funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[jess1983]

Okay My daughter is looking at me like I am crazy because I have been laughing out loud reading this thread.

Well here it goes. I had only been at the hospital 2 hours and the nurse had just checked me and I was a 5 and feeling great. About 15 minutes later, I started feeling really bad and screaming that I needed to push. I was really upset and screaming at everyone the nurse finally came in and said that it hadn't been long enough and she wasn't going to check me. I guess I looked at my husband right in front of her and said "This nurse is the stupidest b**** ever". Well I guess she looked horrified and decided to check me and my water exploded on her arm and I looked at my husband and said she deserved that (oops). She said I was a ten and the baby was coming out, but she told me not to push because my midwife wasn't there. so I was screaming " How am I not supposed to push" and my midwife walks in. Well I pushed once and her head popped out and I started screaming to my midwife "PUT HER BACK IN" It hurts so bad please just put her back in. Well obviously she didn't but my husband still laughs about it every time he thinks about it.

 

[Jaimie2Eyes]

"PUT HER BACK IN"

That may be the best line yet!

 

[JoyFul87]

These stories are the best..I'm laughing so hard, can't wait to have some of my own.

 

[tiger]

Okay My daughter is looking at me like I am crazy because I have been laughing out loud reading this thread.

Well here it goes. I had only been at the hospital 2 hours and the nurse had just checked me and I was a 5 and feeling great. About 15 minutes later, I started feeling really bad and screaming that I needed to push. I was really upset and screaming at everyone the nurse finally came in and said that it hadn't been long enough and she wasn't going to check me. I guess I looked at my husband right in front of her and said "This nurse is the stupidest b**** ever". Well I guess she looked horrified and decided to check me and my water exploded on her arm and I looked at my husband and said she deserved that (oops). She said I was a ten and the baby was coming out, but she told me not to push because my midwife wasn't there. so I was screaming " How am I not supposed to push" and my midwife walks in. Well I pushed once and her head popped out and I started screaming to my midwife "PUT HER BACK IN" It hurts so bad please just put her back in. Well obviously she didn't but my husband still laughs about it every time he thinks about it.

oh my i think i nearly just pee'd myself lol !
i remember telling my nurse she was an insensitive bitch because she didnt turn the gas up for me whoops

 

[jess1983]

hehehe I am glad I could give you guys a laugh. My husband still cracks up when we talk about ttc again. He's like I hope it is as fun as last time lol. I love reading these and hope everyone keeps it going.

 

[jess1983]

Okay My daughter is looking at me like I am crazy because I have been laughing out loud reading this thread.

Well here it goes. I had only been at the hospital 2 hours and the nurse had just checked me and I was a 5 and feeling great. About 15 minutes later, I started feeling really bad and screaming that I needed to push. I was really upset and screaming at everyone the nurse finally came in and said that it hadn't been long enough and she wasn't going to check me. I guess I looked at my husband right in front of her and said "This nurse is the stupidest b**** ever". Well I guess she looked horrified and decided to check me and my water exploded on her arm and I looked at my husband and said she deserved that (oops). She said I was a ten and the baby was coming out, but she told me not to push because my midwife wasn't there. so I was screaming " How am I not supposed to push" and my midwife walks in. Well I pushed once and her head popped out and I started screaming to my midwife "PUT HER BACK IN" It hurts so bad please just put her back in. Well obviously she didn't but my husband still laughs about it every time he thinks about it.

oh my i think i nearly just pee'd myself lol !
i remember telling my nurse she was an insensitive bitch because she didnt turn the gas up for me whoops

Oh the things we say. LOL

 

[Lollypod]

Not that funny but I had gas and air and my OH tells me I started talking in an Irish accent to all the midwives but I'm English?! Random!

 

[TTC86JMS]

these stories are really sensational i like the one about the sausage legs and put her back in the best.
i really laughed out loud

 

[Cleo]

This thread is awesome!

During our childbirth classes I remember turning my nose up at the videos of the women giving birth bc I thought they all sounding like dying animals and was that really necessary? I know, I know...how naive!

Fast forward to my labour, after getting a little high off of gas and air, I very dejectedly announced that "I sound just like the women on the videos! I'm a stuck pig!" DH and our nurse had quite a good laugh!

 

[LaraJJ]

This is the funniest thread I've read for ages!! Thanks for sharing everyone

 

[amerikiwi]

These are great!

The funniest memory I have is that my Father in Law was alone in the waiting room for most of the night but stuck his head in the room to check on everyone right as my DD was crowning. At a loss for words in the situation he timidly asked "anyone want a cup of tea?" and then ran back out.

 

[littlelady23]

this is my mums funny story when she was having me.

she had a really difficult labour, and at one point the midwife put on a tape with songs from different adverts on it, and told her to relax and concentrate on the music to see if she could remember any of the adverts the songs were from.
about 20 hours later, still in labour and with a changeover of midwives, my mum randomly screamed "HOVIS! ITS HOVIS!!" she said the looks on the midwives faces was priceless, they'd had no clue she'd been listening to that tape earlier. but that she was delighted she had remembered the advert lol!

 

[pester]

Thanks so much for shareing! Heading into my first labor its good to know that even in labor humor can be found!

 

[ferens06]

Haha had a good laugh at these. I've never been pregnant so I can't share, but I laughed for some time at the sausage leg!x

 

[xpensivtaste]

its 6 am and OH is fast a sleep but i am chuckling away making the bed shake. these are great.....my stories dont really match up but just for laughs i'll write about them anyway....

whilst in labour with my daughter i was checked to see if my waters had broken, the midwife said "well your waters havnt gone.....yet"....before she got the word "yet" out my waters exploded all over her like a tidal wave which gave my mum and i something to laugh about, much to her expense....my mum is a bit of a gas and air addict and when ever the midwife was out of the room she would take it and start puffing on it, the midwife would come back in and say "M, have you been on the G and A again???" she'd say no but it came out in a really distorted deep voice so she would start laughing uncontrollably.
she also did this when my sister in law went for a c section. my brother and i went out for a cuppa and came back.....she jumped and looked like she was hiding something. when she realised it was us she burst out laughing and began puffing on it again...she is TERRIBLE. notorious for this as she is well known at our local hospital being a mother of 7 and grandmother of 3. DOH! she insists she only likes being pregnant for the gas and air.

 

[Linzi]

I remember getting into the hospital and hearing this woman SCREAMING down the corridor, honestly like she was being killed or something it was horrible :/ I was 21, first baby, in labour, terrified... and this woman down the corridor was screaming I said to my husband "I can't do this, listen to her she's in so much pain, I can't do this" etcetc and my husband was reassuring me. The midwife came & gave me my pethedine and the woman started screaming again, my husband was saying "are you ok? just try and block it out, she's probably over dramatic", I said (in my drug induced state) "it's ok, I think she's just watching a really scary film, like Jurrasic Park or something"

Then when I was pushing, I made a bit of noise but not when I was actually pushing it was like afterwards... the midwife kept saying "don't make too much noise just concentrate on what you're doing" I gave her a bit of a mouthfull which involved "have you ever given birth? Shut the f**k up, get her out of here" etc etc and tried to kick her in the face

xxx

 

[TeresaG]

When I was having my daughter last year I got cramp in my leg right at the pushing stage. It hurt so much and I shouted at the midwife because she wouldn't let me stand up to try and get rid of it. She started massaging my leg which just annoyed me and I had a go at her. She told me to concentrate on pushing instead.

 

[Bocket]

I was quite pleased that despite a few random noises through labour I kept quite calm..........It was when they started to stitch me up that I lost the plot.....

I think I went to town on the old gas & air (my bestest friend!) I came out with such phrases as...
<looking straight at the midwife with my most serious face> "Y'know, in the weirdest way possible; this is just like being at the dentist" She just nodded and smiled politely
"Are you using knitting wool to do these stitches?"
When she told me to be still so she could check the stitches I went "Like when the hairdresser checks the sides are even?" She just responded with "This is one haircut you wouldn't want to be lop-sided so stay still"
And finally she announced that the last thing she had to do was check none of the stitches had gone too deep by putting her finger up my bum (TMI- Sorry!) anyway she did it as she did I pointed and shouted at my OH "And don't you dare get any ideas" and laughed very loud, then rememberred my mum was sat next to me.....I also kept telling them that was the worst bit of giving birth and that I felt violated....whilst laughing away to myself............yea I love gas and air!!!!!

 

[HungryHippo]

I just remember right before LO came out the doctor stepped away to put on a more protective jacket and I said something like, "Huffy the !@#$ up - there's a baby hanging out of my vagina!" And the doctor said to wait until the next contraction to push and I replied, "Well where the !@#$ is it?!" That got the nurses laughing but I was not at all amused at the time...

 

[prgirl_cesca]

onto the loo. while there, transition hit,

Why do we all seem to hit transition on the toilet?!?!

My funny moments were:

* My husband hates Glee with a passion and I adore it and wind him up whenever the original version of a Glee song comes on the radio by shouting "glee!!!" at the top of my voice. Anyway we were listening to radio 2 during labour and a Fleetwood Mac song from an episode the week before came on and inbetween contractions I somehow found the energy to shout "glee!" at him!

* My labour was very quick and intense after being put on the syntocin drip during induction and I asked for an epidural after about an hour. It was delayed and I decided I needed a poo before I had it so I got up and transition hit and I completely freaked out. So after I calmed down a bit I got back onto the bed and went "where is my f*cking epidural then?!" and the midwife said "oh but Francesca this is the natural birth you wanted!", apparantly I just went "oh f*ck sake" and started pushing 6 mins later he was born