Have 4 boys already and was told #5 is a boy too.....

[allforthegirl]

So I need to rant. Please no offence to anyone else. These are my feelings, and I am entitled to them just as you are to yours.

Now with that disclaimer said. I am absolutely peeved that women having their first or second, talk about how that they will never have a girl or boy, what ever gender they are hoping for. OMG seriously???? Have four or five of the same sex then say that they will never have the gender they are looking for. I am not saying they are allowed to be disappointed. I am saying don't say never until you tried numerous times!! Maybe you were meant to have that LO you are looking for after 3 or 4! Or what ever your limit is, but gawd I just want to scream at these women. Sorry I don't pitty you. Maybe this is just me and my GD talking, I know I am not 100% there yet, or if I ever will be. Seriously you can't be serious saying those things you do when you have only have one or two children. Try to be in our position!

Sorry I needed to get this out and this is where I feel the most safe posting it. Again sorry if this offended you, I just needed to get that off my chest!

 

[onceisenough1]

I agree to a point but what about those women who can only afford one? Its irresponsible to keep trying until she has 3 or 4. or what about a woman who struggles with infertility? dont they have a right to feel as they do?

 

[allforthegirl]

Every one has a right to feel how ever they want. It is when those that say they will never bothers me. I agree that there will always be exception to the rule. I am just ranting. I just still have so much healing to do myself. I just see so much more hope in those that have just one or two. With those that have fertility issues and can only afford one well you can't honestly be too picky. But for someone like me who had fad four with another boy on the way, I don't know it is just hard to explain. I would never in a million years say to them because as I have we deserve to feel the way we feel.

 

[Katiie]

I understand what your saying. I really do.

But this is my second baby - I don't know what I'm having.

But I can't help but think about possibly feeling disappointed if it is a boy. I don't want to feel like this. I really don't. But at the same time it just came over me..
Like it wasn't a choice, iykwim?

Regardless of the sex of this baby we will be having 1 more and 1 more only too.

 

[allforthegirl]

Katie love hey I know what you mean. There is nothing wrong with moms that get disappointed, no matter how many children they have. Don't feel bad if you are a bit disappointed. It will not be directed towards this one, just a what if. It is scary and heart breaking. I do hope you get the girl you want, either this time or next. For some of us (me :wave it is really hard to get over the fact of literally not having a baby girl. I think I will have better odds of winning the lotto right now. Well actually if I win the lotto maybe..... no I wouldn't do it LOL I am fine with what I have now. I will just always have to dream. My little girl will have to come to me and live with me in my dreams. If I win the lotto maybe I will just adopt a little baby girl. Or buy a puppy LOL One thing I can say is that for this moment I feel complete. I am done!!

 

[kaths101]

I understand what you are saying. It's sad you will never have your little girl,
With 4 boys you could and up with about 10 granddaughters though

 

[motherofboys]

I had a really lovely chat with a lady with 5 boys, now all in their teens, the other day. She had 2 singletons then triplets all with in a few years or each other.
It was so lovely to talk to someone who was that far down the line. Who had dealt with peoples reactions and ignorant comments, had realised she would never had a daughter, and was now getting loads of comments about how lucky she was with her 5 big strapping lads.
Although I feel I am doing well and now with lss than 2 weeks to my due date am just very excited about meeting my little man, I do have a few moments of relapse, so chatting to her did me the world of good. I actually feel like if we went for another and got a 5th boy I would be extremely lucky, but I don't feel like we have to go for that 'one more shot' either.
I know my feelings could and probably will change over the coming months and years, but I had to share this with you. It was great to see how happy and amazing it can be, looking that far into the future.

 

[allforthegirl]

Wow that is a wonderful story!! Thank you for sharing that! I am actually excited to see this little guy too. Like you I have little relapses, but I am not as bad as before. I can now at least look at others little baby girls and not get angry any more. I am trying to trust there is a reason for not having a girl, and just trying to concentrate on the LO I am having vs the one I am not.

 

[motherofboys]

Thats just it. When you are planning a baby, and in those first weeks of pregnancy, you start to imagine who they will be and what they will be like.
All of my boys have blonde hair and their hair has got curlier with each child. In my head I could just see all these tight, bouncing, blonde curls. When I thought about the future I could just see a little girl with my 3 boys. My pregnancy was SO different at the start from my other boys that I was convinced that had to be a sign. To have 3 identical pregnancies then one that was the opposite had to mean something right? And I had a name for her. I'd had the name from before we even started TTC DS1. I didn't have a boys name, I'd used them all up.
You imagine your baby and come up with a whole person and a whole future and make all these plans in your head.
Then you find out that the person you had been sure was on the way simply wasn't, you were getting someone else. It hurts and takes time to let go of that person you had dreamed up. I felt I was bonding with my baby as a girl, and I had to say goodbye to her and start bonding with a boy.

I had someone different today ask "are you expecting soon?" I obviously replied "2 weeks to go" and she said "wow theres nothing of you.....so do you know what you are having?" "Yeah another boy *big smile*" "oh wow......well my aunt had 4 girls then 2 boys so it can happen"
I get that they mean well, but it feels like 'oh well never mind, you might get a girl next time' as I said before I feel its taking the value of my boys away, as if they are not as important because they are boys. Yes we can all share a story about someone who had a few of one gender before the other. I have a friend who had 4 girls, 1 boy, 1 girl then 2 boys. But I also know someone else who has her 7th boy due in 2 weeks!

 

[allforthegirl]

How can anyone do 7 boys? I am sorry, I couldn't do that. I am sure if we had no money issues then I would just be barefoot and pg, and just let what happen happen, but I think by 7 I would be so disappointed I wouldn't be able to function. I personally want that girl too badly. I will be good with what I have to a certain point. I know I will always have this tinny part of me that will ALWAYS want my own little girl. Yes I am sure that I may have that really strong granddaughter relationship, but that is just not the same I am sorry. When I get to that point that it will be ok, is when I am beyond my fertile years and my boys are grown.

 

[motherofboys]

There is always that 'what if' during the fertile years I guess. The lady in question hasn't told anyone in real life that shes having a boy again and is being driven to distraction by "this one HAS to be your girl" She swayed and everything and still no girl.

 

[allforthegirl]

My heart goes out to her. That has got to be hard. Really really really hard. I think I would be hitting a new level of depression after all that. One things she can say is that she gave it her all if she swayed.

 

[motherofboys]

Yeah thats my reasoning as well. If I do go for another I think I will sway just so I can say I did try and thats how its meant to be. I did keep ds2s gender a secret but when your on number 2 its not such a big deal is it. Theres no way if I found out I could keep it a secret and deal with all the guessing etc now. Those first weeks just between telling everyone at 13 weeks after my scan, and finding out the gender just short of 17 weeks, were so hard. Even one of my sons friends asked why her Mum was congratulating me then said "will it be a sister this time?" and just had just turned 7 LOL I laughed and said "possibly but I doubt it".

 

[allforthegirl]

Sometimes even from the smallest most innocent mouths can sting! My eldest wanted a sister so badly that he couldn't stop talking about all the disappointment he was having about it. I couldn't handle what he was saying to me at the time and I just snapped. I felt so bad but I had to deal with my own disappointment first before dealing with anyone else's. Every once and a while one of my three older ones (DS4 wants a brother) say that they really wished they had a sister. It is hard cause I feel like I have disappointed them too.

I didnt' sway all that much.... I tried a few things but nothing like some do on the swaying sites. there are some who go hard core!! Not me I can't. If God ain't going to give me a girl then no amount of swaying is going change that.