Getting Fit Before Baby

[ireadyermind]

I wish there was more that we could do for one another -- but know that we are all thinking about you ladies and sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[cupcakestoy]

Ty irym. Sorry that you have to deal with your sister's crap. I'd likely disown her myself, but I would worry about her kids....

 

[swimmyj1]

Yeah irym I know I wont find out the gender if I have a child, but no one in my family does. We just end up buying a lot of nutural colors. But no prenatal care is crazy! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. It's not fair that people keep getting pregnant when they shouldn't have kids and all of us are dying to have one and would be wonderful parents.

My doctor canceled my ultrasound im kind of relieved. This morning a lot of my symptoms have gone away and cramping has become stronger. Idk why I'm even bothering for more labs tomorrow. Ugh. I'm hoping she doesn't make me wait 3 months before doing clomid again.

 

[drjo718]

Swimmy, why would you have to wait? Standard practice here is trying again right away. Just curious...

Afm, I've been having some very light spotting, both yesterday morning and today. Mostly a light peach color but one tiny spot of brown. I'm not crampy though, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed everything is OK.

 

[cupcakestoy]

Back from dr. Hcg dropped to 59! Dr. Doesn't feel it was ectopic. Expects bleeding to pic up in next couple of days....did say he will prescribe clomid or femara when I go back in October if we want & wants us to think about doing iui again, before we move onto ivf....excited we had a natural bfp. Idk what we will do, just glad the end is near! He also started me on wellbutrin, which already makes me happier. Ready to be me again

 

[cupcakestoy]

Hugs swimmy....
Drjo-i hope all is well! When is your appt?
Oh I forgot.....drumroll.....I've gained 11 pounds this last month

 

[drjo718]

Not until the 15th. I wanted to take another clearblue weeks indicator bc it should say 3+ now with the way my hcg was rising, but apparently they've all been recalled. So I took a frer instead and the line is way darker than it was 3 days ago, the control is barely pink, so I hope the spotting isn't anything serious.

 

[Fern81]

Hi ladies

First of all Ireadyermind I've been meaning to reply on the post that you wrote on your sister's situation... Hun I totally get how ragingly unfair it is and I WISH with all my heart that it was you rather than her! I know saying that won't make it better though. I believe that there is a reason for everything (even if that reason is to learn and grow), however having said that, a lot of the time I don't understand the world and I don't understand why women who should clearly not have more children just keep having one after another and, well, the rest of us don't always have that privilege.

Swimmy and Cupcake - thinking of you ladies. Cupcake 11 pounds is nothing in the great scheme of things. You are a champ and will lose it again!

Drjo - I hope everything is fine it all sounds good though!

AFM - So I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. Weird thing is I was so sick this month the day before and day of O; nausea, headache, really tired etc! Googled and found that it's not unheard of. Sometimes women can just be sensitive to the hormone fluctuations around ovulation. I even had sore nips for about a WEEK before O! (Guess it's because I ovulated a week later than normal and maybe had higher estrogen levels building up?). So not only does every little thing in the tww feel like "symptoms"; apparently just ovulating can give pregnancy-like symptoms!

I've decided to make an effort not to complain too much to my husband about how hard and heartbreaking ttc is. DH still wants us to make every effort for a while and even try ivf next year (if we can afford it). Yesterday it struck me that while I have been ttc for 12 years on and off, he has only been ttc for 18 months. I have only been married to him since Dec 2013. I love him despite him driving me crazy sometimes and I will keep on ttc for now, for him.... (hopefully with frequent breaks lol). I mean I still REALLY want children even if I don't feel like going through the heartache of ttc... if you understand what I mean?

Sorry about the jumbled rambling. Trying to sort out my thoughts!

In the meantime - diet is going strong. Will see if I've lost any by Monday. Trying to avoid carbs as much as possible.

 

[ireadyermind]

Ty irym. Sorry that you have to deal with your sister's crap. I'd likely disown her myself, but I would worry about her kids....

Yeah irym I know I wont find out the gender if I have a child, but no one in my family does. We just end up buying a lot of nutural colors. But no prenatal care is crazy! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. It's not fair that people keep getting pregnant when they shouldn't have kids and all of us are dying to have one and would be wonderful parents.

First of all Ireadyermind I've been meaning to reply on the post that you wrote on your sister's situation... Hun I totally get how ragingly unfair it is and I WISH with all my heart that it was you rather than her! I know saying that won't make it better though. I believe that there is a reason for everything (even if that reason is to learn and grow), however having said that, a lot of the time I don't understand the world and I don't understand why women who should clearly not have more children just keep having one after another and, well, the rest of us don't always have that privilege.

Unfortunately, cutting my sister off means cutting those boys off, and their visits to my house are just about the only time they can get away from that environment. My mother (their grandmother) loads 'em up into her car and they come here for a weekend (I live a good 2.5hrs away). We go to the park, take walks, I let them help with cooking and little things like that. We don't do anything spectacular. It's not like I feed them ice cream, cookies and cake the whole weekend. We don't go to amusement parks and I don't buy them high-priced toys or anything. We just pay attention to them and do little things, like coloring or assembling puzzles.

The middle child just turned 4 last month and he constantly asks my mom when they're going to come back to my house to visit, and when I show up at HIS house he hugs me SO tightly, like there's no tomorrow. It breaks my heart!

My sister does not give those boys the time of day. She makes the 6 year old walk himself to the bus stop for school (on the days he actually goes, which aren't many because she can't be bothered to make sure they consistently have clean clothes and shoes that fit), she failed to get the 4 y/o enrolled for pre-K this year... all he needed was 1 booster shot and a copy of his birth certificate and he'd have been good to go. But he'd have to get a ride to school every morning and she didn't want to deal with that.

The littlest boy is turning two and you never see him with any clothes on. He has zero supervision, he's constantly breaking things, getting into cabinets, and he once ate rat poison that the landlord's extermination company left out where they shouldn't have.

CPS has been called on her numerous times, but every time they come out to investigate, they claim that there aren't any problems.

I am just SO sad for those boys. The 6 year old is essentially the 'dad' of the house, makes sure his brothers are taken care of. He helps them get dressed, he basically potty trained the 4 year old himself, and he's the one who tries to keep an eye on the toddler -- but he's six years old!

How can you carry a child in your womb for 9 mos and give birth to it and then just... not care? I can't wrap my mind around that!



As far as weight loss goes... ever since AF showed up two weeks ago I've been puffy, bloated and loaded up on water weight that just will NOT leave. I am heavier than I was when I even started this diet, and even though I'm still ON the diet, weight is just not coming off. I'm at my wits' end here!

I finally thought I had found a combination of carbs/protein/water/exercise that worked, and now this.... It's so frustrating and I'm starting to feel desperate.

My second blood draw for testosterone went completely the opposite direction. Now instead of high levels I have low levels, and my physician doesn't think there's anything wrong with me any more. I really do not know what to do at this point. CLEARLY there is a problem, but no one I talk to is willing to believe that there is one. I was telling DH: I think I can understand why some girls become anorexic, now.

Not that I ever would choose that option, but after everything I've tried? I can see where the temptation to just avoid food altogether comes from.

 

[swimmyj1]

I'm so frustrated I could scream! My hcg levels only went up for 987 from 803. My doctors office still wants to just "watch it" and keep on the progesterone. I've flat out said to them there is no way this can be viable why should I stay on it and proglong a pregnancy that is not viable. No joke this nurse lectures me on good prenatal care and that miracles happen ...... I kind of lost it on her. How dare she give women false hope, at least I'm a nurse and know the facts but what about the next women she is saying this too. I'm done, I'm going to stop the progesterone and if there is a miracle I would eat my words but Im not going to keep riding this emotional roller coster.

 

[cupcakestoy]

My Dr. was the same way when I was slow rising with both loses. He says he's seen slow risers before, but I knew what was going on. I did take the progesterone, begrudgingly just because dh wanted me not to give up until the #'s dropped.....Sorry your going through this beta nightmare sweetie. I have decided IF we do get a bfp in the future I will not go in until I'm at least 6 weeks, unless I have signs of ectopic...Just too much stress for me!

 

[swimmyj1]

I'm so confused my beta only raised by 2 so I went in for an ultrasound to rule out ectopic and there is a fetal poll and a heart beat??? I Hate limbo this makes no sense. My doctor and ultrasound tech were stunned it makes no sense. I guess I'll get labs Monday and see if they rose even a little bit im done with labs and its out of my hands. I just know this won't be viable so seeing a heart beat is a little heart breaking. Idk how's everyone else doing?

 

[cupcakestoy]

Holy crap swimmy! That is strange with a low beta, how far along are you? What was the heart rate? Hoping you beat the odds!!!!

 

[swimmyj1]

6 weeks exactly HR 162 .... I'm still in shock and can't be too excitied because I feel like with betas that low and went from 987 to 989 in 2 days this just can't be viable. SOOOO CONFUSED!!!

 

[cupcakestoy]

I admit it is odd, to see anything with betas that low, but apparently your beating the odds! 162 is a great heart rate, especially at 6 weeks! Hoping your little bean continues to thrive!!!

 

[swimmyj1]

hows everyone doing with eating healthy, i admit i'm kind of sucking at it right now

 

[Fern81]

Swimmy - as I've posted in the clomid club hun I really hope everything turns out great hun xxx

Cupcake thinking of you and I do hope you are coping!! xxx

IRYM I'm so sorry to hear your diet is still not working! I can totally understand how people can get anorexic. I was borderline anorexic for many years throughout my teens and early 20s (when I first got married @ age 22 I weighed just 45 kg); I almost never ate anything. There were days when I only drank green tea & ate nothing. Then when I got divorced everything turned around; I turned to food (and other) for comfort and have been struggling with excess weight ever since. Sometimes I truly wish I can go back to the days when the idea of putting calories into my mouth revolted me. BUT I know that is totally unreasonable. I can just imagine how desperate you must feel for such thoughts to enter your mind (even if you don't actually think of doing it). Just sending you so many hugs; wish I could give you better advice re your diet but at least in the mean time you know you can write down all your thought/feelings here and none of us will judge you!!

Healthy eating wise - I have lost no weight . It's always been easy for me to shed a few kilo's just by restricting my diet (and then immediately pick it up again) but since starting clomid for the first time a year ago I've piled on some weight that I just can't seem to shift. 2 kg down, 2 kg up. I'm starting to think I really need to move more (my job involves sitting down basically the whole day); that my limited exercise program is just not good enough. And that I have to find some way of eating even less and NOT binge eat on weekends.

Adding insult to injury; I'm 5 dpo today.... So this weekend (3 dpo and 4 dpo) DH and I had 2 "adult" date nights in a row each with lots of alcohol , well we have had some relationship problems recently and have decided to just relax and have a good time together this weekend without fighting. I figured that since 3 & 4 dpo are too early for implantation, any (im)probable fertilized egg will not be harmed. While we've had an amazing time, lots of laughs etc this weekend, THIS MORNING I find out alcohol can actually PREVENT implantation AND increase the probability of an early loss (especially considering the amount I consumed!). Not just from anecdotal evidence but from actual studies done. <insert curse word here>.
Yeah. Not a lot I can say about that except now I'm probably going to blame myself if I end up with a bfn AGAIN.

DH and I had a chat this morning and we've decided to not drink again until NYE for ttc reasons and to help us both lose weight (not that we drink that much normally but well these are calories we can definitely afford to give up!). The weekend together was worth it but urgh I feel like I've messed it all up again.

 

[ireadyermind]

Thanks, Fern.

Looking back, the only time I've been able to lose weight is when I'm on birth control. So that tells me right there that I have some hormonal issues holding me back. Erf.

Currently I'm waiting to O. It should be any day now, except that I'm not really showing any signs of fertility. The only reason I suspect it'll be soon is because my temp always drops to about 97.02°F a day or so before ovulation. DH and I BD'd last night just to be safe, even though my before-bedtime OPK was a very clear negative.


I'm really really hoping I don't have another 50+ day cycle. If I do, I'm taking my charts to the GYN and demanding she do more than just tell me that charts are unreliable and that long cycles "just happen sometimes." They've been getting progressively longer since I stopped birth control in May 2014 and if that's not a sign of something going wrong with my hormones, I don't know what is!

It'd be so amazing if I could just O around CD 16 or so like you're supposed to instead of CD 30+.

 

[cupcakestoy]

I'm doing ok, have had a day or 2 with no tears, today was not one of those days, but that was due to someone who knows about our loss, complaining about feeling bad who is barely 7 wks pregnant....needless to say I told her I didn't want to hear it! Just insensitive, but how dare she complain to a grieving mom, not to mention 2 other ladies who are struggling with infertility as well. But anyways, we had a touching message at church today, tears of sadness & despair, but also some peace & comfort. I also have to brag on my dh, he's always been a good man, but these last few weeks he has been amazing! His kindness & love for me has reminded me of why I fell in love with him This loss has hit him too. This time has been different cause we have shared the grief, shed tears together & talked more about our loss, as well as our hopes, dreams & plans for the future. Well enough sappiness lol
Im back up to 248, 13 freaking pounds....*sigh....but I am motivated to get back at it! Hoping it comes off easier, but looking forward to the sweat & hard work to help work through this season....

 

[ireadyermind]

It's good that you're staying positive, cupcake.

And some people only think about themselves! Your friend should have stopped to consider that maybe she's LUCKY to be pregnant, instead of complaining about something that is pretty dang awesome.