Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[dgirllamius]

I'm not really for spanking children, but I don't think a light tap on the bum is considered abuse. Being punched in the face, thrown down the stairs, not being fed...things like that....THAT is abuse. A light tap on the bum which causes no pain whatsoever is not abuse. Abuse is physical harm and I think that's where people don't really understand the word fully.

I don't have kids yet so I can't say either way. I don't like the idea of it. There are indeed other means.

I do think throwing the abuse word around is a bit extreme.

 

[scotmum35]

my mum probably slapped me a handful of times but if she did i knew id pushed her way beyond her limits.my stepfather was different first time i was ever slapped was at 3 by him and it was a hard slap then came the rolled up newspapers, belts,sticks,canes dragged across the sofa by the hair head banged off the walls till i blacked out thats abuse and i still cant trust other people because of it.then there was the emotional abuse side of it.
a tap on the backside for doing something dangerous is enough to shock a child and then a reason why.but dont fall into the trap of trying to make it up to the child it sends mixed signals.no parent is perfect and we will often feel guilty throughout for some action or other but we learn as we go along so OP pls dont beat yourself up over this.

 

[wantingagirl]

yep this is the point, we all have opinions and differences but are adults and thats all it is our personal opinion. I was a victim of abuse by my alcoholic father when I was growing up and trust me a tap is not abuse. There are boundaries and the key is to try different things that work for your children and keep to what ou say to them. People will feel personal about this if they have a history. Its good that you are constantly looking into improving but there is no guide book and its a learning process and non of us are perfect and you cant say you can try other things when your not in that situation. My stepson used to have major behavioural problems and tried to hit me in anger when I was pregnant with my first son what you want me to do just put him on the naughty step. Doesnt work for all. Sometimes these subjects can be touchy but we are all here to support and understand. The key is to say what we would do without judging.

 

[overcomer79]

You never hit a child while angry so you have to learn to control yourself...with me I have a bad temper so a nice stern voice shocks my son to no end.

If I know I'm going to "spank" (tap on the bottom) I do it and then send him up to his room...sometimes I need my space to cool down.

 

[Pinkie88]

True. I appreciate everyones kind honesty. Thanks so much.

 

[Pinkie88]

True. Mommies need time outs too. Lol

 

[wantingagirl]

True. I appreciate everyones kind honesty. Thanks so much.

I wish there was a rule book that worked. Kids are beautiful blessings but they are very hard work and require alot of patience. The problem aswell is kids dont think what they are doing and just lash out and do things first as no logic attached to it. I mean my stepsons answer for some of is behavious is' its cos im a kid' lol..... 1, 2 3 breathe x

 

[Tink84]

Between the age of 2 and 4 years a child has huge brain developmemts etc and it can be a very frustrsting time for everyone especially them and you. They are trying to work out where they stand within society as well as there own families and it's a scary time too. However they key is consistency in boundries and realistic expectations. Be firm and consistent.

Parenting doesn't come with a rule book hun but I am sure your child knows how loved they are and that is what matters

 

[Tink84]

Sorry double post

 

[andersondyson]

I feel that this has now taken a much more mature approach to the debate.

Im so sorry to all you ladies that have been abused as children, this must be incredibly hard to deal with and I can totally understand why you would have more of a stong opinion on this subject.

For me, I had a very happy childhood, however I was occasionally spanked, but I can still tell you the reasons (one time I had shut my younger brother out of his room and jammed his fingers badly in the door, another time I had been very rude to my mum - aged about13) It gave me a shock.......and occasionally children need it.

I dont enjoy spanking my children, on the occasions I have done it, I have gone into another room and cried, I cant bear to see my children upset.....but sometimes, the naughty step/ time out/ taking away rewards etc just dont work.

Thank you for the support.

And as a response to the original post: Pinkie88

Im sure you are a wonderful mummy, none of us are perfect, thigs happen that we cant take back, but at the end of the day, you obviously love your child so much (otherwise you would never have asked the question in the first place) your child is NOT going to hate you because you spanked her once. I think society in general makes us fear our own actions......you are a parent, and Im sure there will be many MANY more challenges along the way! #

Sorry if you have been upset by the controversy........hopefully we are all friends now xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[bananaz]

I don't plan on spanking my kids because I think it's kind of hypocritical to hit a child while also teaching them that hitting other people is unacceptable, especially when there are so many other ways to punish that would be more relevant to whatever behavior you're trying to discourage (yes, I'm sure I'm being overly idealistic here because I don't have a kid yet ). My parents never spanked me but they did smack me a few times when they were really upset and those are very unpleasant memories for me.

That said, I don't think spanking is abusive as long it's done very sparingly and in a rational, age-appropriate way. My aunt is an amazing mom with 5 wonderful little girls and I know she swats them occasionally, but it's always as a calm, controlled punishment intended to convey the seriousness of the infraction. Spanking a child out of anger with the intention to hurt them would be a very different thing, IMO.

 

[kissesandhugs]

Sorry if you have been upset by the controversy........hopefully we are all friends now xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

love that part!! If it's one thing I have loved about bnb it's that we all have our different opinions and sometimes we snap at each other and get defensive but we still support each other regardless of our views!!

 

[mojobear]

Well said andersondyson.............

 

[scotmum35]

i loved the show super nanny i,m sure u can still find episodes of it free online or buy the book.

 

[andersondyson]

Well said andersondyson.............

Thank you.......I was seriously close to tears at the beginning of this post (or throwing laptop at the wall...............not that I have anger issues though hehe)

I feel much better now xxxxxx

 

[xSin]

I don't have a child yet (well, inside my tummy I do) ....do I believe in spanking? Hmmm

When I was a child, I was spanked ONCE and it was because I threw my parents miniature poodle off the balcony, broke her leg & she had to be put down in the end because it wasn't ever able to heal properly.

Do I feel like my parents abused me? Absolutely not. And if anyone comes on here and tells me that my parents did simply because of that incident, hooo boy... hell hath no fury... I'm very protective of my mum & dad, and very proud of the way I was raised.

Its unfortunately that other women on here WERE abused (And rather severely by the sounds of some of the stories) however that does NOT give them the right to assume that they "Know the whole story" in every single family and pass judgement on the mothers here on the board.

I think spanking on the BOTTOM has its time and its place. Anything beyond that to me is unacceptable. Circumstances vary as well.

 

[Sunshine12]

I dont have kids yet but will have no issue in giving a little smack if the usual methods werent working. I wouldnt imagine it would be a regular occurence though.x

 

[feeble]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

 

[missingangel2]

i did, spanked after explaining to my 8 yr old daughter to be nice to her lil sister so many times maybe 100 times and not to hurt her but she went and put her sisters finger in the electric socket, that week she was learning about electricity at school so she knew what would happen, she had time out but then she went and opened the locked window and told her sister to look outside she was about to fall but i caugh her in time and we live on the 15th floor ( so yes i did spank my older daughter when she did that, so i dnt see that as child abuse that's my opinion and everyones has theirs

 

[Sunshine12]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

I havent read any of the thread apart from the original post and quite glad now that I havent as reading overly dramatic posts trying to connect a smack with child abuse would just piss me off!