Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[feeble]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

I havent read any of the thread apart from the original post and quite glad now that I havent as reading overly dramatic posts trying to connect a smack with child abuse would just piss me off!

I would definitely avoid reading through this thread then! Proper throw your tea at the wall stuff!

 

[Sunshine12]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

I havent read any of the thread apart from the original post and quite glad now that I havent as reading overly dramatic posts trying to connect a smack with child abuse would just piss me off!

I would definitely avoid reading through this thread then! Proper throw your tea at the wall stuff!

lol. Thanks. I most certainly wont bother then!! I do wish people would apply some perspective at times. x

 

[Indigo77]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

 

[feeble]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

I havent read any of the thread apart from the original post and quite glad now that I havent as reading overly dramatic posts trying to connect a smack with child abuse would just piss me off!

I would definitely avoid reading through this thread then! Proper throw your tea at the wall stuff!

lol. Thanks. I most certainly wont bother then!! I do wish people would apply some perspective at times. x

Agreed, I can understand in the heat of a debate, people getting a bit upset or passionate and causing upset/becoming upset, but just popping onto a thread to causally call people child abusers is more than a little bit troll like IMHO!

 

[Sunshine12]

Wow child abuse mentioned before the end of page one, that has to be some sort of record!

I havent read any of the thread apart from the original post and quite glad now that I havent as reading overly dramatic posts trying to connect a smack with child abuse would just piss me off!

I would definitely avoid reading through this thread then! Proper throw your tea at the wall stuff!

lol. Thanks. I most certainly wont bother then!! I do wish people would apply some perspective at times. x

Agreed, I can understand in the heat of a debate, people getting a bit upset or passionate and causing upset/becoming upset, but just popping onto a thread to causally call people child abusers is more than a little bit troll like IMHO!

Yup. I have no issue with people being against smacking and completely respect that view but to refer to child abuse is just plain stupid. A light tap on the bum for example does not make someone a child abuser. Very immature statement to make IMHO.

 

[Pinkie88]

Thanks again to the amazing mommies and soon to be mommies for your rational and kind yet honest opinions. As for anyone who we rude and judgmental, sorry but I don't appreciate it. I regret the harm this thread caused to some people but I feel like it was overall a positive debate/conversation. Sorry for any hurt feelings and frustration.

 

[Elucida]

Never. Often, there is quite a big difference between the message you think you are sending and the message that is being received.

Primarily, parents believe that a swat/spank will send a firm message that x, y or z is totally unacceptable, dangerous or whatever. What is actually being received by the child is "when someone does something that I don't want them to do, and I want them not to do it again, I should hit them." which is not a good message to be sending - it's often totally unintentional but parents don't always appreciate that they model the behaviour that their children go on to display themselves.

It's not even necessary. There are other ways to teach or send the right message to children, plenty of parents manage not to swat/spank and don't have unruly children. It takes more time and effort, but it's definitely possible and absolutely worth it.

Bottom line, children are equals - if you wouldn't hit your OH to teach him not to do something again, then why is it any different for a child? Them taking longer to learn/understand doesn't mean pain needs to be introduced to the equation. Though, in my experience, it doesn't take them all that long to understand - not with attentive, understanding parenting.

 

[Pinkie88]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

You are about to offend some people. Many of these women sound like wonderful mothers and I'm sure they have read parenting books.

 

[Indigo77]

I cannot believe what I am reading! What is wrong with you people? I feel ill. We have not evolved as a society at all, have we? The second you first raise your hand to a child is the second you lost control. Shame on you!

Stop hitting your children!

 

[Pinkie88]

Also, my main point of this thread was to ask if anyone has made the mistake of spanking occasionally. I don't think spanking as regular discipline is okay but I don't want to offend anyone who does think that way.

 

[feeble]

Actually, if my hubby tried to run out into the road, I would firmly grab him and pull him back!

If he tried to put my child's fingers in a plug socket, or feed them medicine (which another lady mentioned) I would smack his hand away.

 

[feeble]

Also, my main point of this thread was to ask if anyone has made the mistake of spanking occasionally. I don't think spanking as regular discipline is okay but I don't want to offend anyone who does think that way.

The fact that you are worried about it, are questioning the situation, how it happened etc, that is what makes you a fab mama, not wether you occasionally have smacked a child (unless youve given them a beating, which is a different thing)

 

[Pinkie88]

I cannot believe what I am reading! What is wrong with you people? I feel ill. We have not evolved as a society at all, have we? The second you first raise your hand to a child is the second you lost control. Shame on you!

Stop hitting your children!

You are exactly the type of person I didn't want on here. You are obviously not understanding and very judgmental with this specific issue. So what? Now that I've made a mistake and "lost control" once and feel bad for it, what? I'm sure you think I should have my children taken away. That's how ridiculous you sound.

 

[Indigo77]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

You are about to offend some people. Many of these women sound like wonderful mothers and I'm sure they have read parenting books.

I am offended! I don't know ANYONE in my peer group that spanks. It's simply not ok, and they need to hear it loud and clear.

At least you are acknowledging your mistake and are trying to find a better way, so I commend you for that.

 

[AC1987]

I see no wrong in spanking. Beating absolutely but spanking no i don't see that as wrong. I was spanked growing up, so was my DH.
However, i would use it as a last resort it wouldn't be my first thing I would do.

 

[Elucida]

i think spanking is child abuse!!! there is no way i would ever lay a hand on my daughter! she goes in time out, and is upset about it. there are other methods. i raise my kid with love, do not understand how parents say they love their kids and hit them!! and my daughter is really well behaved!

Much as I disagree with spanking, I also believe time outs to be just as bad. They send the message that you are withdrawing your time and affection from them when they behave in a way that you think is unacceptable. It sends the message that your affection comes with conditional and, in turn, your love.

It works in that it erradicates behaviour, but it's not for the right reasons and it's not a lesson that is learned in the way you might hope it is. Especially for young children.

It's actually very effective to address what is causing the behaviour, display empathy and continue to show positive regard for the child. That doesn't mean you don't need to talk about why certain behaviour is dangerous or unkind, just that you don't need to banish them to a step/chair/their room/away from you and your love to send the right message to them. In fact, it sends a message that you would never mean to send.

Children, people often misunderstand, are not ticking time bombs that will do all kinds of bad things and rule you unless you rule them. It doesn't have to be like that. Gentle parenting, with clear guidelines, is a positive way to send the same message and have the desired outcome too.

This can probably explain things better than me. Do read it, it's very interesting in the least: https://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/supernanny.htm

 

[Pinkie88]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

You are about to offend some people. Many of these women sound like wonderful mothers and I'm sure they have read parenting books.

I am offended! I don't know ANYONE in my peer group that spanks. It's simply not ok, and they need to hear it loud and clear.

At least you are acknowledging your mistake and are trying to find a better way, so I commend you for that.

I don't care about what anyone in your peer group does or doesn't do. Some people are so self righteous. Seriously, anyway.. Thanks to the people who don't think im a child abuser for giving my daughter a swat on the bum. I usually keep my cool and consider myself to be a very good mother . Especially considering the way I was raised.

 

[kissesandhugs]

Wow....people actually still spank?

There are hundreds of parenting books out there. Read a few, people!

You are about to offend some people. Many of these women sound like wonderful mothers and I'm sure they have read parenting books.

I am offended! I don't know ANYONE in my peer group that spanks. It's simply not ok, and they need to hear it loud and clear.

At least you are acknowledging your mistake and are trying to find a better way, so I commend you for that.

Well, fortunetly for everyone-you are not their/our mother so you don't have a right to tell someone how to parent. Period.

eta: suggest, maybe. practically shoving it down their throat, that's a different story. It's about as effective as spanking is.

 

[Pinkie88]

I am open to reading about parenting and discipline methods. We can use more education no matter how long we have been parenting.

 

[Indigo77]

I cannot believe what I am reading! What is wrong with you people? I feel ill. We have not evolved as a society at all, have we? The second you first raise your hand to a child is the second you lost control. Shame on you!

Stop hitting your children!

You are exactly the type of person I didn't want on here. You are obviously not understanding and very judgmental with this specific issue. So what? Now that I've made a mistake and "lost control" once and feel bad for it, what? I'm sure you think I should have my children taken away. That's how ridiculous you sound.

I sound ridiculous? Are you kidding me? Yes, I am VERY judgemental on this subject, but I never said your children should be taken away. Just because you are actually reflecting on your actions, acknowledging you lost control, are trying to find a better way, and feel badly about it, it doesn't mean others do the same.