Happiness and positivity while LTTC

[TrixieLox]

Are there any LTTCers like me who try their absolute best to think positive thoughts (in terms of seeing other people getting pregnant and our own chances of getting pregnant?) and keep happy as a way to get that BFP? There's lots of evidence to suggest positive visualisation and happy thoughts can help.

There's no doubt that I have negative moments, read my past threads, I can be the queen of negativity! But negativity spreads like a disease, it can eat you up inside. And sure, it's good to let rip with those feelings and discuss them. But when 75% of your time is spent dwelling in the negative and discussing the negative on these boards, surely that can't be good? So I thought I'd try to be more positive and happy, and maybe, maybe it'll work? Cos I've spent the past 2 years being eaten up by sadness, I want to try this happy thing.

This is what I try to do. What do you try to do to stay happy?

- When I hear someone's pregnant, I feel that ping of hurt, I accept that's how I feel but then I move on. I think 'that could be me soon' instead of 'I want to curl up and die'.
- I think how hard hubby and I are working together to create this dream of having a child. We have a joint focus and dream that's bringing us closer together.
- If it weren't for this whole experience, I wouldn't have written a novel.
- This whole experience has made us re-asses our lives and what we want in the future (smaller house, live by the sea, not so obsessed with material possessions cos as we all know, they can't make you happy).
- We'll be damn good parents. We've watched other people have babies, make mistakes with bringing them up and we can benefit from that.

There's lots more but thought I'd get you started... I probably won't get any responses to this but hey, a girl's gotta try! (and when I get my AF next week, I'll be deleting this post, ha ha!)

 

[fluffystar]

Hey Trixielox,

I think staying positive is a big help but soooo much easier said than done! I am too trying to turn my thoughts around and have also been working my way through a hynofertility book which is about positivity and visualisations. Its only my first month of trying this approach and it was really helping but then work got me down and the positivity went out the window!!! lol I can only try harder this month I guess!

I have started a blog (see signature below for link) if you want to read, i'd love some followers!

love and babydust
fluffy xx

 

[TrixieLox]

Hi Fluffy. Great blog! I know what you mean, thinking positively works on paper but in reality, it's tough! What book have you got? I just ordered The Secret which a nurse at my IVF centre recommended. It was funny cos she'd been trying for 2 years then had a couple of rounds of IVF (hence why she now works there) and said the worst thing people could've said to her was 'relax, it'll happen'. But then she started looking into what might be at the root of that - the belief that what you think is what happens and she started exploring visualisation. Now she says she finds the girls with highest success rates are those who try some kind of meditation or visualisation. So hey, i've tried everything else, gonna try all this now.

 

[ermm23a]

I try to stay positive. I never wanted us to get to a point where TTC was like a chore. I try not to obsess about it. The thing that gets me the most is when I hear/see my DH wanting a baby so much. It makes me feel bad that I can't give him the child we both want so much right now.
He won a trip to Hawaii for a work thing, but the trip is in February and I told him that we really can't commit to going because if we do get pregnant, I won't be able to fly, ect. And he just said having a baby is more important and we have the rest of our lives to go to Hawaii.... It's when I hear him say stuff like that, or when I see him with our friends' children.... that's what makes me feel those pangs of hurt deep down in my soul.
I try to remain positive and rely on my faith to get me through it. I pray that God's will be done in my life, and that he blesses us with a baby in His time, not mine. And that helps give me peace about it. I also signed up for daily emails for infertility/miscarriage support from Sarah's Laughter (Christian organization that sends daily devotionals). It helps me get through it.

 

[HippyChicki]

I try to stay positive. I never wanted us to get to a point where TTC was like a chore. I try not to obsess about it. The thing that gets me the most is when I hear/see my DH wanting a baby so much. It makes me feel bad that I can't give him the child we both want so much right now.
He won a trip to Hawaii for a work thing, but the trip is in February and I told him that we really can't commit to going because if we do get pregnant, I won't be able to fly, ect. And he just said having a baby is more important and we have the rest of our lives to go to Hawaii.... It's when I hear him say stuff like that, or when I see him with our friends' children.... that's what makes me feel those pangs of hurt deep down in my soul.

Wow this is like you have taken the page out of the story of my life! I completely agree with you. In contrast to my last post in another thread I do try and feel positive but this (above) is exactly what I experience all the time.
to everyone!!

Stay positive!!

 

[KatieRi]

Ermm23a I really want to gove you a cuddle for some reason !! *hugs* XX

 

[fluffystar]

Hey Trixielox. I do keep meaning to write out my visualisation so others can read it. Will try to do it soon and add it to my blog. Will let you know when its on there if you like.
Love fluffy x

 

[Leila Fae]

I stop every so often and count my blessings but I'm finding that it's increasingly difficult to keep thinking positively. Any visualisations or tips would be gratefully received.

Keep the positivity coming!

 

[TrixieLox]

I started reading The Secret today (the book my fertility nurse recommended) and it's really interesting. It basically says success comes down to attraction. Not the kind you think, but the ability to attract positive outcomes with positive thoughts. If you allow yourself to get into a cycle of negativity - so 'I'll never get pregnant' or 'it's not fair, why's this happening to me?', you'll attract negative outcomes. However, if you think positive thoughts, eg. 'How exciting, we're trying for a baby, I could be pregnant soon' and 'this whole experience is just gonna make us better parents, and me stronger as a person' then you attract positive outcomes. So everytime you find yourself feeling down, that means you've been thinking negatively so replace negative thoughts with positive ones and repeat them to yourself.

Anyway, gonna give it a go. I have IVF coming up in August so instead of thinking 'I bet we don't get pregnant', I'm now getting really excited and thinking 'this time in 2 months, I'll be pregnant and maybe with twins.'

Worth a shot, huh?

Meditation helps as well as it helps you be aware of negative thoughts but move on from them.

 

[bernina]

TrixieLox, your post is perfect. You and the other ladies here have described everything I have felt or am feeling. DH and I are going on 2 years of trying with 2 early miscarriages. It's very frustrating because our last BFP was almost exactly a year ago. Just hard to imagine that all the medicine I've taken, timing, tests, acupuncture, herbs, didn't even get me another BFP this past year. I think that has been the hardest part. The first year while tough, at least we had progress and the memory of a BFP was fresh in our minds and we knew we could do it again. This last year however has been much harder. Many people around me are pregnant, including family and best friends, I'm getting older and more importantly DH is nearing 40. I'm not worried so much about the age in terms of our fertility (all tests are good for both of us) but I dwell more on the fact that DH will be nearly 60 when our children graduate from highschool. I think of my Dad who just turned 60 and I'm 33! Just kind of gets me down and I'd say that's the real stress factor in my life, felling like I'm running out of time.

I am a FIRM believer that positive thoughts attract positive energy and outcomes. I have believed that all my life, and while this may sound smug, I enjoyed a pretty charmed life. I have great parents, had a great childhood, great friends, great career, great husband, etc. The last 2 years I feel like I've lost my mojo and I just don't know how to get it back. I used to know everything would always work out in the end, now I falter and can't say that I deep down believe that anymore. I try to tell myself that it will be okay, but I can't actually convince myself to believe it.

Sorry for my rambles, I just wanted to share how close to home you've hit with me. All of your positive reminders are applicable to my situation and I need to keep those in mind. It's funny because DH and I have also realized we don't need the big house that we have. We live a few houses away from a lake and have decided when the housing market picks back up we'd like to sell our larger house and get a small cottage on the same lake. Funny how TTC really brings you down to bare bones and makes you realize what's important and what's not.

I got pregnant very easily the first time, after only 4 mos of trying, and while I know I would have been a great Mom, I feel that after these 2 years, I will truly appreciate my children more and not take them for granted. I listen to friends complain about how they're stuck at home, how their kid cries and keeps them up at night, and to me those things are music to my heart. I can't say that I'd never complain, it's only natural, kids are a lot of work, but I'm pretty sure my complaints will be much less.

I started injectables this cycle so I really do have reason to hope. Self preservation has prevented me from getting too hopeful in the past, but I think I'm going to kick that to the curb and let my mind wander free and daydream about a baby (or two!)

Hugs to all going through the same thing. It's not easy, and there's no magic bullet or magic switch we can throw to turn us positive, but I think by sharing our thoughts with each other we can help keep up the positivity and help each other get through this.

And something that I continually have to remind myself of is not to view this time as wasted time. There are people dying who would give anything for the last few years we've lived, even with all the hurt and pain that went along with them. Each day is a blessing and a chance to make new memories and learn new things. I really have to try hard not to waste too much of it feeling sorry for myself.

 

[FBbaby]

I too strongly believe in positive thinking...the question is how to apply it! I can't, at least not any longer, feel positive each cycle. I had a m/c 13 months ago, and at the beginning, I was oozing with positiveness, willing my mental strength to bring another bfp quickly. It didn't work in terms of outcome, but also in terms of making feel good. On the opposite, the fall was much more painful.

I have been through ups and downs since as we all do, but the past couple of months, it became a bit too much and decided that I would aim to leave the pma behind and just be happy with whatever came my way. I spent a lot of energy thinking about all the reasons why I shouldn't be pinning for a baby, why I should allow my life to be put on hold because of bfp, and accept that it is not because my partner would make the most wonderful dad that we deserve to be pregnant because there is no deserving factor in the ability to fall pg. To an extent, this chain of thoughts is helping, I can look at a pregnant woman and not feel an ache in my tummy. I can take on the news of a pregnancy, even amongst those close to me, and genuinely feel happy for them and not be devastated by jealousy. I can convince myself that a life without a baby would not be a life not worth living... but.... there is this thing in me, that feels reside in my gut or soul or whatever it is called that won't let go. It's that positiveness that tells me that if I keep believing, if I keep allowing myself to think that it will happen...it will....eventually.

What helps is that I had a similar experience with my meeting the love of my life. I have such an unexciting past love history, a number of relationships that can't even deserve that name, no real commitment, no building a future together until I met my ex and somehow did have this so longed-for relationship that brought us two beautiful children. But that desire for this family life hid all the things that were not right and the fact that I just didn't love my ex. Inevitably, it resulted in a separation. After that, I was so full of positivism that I would meet my soulmate, started going on dating sites, meeting men...and very quickly, just like the months of ttc going by, I started to lose all the excitment, feeling disappointed each time i met someone who clearly wasn't the one. I divided plans, just like I plan ttc, I wanted to give it all up, then got an ounce of thinking 'could this one be the one', just like I do when symptoms spotting, to be disappointed after meeting the person, just like when AF shows... One day, I was really down and just wanted to give it all up. I couldn't imagine myself ever being in love with someone again, sharing my bed with pleasure, let alone being intimate. It sounded like a dream, something that others did without thinking about it, but just too good for me. Yet I just couldn't give up completely, couldn't accept that I would be single for the rest of my life, so I kept my profile on the site, went and checked it once in a whilst...and one day, 5 years after my separation, about 10 dates or more, my soulmate came into my life, no differently than the others had, except when I met him, I knew he was the one. I was right, he is absolutely everything I have always wished for, and I am very very picky! He is my perfect man, my soulmate, my lottery win!

So when I feel down about ttc, I remember this, firstly that I am so massively lucky to have him and secondly that not giving up did lead me to making my wish come true.

 

[hopesforababy]

Thank you so much! This is a thread that I need more than anything!

I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions. Positive and happy, then totally down in the dumps and negative. Although, it seems like I'm down more than I'm up. I try to stay positive, but it doesn't seem to work. But I know that I need to stay positive, so I'm going to hold you ladies to keeping me accountable!

Here's my visualization: I just took a job with a school district, so I'll have off next summer. Not if, but when my IVF/ICSI succeeds in August, that will put me due around May. So, I will have an extended maternity leave and will be spending next summer with a precious baby or two!

Here's to giant belly's for all of us!

 

[TrixieLox]

So pleased this is helping girls.

The latest bit I read in The Secret is to list everything that WILL happen to you. Your wishlist to the universe. If you ask, if you believe you'll get it then you will get it.

So with regards to TTC, I had the following 'wish':

Our first round of IVF will be a success and I will give birth to healthy twins next year

It IS going to happen. i have a bunch other wishes too (unrelated to TTC) so am gonna print them out so I can see them each day and really believe it will happen.

I got my AF on Saturday but because of all this positive thinking, have been feeling great and uber excited about the future.

And Bernina, totally know where you're coming from cos in all other areas of my life, I've been very blessed as I have always always been incredibly positive. But when i started having trouble conceiving, that positivity dissipated and guess what? Other parts of my life started going downhill too cos I was surrounding myself with negative thoughts. But now I'm attracting positive vibes, I know it's all gonna get better and better again! (o jeez, I sound so cheesy, sorry!). x

 

[fluffystar]

Yay for positivity!
Before I started TTC I was always worried that when I started I wouldnt be able to get pregnant easily. I have worried about this since I started using contraception!!!!! How mad is that?!? Now I feel that I have ingrained that thought deep inside me and have to do a fair bit of work to "unthink" it.

So lets put a big fat stop to negative thinking and turn this around by being surrounded by people on this thread who are also vowing to think positively about becoming pregnant. Lets visualise our bumps, feel that baby moving inside us and beam with pride as we hold our children for the first time. Its going to happen to us all xxxxxxx

Who will join me on this one???

 

[Wallie]

I feel the same as you girls on here. I've lost all positivity and actually it is effecting my life with my OH. We've nearly stopped talking and it's ironic as we're just about to do our first IUI this cycle. I really don't know what's going to happen if I don't get pregnant and I don't really know what's going to happen if I do. How stupid is that! It's taken so long to get to this stage I think the stuffing has been truly ripped out of us.

So, after reading your posts, I need to get a grip and sort everything out. It's totally true, people who are ill would give anything for a couple of years like what we've just been through trying to conceive a baby.

What I really need to do it get back to that "place" where I was before ttc even entered my mind, I need to get back to that happy, content place I was before.

 

[hopesforababy]

I feel so much better just by reading this thread! Keep up the positive thoughts ladies!

 

[bernina]

Ladies, we all have so much in common!!! Everything I have read I keep saying "that's me, I've been through that, I feel like that!!!"

I'm so sorry that there are so many of us having a hard time keeping positive, but I'm sure glad we have found each other and I truly believe together we can help give each other advice and ways on how to bring the positivity back into our lives.

 

[fluffystar]

Im so glad that this post is having a good effect in people. Lets keep it up ladies

Love fluffy xx

 

[TrixieLox]

Was thinking about this post this morning and it put a smile on my face, didn't think it'd get much response cos I know how difficult it can be to remain positive but it's all about a state of mind, right?

Also says in The Secret to listen to happy songs and watch funny films so starting to do that more too. I love rock and indie, and horror films but downing my quota a bit so it's not all doom and gloom and bloods and guts ;-)

 

[bernina]

I just had to post here about what a wonderful day I had today. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but I found myself walking around with a smile and a skip in my step all day. I was humming to myself at work which I NEVER do. I seriously feel like a veil has been lifted from my brain and I just feel free. I can't explain it but I feel like me. I could understand feeling this way after getting a BFP or seeing a heartbeat, but nope, I haven't even ovulated yet this cycle

Started off at the lab this morning for blood work. The older man who called me back asked if I was married to a middle eastern man to which I answered yes (DH is Lebanese and Moroccan). My last name is pretty unusual and is actually a name for one of the Muslim holidays, not many people know that. We had a lovely chat about middle eastern cooking and shared some recipe tips. After I left the lab that's when I really noticed how positive I felt.

Had a fun filled day at work, and got to leave early for an ultrasound to monitor my follicles on my injection cycle. Turns out follies and lining are responding well and I'm set to trigger tomorrow night. I've had positive lab and ultrasound results before in the past, so I know it's no guarantee for a BFP. But instead of being pessimistic I find myself bordering on being optimistic. I can't tell you the last time I felt like this!

I guess what I'm trying to say with all my blabbering is that forcing yourself to think positive (even when you don't feel it) really can work.

I just wanted to share with you all because I think this thread has really helped me to just relax and appreciate the MANY blessings I already have.