General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[shaescott]

Dobs anniversary was good, I was a new patient to this office and when I put it in the GPS I realized it’s just down the street from our church and our post-church diner (I could literally see the diner from the gyno parking lot). The appt was super quick, just a quick pelvic exam and explanation of what they saw, and I was on my way. When we got out, we decided we might as well get brunch at the diner! I got drunk off of one mimosa we usually just have coffee and tea but splurged for the special day.

I had booked dinner the previous day and when I put that in the GPS, I realized it was also on the same road as all the other places. We were going up to the big city of Vermont (aka Burlington), which is not exactly an area with stuff all on one road, it’s much bigger than that, so I’m not sure how we managed to have everything in one tiny area lol. Dinner was a fancy steakhouse, crazy expensive ($300 after tip) but it was AMAZING. Usually expensive places, for me, tend to be overhyped. This place was fantastic.

We had meant to do a little trip for our anniversary but schedules kinda got in the way. However, we’re doing a weekend trip to Montreal next month with DH’s family which should be fun, I’ve never been to Canada! It’s only a 2 hour drive from us, so we can drive up Friday night after work and back down Sunday evening.

I texted my mom about the possible slip up and how my boobs were hurting and heavy on and off, and she responds with “my boobs hurt today too”. So, naturally, I informed her that she’s totally pregnant just like how Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, got pregnant post menopause, and my mom is totally gonna have the next John the Baptist. Although, Elizabeth had a few decades on my mom. She was 88. Turns out my mom was suggesting that she was having empathy pains, but I think my interpretation was funnier.

Is Kaiser an insurance, is that why they get to control which office you use? I know they own a ton of hospitals/practices etc but I figure they must also be insurance if they’re controlling where you go for care? I have a PPO, so we just have to be in network, which isn’t hard since our insurance provider is one of the biggest in the country, I think. Almost everyone takes it. But I know some insurances are more strict about which provider you use.

I hope A has a great time at the parks! Is DAS an annual pass or something for Disney? I’m glad the drive went well!

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh Shae! That sounds absolutely lovely! I’m glad that you two were able to celebrate and splurge. Especially when the restaurant was great! That is really funny that everything ended up being so close haha. Sorry the schedules didn’t work out for a trip, but it sounds like you two made it a memorable day. It’s really lovely that you feel so assured in him. First year of many!

Btw forgot to ask so for the cervix thing (too lazy to scroll up lol) does it resolve on its own over time?

Kaiser is insurance but they have a chain of hospitals. Unless you’re traveling where they don’t have clinics or you’ve made prior arrangements, they are huge AH about reimbursing. It’s a non issue because I rarely travel and live with 3 major hospitals within 20m-30m and my clinic is less than ten minutes away. I love it because it’s like department store lol. I can see my primary, my obgyn, my optometrist, do lab work, do wound care, get X-rays, see a therapist, and get my prescriptions all in my local clinic in one building. I thought about switching when I was pregnant because the other insurance lets you deliver in Stanford, which has takes of being luxurious for L&D lol but around that time something was going on with that insurance plan and our union. People were having a hard time getting to see doctors. I also notice Kaiser operates much faster with A’s diagnosis and meds/treatment than everywhere else in the area.

Thanks! He loves theme parks, so I’m sure it’ll be fun. There’s a heatwave though so I just bought us some hats, stronger sunscreen, handheld fans, and after sun stuff. Luckily seems the triple digits are just for the weekend. Knotts is predicted 85 on Tuesday and Universal tomorrow is 90. I never stay long at Universal though. I do wish A was a little bit bigger to care more about Harry Potter’s section but I went when he was a baby and got to run around solo.

DAS is Disability Access Services. Every park is slightly different.
- Great America: you wait with the lightning lane by the exit. You have a paper that they write a next use time based on the current wait.
- Disneyland: they just changed DAS to basically only cover certain cognitive disabilities like autism. You have to do an interview with a cast member 30 or less days before your visit and they have to talk to your qualifying person and take their picture. It’s like a modified Genie+ where you pick a ride and it gives you a return time based on current wait times (usually less than current wait but can be long for longer lines) so the idea is you can wait out of line. It’s a bit tricky when A gets fixated though or changes his mind about a rude but I eventually found a groove and as lines shortened definitely got easier.
- Knotts is like GA
- Universal registers through this card system that covers multiple amusement parks like our Discovery Kingdom and it requires a doctor’s note. Universal also wants a quick phone interview because they have different accommodation plans. A fixates so pulling him away from a ride = aggression and frustration so they are issuing us basically a fast pass. She also said as long as I keep his card renewed every year that it’s a lifelong qualification and we don’t have to do any more phone calls.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs I keep forgetting what the cervix thing is called too lol, I keep having to look at the visit summary. At the appointment she was like “your cervix looks perfect, I do see a mild ectropion” and I was like “a what now?” she explained it like the cervix has two doors, the door to the vagina, and the door to the uterus, with a hallway in the middle. The wallpaper of the hallway is slipping out a little. She said it’s not actually abnormal, it’s a variation of normal. It will likely go away within several years, it’s most commonly found in women under 30, but if it doesn’t, it’s not a bad thing.

So it sounds like Kaiser is overall good, it’s just been this injury incident that they’ve been giving you trouble with?

Thanks for explaining DAS. I always forget that there’s a universal in Cali. Growing up on the east coast meant going to Florida for theme park vacations. I think Disney in Florida is also a lot bigger? More parks and such? The Florida universal also has Harry Potter world, which I loved, because I am a giant nerd lol.

I find it fascinating how large the autism spectrum is. Over the past two years or so, I realized that I am actually on the autism spectrum. When I brought it up to my family and friends, they were like “well duh”. Like why didn’t anyone tell me? I thought I was just broken and weird! My inability to read subtle social cues (body language especially) and coming off as rude/abrasive unintentionally has caused me plenty of issues over the years, not to mention my sensory issues with the misophonia quite literally sending me into fight or flight responses, being made fun of for how I hold my arms (t-Rex arms), etc. I remember trying to figure out if I had some psych diagnosis in high school but came back negative on all the quizzes (except depression, but that was a known issue). The online autism quizzes back then were based on male symptoms, which are often very different, so that led me nowhere at the time. Now, more comprehensive tests exist online and I did take one long test that said I am likely on the spectrum, though those tests annoy me because they don’t allow for nuances in responses. However, getting a formal diagnosis as an adult costs thousands of dollars, and I really don’t need any accommodations, so there’s no point. The only thing I could think of that could be occasionally helpful is noise cancelling headphones for occasional issues with eating, gum chewing, and snoring, but at work I need to be able to hear other things going on, and often people are chewing gum while talking to me, so I can’t exactly shut them out. I have been working with a psychiatrist for the misophonia, SSRIs really seem to help because they reduce the anxiety response. Other than that, I just pray that people use their words when they have a problem so I can actually address it. I have one coworker who will immediately tell you if you offend him, and while it caught me off guard for a moment because nobody ever does that, I ended up really glad he did, because I could immediately apologize and then we both moved on. It was really great. Usually people say nothing and they’re mad at me and I have no idea because when their body language changes, I usually don’t notice.

Anyway, that was a bit of a verbal (written) diarrhea

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh okay that's good . Hopefully it's not bothering you much. I'm assuming you noticed it when you were checking cm?

Aw you're not broken and weird. It's interesting though like how many people find out later in life vs knowing growing up. I talked to my doctor about it because a lot of what qualifies Aiden as ASD or ADHD are traits that I had/have. But he said it's hard to diagnose adults because the results tend to skew in favor of a diagnosis/bias. Didn't feel like talking to a pysch about it because what's it going to change for me at this point haha. What SSRI? The noise is tough at work. Like you said, hard to reduce it without blocking people out and not being able to hear them.

Yeah! Our parks are much smaller but definitely makes sense you'd go to FL not fly out here to CA. Kind of nice to test the waters haha.

 

[shaescott]

Safari keeps crashing on me and deleting what I’ve written. Super short reply instead. Re: cervix, yes, that’s how I found it. Doesn’t bother me at all. I’m on Prozac 60 mg, it reduces my anxiety response which results in less panic.

 

[DobbyForever]

Haha my grandpa is so mad. He has newish neighbors (few years) and they are the epitome of everything he hates because he's (for lack of better phrasing) a huge bigot and stuck in his ways.
- They're a gay couple
- They built a two story ADU for their parents
- They own a cannibis store

The older of the two boys is just like Aiden. I can't gauge if he's on the ASD spectrum but he's definitely got ADHD. He's also six and in K going to 1. But my grandpa has made it clear he wants me to discourage them playing. So naturally we had a playdate today LOL. They're their gay best friends I wish I had. They are about my age. They have a whole ass zoo: 4 dogs (two of which are 12w golden retriever puppies they just got), 2 cats, a fish tank, a parrot, and some sort of lizard. The younger boy is 3 and was just diagnosed with Autism. Although I was talking with my grandma and it might be that the boys aren't adopted. One looks like one dad and the other looks like the other dad so it may be that they used a surro and each one donated sperm. Idk how to ask without being nosy LOL. But I like them. They said I'm pretty and I got a low bar for friendship HAHAHAHA

 

[shaescott]

Dobs ask for a discount lol jk (kinda)
You could always nonchalantly be like “wow kid 1 looks so much like you, and kid 2 is totally your partner’s twin” and if they want to talk about it, that will likely prompt them to do so, and if not, they’ll probably just smile and say thank you.

 

[DobbyForever]

Haha I’m sure if we got to know each other they would but I don’t smoke. The one time I tried (for a pretty boy) it confirmed my suspicions that it’d made me super anxious.

The hard thing is I don’t have time to really sit and chat. My grandfather has openly told them that he will not associate with them and they will go to hell and are terrible for having kids, so when the kids play they are not allowed to go into my grandparents house. We can only play in the backyard or front yard here or in their yards/house. Even if he hadn’t, he and my grandmother fight every 5m. The only reasons I both to keep bringing A is that he loves his family and asks to come, they’re in their 80s, and A has no problem telling them to stfu The friend clearly has ADHD as well so I’m just chasing the kids around. It’s also a bit awkward because we haven’t addressed the elephant in the room.

 

[shaescott]

Dobs yeah I don’t smoke either. Tried a THC vape once and the horrific lung pain (and need to be drinking water constantly to keep pain away) that immediately ensued was enough to keep me from doing that again. I’ll never do anything but an edible ever again. I honestly think I might prefer alcohol because I can titrate better. Too much? Switch to soda and give it an hour. Not enough? Have another. With edibles you take one and if it works a little too well (my response varies by what I ate and other factors I’m sure), there’s nothing you can do and it’ll take a few hours to wear off. If it’s not enough there’s the risk of more being WAY too much. Also sativa gives me tachycardia. Took my pulse while sitting on the couch watching TV and it was 120.

And yikes on the grandfather. I’m a Christian so my beliefs are not exactly the mainstream view, but we are called to treat all people with kindness. Telling people they’re going to hell is probably the #1 worst way to spread the gospel. I don’t care if it’s true, even, you don’t say that. It’s never ever helpful or effective.

AFM this morning at 8dpo my progesterone dropped below 10. This is very abnormal for me. It normally doesn’t drop below 10 until the day I get my period. I am really hoping that it will be a one day dip and that it will return to normal soon, but if not, I’m definitely going to be concerned. Progesterone levels under 10 in the luteal phase tend to cause inability for embryos to implant. I saw one site saying sometimes it drops for a day for an implantation dip, but everything else I’ve seen about implantation dips is that it’s due to surging estrogen, not dipping progesterone. My estrogen did go up about 100 points, but the progesterone level is not reassuring.

 

[DobbyForever]

Hopefully the progesterone pops right back up tomorrow! Ngl I still know nothing about hormones haha.

Oh yeah gummies sound rough to manage then. My friends all swear by them hahaha. My one friend is hilarious because she rarely does it because she's the primary caretaker of her son, but when she does the voice memos are GOLD.

Yeah he switched churches because their baptist church is moving with the times. My grandmother, who interestingly came down on me hard when I came out as bi to them, is now very "God doesn't make imperfect creatures/mistakes, so if God made them to be gay then we gotta stfu about it." And then when he goes off about how he won't associate with them, she says, "Well if you see it as a sin and God 'forgives' them then why can't you?" And then they just argue.

I mean that's actually how my grandmother and I made amends. I was ready to cut them out of my life entirely, but we had a serious sit down chat. And she was explaining that in her mind people who don't follow a certain path end up in hell and she's just trying to protect us. Then I told her how her behavior made me feel and we met in the middle. But yeah idk how the whole convo went but it definitely sounded like a nope being gay is a sin and keep that out of my house/life.

AFM two 12 hour theme park days back to back was rough hahah. Universal was absolutely amazing though! It's always been my least favorite park though so that's a bummer but they were so great with their disability accommodations that it was, by far, the easiest day trip i've taken with A to a theme park. Knotts was the complete opposite and it will be a cold day in (speaking of) hell before I go back with Aiden.

 

[shaescott]

My phone appears to be letting safari freeze again because I was almost done with my reply when it froze and deleted everything. Gummies aren’t too bad, there’s just no light buzz with them for me. Its like medium, heavy, or nothing at all.

Progesterone is supposed to stay up until at least 10dpo generally. Early drops not good (if sustainrd). But normally with a level like this I’d be full on getting my period, so clearly something is preventing that. Idk.

My uncle is basically shunned by my family because he’s the only Christian (I didn’t grow up Christian, my mom is not thrilled) and he apparently would tell his siblings that they were going to hell. Not in a yelling way, but in a concerned “but you do realize that you’re going to hell, right?” way. Obviously, it doesn’t matter that his intentions were coming from a place of concern. Not a single one of them took that in a positive way, and I don’t blame them one bit. It’s just not the way we go about things. In my religion, he’s not technically wrong. But by saying it, he’s pushing them away from God instead of bringing them towards God, which is obviously not his intended effect, but it is what is happening. I did explain to my dad once (he listens to me, my mom does not lol) that I didn’t think my uncle was trying to be hurtful and that he was coming from a place of love and concern, but that he was going about it in absolutely the wrong way. At the same time, I think if he apologized and explained where he was coming from, nobody would want to hear it. The bridge has been burned.

 

[shaescott]

Weird journey of hormone levels today. When I got up I took a test, and I noticed my urine was quite diluted for first morning urine. I had drank a soda before bed and woke up feeling like my bladder was about to burst. The diluted urine resulted me a progesterone of 3.8. I was more confused than gutted, because i don’t normally drop that low until a few days into my period. My period starts when I drop below 10, usually. So I was incredibly confused that my spotting has actually slowed down today and I had that level. My estrogen had also dropped to the 200s, per that test.

This afternoon I decided to see if my urine was more concentrated for a re-test, and boy am I glad I did. My progesterone came back 34. My estrogen was in the 500s. So the diluted urine was definitely the problem, although I don’t have a great explanation for yesterday. I may have had a legitimate transient dip, I don’t know. But this does go to show that I can’t entirely trust the urine levels because of the dilution factor.

All that said, I am back in the game. I did test an HPT today but BFN at 9dpo. I’ll definitely test an HPT again tomorrow, but I think I’ll skip the hormone test.

 

[shaescott]

10dpo BFN :/ when I had my faint lines it was always 11-12dpo, so I’m hoping I’ll get a positive in the next couple days, but I feel pretty okay other than waking up with my boobs hurting every morning the past 2-3 days. Literally one of the first things I notice when I wake up is my boobs hurting. Also my FMU was once again diluted. I had one drink before bed. My SMU was way darker even though I’d just had an iced latte and a hot chocolate. Wtf. BFN regardless, but I am confused.

 

[DobbyForever]

Just popping in to say FXed!

 

[shaescott]

BFN 11dpo. Still having the breast pain and had some nausea this morning, but I also didn’t get enough sleep so the nausea could be related to that. Idk. Feeling out. Spotting also increased this morning compared to the past week. :/

 

[shaescott]

Whelp, 12dpo BFN and increased red spotting today that prompted me to use a tampon just in case. Guess it’s not in the cards this month. I’m doing surprisingly okay right now. Been feeling really self conscious about my body lately (I’ve gained a bit of a tummy) and I’d like to have the extra time to get in better shape before being pregnant.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aw sorry. I feel like there’s been quite a bit of SO getting less careful. Hopefully you can get the best of both worlds soon . I gained ten lbs stressing and I’ve decided I’d rather be chunky and happy this summer lol. I’m embracing my mom bod.

 

[shaescott]

TMI warning

Woke up to my tampon having majorly failed me this morning. Needed to send DH for a paper towel so I could get to the bathroom without making more of a mess. When I took out the tampon it looked like I was peeing blood from my vagina That’s literally never happened to me before in my entire life (overnight that is, it happened once during the day in middle school but it had been in 10 hours). I very much hope this does not set a new precedent. Our sheets are white and I’m very tempted to just replace them because they’ve already got sweat stains that don’t come out in the wash.

 

[shaescott]

Oops, I appear to have gone AWOL. Life has just been busy, nothing bad. I did decide to replace the sheets just got the new ones washed and put on the bed, they’re a nice sage green. No more white sheets for us lol. We just got back from Montreal yesterday, we did a quick weekend trip. I’d never been to Canada before, and I was shocked at how Quebec felt like being in France. I always expected all of Canada to feel like an extension of America, just more polite most people spoke fluent English, but I did come across a teens to early 20s Tim horton’s employee who did not, so we both stared at each other awkwardly until I guessed what she might have said by context and luckily got it right

No TTC updates cuz still too poor. DH wants a baby so bad at this point, but he’s way too responsible to just go for it.

 

[shaescott]

I guess I'm not the only one who has been AWOL lately!

CD1 for me today. I decided to try out a menstrual disc (different than a cup) because of all the stuff coming out about arsenic and lead in tampons. I ended up having to buy the biggest disc on the market because I have a very long vaginal fornix lol, the distance from my cervix to my pubic bone is quite extreme, and I still can't get the biggest size to tuck behind the pubic bone, I can tell it just needs a few more centimeters. However, I decided to try it anyway because it’s not exactly popping out of me or moving around a bunch, and I’ve been having real blood spotting since 5dpo. Well, I wore it overnight and woke up this morning, no leakage from the disc, then went to the bathroom and discovered on removal of the disc that I am in fact on CD1 people weren’t kidding when they said removal was messy, I had blood all over the removing hand, it was not pretty. Luckily, I’m in my bathroom at home with a sink in arms reach. Makes me rethink the idea a master bathroom with a door between the toilet and the rest of the bathroom but hey, the disc did its job, it contained the blood, and my new sheets remain clean.