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Harveysmum369
Mrs Christmas
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No one said it offended...they said it shocked them....
M
MyFirstNoodle
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Harveysmum you said it was over the line and V2007 you said it was abit OTT for this forum...
I've not really seen any Peter Kay shows for years, really need to get my hands on some of his material x
D
Donna35
Guest
They gave their opinions, they're entitled to do so. They were shocked by the joke - again that's their prerogative. They weren't being argumentative with you hun please chill. The thread is now taking a nice turn into a jokes thread - join in and let this go please x
Harveysmum369
Mrs Christmas
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Yeah over the line,is different from offending me...
D
Donna35
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In one of the episode, he helps a little lad onto a bus.
He says 'there you go'
Kid turns round and says 'get off me you dickhead'
It's a bloke who is a dwarf. (God, I hope that is the correct term)
V xxx
D
Donna35
Guest
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that would service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Dave here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"
So the farmer took Dave back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Dave a little pep talk. "Dave", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff". And without a word he strutted into the hen house.
Dave was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Dave had finished having his way with each hen. But Dave didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig pen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Dave, you'll kill yourself". But Dave continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dave lying on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above.
The farmer walked up to Dave saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy".
"Shhhhh," Dave whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."
So the farmer took Dave back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house though, he gave Dave a little pep talk. "Dave", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff". And without a word he strutted into the hen house.
Dave was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Dave had finished having his way with each hen. But Dave didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig pen, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Dave, you'll kill yourself". But Dave continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dave lying on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above.
The farmer walked up to Dave saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy".
"Shhhhh," Dave whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."
D
Donna35
Guest
WAYS TO REJECT PICK-UP LINES
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: "Want to Dance?"
Woman: "No, thank you."
Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too.
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "Female impersonator.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized, go away!"
A graying man in his 60's approaches a twenty-something with "Where have you been all my life?" She took one glance at him and said, "For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet."
Two young dudes are striding down the street and and one glances at a girl who has just walked by. She turns around and sneers at him, "What are you looking at?" His friend comes to the rescue: "He thought you were good looking. Man, was he was mistaken!"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Guy: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!"
Gal: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
Man: "Want to Dance?"
Woman: "No, thank you."
Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too.
Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "Female impersonator.
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized, go away!"
A graying man in his 60's approaches a twenty-something with "Where have you been all my life?" She took one glance at him and said, "For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet."
Two young dudes are striding down the street and and one glances at a girl who has just walked by. She turns around and sneers at him, "What are you looking at?" His friend comes to the rescue: "He thought you were good looking. Man, was he was mistaken!"
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Guy: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason!"
Gal: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"
Scoobys mummy
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DO NOT SHOOT ME DOWN FOR THIS!!!
Please it's a joke:
A man with a stammer gets a job selling bibles. The boss says " good luck no one ever sells more than six"
Later that night he comes back and when the boss asks how many he got rid of he says
"ffffffffff"
"five asks the boss?"
"no ffffff"
"fifteen?"
No fffffffive thththousand!!!"
"how on earth did you manage that?" asks the boss
The man replies " well I ttttold ththem if thththey dddddidnt bbbbuy them I'd rrrrrrrrread it ttttttto ththem!!!!!!"
Please it's a joke:
A man with a stammer gets a job selling bibles. The boss says " good luck no one ever sells more than six"
Later that night he comes back and when the boss asks how many he got rid of he says
"ffffffffff"
"five asks the boss?"
"no ffffff"
"fifteen?"
No fffffffive thththousand!!!"
"how on earth did you manage that?" asks the boss
The man replies " well I ttttold ththem if thththey dddddidnt bbbbuy them I'd rrrrrrrrread it ttttttto ththem!!!!!!"
what do you call a donkey with one leg? - a wonkey
what do you call a donkey with one eye and one leg ? - a winky wonky
Whats brown and sticky? - a stick
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot ? - a carrot
I apologise, its been a very long day...
what do you call a donkey with one eye and one leg ? - a winky wonky
Whats brown and sticky? - a stick
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot ? - a carrot
I apologise, its been a very long day...
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