Funny Things you did while in Labour?

[KittenKat]

I thankfully didn't say anything funny or stupid because with no drugs I would have no excuse hehehe. One of my midwives on the other hand......I was "happily" going about my business burying face in the giant bean bag and growling through contractions, once at OH when he touched my back to try and relieve pain, had back to back worse place for him to touch. Midwife was basically just sat at end of the sofa bed type thing I had in my room chatting away waiting for the next time she needed to monitor me, I got asked things like "ooh is that a natural tan on your back or pregnancy colouring?" "Oh I like the tattoos you have on your back where did you get them done?" To which I had OH muttering in my ear about what a time to ask stupid questions, and I couldn't help but giggle as I couldn't at that moment in time actually answer.

Though I may not have actually said anything stupid ....doesnt mean I didn't do something funny....though not on purpose. I was stood in front of OH trying to ride through the contractions as by this point sitting was out of the question but waters hadn't broken even fully dilated. I was holding on for dear life, OH had his feet tucked under the chair just incase waters broke. Contraction came, waters broke but instead of a stereotypical gush downwards .....I gushed in a stream at an angle.....right onto OH's leg poor guy was drenched over his lower leg

 

[Seity]

I didn't really do or say anything funny, but after a while of dealing with the contraction naturally I asked the nurse if it was going to get worse. Because if it had stayed at that intensity, there's a chance I could have done it without any drugs. Apparently (according to my OH) I said it in a very sad little voice. The nurse then went over my two drug options and I picked the intrathecal that would last 2 hours. Well it took 30 minutes for the anesthesiologist to drive to the hospital and in that time OMG did the contractions decide to ramp it up a notch, so when he got there and started to explain my drug options, starting with the one I wanted, all I could do was repeat "The first one! The first one!" over and over until he shut up. My OH says it was all very hilarious to him.

 

[Jetters]

I screamed "GET OUT OF THERE YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!!" pushing when he got stuck (he got stuck at the shoulders coming out).

That's the first thing I ever said to my son :/ To be fair, my labour was 3 days long so I was fed up.

I swear I nearly p'ed myself laughing at this

 

[Morgan]

Apart from telling the guy who did my epidural with Austin that I loved him I don't think I did anything funny or embarrassing in labour. After the epidural with Austin I just slept and when I got to the pushing stage I just put all my effort into puching rather then screaming as the Dr was threatening forceps and I was determined not to have them.

With Darcey even tho the G&A had run out and no one had realised I was still pretty lucid and having a conversation with the MW every time she came in. I did scream for pethadine but she was born 5 minutes later. Couldn't have a conversation with hubby as it was the middle of the night and the poor thing was so tired he was asleep in the chair. He just kept his hand by mine on the bed so I could squeeze it when I needed too and to be fair to him he had woken up by the time I (suddenly) needed to push

 

[Tiff]

I got fed up with the nurses telling me that "it won't be long now" for the person using the labour pool to be out of it, then it'd be my turn. After 4 agonizing hours of hearing this when they came the last time I freaked out on them.

I don't remember what I said, only that I was pretty rude. They were the only people I sniped at though while in labour.

 

[snapex]

I hummed the tune to 'We Are Sailing' from start to finish. I don't know why, it just seemed to relax me.
Also, even though the tank must have been empty, I practically bit through the gas and air haha. All I was getting was a placebo effect though. It lost any hold over me very quick.

ah, I remember laughing at my family too. Just looking at them and laughing. Also drinking lots of orange juice while I was being induced in the hope that well....it would help me use the loo and it wouldn't happen when I gave birth haha. Didn't work though

 

[AimeeM]

Nathan got stuck with his head out and all i could see was his ear really stuck to his head.
While the MW was trying to get his shoulder unstuck i leaned over my self and tried to grab his ear to un stick it from his head.
The MW shouted what you doing STOP! I said 'his ear is stuck to his head and looks uncomfortable'
I realised how dumb i sounded when i said it but luckily she spotted me cos she said if i'd have touched him it would have been very bad as he was stuck and touching him would have stimulated him to breathe.

 

[jenkins]

my dh and sister were with me,

me; oh my god i cant believe how much it hurts

my sister; i know

me; no seriously it is really painful

my sister; i know your doin great

me; no seriously i just can't describe how much this hurts

my sister; suck the gas an air

me; no! are you tryin to make me sick??? this really hurts

my sister; for gods sake I KNOW i've had 3 babies!!!!! (2 without any pain relief ROFL)



and to the midwife when getting prepped for theatre for probable c section but they were attempting keillands forceps first

me; am i gonna be destroyed down there?
are you gonna cut me then try and get him out THEN give me a section?
please don't mess me up down there and give me a section i don't want both
i'm gonna have both aren't i aren't i aren't i


midwife; we're not YTS you know!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Hannah]

I had to be rushed through for an emergency section and the anethetist was leaning down to speak to me and all I can remember saying to my hubby was "get her out of my face, her breath stinks!!" I thought I was whispering but no! I was pretty loud about it apparently, she was only about a foot away so must have heard everything!

 

[flower01]

lol! this is a good thread!

I remember being in the birth pool and high on gas and air and suddenly sat up saying "Steve, is your ipod on?"
The midwife and hubby looked at me as if i was mad! there was no music on at all! i could definatly hear it tho! lol

Also- "Has this bloody gas and Air run out or something?? its not working anymore!"


aww i loved labour! makes me smile remembering it!

 

[jensonsmummy]

lol these are hilarious, just made my night, lol glad im not the only one that embarassed themselves, think next time i may go to a different hospital.

To midwife - after her telling me for about three hours i only had to push his about 1cm more before she cud feel his head, i said 'you told me that 3 f**king hours ago, and i dont believe an F**king word you say. Also made her run the birthing pool and put my big toe in it and said it was too hot and refused to go any further. Also demanded she give me a section there and then.

To hubby - sitting on the loo stark naked saying i know i always said i wanted two babies but id changed my mind and didnt want any now lol. Think it was maybe too late for that. The midwife also had give him a cup of tea and 3 quality streets, and i refused to let him eat them as they were my favourite, and i must admit, i asked him for them as soon as LO was out and was still being stitched up lol

 

[chele]

These are great!!

I was quite placid and polite for some reason but the G&A made me totally high and by the time I got to theatre it was dead on 2am. It was the day the clocks went back and I was shouting out to everyone "what time is it? is it 2am or 3am?"
Everyone was laughing at why I was thinking this but then began to question the same thing....lol

And when the bed started to move as they prepped me I totally freaked out

I LOVE gas and air

 

[loulou10]

all my flipping mw kept saying was its labour what do you expect i said through gritted teeth not to F***ING hurt this much and she would say pardon obviously becos of my language,but the funniest thing i remember in there was not from me but my OH the mw was checking me and said to my OH quick the babys heads crowning he said what the babys coming ?? she said yea OH was like quick go get the doctors and mws and she was like what for?? he said well your not delivering my baby on your own are you? she gave a galp then politely saiid ive delivered 100s of babys on my own his face was a pic and nearly pasted out whilst im screaming for them to stop chatting and deliver my baby 5 mins later she was hear and she done a perfect job on her own

 

[janeydee]

when the mw said she could see his head i told well drag him out then!!!! when she said noooo i told her to push him back up n give me a section.....
apparently i was also telling my hubbie i could hear someone revving a motorbike in the corridor too..... i could just see that happening in a hospital too couldnt u!!
i remember all day hearing this woman screaming her head off the whole ward was talking about her, i said to hubbie im going to do this as quietly as i possibly can and not be like that at all!!! i was adament. WELL i think she actually was quite quiet compared to me thinking back now.

 

[Hellodoris]

Apparantly I was really rude.. I don't remember anything really bar one thing.. my OH was looking out of the window and said oh look there's the flock of paraqueets in the park... I told him to go out there and shoot the *******s...

glad I don't have to go back to that hospital...

 

[Tsia]

When I was in labour in my pool at home I heard someone on the phone and badly badly aggressively accused OH of talking to some other girl and cheating on me.. he wasnt on the phone at all.. it was Mary, my midwife on to the hospital telling them to get more gas and air ready for collection! lol

Its a trippy hallucigenic that stuff!

 

[DottyLottie]

Baby #1 - When LO popped out and was put on my chest, OH asked "what is it?!" and I said "It's a baby!" It never occured to me he meant is it a boy or a girl, I just thought he was in shock.
With baby #2 I farted in the anaesthetists face and then a few mins later proceeded to vomit what appeared to be a complete half of a jacket potato skin, on to his shoes. I chew my food properley now

 

[nicholatmn]

This wasn't in the hospital, but it was on the way...

We stopped for food as I was really hungry. Well, on the way, I dropped my cellphone. I couldn't reach down and pick it up, so we pulled over and I got out of the van to pick it up.
A few minutes later, I dropped my water bottle. We pulled over, I got out and picked it up.
Few more minutes later, I dropped my food. Once again...
then my cellphone again...
then my water bottle.
All the way to the hospital.

 

[Welly]

this is a brilliant thread!!

With this labour I got to 5cm and, as dd was back to back, asked for an epidural as the pain was so intense. Midwife shortly came back in to tell me an emergency had just come in so I'd have to wait for about an hour. I smiled at midwife and said it was ok, I understood. I thought she'd left the room so I started crying and told dh that I'd had enough, and that I refused to take anymore, so could he get my bags as I was going home to be with ds!! I pushed dd out 46 minutes later without the epidural

the most embarrassing thing though was that I didn't want to swear in front of the midwives, even though I'm partial to the odd outburst of foul language One contraction was so painful I yelped in agony and shouted...wait for it "Gee Whiz" omg, I cringed as it came out ofmy mouth!! Even during a painful contraction I was aware of how dumb I sounded

 

[Belle30]

With baby #2 I farted in the anaesthetists face and then a few mins later proceeded to vomit what appeared to be a complete half of a jacket potato skin, on to his shoes. I chew my food properley now

PMSL!

I was totally and utterly convinced that my OH and the midwife were in cahoots and lying to me about everything.
When they told me they could see the baby's head, I told them they were liars, and then the midwife said that on the next contraction, she'd put my hand down to feel it. When I felt it, I said it couldn't possibly be a baby's head because it was too soft, and they'd just put some slimy piece of fruit there.

The midwife asked me if I gave everyone the evil eye I was apparently giving her throughout the whole thing, at which point I cried and told her I was not an evil person, but a very nice one.

Then I told her and her supervisor that I loved them.