General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[DobbyForever]

Date went well. He continues to be a gentleman. It was another swell date. And he kissed me (cuz I asked him to) and it was like straight out of a Hallmark movie.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks sorry about the delayed cheesecake. I’m glad the spotting has stopped and that V is doing well with potty training during the day. I use floss picks as well rather than traditional floss, though I’m not as consistent as I should be. Yay for the weight loss! You’ve got this!

Dobs sorry about the flossing aversion I use floss picks like Flueks, not sure if you’ve tried those? Sorry about the early wake up calls from A and the babysitting situation Speaking of your stepdad, did your mom ever serve him the divorce papers?
I’m so glad your date went well, I’m so excited for you

AFM not much to report. LH is still low, CM isn’t fertile yet. I’m sleeping way more than I should be at not the best hours so I need to get back on a schedule, but when you don’t constantly have things to do it’s hard, it makes me want to just lie down and then I nap for 6 hours instead of 2. Oops.

 

[DobbyForever]

Fluek that’s awesome job on the weight loss! And so sweet that she’s moving on to her own room. Like hard because where did our babies go?! But every milestone is so sweet. I have some floss picks in a drawer and I’m just talking myself into using them haha.

Shae thanks girl! I whine a lot on here but honestly I’m fine lol. It’ll all work out. I don’t know if she served him because the courts are backlogged, so I don’t even think she has her papers back. He’s in hardcore manipulative overdrive though. She did tell one brother, and he basically said he wants her to be happy but he doesn’t want to know any details and he expects them both to be civil. And thanks! I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, but whatever this is with this guy is just what I needed right now.

I’m pro listen to your body. If it wants to sleep, then sleep. Esp if you don’t have to be anywhere.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs sorry your stepdad is being an ass and that the courts are crazy slow. I’m glad that what you’ve got with this guy is exactly what you need rn

In general I am also pro-listen to your body, but I think part of my fatigue is actually lack of activity. I barely move, I don’t do things that take any real mental or physical energy. Re-organizing my survival closet the other day (carrying bags of canned food downstairs, rolling up sleeping bags, and organizing cans and other food in the closet) was probably the most physical activity I’ve had in weeks. That’s depressing lol. I do the grocery shopping once a week so that entails plenty of walking but it’s just slow walking, I’m not trying to plow down granny in aisle 2. Other than that I sit at home on my phone, lie down on my phone, or drive to SO’s house and sit or lie down with him. Anyway, point being, I think my body isn’t getting what it needs/is so used to not needing to function on a level higher than “you sit and lie down all day and do nothing productive”. I think I need to force myself to move through the fatigue and be more active, and that will actually reduce my fatigue over time.

On another note, I’m struggling with SO’s lack of sex drive and my very high one, though part of my high sex drive right now is definitely my hormones trying to get me pregnant but mine has always been higher. It’s just that lately his hasn’t just been low, it’s been nonexistent. He’s only been doing it to make me happy because I get all mopey and I feel bad because obviously I don’t want to pressure him into doing something he doesn’t want to do but at the same time it’s really hard mentally when you’re not used to being turned down constantly. I think it might be because he’s so overwhelmed and mentally burnt out and depressed. He’s seeing a doctor in a few days to get on depression meds.

Speaking of BD, I’ve still been managing to get it about every 2 days lately which is more than the usual just because I’ve been able to see SO more often. Despite the diaphragm, you bet your booty I’m counting out the number of days sperm could potentially be alive until/what day I’d have to ovulate by to get pregnant. The hormones be cray. I mean, they’ve always been nutty, but I genuinely thought I would have no trouble with not doing something dumb like pulling out my diaphragm early etc, and I have discovered that the temptation is definitely there and definitely strong. Not strong enough to give in to, of course, because I would feel incredibly guilty (cuz it’s immoral) and be unable to lie about it. But Lordy are the hormones trying me.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh Shae I get that. I hate when people tell you to push through and you’ll feel better, but honestly it’s so true. Maybe just start with a short 10-20 minute walk every day? I started with 20m every morning, and now my body craves it and I’m walking closer to 40-60m. But I have dogs and elevated ldl as a motivator. Otherwise nothing would have changed.

And yes. I remember the early 20s hormones. I’m glad you’re able to see SO and be active on a regular basis! Your thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal though for someone who hopes to be a mom one day. Hang in there!

afm in a weird spot with the boy. He texted me as soon as he got home and we’ve been cute texting like always. We’ve both been clear about wanting more privacy for third date, but I told him I’m not ready to have him at my place. He was super supportive as always and made a comment about me going to his. So I told him my schedule and that my friend is open to sitting again, but he hasn’t asked. He was so quick to set date 2, and we both clearly want a date 3. I don’t know if it’s his living sitch or because I won’t have him over or because he knows I don’t have cas bd so he doesn’t want to pressure me or maybe he’s just worried we’ll do it before I’ve gone a full cycle on my bcp. Idk. So frustrating. I’d just feel better if he set a date or told me what the stall is about.

 

[Flueky88]

Shae sorry his drive isn't matching yours. Sounds like depression is affecting his drive. Hope he gets some help from his appt.

Dobby maybe he is overanalyzing you suggesting his place and not yours or he's in a mass cleaning spree lol? I dunno, I'm really bad at the whole dating thing lol I do think he still likes you though.


Omg the cheesecake turned out really well. I made a choclate ganache and placed some mini reeeses cups on top. I won't fix too often but I really enjoyed it.

 

[DobbyForever]

Omg that looks heavenly!!!!! I drooled a little.

Thanks . He asked to call me tonight, so I’m hoping maybe he’ll ask then? I know he’s old school and prefers to talk details over the phone. He did say he cleared the backyard today, but honestly we just had a bad storm so that’s probably wishful thinking. I know people will text even if they’re over it, but I don’t imagine he’d call if he was.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs it’s too cold here to go on walks really, I mean, people do it, but they’re bundled up in coats and we don’t have sidewalks. I do have a treadmill, perhaps I could start walking on that in the morning and listen to some music. Unfortunately I lack a strong motivator, that’s always been my issue. I have a gym membership but I haven’t gone since September. My classes went until 5:15 last semester so I’d get out, eat dinner, and it’d be dark and cold. I hate going to the gym when it’s dark and cold. Or cold in general. This semester I just have 2 classes a week from 1-3:30 and an online class. My clinical will vary by my preceptor’s schedule, once I actually get a preceptor. I could potentially get breakfast, go to the gym, shower, have lunch, go to class. Or I could go after class if I slept in. But since it’s cold my motivation will be low. Once it warms up I’ll probably be more willing to traverse campus to get to my car.
My weather app for reference:

I checked the San Francisco weather... I’m very jealous.

I hope the call with the guy goes well. Hopefully he just got busy or was anxious... or panic cleaning his house

Flueks that cheesecake looks sooooo good. I love Reese’s. BnB needs a drool emoji lol

 

[DobbyForever]

I feel you. Motivation is tough. I know I rolled my eyes at anybody who told me to walk until it became a legit health issue. Hopefully you find your spark

Haha yeah I was about to say it was 46 the other day and I put on my heaviest jacket and wore sweatpants over my jeans cuz I was too cold

lol panic cleaning I’ll keep you ladies updated

 

[PrettyInInk42]

Flueky - That cheesecake looks gooood. Might have to give that recipe a try.
And girls look so cute. Definitely see a family resemblance.

Dobby- Glad the hear date number 2 went well. How'd the phone call go?

shae - I used to have a much higher sex drive when I was in my early 20's, but SO would turn me down a fair amount. Then we switched several years later and now we're parents and he usually goes to bed after I'm already asleep. Oh well. lol
And what you said about tiredness from lack of movement sounds a lot like SO. He's always falling asleep on the couch (even while sitting up), or at the computer if he's not working. But he also has like zero drive to be active and he's a big guy. I get not wanting to go for walks in the cold. I took the boys out several times in March when everything shut down and we were definitely bundled up. Then I got lazy, and didn't want Matthew to get too used to sleeping in the stroller. There's not much stopping me now except still not wanting Matthew to sleep in the stroller a lot, plus his nap time is my chill/get a couple chores done time.

Re: MS. I had the same thing as you, Dobby. Sick on an empty stomach. My hunger would go from zero to 100 in a snap and if I didn't eat ASAP, I was gonna be sick. I had to keep granola bars in my purse and at work. I threw up once with Alex in my 3rd tri from food poisoning and once with Matthew cuz I waited too long to eat and threw up a few spoonfuls of cereal. My mom said she had nothing with me, but did with my sister.

AFM, we had a scary incident yesterday. I gave the boys a bath and got Matthew all dry and PJ'd first. SO came upstairs, got him and brought him back down. I get Alex out and start getting him dressed. I hear a creak in the stairs and think SO is coming back up, but I don't hear anything else. Keep dressing Alex and then hear "a sack of potatoes" falling down the stairs, followed by Matthew screaming. I race down the stairs, but SO gets there first. He fell asleep on the couch and forgot to close the baby gate. Best guess, Matthew climbed up between 6-12 steps and fell down uncarpeted stairs. He obviously felt bad, but WT actual F? It's unfortunate when other people have to get hurt for someone to learn a lesson. Thankfully, Matthew seemed fine after he calmed down. No cuts or bumps or bruises. He is super lucky. This also happened to be the 5 year anni of my dad passing. So, he must've been watching over him.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs lol at 46 degrees, these days if it’s above 40 I leave the house in a hoodie. However, it’s totally about what you’re used to. During fall if it got down to the 40s I needed my heavy jacket. During summer if it got down to 60 I needed a jacket. Now that my body has adjusted to it being in the 30s all the time, the 40s is nothing (unless it’s super windy or something), and in the spring, 60 degrees means a t-shirt and jeans, maybe even shorts. It’s all relative. So, as much as I’d like to give you the standard New Englander “lol you think that’s cold? WEAK” I know damn well I’d be the same way if I lived in the Bay Area.
Re: exercise, I originally was competing with SO by # of gym days, which helped. Unfortunately COVID hit 2 weeks into our competition, and he’d been using his college gym, so he doesn’t actually have one right now. I seriously need a gym buddy. Once we get an apartment together, hopefully we’ll be able to go together for motivation. It’s just frustrating, because in September it seemed like I was going backwards, I couldn’t do as much weight as I did before, and I hadn’t been building up muscle yet before, I’d only gone 2 weeks. It’s hard to power through regressions.

Pretty I’m so glad Matthew is okay, that’s so scary! Thank goodness he had his guardian angel (guardian grandpa? Angel grandpa?) looking after him.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae you’re so funny. You always crack me up. But yeah this whole pandemic has really thrown a wrench at things. Hopefully once it’s over, you’ve finished school, and (like you said) you and SO move in together then things will perk up both sexually and physically.

Pretty omg that is scary. I’m glad he’s alright though!

AFM call was so sweet. He was so energetic and talked a lot about his family. Just overall seemed more comfortable. He said a few cute things. He called while both hockey and basketball games were going on, and I made a crack about how shocked I was. Without missing a beat and in the sweetest, straight tone this guy says, “Of course, you’re important to me.” And then I made it hella awkward by being way to into that comment lol. And then I got the sense that he is not emotionally ready to dtd/is super busy with work hence the stall on date 3. And I felt bad for pressuring him. So I sent a sappy text that I regret about appreciating how respectful he is and that I want to be equally respectful of any boundaries he has as well. He didn’t respond and that makes a first time he didn’t send me a goodnight text. Which could just be that he was working and fell asleep. But I’m just going to let that text breathe and let him text me first today. Hopefully =\

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’m glad the call went well. Hopefully he’ll text soon.

I’m definitely not going on a walk today lol

It’s annoying how hard it is to get a good picture of snow as it comes down.

OPKs still negative. Cervix has risen, but still firm, CM still creamy. Hopefully that’ll change soon. I am very impatient lol.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby glad he called you and it went well for the most part. I always felt awkward talking to guys on the phone. I hope he texts back this morning.

Shae oh yeah when I'd visit my dad and bro in WI, I'd get acclimated to their cold weather and come home to TN and want to wear shorts in 40 or 50 degree weather. I do prefer mild Temps for any season though. I haven't paid much attention to weather though.

It's too cold for me to get the girls out to play and me walking. Really worried more about E getting too cold.

Pretty that is terrifying. I'm glad he's okay though. Also, I'm sorry about the loss of your father, it sounds like he was watching out for Matthew.


Thanks everyone about the cheesecake. I'm pretty proud of it as I've never made a real cheesecake, I only the silly box kind. It turned out really well. I'm going to have DH drop off two slices to my mom and step-dad as he (not DH) has covid and my mom has a sweet tooth. He's just going to leave it on their porch and then text once he's back in his truck.

 

[pacificlove]

Pretty, accidents happen, maybe hubby thoughtnhe closed it but it didn't latch? Glad to hear Matthew isn't worse for wear. From personal experience babies do seem to "bounce" quite well.
I remember cooking, hands deep in some raw meats and the boys playing in their room. I hear the door a few times i shout "don't play with the door" thinking they were playing with their room door. So I start cleaning my hands only to hear a "thud thud" I sprint to see the basement door open. Ds1 had opened it (and it's a difficult round knob) as I got there ds2 hat just hit the concrete at the bottom of the wooden stairs. He literally used his head as the break. Thankfully it was a superficial scratch and a few bruises. Ds one learned a lesson of "don't open doors or brother goes doing doing down the stairs" he was just as shocked.
Don't blame yourself or SO

Dobs, sounds like you and your guy might have to have a talk about expectations on doing the deed is it off the table for him or you?

Shae: that picture is beautiful! Post card quality maybe?
As for walking or working out. I have no motivation on my own.. having and taking my dogs has really been the best motivator for me. Especially when the weather is "bad" as no one else is out there to bug me and I can give the dog more off leash time at times as there tend to me less bikers in the rain

 

[DobbyForever]

Omg Shae! That's so pretty!!!! I'm sure it's probably not the most fun to live in, but it's gorgeous! And I know the science behind everything, but it's so cool how like it can be so sunny and warm here but it's snowing over there. Ah nature. FXed O comes soon!

Flueky that's really sweet of you guys to drop that off for them. Hopefully it's the pick me up they need. Sending positive recovery thoughts for your stepdad!

Re DTD so we've definitely had a lot of innuendo and we both very clearly want it. There was definitely some *ahem* tent pitching at the park during our last date. And definite moments where he caught his hands going for a wander and had to like restrain himself. It was really cute. I was very upfront with him on our second phone call after a few PG texts that I haven't DTD in over 3 years, and I'm not one to have casual BD/ BD tends to be very emotional for me. So I won't enjoy it if I don't have a personal connection to the other party. He also knows that I don't want to DTD without having waited a full cycle on my bcp. He said he respected that, and he's kept all of conversations PG or PG-13. I did finally ask him last night about his history, and he said he hasn't DTD in a year and that was with his last relationship. I had also made a comment about running him a bath after a stressful day (and not like r rated just like who doesn't like a freaking bubble bath post stressful day at work?!) and he said let's start in the hot tub where there's a little more clothing involved. Which was the first like stop sign I got from him when there's been innuendo. Usually he's stopping himself LMFAO. So I'm getting the sense that he's in the same headspace as me? Which scares me because I didn't know he was looking at this on a more potential for something serious level. I really honestly thought this was just casual for him. And it makes me think that he isn't just here to BD and quit because he knows he could get in my pants today if he wanted. Like I ran away from the dude when he kissed me because I got so turned on lol. And then he kissed me again and I literally just melted into him. So he knows he could get it any day, any time hahahaha

 

[shaescott]

Flueks sorry to hear your stepdad has COVID, I hope he has a speedy recovery! I’ve never made cheesecake before, I’ll have to try it at some point.

PL we have a large fenced in backyard, so we just let the dog out through the porch door to run around and pee. Since we don’t need to take her on walks, we just don’t. She can run around unsupervised. Occasionally we’ll go out with her and throw a ball around, but she never really mastered fetch, so she kinda just chases the ball and then chews on it for a while, or doesn’t know what to do next.

Dobs shoveling snow and cleaning it off my car isn’t fun, but it’s still gorgeous. I’ll never get tired of watching the snow gently fall. There was no storm warning so I wasn’t expecting the snow, they don’t put out a warning if less than 2 inches is expected I think. It was only like 1/2 an inch today. So I’ll have to clean off my car tomorrow, but I’m not in a hurry so it’s fine.

I think it’s great that you guys are in the same headspace about being cautious and moving slowly in a physical sense, but also being attracted to each other enough that you have to hold yourself back.
I wish SO still acted that attracted to me :/ he promises I’m still his type and all that, it’s not me, he just isn’t interested in anybody at all, there’s zero sexual interest whatsoever. It’s just really hard when I’m so used to him being all over me and it’s devolved into me having to convince him to have sex.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol only half an inch of snow. Literally never snowed a day in my life anywhere I’ve lived. Love it! I hear you with the dog and backyard situation. Sounds like time for a more hyper dog that needs long walks!

to be fair Shae, it’s new and we both haven’t gotten it in a loooong time. I’m sure this handsy phase will die out quickly. I know it’s hard, but there are a lot of external factors and stress right now beyond both of your control. Hang in there. Keep that line of communication open. Big hugs.

you may also be right with the panic cleaning because he was clearing out the backyard again yesterday haha and he had hinted it was partially in prep to have me over

 

[shaescott]

Dobs it’s so funny how different it is across the country. 1/2 an inch wouldn’t even get a 2 hour delay for public schools here. They go based on when the snow is starting and stopping too, so if we get like 6 inches but it stops at night, they might just do a 2 hour delay the next morning to allow for good plowing. If it’s snowing all day and it’s more than like 4 inches, we’ll have a snow day. If snow doesn’t start until 12 pm or later we’ll have an early release at like 11-12. My college mostly goes with the local public schools but not always.

I’ve driven to clinical in the snow, I drove to high school in the snow. Never in more than a few inches though. My car doesn’t handle snow well despite being AWD, and I always forget to account for increased stopping distance. My tires always slide a bit when I stop in snow/ice. I legit have had so many nightmares of breaking and still going straight into the intersection, even without snow luckily that hasn’t actually happened, just once I slid a little into a backroad intersection that wasn’t busy. I did do a 180 once in the snow though, that was terrifying. I crashed my car in the snow the next day. Since then 2nd gear has been my friend. I can’t drive manual but my car has like sport mode which is partial manual, it won’t let you go into a gear that will break the car, it’ll take over. So I can put it in 2nd while driving slowly through snow, the car will go into a higher gear if I don’t tell it otherwise.

We were definitely very handsy in the beginning of the relationship. When it’s new, the hormones are flying and everything is on level 10000. I don’t mean to be all jealous lol, I was just struggling with that last night. I’m really happy that you’re getting that. I talked to SO about it briefly last night. He has his doctors appointment today I think, and if depression meds don’t help (he was gonna use one that doesn’t decrease sex drive) he said he might see a doctor about the issue. He feels really bad about it.

Lol at the panic cleaning. If you managed to keep your house clean during COVID, you’re a saint, so I expect most people would need to do some panic cleaning.

 

[shaescott]

Welp SO got an email with the zoom link for his appt for depression meds that said 2 pm and he got on at 2 pm and nobody was there. Turns out the appointment was supposed to be at 1. So no clue how much longer we’ll have to wait for a new appointment. This doctor doesn’t have a proper office apparently. I’m very annoyed because I am not dealing with the whole situation well at all, I’m like bawling every night so that’s lovely