Funny Things you did while in Labour?

[cuteboots]

With es I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes b4 he was born, it was a back to back delivery and I didn't even get a chance for gas and air, I wanted no one near me, even told the MW to go out and id give her a shout when I was done. Had been shouting (though not very loudly) threw my teeth when the mw turned and said to me that id have a sore throat in the morning, I turned looked her in the eye and said well I think it wont just be my throat thats sore in the morning so don't worry about it.

with DD it was a total blur, the machine wasnt recording my contractions so they thought that Id be there hours, they gave me a full doze of pethidine 5 minutes before I gave birth, mw told me to hold on because she'd no gloves on told her to move out of the way id catch the baby (which i did) cos she wasn't waiting on her and wtf hadn't she got them on before, then couldnt believe that I had a baby and kept saying omg, ive a baby, oh my god its a girl, OH said he'd never seen anyone in total shock like it before, I couldn't actually work out how she got there cos I was totally out of my tree lol.

with wiggles it was meant to be another medical delivery, doctors went off to let me get ready and the mw was sitting in the corner, my contractions weren't even registering on the machine but I was in agony, mw said in about an hour we'll c about getting u some pain relief, I thought I was going to die. then I needed the loo, she told me not to worry and to go ahead and she'd get me a bed pan, told her there was no way cos I could imagine OH down the line saying remember you s**t on the bed.... not going to happen, so she'd a wee look and said off you go to the toilet, as soon as I got on the toilet I realised I didn't need the loo and it was the baby, I stood up and called OH then delivered the baby in my hands, the mw came in and told me to sit on the ground l looked at her & said are you joking its stinking! she went into total shock and OH had to calm her down, I walked back to the bed carrying wiggles still attached and said don't mind me only had a baby lol

 

[Belle30]

with wiggles it was meant to be another medical delivery, doctors went off to let me get ready and the mw was sitting in the corner, my contractions weren't even registering on the machine but I was in agony, mw said in about an hour we'll c about getting u some pain relief, I thought I was going to die. then I needed the loo, she told me not to worry and to go ahead and she'd get me a bed pan, told her there was no way cos I could imagine OH down the line saying remember you s**t on the bed.... not going to happen, so she'd a wee look and said off you go to the toilet, as soon as I got on the toilet I realised I didn't need the loo and it was the baby, I stood up and called OH then delivered the baby in my hands, the mw came in and told me to sit on the ground l looked at her & said are you joking its stinking! she went into total shock and OH had to calm her down, I walked back to the bed carrying wiggles still attached and said don't mind me only had a baby lol

What a great story!!!

he told me not to worry and to go ahead and she'd get me a bed pan, told her there was no way cos I could imagine OH down the line saying remember you s**t on the bed.... not going to happen

A couple of weeks ago I was walking along with my OH and he made a horrid hacking sound and spat into some bushes - I HATE spitting, and he knows it, so I said "DO NOT DO THAT! IT'S DISGUSTING!!"

To which he replied "No, I'll tell you what's disgusting, and that's s****ing yourself on the bed while you're having a baby"

GGRRRR!

 

[janeydee]

Awww this is a fab thread, God love em the midwives and staff at the hospitals are worth their weight in gold they must see & hear some things. I bet they are all histerical laughing in their staff rooms sharing stories about all us crazy weirdo's having babies.

 

[Shining Star]

I had an emergency c-section after a really bad back to back labour (excuses excuses!!!) and when the aenethetist told me that they were just getting the baby out I said "If it's a boy, put it back... the nursery is PINK!"

He calmly said "I'm afraid they can't really do that!"

OMG, I was mortified afterwards! I didn't care whether it was a boy or girl.... just couldn't face painting the nursery again... obviously!

 

[surprisepreg]

hahahahahaha these are hilarious! I havent been through labor yet as I adopted my 2 year old son....but I will def have to post on here if I do anything funny when Baby Shane is born

 

[SamGames23]

I didn't really say anything silly during labor, well i might of but i was scheduled for a c-section so I was on pain meds and just kinda started babbling to MIL, Sister and OH but after the c-section while they were putting me back together I told one of the doctors that my lung hurt...he looked at me confused and was like Your lung, I said yes it hurts...

A few seconds later I told him my lung felt better his reply..."guess they just needed to put your uterus back into place." I laughed, cause it is probably the weirdest thing anybody is ever going to say to me.

Also the first thing I asked once she was out was "she's still a girl right?" Everyone giggled a me.

 

[shamrockerjo]

After the first few puffs of gas and air I whispered to my husband "God I've missed being stoned!" and then said to my midwife "I feel like I'm doing something naughty and like I shouldn't do this in front of you". Both hubby and midwife were laughing. It took me a while to actually start using gas and air properly cos I genuinely felt like I was smoking a spliff and I felt so guilty, haha.

Oh and hubby and I also played thumb war between contractions at one point. We also did this during our wedding ceremony while holding hands, awww.

 

[AimeeM]

Baby #1 - When LO popped out and was put on my chest, OH asked "what is it?!" and I said "It's a baby!" It never occured to me he meant is it a boy or a girl, I just thought he was in shock.
With baby #2 I farted in the anaesthetists face and then a few mins later proceeded to vomit what appeared to be a complete half of a jacket potato skin, on to his shoes. I chew my food properley now

omg this is just too funny

 

[TereMD]

well I arrived at the hospital just about to give birth because I had a false labour the previous days and I didn't want to go for nothing so I ended up having no pain relief at all, 10 cm dilated. I kept asking to have a cesarean and the doctor just laughed at me.
In labour, I went crazy. I screamed and screamed so hard the doctor had to told me, "Stop crying and push!"
When he was born I kept asking
"why he's so blue?" they told me its normal
"why he's not crying" ("he has dear, you're just in shock hahah)

 

[Janiepops]

This is brilliant!!!!!
I remember hanging over the back of the settee, shouting my Mum to get me the basin as I was gonna be sick, then when she brought it in I told her to 'get it out my f**king face!' Then minutes later, the mw still hadn't arrived and I knew I had to push, screamed this to my Mum and she told me to take my pants off so she could have a look, to which I replied 'No way, I don't want you seeing my bits!'

Once he was here, after about 10 minutes, I lifted the towel that was over him, and said 'oh for f**k's sake, he's s**t all over me' hahahahahaha

 

[Louise23]

Lol.. This thread is hilarious.. I defo belong here rofl.

With my first i had an awful labour (prosten pains for 48 hours no sleep etcetc she was born at exactly 42weeks) I remember asking the Mw when I was 6cm after like 20hours to close me up or "pull her out by her ears and hang her on the washing line.." LMAO

With my 2nd I was only awake 45mins of my labour i said i needed toilet they said u dont ur having a baby.. I said "Actually I'm not being funny or anything but I'm not having any baby until my mum gets here so ring her" i got the reply "its not upto you she's already half out" lmao

With my 3rd i didnt know i was pregnant until April 18th at 9:45pm .. At 10:37 the MW told me PUSH the baby's nearly there. (I was rushed to hospital with 'food poisoning' at 9:30)
to which I relied "What baby I'm not pregnant.. I think I'm dying.." my baby was born at 10:43pm LOL

With my 4th they had to put a clip on bubs head to trace heartbeat and I asked MW "Just have a look while ur in there I must be ready by now." LMAO That was an hour after my labour became established LOL.. although I did give birth 25mins after that.

 

[AmethystDream]

Wasn't so much me, but the midwives who were causing the biggest laugh during my Eldest's birth.

Her Dad always did have problems with his priorities and spent much of the labour sat on a chair, back to the bed I was stuck on, feet up watching Rocky on the TV. The midwife would nip in and say "you OK?" and before I'd answer, asshole in the corner would say something along the lines of "Oh, you know tired but OK. I'd kill for a cuppa though" Got to the point that the midwives were encouraging me to swear at him.

You can swear you know love, just let it all out. We don't mind if you start calling him names and abusing him... go for it! Go on, we know it hurts, just swear at him.

I didn't shout or swear at him but I very nearly broke his hand and threw up on him twice

 

[surprisepreg]

Lol.. This thread is hilarious.. I defo belong here rofl.

With my first i had an awful labour (prosten pains for 48 hours no sleep etcetc she was born at exactly 42weeks) I remember asking the Mw when I was 6cm after like 20hours to close me up or "pull her out by her ears and hang her on the washing line.." LMAO

With my 2nd I was only awake 45mins of my labour i said i needed toilet they said u dont ur having a baby.. I said "Actually I'm not being funny or anything but I'm not having any baby until my mum gets here so ring her" i got the reply "its not upto you she's already half out" lmao

With my 3rd i didnt know i was pregnant until April 18th at 9:45pm .. At 10:37 the MW told me PUSH the baby's nearly there. (I was rushed to hospital with 'food poisoning' at 9:30)
to which I relied "What baby I'm not pregnant.. I think I'm dying.." my baby was born at 10:43pm LOL

With my 4th they had to put a clip on bubs head to trace heartbeat and I asked MW "Just have a look while ur in there I must be ready by now." LMAO That was an hour after my labour became established LOL.. although I did give birth 25mins after that.

LMAO! You should go on that show "I didnt know I was pregnant" and share the story of your 3rd baby!!!

 

[SamGames23]

I agree you should

 

[New Mrs W]

I was given some pain relief via an injection in my bottom at one point. Apparently the midwife gave it to me during a contraction and I was making some sort of weird labour moaning noises but when she put the needle in my bottom I turned to her and said, "Ouch, that hurt!"

 

[Caezzybe]

I was fully dilated on the way to hospital in the car and was lying sideways on the passenger seat with one foot on the dashboard/door and the other on the windscreen, screaming away because I was trying my hardest not to push. My poor husband was staring straight ahead at the road, trying not to look at the other drivers - it must have been a hilarious sight for the people in the other cars! I had to giggle when I saw the footprints all over the inside of the car later

 

[Kte]

I went mental and shouted at OH because he put Elton John on the CD player, his singing made my contractions feel a whole lot worse! (I got to go in the pool and hadn't really planned it because I didn't want to get my hopes up so we had no music just the hospital stock )

My LO got stuck but at the time the senior MW didn't think I was putting enough effor into pushing so she had me pushing for hours and hours in different positions, and although I can't remember some of it as thankfully I blacked out being on G&A, apparently OH said I kept on kicking her back across the room when she tried to haunch my legs up to push At the end of it all (theatre and forcepts) she apologied to OH for thinking I was being lazy as she didn't realise LO was stuck! At least I got some kind of revenge!

 

[dizzymeg]

My Little one was back to back, and because my waters had broken early I was in the delivery suite with obstetricians, one of them put her hand inside me to turn his head whilst I was having contractions and I yelled ' get out of me now!!!' very loudly - man it was the most painful part of the whole thing.

Then, when high on G&A during my stiches, I said in a drunken voice 'they should sell this stuff it is great, I havnt been drunk since january' oh dear!
x

 

[Emzywemzy]

Just after I started getting the urge to push, I started really hammering the G&A. Now I don't remember this, but we had a CD on and my OH said that I started flinging my arms and legs around everywhere when a jamiroquai song came on. He asked "what are you doing?" and I said "DANCING!" with a big grin on my face, before lurching into an almighty scream with the next contraction lol I wish I could remember it!!

 

[akaash.]

haha some funny stories

I had my mum in laws fringe wrapped around my fingers in one hand .. and in the other gripped up my partner .. also told him to get me galaxy, muller corner from sainsburys ... and told my mum in law she cant take my baby out for a walk ... haha

oh yeah and told the doc i want to send him a thank you card for giving me epidural!!!

xxx haha