General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs sounds like switching tomorrow is a good plan

 

[DobbyForever]

Thanks. In other good news, covid test came back neg. dunno if I mentioned A and I are sick. No fevers but his breathing got pretty bad and he needed his nebulizer for a couple of days. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my bro over or going on my date without a negative Covid test. I do feel bad about having a cold though

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I don’t think you’d mentioned you were sick recently. I’m glad it’s not COVID! Poor A needing the nebulizer. I remember when I was little and I got sick my mom would have me use the nebulizer. I thought it was kinda fun with the vapor. I can still remember the sound it made. I haven’t used it in probably over a decade.

I haven’t had a proper cold since early January 2020 (it was a nasty one, I was miserable). I assume you’re getting them because A is in daycare?

I didn’t sleep last night, I only was able to nap after breakfast until 1 pm. I have homework due at midnight and all I want to do is sleep. I’m tempted to sleep until 9:45-10 and then get up and do it, because I’m wasting time lying here tired on my phone lol

 

[DobbyForever]

I vote for do the homework then sleep without worry

Yeah it a double edged sword cuz he likes it but I hate that he’s so used to it. Yeah A started sounding croupy late Tuesday. I’ve been fatigued but officially woke up today with that sick taste in my throat. My brother and his gf still want to babysit, but I texted The Boy and he hasn’t responded. Which like I texted him cuz I didn’t want to catch him off guard by dropping it over the phone but ugh. I’d like to know where his head is at. There’s a chance I’ll wake up fine tomorrow but today I feel like 80%. Like if I saw him today I’d definitely think he’d get sick. Yeah def from daycare cuz we’re all the same. If our kid doesn’t have a fever, they go to school. So you get these stupid colds every so often. I’d say this is our second cold since he went back in August, so not too bad. Just awful timing.

also sure it’s in my head but day one on my new old bcp and I already feel lighter and happier

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I napped first, but I still got it in at 11:59 PM lol. Then I thought of a few more things to say 2 hours later and since it was a discussion post I can edit it, so I did and said “edited to add (because I thought of more stuff):”. Hopefully the Professor won’t be annoyed that I added stuff past the due time. I clearly marked it as edited, I’m not pretending I wrote that stuff before 11:59, so hopefully he won’t care.

I hope The Boy responds soon, and I hope you both feel better tomorrow. I’m glad A hasn’t gotten too many colds. I’d get a fever (like a solid 102) about every two weeks from around the time I started daycare until I hit kindergarten. As soon as my mom got Tylenol in me I felt completely fine and the fever broke, but I couldn’t go to daycare because of the 24 hour rule. Not sure if it was me catching every virus in New England or if I had some immune thing, my mom discovered there’s some condition that can cause similar symptoms in the same age group, I don’t remember what it’s called though.

I’m so glad you feel better with the switched bcp already! May very well be placebo, but it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re feeling better.

 

[DobbyForever]

Glad you got both the nap and the work done! I’m sure your prof won’t care. My students know stuff is due end of school day but I don’t check it until 7 lol. So it’s really not due until 7.

He texted and called. We decided to postpone, which sucks but I feel like crap this morning so it was the right call. We had a great call as always and he said maybe we can get lunch during the week once I feel better. So hoping I feel better ASAP lol

 

[shaescott]

Went to target today to pick up a snow shovel since a big storm is coming tomorrow, and I was bad and grabbed a 3-pack of FRERs I’m not going to use one today because I’m only 6 dpo but I may start using them on Wednesday since that’s 9 dpo. I’m just too impatient to wait lol

 

[pacificlove]

Dobs sorry to hear you are sick, glad it isn't covid!
Hope you get that date soon! None of us have had a cold since people actually stay home now when sick, wash their hands and sanitize and wear masks...

AFM.. Canada has tightened things around international travel so that has directly impacted me getting a puppy.. it's not happening anymore so heart broken again.

 

[shaescott]

PL I’m so sorry

 

[DobbyForever]

PL I’m so sorry about the puppy. Sending big hugs and I’ll keep praying the things change in the coming weeks.

Shae lol well just remind yourself how expensive they are. Could be more fun to make a baby fund? Like a swear jar but instead of putting money every time you swear you put money in every time you want to buy an EPT and then when you do ttc and get your bfp you can go baby stuff crazy? I just don’t want you pouring hundreds if not thousands into tests especially when you are using a reliable form of birth control.

I’m starting to feel better but I’m not feeling confident about where we’re at. We’ve only been talking for 4 weeks to the day, and I haven’t seen him in 2.... so if we can’t pull the trigger soon idk how much our foundation will really support.

Also mad at myself. I took my pill 2.5 hours late tonight because I thought I snoozed my alarm but I silenced it. So I went back to working and lost track of time expecting my alarm to go off after 8m.

 

[shaescott]

Dogs lol I’m not going to buy FRERs all the time, don’t worry, I have cheapies at home. I’m just not going back home until next weekend and there’s shipping delays in my area due to a big snow storm coming tomorrow+Tuesday, it would take forever for cheapies to arrive here if I ordered some. So I just grabbed a $12.99 3-pack to tide me over. I’m definitely not pouring thousands into tests. I’m sure I’ve hit over $100 over the past several years, but I’m not going to spend crazy money on FRERs every time I want to test. As for it being a reliable method... I mean, the efficacy rate over 12 months is only 86.3% with correct use (failure rate of 13.7% over 12 months according to the product website). So I’m not sure if it’s that reliable. And let’s be real here, I’m hoping it’s not very reliable. This is the biggest chance I’ve had to get pregnant since I became sexually active by a LOT. But of course, chances are higher that I won’t get pregnant. I just hope I will because I’m baby crazy and evolution brain has turned me to “reproduce NOW” mode.

I’m probably just clueless but what do you mean by pulling the trigger re: the boy?

Sorry about the delay with the pill, but you still took it within a few hours, and it’s a combo pill right? So that’s not a huge deal. I totally understand how it’s stressful and frustrating, though.

 

[shaescott]

Oh I forgot to mention, when I went to target I picked up my snow shovel first, and I expected it to be in a box or something but nope, it was just a big ass shovel, so I had to carry it with me to the pregnancy test section and back to checkout. I was laughing internally wondering if anyone was looking at those two items with suspicion. Like “if that’s positive is she gonna use the shovel on the baby daddy?” My brain is weird. That is all.

 

[shaescott]

The snow storm today/tomorrow got downgraded from 7-15 inches to 7-12 inches. Definitely still glad I got that shovel. If it was 5 or under I could’ve just kicked the snow around my car out of the way, but my boots are not going to keep me dry in 12 inches, they are not tall enough. I’m sure those of you who’ve lived in snowy areas understand the suckage that is getting your lower pant legs soaked by snow and having numb legs for a while when you get inside and peel the wet pants off (unless you’ve always worn snow pants, in which case kudos to you, smart woman). I wonder if Dobs will read this in horror

 

[shaescott]

SO’s mom just tested positive for COVID the day after visiting his 70 year old grandparents sooo I can’t see him for at least 2 weeks.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae oh no! Are his grandparents vaccinated or do they need to be tested as well? Hoping everyone has a smooth recovery! Sorry it puts your plans to see him on hold.

Yeah, just be careful lol. It's a slippery slope and you already broke the seal. I just don't want you to repeat my mistakes lol cuz honestly you sound a lot like me ten years ago. I don't think I got into the thousands until I started actually ttc, but yeah. Skip those brand names and keep the cheapies as much as possible. Re efficacy, I can't and won't pretend to know anything about diaphragms and their failure rates/what makes them fail. But I do skim your journal and I agree wholeheartedly with your recent assessment that the truth is your birth control method is reliable but you are hanging onto that small percentage because you want to be pregnant. And I totally get it because I was there at your age, too.

I didn't read the other posts cuz I have to run. Been busy today playing catch up on the work I usually do over the weekend on my free time. As far as pulling the trigger, I just meant that if we went a third week of not seeing each other then that's two weeks seeing other and three not. We'd have spent more time away than together. And I don't know that our "relationship" has enough of a foundation being as new as it is to survive going 3-4 weeks without actually having a date. But no need to worry because we set a date for later this week. He did offer up tomorrow, but I have the tiniest bit of congestion left so we put it out just a couple more days. Still not planning to BD. If he asks about V-day, I may be cliche and let him come over after A is asleep upstairs and do it then downstairs lol

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I don’t think they’re vaccinated. They’ll need to get tested in a few days. Too early to test now. I’m just sad because I won’t be able to see him on his birthday or Valentine’s Day.

Lol oof, hitting me with that truth and logic you’re not wrong though.

I’m glad you guys scheduled another date! Hopefully things continue to go well!

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh snap. I’m triple sorry! It’s hard enough going two weeks, but I didn’t put together that V-Day is within that timeframe and that his birthday was too. . I know ultimately dates are just dates and can be rainchecked/celebrated later but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

lol well technically I’m just paraphrasing you back to you . But I’m also a dare to dream type so I get ya

Re snow lol that sounds miserable I’m sorry. I don’t even think we get that much rain. More power to you all. I can never leave CA lol

also lmfao at using the shovel on the baby daddy

thanks! He’s been really sweet but yeah. We’ll see. This also gives me a couple days to try and loss this bloat/weight I gained being sick and eating all these calorie/carb/sodium filled soups lol. And so far so good with the bcp. I was just worried cuz in the past if I’m late taking it then I either cramp or bleed or both but looks like s’all good in the hood.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I didn’t even realize about the dates until a few hours later.

Snow’s not all bad. I can hear students sledding on the green right now, at least that’s what I assume the intermittent screaming/laughter/yelling is in the middle of a snowstorm at 11 pm honestly if I had a sled I might join them, but alas, I do not.

Sorry about the bloat, but don’t forget that if he doesn’t love you when you’re bloated and have a little extra weight on you, he doesn’t deserve your time. But I totally relate to the body image issue of bloat. I like seeing my stomach when I first wake up, not so much after a meal unless I’m constipated in which case I don’t want to see my stomach at any time of day.
I’m glad you didn’t have any bleeding! I only bled if I missed more than one pill in a row, luckily. That only happened once.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww bummer perhaps time to invest in a sled? I’m too much of a scaredy cat though lol

I’m not worried about his opinion. Guys have always been attracted to me/used me because of my body. So if it bothers him that I’m bloated then I’m out. It’s my own trauma and my own insecurities. I’m not comfortable in my mom bod and I’m still 5-15 lbs heavier than I’d like to be. I don’t feel attractive when I look in the mirror. I also finally just started fitting back into juniors clothes, albeit medium vs small, and the clothes I tend to enjoy wearing have little room for bloat to still look the way I’d like to look. He always tells me I look great when we go out and it’s obvious he’s happy with my body (fully clothed anyway lol), but I’m not. And getting sick/the rain really mucked up there path I was on. I lose about 1-1.5 lbs a week but only took a weekend to gain back 3. Which wouldn’t bother me but I can see exactly where that 3 shows up on my body and I hate it. And I know it sounds insane because lots of women would love to be where I am, but when I know what my body could be and to see how far I am from it makes me insecure. And I do still get ptsd sometimes and hear my ex in my head popping off about parts of my body that I know I have no business being ashamed of. Anyway rambling. I’m really happy to have lost what I have in the last year, and I feel like my heart isn’t working as hard.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs we probably still have some really old sleds at my house, I just didn’t bring a sled to college lol. Haven’t used the sleds at my house since I was like 8 and decided to slide down my ice covered (not snow lol) driveway without gloves and was going very fast and tried to stop myself with my hands. My dad warned me it would hurt my hands really badly and told me not to do it, but I didn’t listen. That was a very bad day But of course he was waiting at the bottom of the driveway to console me and my torn up hands. I’ve probably gone sledding twice since, and not at my house, but with friends and their sleds. It freaks me out, not having control, last time I was using my feet as brakes basically the whole way down.

Re: weight/bloating, gotcha. I totally understand that. All my weight goes to my hips/butt/thighs and a little to my boobs, but not quite in the distribution I’d like, so I have hip dips. You can’t see them much when I’m wearing underwear, they disguise them, but I don’t like seeing my hips in the mirror without underwear on cuz of the obvious dip. I’m very much a pear shape since filling out. I used to care about thigh gaps and stuff when I was in high school, I starved myself down to 112 lbs at 5’8” and I still didn’t have a thigh gap, so clearly that wasn’t going to happen. I honestly like how I look now at 135 lbs way more than how I did at 112, I had much smaller boobs and a much smaller butt back then. However, I definitely still have parts I don’t like, like my hip dips I mentioned earlier. I don’t gain much weight in my stomach so I don’t have a pooch, but I don’t have a model’s flat stomach either, and I wish my stomach was at least toned-looking. My thighs also make my lower legs look tiny (which they are, to be fair) because weight goes to my thighs. Oh, and I have super wimpy arms. I literally use 5 lb weights at the gym for arms (and I haven’t gone since September). Though that’s for more isolated muscles, when I do the pull-up with assist, I generally can do like 50 lbs of my body weight for sets? I think. I’d have to jump to get myself into a chin-up without assist, and I can hold that for a while, though I’d really rather not whereas I can do more like 75+ on the leg press (for sets, I could do much more for a single one of course). Anyway, point is, my arms are weak af. I don’t feel the need to lose weight because it won’t make a difference that I’d like, I’d lose my butt and boobs (boobs are the first to go when I lose a few lbs) and I can’t change my bone structure to get rid of the hip dips, it’s the trochanteric depression. There’s not really a muscle there to work out, only in surrounding areas, which won’t fix the issue. But I do wish I could be motivated enough to get in shape. Some abs and at least a little arm muscle would be really nice to have (and helpful in day to day life, really).
Anyway, I’m sorry your ex talked down on you about your body, that’s super shitty and you didn’t deserve that. I’m glad you’re now in a place where you won’t take that shit. Yay for personal growth!