Hate being a mum

[caz_hills]

Oh hun huge hugs to you. I found it sooooo difficult at first - I asked my friend why didn't you tell me it was so hard?! And they all said they found it hard to - it seemed like an unspoken thing that life is hard as a mum but people do t want to say it out loud.

I saw my HV and GP and try helped me. I hope you get some help hun - feel free to pm me if you want to.

x

 

[stardust599]

I'm guessing you've posted this after a really tough day huh? You sound exactly like me.

The first 5 months of my baby's life were hell. I hated a lot of it. I thought I'd made a mistake, I didn't bond with my LO very well (although deep down in the back of my mind I knew I loved her somehow and I also felt very protective over her) and I certainly didn't like her personality - she screamed 24/7, she had severe reflux, refused feeding, didn't sleep, wouldn't even look at (never mind be held by) ANYONE else. I couldn't get out the house and day in I watched the clock until my OH could come home and take her off my hands. We argued daily. How can anyone be expected to enjoy this?

I was diagnosed with PND and given anti-depressants. Do I think I had true PND? No. I think I had a very difficult demanding baby (nobody will ever understand these babies until they have 1 of their own), and very little support. However, I would say speak to your GP as the anti-depressants I was given really didn't lift my mood even if I wasn't truly depressed.

Things started to look up for me when LO was 5months and I'd say by the time she was 7months things were much better. By the time of her first birthday I loved her more than anything in the world and I haven't regretted anything. I'm working part-time now, inh the morning I bring her into bed for snuggles and kisses, we go to toddler groups every week, go long walks, we feed the swans, we build up blocks and knock them down and laugh, we cuddle while watching teletubbies.

I just want to say it will get better, one day a time. My LO is still very challenging but you do adjust and my mantra is "This too shall pass".

I found it easier once I started to accept my LO as she is and embrace her personality and her character. I remind myself that it's not her fault, it's the way she is and it's my job as her Mummy to love and protect her as well as help her turn into a happy, secure and confident child/teenager/adult. When LO is being really difficult I tell myself that she doesn't choose it and she needs me as her mother to be there for her and guide her in the right direction and support her through anything.

Does your husband help at night?? Do you have parents/inlaws who can give you an evening and overnight break once a week? It will really help xx

 

[mummy2lola]

Hun I started a thread about how hard babies are and alot of people have joined with their honest feelings about how they felt,maybe have a read and see if u can relate and reading how others are feeling may help for u not to feel alone.it's called "u know what? Babies r hard,maybe it's not pnd".....I'm not saying I don't think u have pnd as I've already said ur feelings have lasted quite a while and pnd peeks around now so I've heard so if u don't feel like u can cope alone then please see ur gp,there's no shame in asking for help xx

 

[stardust599]

Sweetie, I hope you don't mind but I was looking at an older post of yours in the PND Support Thread and from what you say I do think you have a touch of PND and all your feelings are being magnified with motherhood being so challenging at the minute.

Speak to your OH, write him a letter about how you feel if you have to?

And please go back to the Dr, I know you are scared to try A-Ds but maybe you could try a very low dose (say 10mg Citalopram) just to see if it can lift your mood and give you some hope and "normality". Does your area have a mental health team you can be referred to? xx

 

[LPF]

I had a very traumatic birth, emcs and a general anaesthetic so I didn't really see Evan for 12 hours and was so drugged up and confused. I hated bf as he fed constantly and it was so painful and I felt so isolated and tied to him.

Evan was difficult as he was so easily over stimulated, everything made him cry and he never slept during the day unless he was rocked for AGES whilst screaming and screaming - I was always mortified at groups and could never talk to anyone over the screaming. He never slept in the car/pram/sling - he's only slept in the pram 3 times since 6 weeks old. He was a nightmare at night for months.

I felt I'd completely lost my identity, freedom, life -the works. I cried for weeks about the mistake I'd made. Looking back I know I hadn't bonded with him. At 6 months he completely changed. I say now he was a toddler trapped in a babies body! He's happy, sleeps well, plays, laughs and I have my evenings free, full nights sleep and go to work 3 days a week for me time. I love him more than anything in the world.

To some people what you wrote maybe extreme but I totally understand where you are coming from. I dont know if I had pnd or PTSD after all I went through and maybe I should have got help.

You will get through this xxxx

 

[we can't wait]

I hope you get the help and support you need, hon. You deserve to be happy, and your LO deserves it, too.

 

[Frooty]

That is quite extreme love as others say maybe speak to your doc? It took about 4 months to actually fall in love with my baby i felt the same way as you at one point i wish i didn't get preg and had him but now hes my life and i love him to bits. It will get better people told me this in the beginning too and i thought yeah right it's getting worse but it really does. Hugs to u xx

 

[kitty17]

I have just read this whole thread, and though it is obviously very sad that the OP is feeling like this, I think it is lovely to see so many ladies sharing their experiences and posting words of encouragement

 

[Scarlett07]

I'm on citalopram and been on 10mg per day which will be increased to. 20mg...felt a lot better as I was in a real mess from week 4 of birth, he is 8 weeks this weekend. I never comprehended it would be this hard.

 

[Jemma_x]

Just want to send I think you should speak to someone, you may or may not have pnd but i always find talking to someone helps

 

[SugarFairy]

Just sending you big *hugs* sweet xx

 

[tummymummy]

I don't think it's to do with Pnd tbh, I just don't think I'm cut out for this job. And there's nothing I can do about it. I Don't even know why I posted to be honest, just wanted to get it off my chest. Is it really that extreme?

Hey sweetie

Glad you did post because i really do think its pnd. I think its really good you have noticed there is a problem hun but dont think its that your not cut out for being a mum because you are, your ill. I despised my dd i didnt want her love her and i was desperate to go back to life without her and now i adore her. Give your doctors a ring and tell them how you have been feeling. And remember your not alone there is lots of support out there and plenty of us ladies here to chat when your down. Big hugs pm me anytime xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[sequeena]

I feel like this at times. I feel very lonely when I feel like this so big hugs xx

 

[kdea547]

You may not think it's PND, but really, no one should feel that way all the time. Sure, babies are difficult and some are more difficult than others. There are times when every parent gets frustrated and tired and might even have a hint of regret, but it shouldn't persist. Go to the doctor and don't feel any shame in taking an anti-depressant. I would rather be labeled as depressed and get some help than go everyday not being able to love the tiny person that I'm in charge of taking care of.

 

[Amygdala]

Go to the doctor and don't feel any shame in taking an anti-depressant. I would rather be labeled as depressed and get some help than go everyday not being able to love the tiny person that I'm in charge of taking care of.

I completely agree with this. Please get some help! Letting this continue isn't fair on you or your LO. Sure, babies can be hard but you shouldn't be in such a dark place all the time. It will get better but sometimes you have to take the initiative and get help to make it better.

 

[lindseymw]

*hugs*

As others have said, I think you need to speak to GP/HV about your feelings. I think it could be PND. As someone mentioned earlier, you had a traumatic birth which could cause you to have PTSD. If this is the case, maybe request from your GP some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), it can help with both Depression & PTSD.

Hope you start feeling better soon

 

[Future-Sailor]

There is nothing about this job I like. The screaming, the fussy feeding, feeling like a prisoner in my own home, the constant arguments with husband , the drudgery and total loss of identity. I don't even like my baby, let alone love her. She's nearly three months and there's nothing rewarding. I wish someone would have warned me his awful it would be. Im so very unhappy and wish I could turn back the clock and decide not to have children. Is this it?

Hi hun, I can totally symphatise with that you are saying "The screaming, the fussy feeding, feeling like a prisoner in my own home, the constant arguments with husband , the drudgery and total loss of identity" - sounds very familiar to me. But I love my LO to bits and do all I can for her - I really try my best and what gets me down is when my best is just not good enough for her I still feel clueless and everyday is a new challenge for me and with no support network nearby I really struggle everyday. Being a mummy is a hard job and I'm sure we all have bad days. Just wanted to say that you are not alone x

 

[Frooty]

I thought my baby cries a lot but last week he got really poorly had broncitis cried literally ALL night he was put on a ventilator for a few days as he struggled to breathe with it. All the screaming before that happened was nothing compared to that night. I think once u get to know your baby and what they need what their cries mean its easier to deal with it takes time to get to know your baby like it goes with anyone else u meet. Chin up hun x

 

[tommyg]

Honey. You are clearly struggling I am with the others that you should speak to somebody GP or HV.

TBH I didn't have PND but I found myself crying at the BFing group because I was lonely. My friend recently found herself crying to HV because LO was biting when feeding and neither of the were getting any sleep.

What are you and DH arguing about does he know your not happy?

Is their any groups you can got to? Any other SAHM's that you can visit or who could visit you? At least get out of the house every day go to the shops buy that nights dinner and a bit of chocolate to munch on your way home.

Do you not even get a wee smile from LO? Smile at him and see if he'll return the smile. My feelings for LO have grown over time I never felt a rush of love. But I was ill a month before having him so my inital feelings were fantastic he's ok. And the love that surounded us both overwhelmed me

 

[losingtheplot]

just wanted to send you ((hugs)) this mum thing is so hard i am bloody exhausted! i love my baby but i wish she wouldbloodysleepatnightbecauseitiskillingmearrrrggghhhh! x x x x