funny/ embarrasing labour stories

[Samantha675]

onto the loo. while there, transition hit,

Why do we all seem to hit transition on the toilet?!?!

Because it is where our brains are conditioned to let go of control, and our bodies are conditioned to relax down below.

 

[prgirl_cesca]

Oh yes makes sense now!

 

[smithgirl]

Oh my gosh I was laughing so hard at these I was crying! And I was laughing so uncontrollably that I was passing gas in front of my husband!

 

[Sooz]

I crapped myself so many times pushing in the pool that DH took over poop-a-scoop duties with the sieve because he felt sorry for the MW.

I think the best part of my labour story is that I was hosting a coffee morning for my NCT buddies that day and when they turned up I was bent half dressed over a birthing ball with DH strapping a TENS on to my back. I insisted they stay so had my group sat drinking tea and eating cake and watching me labour. Our NCT leader said she wants to hire me out in future for labour demonstrations.

 

[LockandKey]

think I projectile shat on the doctors while pushing my brains out. Oh well, I'm sure it wasn't the first time that's happened to them, which I assume is the reason why they wear protective eye wear

 

[nm123]

Brilliant! I've been chuckling away to these - just what I need to while away the pregnancy insomnia!! Nothing to add myself but will pop back in a few months time hopefully with my own funny story! Keep 'em coming!!

 

[Minnyb]

I terrified my OH with my second daughter. I was in the throws of labour and we were tearing towards the hospital when I announced to my rather suprised husband that I 'apsalutely HAD to have a sausage and egg muffin meal from the Mcdonalds drive through. (Well I was hungry!) He was very hesitant but I was so demanding he reluctantly gave in looking slightly pale and panicky. I remember having a massive contraction whilst collecting our food and getting a bizarre look from the member of staff handing over the breakfast as I huffed and puffed through it. Needless to say, my OH who had also ordered, was far to worried to eat anything so I had his aswell between contractions!
Oh and he mentioned the poor midwife had to do plenty of 'sieving' too as I had a water birth and was leaving some floaters!!

 

[MrsVenn]

Gosh I've got quite a few but a sample are:

9cm dialated, baby's heartbeat had gone, consultant told me to start pushing to see if Molly would descend:

Me: I can't, something doesn't feel right, it hurts.
Hubby: Push through the pain!
Me: *Look of death" PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN, WTF DO YOU MEAN PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN!!!
MW: Give her the G&A


Me: Im dying, I can't do it.
MW: Do you want an epidural?
Me: No no, the G&A is fine, I CAN do it.
MW: Are you sure you don't want anything?
Me: No I can manage.

5 seconds later..

Me: Can I have a general anasthetic? I've had one before.
MW:


Me to MW: I may get a little out of control and lose it, so be stearn with me (whilst off my face I was saying this)
MW: Laughing her head off - It's fine, you'll be ok.
Me: Good because I want to scream... Cue lots of screaming

Which leads to the embarrassing confession of me screaming so loudly they actually stopped the 'new mum's' tour of the delivery suite at the time because they thought I may scare them. What we didn't know at the time was, the pain I was experiencing was because Molly was seriously stuck and they hadn't realised. The midwife on the labour ward the next day knew me as 'the girl in the pink room' Oh the shame

Oh and I asked for a cup of tea at 8cm

 

[Abisare]

well we were driving to hospital, about five minutes out and my wife starts screaming/ shouting at me through a large contraction.

Stupidly I asked 'are you ok, should i pull over ?'

As the contraction eased she shouted..

'you've trapped my finger in the f@@@ing window you w@@@er'

 

[amerikiwi]

Oh and I asked for a cup of tea at 8cm

I should've sent my Father in Law over to your room then!

Well done on stopping the tour as well. Mine was less screaming and more "moooing" but I kept saying afterwards (whilst on gas for the stitches) "oh no, I probably scared all the others away. Did anyone stay to deliver this morning after hearing me?"

 

[futurephotos]

Thank you everyone! I don't have any children yet - so no stories, but man these were fun to read!!

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I had diarrhoea and my OH had to support me as I squat over a little cardboard sick thingy on a chair. It stunk really bad too.

Omg, couldn't they get you into a toilet or anything?! :/ xx

 

[nervousnell]

I am actually sat on the sofa crying with laughter!! I felt really rubbish today so was looking for something to cheer me up - this has definitely worked!! Thanks ladies!!

 

[MrsVenn]

Oh and I asked for a cup of tea at 8cm

I should've sent my Father in Law over to your room then!

Well done on stopping the tour as well. Mine was less screaming and more "moooing" but I kept saying afterwards (whilst on gas for the stitches) "oh no, I probably scared all the others away. Did anyone stay to deliver this morning after hearing me?"

send him my way next time

Yeah I was quite proud of that

 

[Lawhra]

Oh my these are so funny! Thanks for sharing everyone

A few moments from mine:

I was in hospital for 2 nights due to PROM and OH had to be called at 2:20am to come in as baby was coming. On arrival he is told which room I was in, walked in and was immediately glared at by a couple whose baby had just been born. He was very embarrassed and not happy to be told the wrong room!

Between contractions I kept talking about One Born Every Minute and how I now understood the women on there, for some reason this embarrassed OH. I told him the baby was coming because I felt the baby near my bum which felt like I needed to poo. I was asked if I needed to push, said no, then pushed! (they had to push his head in and tell me stop pushing as they weren't ready for me!)

I yelled "the burning ring of f*****g fire!" whilst crowning and kept apologising for swearing. I also yelled "fuuuuuuuuuu*k"

After the birth when being cleaned up I couldn't figure out how to open the pack of maternity pads saying "I've never had these before and don't know how to open them" The midwife just took them off me and tore them open.

I thought the student midwife was a comedienne I'd seen on telly and told her I recognised her.

 

[hawalkden]

Midwife-"You need to push
Me-"I cant"
Midwife-"Why not?"
Me-"I cant stop thinking about johnny depp"
Partner-"Oh thanks, that makes me feel really good about myself"
(And i wasn't thinking about johnny depp, so i really dont know why i said that!)

This really made me giggle hope the G&A works for me like that haha

 

[meow951]

Don't know if these are funny but i found them funny

As soon as i went into labour i got really bad diahorrea and i was having contractions every few minutes. I couldn't sit down because it was too painful so i had to hover over the toilet and keep bobbing up and down, trying to make sure i pooped in the toilet.

I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes right from the start and couldn't sit down so the drive to the birthing centre was exteremly uncomfortable. I asked DH for a kitkat and when he tried to hand it to me i said "why are you giving me a kitkat? Do i look like i want a kitkat? Get it away from me NOW!"

When i started pushing my waters broke but LO was too low down for all of it to come out and he'd also done a poo inside me. I was on all fours and both midwifes we leaning over behind me, looking at my bits. When LO came out, which was very quickly and with a lot of force, all the green gunky water and poo fired out and went all over the equipment trolley. The midwifes only just got their heads out of the way in time!

 

[sequeena]

I....

Called the midwives cnuts and then could not stop saying sorry
Made my OH take a photo of my son crowning - why?!
Spaced out way too much on gas and air and kept thinking I was someone else

 

[SabrinaB]

these stories were so funny, made me a tad bit nervous for labour though!

 

[Jennifaerie]

Loved these stories!