Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[Elucida]

Actually, if my hubby tried to run out into the road, I would firmly grab him and pull him back!

If he tried to put my child's fingers in a plug socket, or feed them medicine (which another lady mentioned) I would smack his hand away.

I would grab my daughter too, but not smack her.

As for plug sockets and medicine, children can learn that they mustn't touch them without being smacked. I'd never claim my daughter to be a genius, but we have successfully taught her about each of these things without smacking her once.

I'd be more concerned that she hadn't learned a thing if I simply smacked her, tbh. Or, only that she shouldn't do it when I'm around as she'd get a smack rather than never to do it as it's very dangerous. They can understand basic concepts of danger from a very young age.

 

[mom and ttc]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

thank you. and i still stay with my opinion... but i shake my head at a lot of people here, thinking it is okay...

 

[Pinkie88]

I cannot believe what I am reading! What is wrong with you people? I feel ill. We have not evolved as a society at all, have we? The second you first raise your hand to a child is the second you lost control. Shame on you!

Stop hitting your children!

You are exactly the type of person I didn't want on here. You are obviously not understanding and very judgmental with this specific issue. So what? Now that I've made a mistake and "lost control" once and feel bad for it, what? I'm sure you think I should have my children taken away. That's how ridiculous you sound.

I sound ridiculous? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am VERY judgemental on this subject, but I never said your children should be taken away. Just because you are actually reflecting on your actions, acknowledging you lost control, are trying to find a better way, and feel badly about it, it doesn't mean others do the same.

Saying dramatic things like we havent evolved as a society.. That's a bit ridiculous IMO. We are talking about occasionally spanking, not full on beating and disgusting acts of child abuse. Trust me, I know plenty of hippie "evolved" parents out there that are simply too passive. I think bottom line, if you love your children and want to improve constantly as a parent then you're doing a good job but I have my opinions too on both extreme ends of the case. I feel that child abuse is disgusting and that not disciplining and being too passive is also bad.

 

[Indigo77]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

thank you. and i still stay with my opinion... but i shake my head at a lot of people here, thinking it is okay...

It's amazing to me that people still think it's ok.

 

[Pinkie88]

How many times must I say I am asking If you ever made a mistake by spanking your child? Indigo, you seriously go so far as to say "shame on you"?? Trying to make mothers feel unfit to be a parent or what?? Read the title of my thread and respect it or just don't even bother .

 

[xSin]

I sound ridiculous? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am VERY judgemental on this subject, but I never said your children should be taken away. Just because you are actually reflecting on your actions, acknowledging you lost control, are trying to find a better way, and feel badly about it, it doesn't mean others do the same.

Yes, you DO sound ridiculous. Your instantaneous leap to judgement of those on this thread who don't see things exactly the way you do, is the mental equivalent of spanking. Your close mindedness to the very IDEA that

A) Not All children are the same
B) Not all scenarios are the same
C) Not all parents are the same...

...it quite frankly makes you sound very ridiculous. There isn't a parenting book in the world that could address 'every' parent, child and situation and quite frankly ALL The parenting books put together, couldn't accomplish that either. The fact that YOU think that you have "all" the answers, well fuck who died and appointed you judge & jury of other families?

Save the judgemental bitchy statements for the parents who DON'T draw the line. I must wonder what kind of example you set for your children, if this is how you treat others around you, what are you teaching them to do? Certainly not to be accepting of diversity, empathic, sensitive to others situations, or accepting of anything other than their own perspective.

I'd also recommend that you & "mom and ttc" learn how to READ. IT says right in the thread TITLE that this thread is supposed to be non-judgemental and here you two are harping on page after page attacking the other mothers on this board who don't share your viewpoint. Grow up!

 

[Pinkie88]

Harsh judgments and irrational/emotional and high strung opinions are just not appreciated because they are offensive. None of these women (including myself) deserve to be "shamed" on. Let's go back to the mature discussion we were having.

 

[josephine3]

Well it was obvious this was going to get heated!! Im afraid Im with the few who think it is completely wrong to spank or hit in any form. I am not saying that it is abuse, and to the OP I think you lost your cool, regret it now and will probably not do it again. As others say, the fact you are so worried about it makes you a great mum

I dont think spanking or 'tapping' on the bum teaches a child anything other than you have the ability to hurt them, and you are controlling them from then by fear. You are hoping they will not misbehave because they are scared of being smacked. Rather than teaching the understanding of for example, danger, being nice to others, eating well, etc.. smacking is more of a 'because I say so' kind of method! And im not sure it works. Children copy what they see and I believe if they see smacking at home they will copy it at nursery and school.
I dont have children yet, this will be my first. However I work in a nursery so believe me I know how angry they can make you.. there are times I have been shaking with anger but you must remember you are the adult. children hit each other when they get upset and angry. I tell them off for it every day. Adults should know better!! Im not saying those who do hit are abusers, just that they need to learn a better discipline method.

No offence meant to anyone!!

 

[Insectile]

My uncle used to take his belt off and beat my cousins with it when they didnt clean up their toys...I'd call that abuse. My boyfriend's mother slapped and kicked him when he didn't dry the dishes properly...I'd call that abuse. My grandma would swat my (clothed) bum on rare occasion with her hand (not a stick or belt) if I touched poisons under the sink or something equally dangerous, and that is not abuse.

OP: If you're spanking all the time or doing it out of anger, uncontrolled urges, or without ever considering any other forms of discipline then you probably need some help. But if you're willing to think about your motivations, how you feel during and after you spank, and seek help/change if necessary, then you're still being a good parent. I'll keep those things in mind when I have my own children.

(These are my opinions because the OP wanted to hear them. I know this is a touchy issue and because of that Im not going to comment on anything posted here or single out anybody for what they personally believe, even if I wholeheartedly disagree/agree with them. )

 

[Pinkie88]

I sound ridiculous? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am VERY judgemental on this subject, but I never said your children should be taken away. Just because you are actually reflecting on your actions, acknowledging you lost control, are trying to find a better way, and feel badly about it, it doesn't mean others do the same.

Yes, you DO sound ridiculous. Your instantaneous leap to judgement of those on this thread who don't see things exactly the way you do, is the mental equivalent of spanking. Your close mindedness to the very IDEA that

A) Not All children are the same
B) Not all scenarios are the same
C) Not all parents are the same...

...it quite frankly makes you sound very ridiculous. There isn't a parenting book in the world that could address 'every' parent, child and situation and quite frankly ALL The parenting books put together, couldn't accomplish that either. The fact that YOU think that you have "all" the answers, well fuck who died and appointed you judge & jury of other families?

Save the judgemental bitchy statements for the parents who DON'T draw the line. I must wonder what kind of example you set for your children, if this is how you treat others around you, what are you teaching them to do? Certainly not to be accepting of diversity, empathic, sensitive to others situations, or accepting of anything other than their own perspective.

I'd also recommend that you & "mom and ttc" learn how to READ. IT says right in the thread TITLE that this thread is supposed to be non-judgemental and here you two are harping on page after page attacking the other mothers on this board who don't share your viewpoint. Grow up!

Wow. Well said. You've used your logic and I really appreciate your thoughts.

 

[Pinkie88]

My uncle used to take his belt off and beat my cousins with it when they didnt clean up their toys...I'd call that abuse. My boyfriend's mother slapped and kicked him when he didn't dry the dishes properly...I'd call that abuse. My grandma would swat my (clothed) bum on rare occasion with her hand (not a stick or belt) if I touched poisons under the sink or something equally dangerous, and that is not abuse.

OP: If you're spanking all the time or doing it out of anger, uncontrolled urges, or without ever considering any other forms of discipline then you probably need some help. But if you're willing to think about your motivations, how you feel during and after you spank, and seek help/change if necessary, then you're still being a good parent. I'll keep those things in mind when I have my own children.

(These are my opinions because the OP wanted to hear them. I know this is a touchy issue and because of that Im not going to comment on anything posted here or single out anybody for what they personally believe, even if I wholeheartedly disagree/agree with them. )

Very appreciated thoughts and opinions. You sound calm , rational and wise. Thanks!

 

[aliss]

I don't believe in spanking.

That being said, if I caught one child trying to give another medicine, I really can't blame you for what you did. That is unbelievably dangerous. Even us "anti-spanking" moms must at least recognize the gravity of such a situation.

Please, forgive yourself. How scared you must have been!!

 

[Indigo77]

I sound ridiculous? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am VERY judgemental on this subject, but I never said your children should be taken away. Just because you are actually reflecting on your actions, acknowledging you lost control, are trying to find a better way, and feel badly about it, it doesn't mean others do the same.

Yes, you DO sound ridiculous. Your instantaneous leap to judgement of those on this thread who don't see things exactly the way you do, is the mental equivalent of spanking. Your close mindedness to the very IDEA that

A) Not All children are the same
B) Not all scenarios are the same
C) Not all parents are the same...

...it quite frankly makes you sound very ridiculous. There isn't a parenting book in the world that could address 'every' parent, child and situation and quite frankly ALL The parenting books put together, couldn't accomplish that either. The fact that YOU think that you have "all" the answers, well fuck who died and appointed you judge & jury of other families?

Save the judgemental bitchy statements for the parents who DON'T draw the line. I must wonder what kind of example you set for your children, if this is how you treat others around you, what are you teaching them to do? Certainly not to be accepting of diversity, empathic, sensitive to others situations, or accepting of anything other than their own perspective.

I'd also recommend that you & "mom and ttc" learn how to READ. IT says right in the thread TITLE that this thread is supposed to be non-judgemental and here you two are harping on page after page attacking the other mothers on this board who don't share your viewpoint. Grow up!

Wow. Well said. You've used your logic and I really appreciate your thoughts.

First of all, I have not singled anyone out the way you have here. Secondly, EVERYTHING you have pointed out here, you have done to me. Lastly, you are being offensive, judgemental, bitchy and condescending, so I encourage you to look in the mirror.

The difference here is that I would never hit a child and you obviously would, so I will not burden you with my contraversial posts any longer. Obviously, validation for your actions against children is the only thing that is acceptable here.

 

[xSin]

Ahh good at least you came down off your high horse and now know how you've made the rest of us feel

 

[Vickie]

Let's get back to the original post/topic and stop the personal attacks against each other so that the thread can remain open please.

 

[Pinkie88]

Indigo, you are being self righteous. No one is asking for validation or approval to "hit a child" . I feel bad and know it was wrong. This thread has inspired me to buy a few "gentle discipline" parenting books. I will take the positive things I have learned from this thread. Thank you all for your time. Many of you are very level headed and wise. I am done. lesson learned and advice taken. Thanks again.

 

[Indigo77]

My approach may have been emotional.
You should perhaps attempt to examine the essence of what a person is writing instead of deflecting from the subject and harping on their approach.

 

[scotmum35]

instead of judging maybe a thread could be started for effective parenting by non violent means.parenting is often trial and error unless u had great role models.if like some of us here u had an abusive upbringing any means of forcing a child to behave and comply can be challenging.abused parents will know right from wrong but not always have the tools to know how to be the most effective parent without having memories of bad stuff come up.i can see here that some people are reacting because they are recalling bad shit and being a parent can bring it all flooding bk.
so a thread to help others know how u deal with all different aspects of parenting seems like a more sensible option than going on the offensive.

 

[momto3kiddies]

My oldest daughter is 16 years old and I have never in her whole 16 yrs laid a hand on her in a hurtful way. I do feel it is not necessary. I raise my kids to show others respect and I respect them in return. Everyone one is different and parents differently. I was in the store the other day and a little girl was running around the racks her dad called her to come over she ignored him when he finally got her he smacked her 3 times and my 9 year old daughter was mortified and felt so bad for her...my daughter spoke about that for a few days really impacted her...to us, in our family, its a form of violence. To the OP I dont think your a bad mom, u just reacted in the moment.

 

[daydreaming22]

i am not accusing, that is my opinion which i am entitled too, and no if there is a mom on here who is proud of spanking her child then i can say my opinion.
yes in case of the OP it might have been an accident because of being scared.

i was hit, my head was beat on the floor and body dragged... and it starte with a spank. ... you are so much stronger. i call it abuse. because in my eyes it is. where do you cut the line, in my opinion before you raise your hand!

Do you think everyone's situation and outcome will be the same as yours? "head was beat on the floor and body dragged" IS ABUSE! A light tap on the rear is NOT ABUSE. Just because your dad was angry and abusive does not mean that all parents who "spank" are. Yes you are entitled to your opinion, but fact is fact...abuse is illegal, spanking is not.