Having a 2nd child to a 2nd father?

Discussion in 'Single Parents' started by jenny873, Aug 31, 2009.

  1. jenny873

    jenny873 Well-Known Member

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    Im not pregnant nor do i plan to be any time lol, but ive had a really bad 2 months with splitting with my LOs dad. Its all starting to settle down now HOPEFULLY lol! so i start to think of what my future will hold. one thing that goes through my mind alot is if I meet somebody else do I straight away make it clear that i dont want any more kids? I do want them but im just worried Lilly would feel left out or something as she gets older because her sibling had a different father who lived with us?

    Anybody got a young child (under 5/6) from a past relationship and another child from a new relationship?

    Whats it like? Did u have these worrys when you split from your first borns father? xxx
     
  2. cupcake

    cupcake Mommy of a gorgeous boy!

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    I cant answer but i dont see why you cant have more kids hun if you wanted to. Your little girl will probably love having siblings one day ,and if you find someone who will love her too and make her feel just as special as his kids, i cant see why not. even if she is resentful which might be normal, she is your child and she will have to learn how to understand , there are lots of choices parents need to make for themselves too if you understand what i mean.
     
  3. costgang

    costgang Well-Known Member

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    my daughter was 4 when i met my oh, then 2 years later we had a boy together, he treats her like his own, in fact he has done more for her than the sperm donor did :haha: and when we got married last year she wanted her name changed to his so we are all the same
     
  4. xxannxx

    xxannxx Well-Known Member

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    Hiya, I can't really answer question as I only have 1 LO, although I def would love to meet someone and have some more 1 day. I always wanted 3-4 children and don't see why breaking up with my ex should change that, although getting older and still single might, lol. Although my LO sees his dad on regular basis, I still wouldn't have a relationship with anyone who didn't treat him as they would their own, so would hope him feeling left out wouldn't be as issue, if anything I think us having this time on our own would make us closer. I would say don't rule out being happy with someone else just because you've had your heart broken.
     
  5. DizzyMoo

    DizzyMoo Guest

    I'm in this one, My son will just turn 4 then bump is due, both to different "sperm donors".
    My son doesn't see his dad & originally fob did more for him than his own dad ever did, Just as my son started calling him " peter daddy " , We got our bfp & then fob dumped me for someone else so i'm now left with 2 children without dads on the scene.
    I now don't want to meet anyone else, I've had as much shit & heartache from men as i can take & i certainly will not put my children through it again.

    There is no reason why lilly would feel left out if your saying your oh would then be living with you then what exactly is she missing out on? Providing your then oh paid her as much attention as his own child & treated them both equally then there is no problem at all.
     
  6. v2007

    v2007 Well-Known Member

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    My eldest is 9 her dad is not on the scene but her stepdad looks after her as if she was his. I have 2 kids with her stepdad and there is no probs at all.

    I met him when eldest was 3 and there has never been any probs.

    V xxx
     
  7. purpledahlia

    purpledahlia Mummy

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    I think you will be fine because your not going to ever want to settle with anyone unless they take on lilly as their own. Otherwise why would you be with them if they didint ..

    My uncle married a lady and she had a 2 yr old, They went on to have 2 more kids and he adopted her so they all have the same name. Its perfectly normal i think, I would def have more kids if i met someone and we lived together, He would HAVE to treat my baby as their own anyways... i think thats standard!
     
  8. jenny873

    jenny873 Well-Known Member

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    lol Lillys dad wouldnt ever agree to me changing lillys name from his, but then i dnt think i want to get married either. im not thinking of having another yet, but this is just somethn that bugs me x
     
  9. lorrilou

    lorrilou Well-Known Member

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    being a step child myself i can honestly say i NEVER felt left out or different in anyway and im sure it would be the same for lilly and any other children you might have.
     
  10. wannabubba#4

    wannabubba#4 Maybe 1More! DD+3DS <3

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    My DH is biological dad to our youngest child only, but you would never know. My DD and DS were 5 and 2 when we first met, and when I was expecting baby number 3, the then 7 year old DD, asked DH if she could call him daddy, cos she didn't want her lil bro / sis calling him something different from her. DS number 1 had already started calling him daddy cos to him that's exactly who he was.
    He has never once shown any favoritism / preference or bias to any of our children. If anyone ask him, he says he has 3. (NOT she has 2, and we have 1 )
     
  11. MrsChamberlin

    MrsChamberlin Mother of 3

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    My DH is the biological father to only our youngest and the one I am currently pregnant with.
    My DD was 9 months when I met my DH. We have been together ever since. DH has always treated DD as if she was his own.
     
  12. Fly

    Fly newly knocked up with #2!

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    I have a DD who is five, and am currently WTT for my second with my partner - who is not her father. We live together and have been together for 4+ years, and will be married next month. She doesn't call him dad, but she does have an excellent relationship with her own father - who is a very good father to her (and has one more DD with his long term partner).

    I think when we have our own that my OH will treat his own differently to DD - he's never tried to act as a father to her, because she sees her own 3 times a week and has a strong sense of her family and relationship to him. He didn't want to get in the way of that - so although he has the same authority as I do in our house in terms of discipline etc, he leaves all the parenting decisions to me and her father. This won't be the case when we have our own. I wonder if it will cause problems, but I think because my OH and my DD have such a close, loving relationship, and because there will be a fairly big age gap (probably six years, and that's if we're lucky enough to conceive quickly - which I know isn't always or often the case) we will be fine.

    Fly
     
  13. kelly2903

    kelly2903 mum2princess an expectin

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    my mum an dad split when i was 2 and my dad just left the scene and we never saw him.... my mum met some else when i was 4 and married him when i was 8 and had a little boy with him..... i never felt left out i call my mums husband dad and he has never treated us any different to his own son i dont think lilly will feel left out cause you wont let that happen.... good look with the future hun. xxx
     
  14. starbucks101

    starbucks101 Well-Known Member

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    My DD Bio dad doesnt have anything to do with her but im pregnant with my new partners LO and i can honestly say that you would have no idea that she wasnt his, they are so close after only 5months and as far as he is concerned she is his daughter and he is her daddy they look so gorgeous and happy together it reduces me to tears sometimes! and they are both so excited about the new baby that there is never going to be a difference between the two of them :)
     
  15. McLovin

    McLovin Well-Known Member

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    I feel this way too, although I used to want to have about 4 children... things never pan out how you wish!
    I had a real messed up family and I just wanted 'normality' for my baby boy. I don't want him envying any half siblings because they have their' dad at home, or even worse (and uncontrolable) if my FOB gets with someone who has kids... then he may be more of a dad to them than his own son. It scares the cr*p out of me thinking of how I can't provide him a proper family... some days so much so that I feel so selfish for still having him.
    I'm really worried about even starting to 'see/date' other guys... I don't think I'll have the guts too..... if they leave me they'll also be leaving my son too... and that's bound to put sooo much pressure on the guy.
    I think I'll want it to be just me and my baby boys forever and ever! xxx
     

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