and depressed is that everyone around me is pregnant except for me.

    My sister who is nearly 30 and her husband who is 31 fell pregnant on their first try a few years ago. She is pregnant again on the second go, and try as I might I just cannot be happy for her. I know that sounds selfish, but they're older and haven't been trying half as long as us and BOOM, they're pregnant - its just not fair.

    The thing that really annoys me is she is telling me to 'just relax' and it will happen - easy for her to say, all she has to do is look at her husband and she gets pregnant. I don't want to talk to her or my Mum (who I am normally very close to them both) right now because I know it will turn to baby talk, and right now I am crying just thinking about it. I know they're lucky for getting pregnant so easily and I know if they could wave a magic wand they would make me pregnant too, but I just can't feel happy for them...I am too upset.

    My Sister In Law and her partner are in their mid 30's, they got pregnant straight away first go, and straight away second go (she is due anyday now) and if i'm not pregnant by the time the baby is due I just don't think I can go and see it.

    Is what i'm feeling normal or am I being a self-centred selfish bitch? I know we haven't been trying for that long, but its really getting me down.

    I saw a Dr when we first decided we wanted to get preg, had a full checkup, blood tests etc, i've been using OPK's and I ovulated last month but I don't think I tested long enough the other months, so I don't know if I did or not.

    Its horrible feeling this way :(
     
  2. Trinity

    Trinity Well-Known Member

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    You know what hun? It sounds just like me talking then .. lol.

    I am 26 and my OH is 33 and we have been trying for 8 months. I have been using OPKs and charting and am not ovulating properly so went to the drs and they wont do anything yet :wacko: so know exactly how you feel.

    I dont think you are selfish at all .. I personally think that it is quite natural to feel that way. It doesnt mean you arent happy for them. Dont be so hard on yourself.

    But I have now been told that I have to stop testing and stop charting and just "relax" and "dont think about it" etc and see what happens. So gonna try that for 6 months and then go back again.

    I wish you all the luck in the world hun coz I do understand how you are feeling, as will a lot of people on this forum. I know its so hard but you just got to stick with it and Im sure it will happen for you.

    Sending you loads of luck and baby dust :dust:
     
  3. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    Thankyou so much Trinity.

    I'm really glad I joined because I just don't know if what i'm feeling is normal??? I'm glad to hear that i'm not being selfish.

    I too wish you to become pregnant very soon.

    Thankyou for your support.
     
  4. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    Sorry your feeling so down, i can sympathize with the feelings of frustration, I have been trying since Feb 06, i got pregnant last june but misscarried in july.

    I have PCOS so i am not ovulating right at the mo, im lucky enough to have 3 children, but for some reason this time my body doesnt want to work.

    Hope it happens for you soon.

    xx
     
  5. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    It always feels like everyone around you is pregnant when you start trying I can also sympathize with general how you feel.

    Funny how easy you think it is before you start ... some people are very lucky never to experience the wait on trying & others aren't I guess its a bit of a raw deal well it can feel like it is.

    I hate it sometimes when people tell me to relax, it will end in good news blah blah blah now it's generally not the girls who have supported me here but people in my life closer friends & family infact had one Aunt totally insensitive ask me why I want to bother its not all that :x How nice!

    Theres a pretty good bunch of girls TTC'ing at the moment sadly most can sympathize with not conceiving easily/quickly at the moment so theres a understanding friendly bunch at hand ;) Your not a selfish so an so just human :hugs:
     
  6. Iwantone!!!

    Iwantone!!! Well-Known Member

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    aaawww hunny it must be so hard for u everyone around conceiveing or giving birth xxxx everyone on bnb will help u if u need to talk
     
  7. Imi

    Imi .

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    Hiya hun...

    it's totally understandable how you feel right now and i can see why you are feeling this way, one of my closest friends is TTC and when i found out i was pg again i felt terrible!

    Sometimes it happends for some straight away and other times not ... i think this sucks balls btw! ... and it can be hard, ppl who are Pg / get Pg when they know others are TTC find it hard to and they feel guilty!

    Take it in your stride and im hoping it will happen for you (and all my other girls on here) ... Fingers crossed for a BFP for you and remember others are like you TTC, you will always find support,comfort and advice from us on here pregnant, TTC or otherwise.

    Hope you pick up soon honey,

    xxx
     
  8. fluppyfrog

    fluppyfrog Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: it is hard when it seems everyone around seems to be pregnant, or falls pregnant really quickly, but don't feel bad about the way you feel, your not being self centred.
     
  9. hypnorm

    hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    Best thing to do is ditch the opks, and the charting - don't let it take over your life - i know its hard, but the more you worry and stress the less likely it is to happen. I concieved with my first with in 5 months, but now we are ttc no2 its just over a year, i was charting and opk'ing., but it was getting too much so i have ditched them and just 'going with the flow'
    Are you taking follic acid, and decreasing the coffee... some people swear by asda cough medicine..??
     
  10. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    Hi

    Don't worry. As the others have all said, it's completely normal to feel this way although it makes you feel terribly guilty.

    There's nothing worse than hearing the "just relax and it'll happen" mantra that people with children trot out. It's just not like that and sometimes it's hard to believe that it will ever happen.

    The thing is to keep your chin up and allow yourself some self-pity and a bit of a blub every now and again to recharge your batteries for the next month and then get back into that saddle!

    Don't lose hope. Good luck. :hugs:

    H

    xx
     
  11. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    Thankyou so much everyone, for your kind words and well wishes and for reassuring me that i'm not the only one (though it feels like it sometimes!)

    Hypnorm, i've been on a pre-conception folic acid pill 2 months before we were TTC, so that would make it since September 06. I have been drinking de-caf coffee since that time too - but I do love my chocolate so I guess i'd be getting a fair whack of caffeine from that alone LOL.

    I eat fairly healthy - yes, I love junk food, but i'm eating 3 good meals a day, maybe some fast food once a week or something. I'm very active. I have horses, so I ride at least once a day and do lots of walking around our farm - at least a few kms a day.

    Dr said my check-up was fine when I went in October. Blood tests were all good, blood pressure, weight, pap smear, heart etc.

    I don't know what is wrong if there is something wrong???

    Is it true that a Dr won't see you until you've been trying for 12 months?
     
  12. Helen

    Helen ICSI Twins + miracle BFP

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    At least I'm afraid. Some even want you to go 18 months which they may do as you are younger. Unfortunately, doctors seem to focus on the medical side and don't really give much thought to the psychological side of TTC.

    I always thought that part of the problem was the way contraception is emphasised as you are growing up, they lead you to believe that one slip and you'll be PG. Yes, that can happen, but mostly it doesn't.

    The good news is that TTC for 5 months without a result doesn't mean anything is wrong at all. It could just be you are unlucky with your timing. My advice is get to know your body and work out when you are ovulating. There's a book called "Taking charge of your fertility" by Toni Weschler which I found helpful and is worth a read if you can get hold of a copy.
     
  13. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    Thankyou Helen - you've been a great help :)
     
  14. hypnorm

    hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    my doctor said that he wouldn't consider getting me checked over untill we had been trying for 2 yrs! 5 months isn't long. so i hope you get your bfp soon!
     
  15. FJL

    FJL Heartbroken after m/c

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    Oh my god hypnorm - 2 years???

    Did you find another doctor?!?
     
  16. Old Hayley

    Old Hayley Active Member

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    It'll happen when your not expecting it which sounds like another load of stupid advice... I was using the OPK's every month and getting disapointed when i got my period each time... then it happened and i was in total shock because it was the one month i thought we hadn't tried hard enough. I was trying the middle of each cycle and i actually concieved in the first week of my cycle - which totally threw me. It will happen and as you say your young, healthy and active. It does seem that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD is pregnant when your trying... so annoying! BUt believe everyone when they say IT WILL HAPPEN.

    H x
     
  17. hypnorm

    hypnorm Well-Known Member

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    Just been to toddlers with Ewan and suddendly realised that about 5 of the mums there are pregnant... never even noticed in previous weeks.
    and our neighbour had a baby boy at the weekend, and my SIL is expecting in November.. :shock: you can't get away from it!
     
  18. Arcanegirl

    Arcanegirl Bazinga!!

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    I must be one of the lucky ones that got put through testing at 11 months trying.

    We will all get there :hugs:
     
  19. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

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    me too, i for refered after 8 months from Feb, but really it was after my misscarriage in July so only 3 months.

    x
     
  20. Wobbles

    Wobbles BnB Co-Founder ~ Retired

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    Sometimes I can understand doctors wanting to wait until x many months trying but 2 years I think takes the **** & when it's loooking like there could very well be a problem like PCOS etc not ovulating ... thats when it annoys me.

    Its stupid. I'm really not prepared to be messed aound much more when I move.
     

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