General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[Flueky88]

Shae ty. Honestly just venting about it makes me feel a bit better. DH also mentioned us going to meet with another couple just so I can get out. I'll probably take E and a bottle. Trying to keep her taking a bottle, we finally have success it seems. He also said he'll watch all the girls while I grocery shop this week. He did last week and it was amazing!!! So nice to not have to stress about a baby crying while in line. V wants to go with me so I feel bad about that. She wears a mask but it would just be nice to have some peace and quiet....alone time. Maybe work will be good for me to get away a bit.

I'm sure it doesn't make it much easier even if you know why he's having a decreased libido. I hope the medication helps. I took Lexapro for my ppd after S. It really helped me a lot and it gave me my drive back or at least didn't make it worse. BFing kills my drive from the hormonal changes and just feeling touched out.

Sorry to unload. Hard for me to talk about how I feel. Oh and I did do a ppd screening online and I was "positive" for potential ppd. Just going to wait and see if things get better before I get in touch with my midwife. I think DH helping more is what I need though and getting away briefly which work would solve.

 

[DobbyForever]

Shae, I have to agree with everyone else. Sending e-hugs. It really does sound like maybe something is going on with him and his emotions that may be a mental block. But I second Gigs. I think really respectful guys nowadays don’t like to initiate. There’s so much in our culture about consent or “nice” guys, that it can be be hard on them. But I really do lean more towards it being an emotional overwhelm on his end. Doesn’t make it any easier for your to endure. I’m sure it’s not helping on your end to be working these overnight shifts + dealing with the pandemic situation. Totally normal to be grieving how things used to be, especially as we near that year anniversary of the shut downs. FXed the meds help!

Gigs lol thanks. I was going for a Britney hit me baby one more time vibe

Flueky that would be really difficult to maintain long run. A momma needs her rest. Would you two be able to pull in some routine child care to get some me time? Nothing full time but just something so you can recharge. Still hoping he comes to his senses and doesn’t overcommit. Sorry DH wasn’t initially supportive but glad he’s come around. And definitely vent away here. That’s so much to have on your shoulders, no need to carry that weight on your own. And try not to feel guilty! I love running errands without A. It’s not even a mask/pandemic thing. I just love the freaking peace and quiet and lack of stress. You gotta put your mask on first love! Hugs

Re The Boy I’m so there with all of you. I honestly don’t even see him as my long term person. He’s what I need for now to rebuild my confidence and trust in men. I don’t have any regrets sleeping with him. In fact, I can probably only think of one other person that I would have wanted to be my first after all this time. And that guy is dating someone. Though it sounds like they may break up soon hahaha that’s a story for another day LOL he’s not my life person either though lol.

What annoys me is his lack of respect. I like the BD. It definitely got way better last night, and I’m happy to say that not feeling anything the last three times was 100% PTSD. I definitely had feeling last night. But if I’m sitting here telling you that it hurts me when you muddle s*, stop intentionally muddling s*. Like literally you can’t in the same breath say I agree with you and then say but you may be different and kiss me. You can’t promise to stop doing cute things then sneak a kiss on my cheek when I say something funny. And if I say you have a green light to gtfo out of my house when we’re done GTFO. I understand you only have your cat and dog and parents to talk to, but I’m not your emotional toilet. If you want an emotional toilet, that goes both ways and this toilet wants a brand name.

TLDR The Boy I’d totally DTD with him again because he’s getting really close to figuring out how I like it HAHAHAHA but I’m keeping my options open. The options just suck.

So re the other Not My Person aka College FWB. I've known that guy since high school. We ran track together. I had a major crush on him because I got winded on day one, and he stopped to encourage me to keep going. Kid also looked good in the track suit LMFAO. But he was older than me and everyone liked him and I was like this kid would never be interested in me. I don't even know how we connected in college. He was like wait a minute, I had a fat crush on you all of high school, too! Lol. But I had just gone through a bad breakup and was looking for rebound BD and he was down. We always had bad timing. One person would be in a bad relationship and then it would end and we'd knock boots a couple times. He'd ask me out and I'd be like I'm too damaged let's just BD. This went on from like 2007-2014. Then in 2014, I finally agreed to go out. We went on two dates. They were great. But self sabotage, I was like can't do it. Occasionally I get drunk and text him that he's amazing and sorry for being a b* and he'll be like girl you tripping. And as I started to worry that I have nerve damage in my peach, I figured he'd be the perfect person to figure out if it was physical or psychological because there is nobody I trust more in this world and I have experience to compare it to haha. So I reached out to see if he was down, and kid is supposedly "happily not single" but was quick to follow that up with "but if that changes I'll come to you for a favor" HAHAHA. Then went on to say we always have the weirdest timing.

TLDR College FWB I miss my old FWB from college but he's dating someone though potentially on the verge of a breakup?

 

[shaescott]

Flueks I hope this week has been better and that you got your solo shopping trip!

Dobs the nice guy culture never stopped him from initiating before lol
Sorry about the struggles with the boy. It’s annoying that he can’t just stick to the rules.

That girl whose bf was cheating on her and is pregnant (now 6 weeks) took him back I mean, I get it, nobody wants to start a pregnancy already a single parent. But ugh I just wish she would’ve stuck to her guns. Hopefully things will go okay between them in the future.

 

[shaescott]

It appears that the supplement did not help at all, considering ovulation is even later this cycle, it still hasn’t happened my cervix is still firm as hell and feels relatively closed too. I’ve just had varying amounts of creamy CM ranging from a little to a LOT, occasionally a tiny bit that seems maybe like EWCM but the vast majority is creamy and all other signs point to not being fertile. OPKs all negative as well. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see

 

[DobbyForever]

Sorry the supplement hasn’t helped .

Idk your friend will hopefully figure it out. Just make sure he signs that birth certificate if she ever wants to leave him but hold him accountable. So much less work. I’m so cynical

I’ll live. I just have the libido of a teenage boy, so now that my little hunter has awakened lol. So annoying. My theory is that I’m insanely turned on all the time because guys never actually finish the job. So yeah I have fun but, to quote the song, I can’t get no satisfaction

The Boy is about to get his NSA revoked. He turned me down once mid week which fair. Who wants to do it in a work night esp when you have a 5am meeting. But I just texted him a close up of some lace lol. If he doesn’t commit then I may hit up this insanely good looking Stanford physicist. My mom says I should regardless of what TB says because of gross stereotypes about how plants of different regions grow *cough* he’s Iranian.

 

[Flueky88]

Hey guys. Doing some better. Just upset that speaking with DH he hasn't changed his plans. Less overwhelmed and more resentful at him. He gets upset when I say something cause it makes him feel like an ass for doing this *massive eyeroll* . In any case I do think he'll probably cave before the month is up. He's going to be exhausted going to bed at 2 and waking up at 7 or so to watch kids til 230 and then his shift start at 330. He's already tired and exhausted without him caring for the kids. He's been short tempered with the girls and Victoria has noticed. For real, she put smiley faces on house shoes and said "happy mommy, mad daddy". I told him this too.....

Shae, sounds like a lot of drama in that relationship. Also, not really for airing dirty laundry on FB. I hope all works put for them though.

Sorry the supplement has lengthened your cycle. It was why I was usually hesitant to take any.

Dobby oh the physicist sounds interesting. Good job, good looking I lold at your mom's comment

 

[shaescott]

Dobs she’s not my friend, just a high school classmate, so I’m not getting involved. Just watching from the outside lol.
Re: can’t get no satisfaction, I feel that lol. SO doesn’t like to finish the job with me until after he does because if I do first, a certain muscle of mine relaxes and is much looser. But then after he does he’s tired and wants to go to bed
Lol re: the physicist and your mom’s comment.

Flueks I’m sorry your DH isn’t changing his plans so far. Poor V, noticing he’s mad a lot. Hopefully he’ll be a bit more gentle with them knowing she said that.

AFM cervix keeps going between low/closed and high/kinda open today. Not sure why. Maybe the fertile period is starting? Hopefully? We’ll see, I’m doing daily OPKs in the morning (although they say afternoon, I’ve seen morning is good for me, then once I hit 0.5 T/C line ratio it means my surge is starting and I test every time I pee until the surge is over).

I’ve had a super hard time getting my work done for school lately, I keep submitting stuff late. I know it’s bad but I just have no motivation. I think I’ve got a bad case of senior-itis, I was like this during my senior year of high school too. But I’ve gotta get this stuff done because it would be super embarrassing and awful if I failed a class in my last semester and couldn’t graduate because of it. I already ordered my cap and gown and nursing pin with 2021 on it (they started sending us the links to order that stuff earlier this month) and those pins aren’t cheap so I better not screw it up lol

 

[gigglebox]

huge hugs ladies sorry you all are dealing with things!
Yikes Flueks, neither your schedule nor hubs' sounds sustainable. Ugh which he had more empathy for you. Actually the break mentioned above doesn't sound bad; is there a way you can have someone watch the kiddos just one day a week to give you both a little break? I just know that if things are a bit strained right now, sleep deprivation doesn't usually help situations!

Dobs I have no idea what FWB stands for, but my head automatically went to "fat white boy" hahaha so now that's what I'm picturing. Like a trucker type hahahahahahhahahah -- I know that's not right but the imagery makes me smile. Anyway sounds like you have some fun time options anyway. Mr. Right just hasn't found you yet but girrrrrl you're young, there's so much time.

Shae yeesh that is a pickle you're in. Well rather, SO. This past year has been a doozy, it's taken a toll on a lot of people so I'm sorry SO's been so affected. Been there, done that with the type of sinking depression that you can't place and can't seem to get rid of. It's super frustrating, and you feel like a burden to everyone who just wants you to feel better. But you can't. Well, at least you don't know how. I hope the meds help and he can feel happy again. Does he journal at all? I always found that journaling when I was feeling good was helpful. That way I could go back to it and read it when I was depressed to remind myself that happier times are possible.

afm, starting to have the serious conversation with hubs about #4. I don't know though, I don't think I'm mentally prepared for that many kids, lol. But I also know how short the baby stage goes, and that's the hardest part....but now I think about things like prepping meals for 4 kids, diapers for a couple more years, the troubles with sleeping and breastfeeding......it's all kind of overwhelming. I'm definitely leaning towards a big NO. But that said I'm afraid I'll regret not having a 4th...although I was pretty resolute in only 3 until last month's scare and hubby being so supportive and on board.

I feel like there's the time crunch too because of my age. I'll be 35 this year and really didn't want to have any more babies much beyond 30...

we'll figure it out but for now I'm thinking let's just get the dog and see if that fulfills the desire for another mouth to feed, lol!

 

[Flueky88]

Gigs, I'm not sure. I may ask my mom if she'll come over a night or two during the week and then maybe help put on Saturday so I can catch up on work or house cleaning or maybe even just me going out for an hour or two for alone time lol you are absolutely right that sleep deprivation doesn't help stressful situations. I did manage to get a full uninterrupted 8 hour stretch l mast night....it was glorious. So maybe I can handle this short term with the grace of coffee and maybe sleep in weekends.

Oh and FWB is friends with benefits. I had to Google NSA earlier lol, I'm old now I guess

I'm sorry you are conflicted about a 4th. It's hard when you are unsure. I hope you find out what you want with near 100% certainty.

 

[shaescott]

Gigs thanks, I definitely sympathize with him cuz I know he wants to feel better, he’s just stuck in a hole. I’ve never been in the kind of hole where I had no interest in sex, though it may sometimes switch to just wanting it to try to fill a void, but I’ve definitely been stuck in a hole plenty of times before and I know how much it sucks. He doesn’t journal as far as I know. Honestly, I feel like he’s the kind of guy who would not be interested in that at all, he’d think it was girly or something. Getting him to seek help in the form of meds took ages and was a huge milestone for him. He won’t do therapy, he tried it as a kid and it didn’t help him (though it may have been a case of you get back what you put into it).

I’m sorry you’re struggling with the decision. While I am not personally in a situation where the clock is ticking, I definitely sympathize with you there. I’d say it’s worth a shot seeing if the dog will get rid of your desire, but I do worry it’ll make you feel complete for maybe 6 months to a year and then you’ll go back to thinking maybe you do want another baby, and you’ll be another year further from 30. Is this a now or never situation, or one where if you change your mind in a year it would still be a viable option? Just something to consider.

AFM I appear to be having an LH surge, of course a day after complaining about a lack of fertile signs. My cervix is not reflecting this surge though and while I had lots of CM earlier today, most of it was creamy and only a little was EW. Idk, I’ll be testing every time I pee until after I get a positive and let it drop back down a bit. I’ve had near positives today but no actual positives yet.

 

[DobbyForever]

Fluek hopefully hubs comes around. Even if you were super human, doesn’t sound sustainable for him either. Hugs. I vote call in reinforcements! You have more than earned a day for yourself! My friend just dumped her kid on her parents for a week and turned around and is about to do it again in a few weeks. She has no guilt and honestly we moms need to give ourselves more permission to take time for ourselves. But I feel you. I’m bad at asking people to watch A.

Shae ooof senioritis is so real. I don’t have any good advice other than putting on my best Tim Gunn voice and saying get it done fxed things pan out with the cervix/cycle

Omfg Gigs I’m dead. You crack me up! Also definitely not an easy choice to make. No right or wrong answers. Just gotta follow your heart. Also both of my dogs are “well f* if I’m not having a kid” dogs haha

I wouldn’t say you are old. Just maybe not a promiscuous in a good way. I have got the learn to keep her in my pants lol. NSA is much less common among women. I prefer FWBs but in a dating scenario I’d rather go NSA. I can’t emotionally handle going from dating to FWB, but I can do dating to NSA.

TB texted back something non committal so bye girl bye. Physicist is definitely going to be a hard FWB situation. There’s no long term there because he’s gonna land a job out of the area. He said my favorite [/sarcasm] never say never. Like get out. Be realistic. But he’s trilingual and has an incredible accent. We made a deal that any time he wants to say something pg13 or worse, he has to say it in Persian. And omfg OMFG I’m dead. I literally heard angels singing. He’s vaccinated cuz he’s a postdoc at Stanford (I have a type TB also works at Stanford lmfao) but I want my second vax. But oh man. Have mercy.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I’ve never known anyone who spoke Persian, so that’s interesting. Most non-English speakers around here speak Spanish, Portuguese, or Polish. Lol I love that your type is men who work at Stanford, you’ve got high standards even for FWBs

AFM still no positive OPK but last test was nearly there, just not quite. It was weird, it went up to a T/C ratio of 0.84 and then dropped the next two tests to 0.75 and 0.43, then back up to 0.89. All those tests were taken with 2-3 hours between each. Hopefully I’ll wake up to a positive.
Pic for reference:

 

[shaescott]

Something interesting re: SO

So Saturday night/Sunday morning (aka a bit after midnight) we BD’d and he said he hadn’t finished in a whole week (aka last time he saw me) so he was expecting a, uh, large quantity, and he goes “I guess this will be a trial by fire to see if the diaphragm can handle such a large amount”. Which makes me think there’s part of him that would kind of be okay with me getting pregnant... I mean, he’s obviously still actively preventing and just before saying that he asked if he should use a condom, to which I said “meh, the diaphragm worked last cycle, if it didn’t I would’ve gotten pregnant”. But like, if he was concerned that it would be trial by fire, you’d think he would’ve said “nah I’m gonna wear a condom just to be safe” (which I’ve told him is totally up to him). Am I being crazy or does that seem like there’s at least a part of him that wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant?

Anyway, I don’t expect that the extra quantity will make a difference, the diaphragm worked last cycle so I expect it’ll work this cycle. I just think his statement was interesting.

 

[DobbyForever]

Dang sorry about no positive opk still. Fxed though it’s soon like within the next day or two soon. Re SO idk I say take men at face value. I feel like they’re less cryptic than woman and talk out their a* more. This sounds so sexist lol. Sorry! But I over analyze the s* out of things guys say. I will say that acknowledging the chance of bc failure doesn’t necessarily imply an acceptance or hope that it does. What I will say is that maybe you two may need to revisit the conversation so there’s no guessing what page you two are on? Idk. Lol but I had a kid out of wedlock and am a single mom so take my input with a grain of salt

oh yes lol. I have very discerning tastes in men. Just still looking for this whole package minus the commitment issues though lmfao. That’d be swell. This guy definitely takes the cake as far as most accomplished guy I’ll have slept with. I popped his name into Google Scholar and daaaaamn. He’s worked on so many publications, none of which I understand. And I’d even say is in the running for most attractive. But idk something in my gut says I may regret sleeping with him because if would be based only on attraction vs I actually had feelings for TB. So I’m stalling lol.

 

[gigglebox]

Wait but if you're NSA, isn't a lack of emotional interest/physical interest only a good thing? Sounds like a attraction-only based hook up would be perfect and less of a mind F.

Shae sounds like you're in transition...and those two middle tests looked positive to me but what do I know, I haven't peed on an OPK in years. Hmmm I wouldn't put too much stake in SO's words and tend to agree with Dobs here -- men are not usually very cryptic. If he's depressed he may just have a lack of caring for consequence, if that makes sense....no real emotion behind what getting pregnant might mean. Or he may actually just feel like the diaphram is enough, especially if you agreed with him. I am all about communication and honesty, so I'd have to agree again with Dobs, I'd talk to him and say something like, "I just want to make sure we're on the same page on the baby thing -- we want to wait until after marriage, but we'd be OK with an "oops"...If that terrifies you, we may want to double up on protection during fertile times." But, you know, in your own words. I'd just hate for you to get pregnant and he freaks. For me personally, we had a rough go when I got pregnant the first time. I was more than ready but hubs was not....I had a rough go when ds1 was a baby. I can see how men who aren't married, run. Lucky for me that didn't happen, and hubs was infinitely better with ds2 and 3, but yeah, that first one is a doozy; you need both parents on board for easiest results.

Fluek woohoo 8 hours! pop the champagne! Do you feel a bit more refreshed after that? You sound a bit more confident anyway That's wonderful that you have help close by. Do they know the upcoming schedule you'll be dealing with? Hopefully they will empathize and help out as much as they can, too.
AND I FORGOT TO SAY grocery shopping alone is wonderful!!! I was towing all the kids with me before, but for the past several months I've just been going alone on a Sunday. SOOOO much better. I didn't mind taking the kids just so they could get out of the house for a minute, but it's become more challenging the older the get. Before I was able to wear ds 3 and sit ds2 in a cart. ds1 would either squeeze into the cart himself or walk. Now ds2 and ds3 share the cart (it has two seats) and ds 1 walks beside. He complains and ds 2 and 3 fight, they push against each other and it's frustrating. And now ds 3 is getting grabby hands, especially in the check out line...and if he cries...forget it. I get the looks from everyone and ugh I hate that.

aaaaannnnnd we're back to a big fat NO on kid 4, lol! Ugh how would I manage that many in a store? And yes Shae, it's kind of now or never just because I don't want kids after 35 due to risk factors and just my aging body in general. I'm gettin' too old for this s*, LOL!

But did you know, or I've heard anyway, that people's biggest regret on their death bed is not having more (or any) kids? Evidently that's true if the person has had 0-2 kids. 3-4 is the golden amount, according to something hubs read. I found that interesting.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby yeah it's not for either of us. Oh and I think my biggest guilt about reinforcements is I know that 3 is a handful. I also having trouble asking for it. Definitely a flaw of mine.

Sorry TB just being a deep, but don't blame you for moving on. As for physicist, that's a shame he will be moving out of area eventually. So hard to find the right guy.

Shae you know your So best, but I think he probably doesn't hope for it, actually hopes not yet but in rare chance of bc failure he'd accept it. Men typically are more straightforward in their response.

Gigs bahaha it was definitely a one night treat but sooooo nice! I got her to bed a little earlier, 730 and she woke at 230ish. I think it was from DH coming to bed though. Yes I'm feeling more confident but I know it will be far from easy lol.

I know before DH went back to work from his leave I told him he can do the weekly Publix run while I do our Aldi's one. I told him it'll give him a break. He pretty much scoffed at the idea of it being a break. He changed his mind, mostly. It is seriously relaxing. No worrying about whining, temper tantrums, or crying baby. Still remember the judgement from one of our first grocery trips with V and S.

I feel ya, I wanted to be done by 35 as well. I know lots of women do it then and even in their 40s, but it's not for me. I could see that being one of the biggest regrets though, not having more kids. Interesting that 3 to 4 is the golden amount.


AFM was texting DH this morning. He said he vomited and was shaking this morning from being so tired. I once again said, I'd like for him to stop his weekday job. He said that he was actually thinking last night of putting his notice in on Friday. Sooo, FX. Not sure if they would keep him the full 2 weeks or not, once he puts his notice in.

Our home should arrive soon, was contacted by our sales rep. However it's been too wet to do anything. I'm feeling pressured to get things done but I want things done right and not get destroyed because it's so dang muddy. DH isn't help right now so I talked to my FIL last night and he's going to talk to the rep for me.

Today is my last day off. So I'll probably just be able to read here and there of do a short reply/update from here on out.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks yikes, definitely sounds like your DH needs to cut down on his working hours if it’s making him that sick. Hopefully he’ll put in his notice soon.

Gigs that’s interesting about the deathbed regrets. If the golden amount is accurate, you should be all set with 3!

Dobs dang, an accomplished man. Why are you worried about the lack of feelings? I echo Gigs, I thought that would be ideal for FWB/NSA?

AFM got my positive OPK! I slept in super late so idk if it would’ve been positive early this morning but whatever, it’s positive now.

Re: SO, I definitely don’t think he *wants* me to get pregnant or even is ambivalent about it, I know he specifically doesn’t want it to happen. I’m just wondering if he’s thinking it would be less of the end of the world, basically. Idk. I don’t need to ask him if he’s starting to want a kid cuz I know he doesn’t yet, and we’re not in a smart place to try for one either way.

 

[gigglebox]

Shae you have to get fitted for a diaphragm, right? I want to try it just for that extra layer of protection before Ov but I don't want to have to get fitted :/
Hmmm well that certainly is interesting that he almost made blowin' through that diaphragm sound like a challenge! who knows what he's thinking, men are weird. But that's totes a positive opk, so ...yay?

Fluek yikes, so sorry your hubby is having such terrible effects from his schedule..........although also I'm kind of glad because it may result in a better situation. Here's hoping! Yay for the home being ready! I have no idea on how those should be set up, but it would make sense that the ground conditions would come into play. How long from delivery until you can move in?

 

[shaescott]

Gigs for the one size fits all you technically don’t need to be fitted, the individually sized ones you do. I got fitted anyway just to make sure it did fit me, but it depends on your provider (they may recommend you get fitted just in case) and what’s available in your area, the only option I had was the one size fits all. It’s worth asking your doctor if they offer it and if so do they require fittings.

It’s yay for the positive OPK just because ovulation has been a little delayed this cycle. I’m honestly expect the diaphragm will do its job considering it did last cycle. Doesn’t mean I won’t symptom spot or be a little obsessive lol, but I’m definitely leaning towards I won’t be getting pregnant.

 

[shaescott]

I texted SO asking about his trial by fire comment and said it seemed to me like he may be feeling a little less horrified by the prospect of having kids soon-ish (right after he sent me a cute video of a kid bottle feeding a calf, he doesn’t normally send me kid stuff). He said “I guess you’re right, idk haven’t thought about it”. So I was like “I could totally be wrong, it’s just how I interpreted it. Maybe just try to think about it in the future so you can try to understand your underlying thought processes” and he didn’t respond after that though quite possibly because he fell asleep, it was after midnight.

Something new to this cycle is multiple positive OPKs. In previous cycles I’ve only had one positive even testing every time I peed once the surge started (when it hits 0.5 I know it’s starting). This time I’ve had 4 (so far). I know the length and strength of surges can vary from cycle to cycle so I’m not concerned, I just find it interesting.