General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs agh I’m sorry. I can’t say I’ve ever been in the same situation but I’m sure that would totally happen to me. I’m very much a feelings person so I catch feelings in the blink of an eye. Yay for the Starbucks gift card! Go treat yourself!
Re: A and his sleep, do you have a good baby monitor in his room? I’m sure he’s too big for those baby wearables by now (plus sensory issues may be an issue) but what about those sensors that go under the mattress? I did some googling and BabySense 7 is an option, it’s recommended up to 1 year but they say people have used it for older children without issues. Maybe you could try using one of those for peace of mind while getting more sleep since he won’t be tossing and turning.

AFM ugh I’m so mad, reason why is the pic below:

I went to high school with this girl. She had a miscarriage in early January. She got pregnant again and says she’s about 6 weeks. And now her douchebag boyfriend cheats on her. Like, this wasn’t even an accidental pregnancy, it was immediately after the miscarriage, clearly it was on purpose. Seriously, such a scumbag. It appears she’s kicking his ass to the curb but like, I can’t even imagine being in that situation, newly pregnant and now the FOB is out of the picture. I mean, Dobs you probably know how she feels. I imagine awful. She was going to wait to announce this pregnancy because of the miscarriage, last time she announced immediately and had the loss. But she was like “screw it” when this happened, understandably so. Ugh I’m just fuming. I’m not even friends with her, we’re just friends on FB and were classmates, but I get very protective of pregnant people I think.

 

[DobbyForever]

The baby monitor won’t help because it’s not like him that gives me anxiety. It’s an insane amount of crazy what if scenarios that make me sound like my anxiety is out of control but these things happened to me as a kid. The rooms are two feet apart so end of day I just need to get over it lol

re boy I just have to tell him he can’t hang out or kiss me but I like that he hung out and kissed me. So realistic solution is bang it out one more time then drop him like he’s hot.

Got my first dose. Have to say I was super impressed with their set up. They really put a lot of thought into it. Hells efficient super site.

Yeah that sucks. Like really sucks. Glad she’s not taking his s*. But also sucks because even if she breaks up with him now she has coparent with this guy for the rest of her life. Or worse deal with his potential crap role modeling for their kid. But also maybe she shouldn’t air her dirty laundry like that on FB.... it’s super petty and immature (as someone who is very much petty and immature and has been there done that). It’s not a good look. And the cynic in me, the courts will not like it if they go to court.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs well I hope things go well with the transition for both of you. I’m glad you got your first dose!

Oh this girl is definitely the type to air all her dirty laundry on Facebook... in fact nearly all of the people I know from high school who have kids already are the type to do just that. A girl who miscarried last month due to a subchorionic hematoma did the exact same stuff a few years back complaining about her parents and she moved out with her boyfriend etc. I’ve seen multiple people talk crap about their parents on FB and have the parents legit respond in the comments and it gets WILD.

 

[DobbyForever]

I think it’s just hard cuz posting on fb feels like texting your friends in a group chat but like... it’s not LMFAO to be fair I only learned that like ... never. I just got in trouble at work last year for it

 

[shaescott]

Oh it doesn’t feel like that to me at all, probably because I’m friends with all my extended family members on Facebook as well as high school classmates, they’re not my close friends who I’d text about that kind of stuff. I also just don’t tend to post negative stuff in my life on social media. I’m not trying to act like I live a perfect life, I just don’t want a few hundred people seeing my life go to shit and judging me for it I also think I would say stuff I regret or post about dumb fights I won’t remember in a month, and I don’t need that popping up in my FB memories. Better to just text my best friend at that point.

I do have a finsta where I complain a bit, but that’s a select few followers, not family or acquaintances, though most are college classmates in a mutual “I follow your finsta, you follow mine, we support each other on here” relationship.

I don’t have many close friends, really just one and then SO and my sister, so if I need to complain, I text them each separately. I don’t have a group chat with a group of girlfriends, I don’t belong to a friend group like that. Maybe if I did have a lot of close friends on my FB, it would feel like a group chat like that, but I don’t, so idk.

 

[DobbyForever]

Makes sense. I have no filter and tell everyone everything. I’d say the fact I didn’t post about my creepy coworker or the boy dumping me is personal growth lol. After the work blow up,I decided my fb is drama free.

and quality vs quantity regarding friends. As long as you feel supported and loved, that’s the essence that matters.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I also have a filter issue, just not on Facebook. I have no filter when texting my friends, I feel the need to tell them literally everything that’s happening to me. I also have no filter in person, even with people who aren’t my close friends, just acquaintances and sometimes even people I just met. So we all have our filter problems, I think my mom tried to teach me about filtering when I was a little kid (maybe 3-5) but it went like “honey you shouldn’t say that” “but it’s true, I thought it was bad to lie?” “... you’re right honey, it’s bad to lie”.

 

[gigglebox]

omg Shae seeing the family drama unfold on facebook must be kind of fun. That would be a total guilty pleasure of mine. That is too bad to hear about that person you know...................if it's true. I don't know her, I mean no offense, but I do know of very catty ladies who would make things up like that for the drama of it, or to put the guy in a bad light if he's cheating. I am just speculating here.

Dobs if you don't want to have feelings with this guy, is it such a good idea to do that hibbity jibbity another time? I mean you do you boo just be careful with your heart, girl.

No close friends here, either. I have a couple that have been my besties for some time but as we grow older, I just feel like we're growing apart too...I mean they'd be there for me in a pinch if I needed them, and I would do the same, but we just don't talk like we used to. We're all in very different life stages now...and our life experiences have given us all very different outlooks on things to the point where certain subjects are off the table to discuss because one of us get offended. I think it's just me though; the other two are kind of more on the same wavelength, spent a lot of the living in the same area, both have no kids, one is married but one is still doing the dating around thing...so I think because family is such a huge part of my life now, it's harder to relate to either of them.

Now the people I talk to most are on youtube, lol! It's actually been a really fun community that i've joined, and we virtual chat a lot. Never about anything too private for me though, but that's just because I'm a private person I guess.

Shae how confusing, don't tell the truth but don't lie....that's probably a hard thing for a person to learn who doesn't pick up on social subtleties. I put my foot in my mouth a lot. It's actually been a thing I've come across doing lives; I do it and come off really bitchy even though I don't mean to; in my case the best thing I do is call myself out on it and apologize, like wow, sorry xyz, I didn't mean to say that with such attitude/didn't mean to come off so rude! something like that.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aww Shae yeah. My mom called if the “zone of privacy”. Not everyone should be allowed in your zone of privacy. But I’m a blurted!

gigs I def should not be sleeping with him anymore. So naturally he’s coming over this weekend

im glad you have your online community! I think that’s pretty standard for friends to drift. And then you make friends with your kids friends parents lol cuz that’s what I’m hoping for!

my mom got her vaccine no issues so I’m that much closer to tagging out which I desperately need

 

[gigglebox]

lol well I hope it's enjoyable if nothing else! Yay for an upcoming break!
And yay friends with kids friends parents hasn't happened yet...problem has been ds1's social issues. He's never really connected with any kids, except for one girl who at first was a good match the she started trying to get ds1 to do bad things, like take a knife from the kitchen, she showed him some scissors she nabbed, and then one time she reportedly convinced him to eat an acorn. She also accused my 2yo nephew of "touching her"...I'm like...something is seriously not right here. The parents are also recovering addicts so in the end I just felt it best to avoid that family all together.

We started to join homeschool groups but then covid....so we just have basically been keeping to ourselves. I am so, SO grateful we decided to have the additional kids, and it's pretty convenient they're boys. They play together all the time and have similar interest in shows and toys. I don't think ds1, or the other kids so far, are really missing the "friend" experience at all. They are all very happy healthy fun loving kiddos with a good bond. It's not to say we won't be joining groups when things start up again but I am really thankful for our current situation for sure.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh dip! Yeah like it’s unfortunate but end of day that’s not a good situation to get caught up in . Hopefully once the world returns to some semblance of normal, DS finds another meaningful connection

you know some kids just need family. Your kids are lucky to have each other and amazing parents!

we’ll see. I intend to make him work. I did all the work last time! Eyeroll. He’s also getting cute top, skirt and no makeup. His C performance earns him C level effort on my end lol. It’s annoying cuz part of me hopes he stays and cuddles and the other is like if he does I gotta nip this fwb now.

 

[Flueky88]

Dobby I'm dying about a C level performance gets a C level effort from you bahaha. I hope everything works out.

Gigs I'm so glad I'm not the only person that drifted from their friends. It started once I was pregnant with V. None of my besties have kids and so it seems we are just at different places in our lives. I tried but effort was not reciprocated. We do have a couple that DH and I have been meeting with some and she's a nurse as well so it's been nice to have someone to relate to. She had her 1st baby in December so I'm hoping our friendship continues. I'm glad your boys have each other too during all this mess.

Shae yeah I definitely used to overstate too, but thankfully got over that by the time I used social media. I definitely don't post a lot on mine because I don't want any drama.

Sorry for being absent, just been busy with the girls and calling billing offices. We got a collections letter last night and we had never received the bill from the physician group that originally billed. Let me just say, it was incredibly frustrating and made me quite angry. I think it's all sorted and I didn't even owe the amount they sent to collections. I've never had anything like that happen and my credit score is in the 800s so I don't want it getting lowered for something that wasn't my fault.

Moving on, DH wants to work his current full time job until end of March and his new part time weekend only job at the same time. I go back to work on the 3rd and I just don't think I can keep up with life, family, cleaning/cooking, and work with him working that much. I told him last night and he kinda dismissed me, but today he mentioned he was telling his friend and mom that he may not work his full time job as long. So FX. I know he wanted to pay more on his truck but I just don't think I can be super mom like that.

Seriously dreading going back to work right now. It's bad enough that I dreamt I went back to work and showed up at the office in my pajamas, no bra either lol I really wish there was better parental leave in our country. Just hope our children have better leave than we did.

Okay that's enough from me.

 

[shaescott]

Quick post cuz I’m at clinical but Gigs she posted today, she’s actually only 5 weeks, she posted her physical ultrasound pic with her name on it and it’s dated correctly so it seems it’s legit, only a sac it looks like cuz she’s too early.

 

[DobbyForever]

Lol Fluek I was laughing about it too to be honest but I will say my c level effort is still effort. Went shopping for a new outfit. I really was just looking for a skirt, but I forgot how much I like Forever 21’s skirts lol. Major sale too. All $5-10.

I’m sorry things have been so busy. You definitely do not have to be Supermom, but you are a super mom! Hopefully DH doesn’t take on too much. It’s a compliment that he trusts you and thinks that highly of you, but you need breaks and support. So I hope it works out. Hugs

and yes the parental leave is a joke. I’m sorry.

Shae omg girl needs to crop out her info! Confidentiality! Jk also been there done that lol. Hopefully things pan out for her and her bean long run. I do agree with Gigs that I’m sure there’s some one sided storytelling. I can talk mad s* about my exes, but I’m no angel. I’m not saying I deserved anything that happened, but I definitely had some wtf moments/habits.

Re boys. Nothing interesting. Had a few potentials fizzle out because incompatible lifestyles. My friend was s*ing all over me today for shopping at Forever 21/ when I mentioned I’m back in juniors. Aside from juniors fitting better than petite short ever does, I tend to like the style better. She gave me the whole “you’re a mom dress like a mom”. Like hello b* I don’t wear these clothes to work or when I’m home with my kid. Even the ones I wear out are conservative. But yeah sometimes a girl is gonna don a mini skirt or a crop top or both when she’s feeling frisky but not down for full lingerie. Like back off. And she’s off DTD with a guy that has ghosted her twice because I’m DTD.

This is the vibe lol. White “shirt”, plaid skirt. No makeup. Hair will be up in a strategically messy pony. Lol. Also apparently teenagers don’t wear shirts? I swear 90% of the shirts look like doll clothes or like this. my ex would have some mean things to say about my body, but I feel good about my progress so I want to own it this weekend

 

[DobbyForever]

also just got a site specific covid warning. I’m pretty sure I’m fine because I didn’t go on campus at all last week, and I was in on Tuesday just to print some stuff. But I was in at 7am before anybody else. I also think I know who it is because my students mentioned something. But idk.

 

[shaescott]

Flueks hopefully your DH ends up leaving it sooner so you’ll have less stress with childcare etc.

Dobs lol @ C performance gets C effort.

Sorry for the short responses. Just got back from my second overnight in a row. I think it’s not helping my mental stability either. I saw a few people talking about how great their sex life is and started getting all sad because SO never initiates anymore and isn’t all over me like he used to be and let’s be real, sex isn’t nearly as good when one party isn’t as into it. Though we’ve also been only at his house for weeks so the one day he was actually interested in me still wasn’t that great because his parents were home, his walls are thin, and his mom will just walk into his room randomly. So nothing crazy or fun happening. At my house we don’t have that problem. I just miss when we were younger and he couldn’t get enough of me, you know? I know in long term relationships hormones calm down a bit and frequency often decreases but... they don’t calm down this much, especially when you’re in your 20s still. I can’t even get him to make out with me like we used to, he’s all lovey dovey instead of passionate and usually just wants to cuddle and nap. Honestly I think that’s affecting me more, it’s that it’s all just so calmed down and I don’t want it to be calm, at least not all the time. Sorry, probably too much information lol. I’m just having a rough time thinking about it and remembering how things used to be.

 

[DobbyForever]

Come to Jesus talk did not end well

kept telling him to not be cute, he kept being cute. Like literally would do something cute then be like why do you look so sad oh wait sorry I did something cute *so let me do something else cute instead*

told him this isn’t working because unlike all my other nsa/fwb we didn’t start on on a nsa/friends foundation and I like him. And he’s like well I can’t just have sex and leave, and I’m like that’s literally what NSA means! And he’s like but you’re a great listener. Blah blah ugh

finally bluntly asked him is there a future here and he says never say never but I can’t think about that rn. And I called bs cuz I’m a full time working single mom who is so overwhelmed she f*ed up at work last week and report cards are due in two weeks but I make time for him because I want to. So in his heart he knows that I’m not his person. And he was like fair and probably true. But some people are different than that and kissed me.

so yup. Idk.

 

[gigglebox]

oh no Dobs!!! Talk about making things complicated! Well what about you, what do you think? Do you think there's a potential for a future with him? And just curious has A met him yet? Man this must really do your head in...but also no rush for things, right? I guess you can just let things play out and see where they go...? and HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRL.

Aww Shae big hugs. Have you mentioned anything to SO? Hubs and I were super crazy all the time in the bedroom; we're talking waking up in the middle of the night to BD and go back to sleep....but things died down, but not until after ds1. And that was sleep deprivation on my part, mostly; I value sleep too much for midnight f'ing, lol! But we still are pretty active there; in fact as it turns out we are more active than most, especially with 3 kids but every couple is different. Maybe SO is just feeling tired and overwhelmed? I know you don't like to initiate all the time but some guys (read: most guys) need things spelled out for them. It sucks because as women we want them to act without us having to tell them how, but they need a little guidance sometimes.

Fluek, could the work thing be kind of like a feel it out situation? Like he can do his plan and you can see how it goes before deciding it's not going to work? You might be surprised what you can handle when you have to. That's what, just a month? Maybe it's doable? That said, I personally wouldn't be on board with that schedule myself....that's a lot of metal testing there with work and 3 kiddos and house upkeep. Who will have the kids while y'all are working?

 

[Flueky88]

Shae I just wonder if he's depressed or still in pain which can make it difficult to perform? I know things tend to fizzle out some, but for real DH would do something every night or almost every night. I'm more of a twice a week which I think is really good considering we have 3 that are all quite young. I think you need to communicate your needs and ask him if he's okay quite direct.

Dobby very cute and sexy but still classy! Sorry that things didn't go well. It does sound like he's not looking for long term rn. Again, I'm no expert but I do know that DH and myself told our parents like the day after our 1st date this was the one we'd marry. It was pretty cheesy and cliché about knowing. We knew we wanted to make time for each other and no toying with emotions or expectations. This is just my 2 cents.

Gigs... yeah DH after getting home at 130 a.m. would be watching the girls once they woke up around 730. I'd have to be home if I wasn't already by 230 to 3p.m. so he could get ready and go to work. So I would never have a moments rest and sleep would be less as I'd need to get up early to work so that I could be back in time for him or I'd stay up late after getting girls to bed and things picked up. I'm guessing I'll get 4 to 5 hours sleep a night. I really need a minimum of 6 to 7 hours.

AFM, I think I'm having some ppd/ppa. My fuse is short, I feel overwhelmed, I feel sad, I don't feel like being around others. I just don't think I can take much more right now. I think if things were done the road maybe. I'm also signed up to be AOC my first full week back so I'll be available to be contacted and rare potential go see a patient Monday to Friday 5p.m. to 8a.m. and 24/7 on Saturday and Sunday. Oh and also have to throw a small party for S in less than 2 weeks.

I've had to deal with insurance billing f ups all of my maternity leave. I got a letter from collections last week regarding a bill I never received and the amount was hundreds more than what we owe as it was reprocessed cause of the insurance issue. Ugh.

Sorry just unloading a bit. I'm going to contact my midwife if this continues or worsens. I talked to DH some last night but he wasn't very supportive. He has been a bit better today. I think I need him to help more but he won't be able to if he does his plan.

On another note, I started ST E last night. If I have any chance of making his plan work I've got to get her to stop sleeping in our bed. It's going fairly well. Last night was rough for me. We got up at 1230, 330, 520 cause DH woke her up. I went to bed at 1030 and didn't sleep any more after 520 except for a few small doses. I got almost 6 hours.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs sounds to me like he’s made it clear he’s not in it for the long haul. About 2 weeks after SO and I started dating he asked if I could see myself marrying him, and I was like “yeah I suppose, but it’s a bit early to be talking about that”, we were in high school and hadn’t even kissed yet lol. He was like “yeah I know, I just mean potentially” and I was like “then yeah” I realized later he was asking because he didn’t want to waste his time if I wasn’t interested in dating to marry, or I was just dating him to have a good time and couldn’t see myself actually being with him long term. If you’re looking for long term and he’s giving you anything less than “yes, there’s a decent possibility you could be my person”, I think you need to take him by his word. He’s told you what he sees for the future, listen to him, even if it’s not what you wanted to hear.

Flueks I’m sorry about the PPD/PPA and billing issues. Have you done a screening for PPD? They’re available online I think. Good luck with E’s sleep. I wish I had advice but ofc I have no experience with any of the stuff you’re going through right now. Sending hugs

AFM I’ve talked to SO before about this issue, a few months ago. He’s not okay, he’s depressed and just has zero interest in sex 99% of the time. He was meant to have a doctors appointment last month for depression but the office messed up sending him his appointment time (they said it was an hour later than it was) and he missed it. He finally had the appointment on Friday I believe and they started him on mirtazapine. Hopefully in like 6 weeks we’ll see a difference. I tried to talk to him about it again on Saturday but it just made him sad and frustrated because he wants to want to have sex, he just doesn’t, and it always feels like I’m blaming him which isn’t my intention because I know he’s trying, he’s trying to get treatment etc. He feels super down on himself about it because he says he doesn’t really understand it, he knows it’s not me, he still finds me attractive etc, so he feels very emasculated by his lack of drive. He used to initiate all the time when we were younger, and he knows I’m down pretty much 24/7, so he doesn’t need a reminder or suggestion, he knows. He just doesn’t want to do it and only does it to make me stop bugging him about it. I’m hoping there’ll be a big difference with the med but I don’t want to make my expectations too high.