LittleAngel09
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I have been contemplating for a while whether or not to share my story or not. A few of you are aware that I lost my 1st daughter 22 weeks and 1 day into my pregnany, but I have never said how.
So here goes....
5th March 2009 I discovered I was pregnant. My husband and I had been not preventing but also not trying for a year and a half. So I'm sat there staring at that little line that was about to change my world.
Appart from morning sickness until 14 weeks, I had a lovely pregnancy. I had loads of energy and was so excited about the prospect of becoming a mum.
For some unknown reason though I wouldn't let anyone buy anything for the baby until I had passed the 21 week scan. I must have known what was to come.
The scan was on June 23rd 2009 (two days after my birthday). That morning at work I had just arranged my maternity leave dates too. My husband was unable the make the scan due to work commitments, so my mum kindly offered to come with me. I wasn't scared at all. I was petrified at my 12 week scan, but this time I just felt excited about seeing my little one on the screen.
After about 3 minutes into the scan the sonographer said the she wasn't completly happy with what she had seen on the scan. Those words have never left me.
She went to get another sonographer to get a second opinion. But as the second lady shook her head I knew my dream had begun to end. My beautiful baby had a very severe form of Spina Bifida, which had caused a build up of fluid in the skull. The scan showed that my baby was so poorly that the brain had not developed at all. I had taken folic acid as soon as I found out, which made it even more hard to accept.
I felt myself almost leave my body whilst I heard cries from my mum. Even the sonographer's were crying. They had never seen such a severe form of these conditions before.
We were left in a room to take in the news and wait for a consultant to speak to us about our options. I decided I needed to go home and return a few days later with my husband to speak to another consultant and have another scan.
Telling my husband was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I felt like I had fail him and my baby.
Unfortunatley, the we got the same result, but we did get to find out it was a girl. We called her Angel.
Ayway, this was Thursday and I sat in that room for what seemed like forever deciding on what to do. Do I do the 'kind' thing and end her suffering or let nature take it's course. I was weak and had to end my baby's suffering. A decision I did not take lightly, and still struggle to come to terms with. So I was taken up to a small room just outside the labour ward to begin the process by taking a pill. It seemed so surreal, like this tiny pill could solve our suffering. 2 days later I was to go back to be induced.
After a heartbreaking 12 hour labour I delivered our beautiful baby girl, weighing just a tiny 1lb.
We will never forget you Angel. Mummy and Daddy love you more than you will ever know.
Thank you for reading
xx
So here goes....
5th March 2009 I discovered I was pregnant. My husband and I had been not preventing but also not trying for a year and a half. So I'm sat there staring at that little line that was about to change my world.
Appart from morning sickness until 14 weeks, I had a lovely pregnancy. I had loads of energy and was so excited about the prospect of becoming a mum.
For some unknown reason though I wouldn't let anyone buy anything for the baby until I had passed the 21 week scan. I must have known what was to come.
The scan was on June 23rd 2009 (two days after my birthday). That morning at work I had just arranged my maternity leave dates too. My husband was unable the make the scan due to work commitments, so my mum kindly offered to come with me. I wasn't scared at all. I was petrified at my 12 week scan, but this time I just felt excited about seeing my little one on the screen.
After about 3 minutes into the scan the sonographer said the she wasn't completly happy with what she had seen on the scan. Those words have never left me.
She went to get another sonographer to get a second opinion. But as the second lady shook her head I knew my dream had begun to end. My beautiful baby had a very severe form of Spina Bifida, which had caused a build up of fluid in the skull. The scan showed that my baby was so poorly that the brain had not developed at all. I had taken folic acid as soon as I found out, which made it even more hard to accept.
I felt myself almost leave my body whilst I heard cries from my mum. Even the sonographer's were crying. They had never seen such a severe form of these conditions before.
We were left in a room to take in the news and wait for a consultant to speak to us about our options. I decided I needed to go home and return a few days later with my husband to speak to another consultant and have another scan.
Telling my husband was the worst thing I have ever had to do. I felt like I had fail him and my baby.
Unfortunatley, the we got the same result, but we did get to find out it was a girl. We called her Angel.
Ayway, this was Thursday and I sat in that room for what seemed like forever deciding on what to do. Do I do the 'kind' thing and end her suffering or let nature take it's course. I was weak and had to end my baby's suffering. A decision I did not take lightly, and still struggle to come to terms with. So I was taken up to a small room just outside the labour ward to begin the process by taking a pill. It seemed so surreal, like this tiny pill could solve our suffering. 2 days later I was to go back to be induced.
After a heartbreaking 12 hour labour I delivered our beautiful baby girl, weighing just a tiny 1lb.
We will never forget you Angel. Mummy and Daddy love you more than you will ever know.
Thank you for reading
xx
so sorry for your loss xx
xx
