'Having a baby IS a job'

[catty]

Not all SAHM stay at home literally all day lol x

Very true! I try and spend as little time in the house as possible...less cleaning to do haah

 

[Tasha]

And I'll add that some people make the choice to stay home because in this world we live in, you can't trust anyone but yourself to insure your child's safety. So it's not always a choice made for funsies.

I don't think the world and all the people in it are quite that dreadful, are they?

I'm not sure how many people choose to stay home purely for "funsies" but surely very few stay home purely because it's too great a risk to have their child in the care of anyone else?

I guess my issues aren't a common one. My job involved sleep overs. After losing Eve in her sleep, there was no way I could have gone on to leave any of my subsequent babies for any period of time let alone over night, even with DH.
Im probably a really extreme and rare example but for me it's absolutey an issue.

completely understandable hun. I've not been through what you have but tried working nights after Honey and I couldn't cope with it in part due to not being there for them if anything happened.

On a separate note to Lora, I don't get it irking people if a sahm lists what she does during the day, no it's not a job but it isn't any easier to juggle washing up and children for a sahm than it would be for a child minder/nanny/nursery worker. Would they not be allowed to list off what they did either?

As for the post about not being a sahm if it's not their wages doing it. The thing is some circumstances make that very difficult. I don't think that stuff is anything to be worked up about tbh, I'm far more worried about the fat cats than the little people trying to scrape by!

 

[suzib76]

And I'll add that some people make the choice to stay home because in this world we live in, you can't trust anyone but yourself to insure your child's safety. So it's not always a choice made for funsies.

I don't think the world and all the people in it are quite that dreadful, are they?

I'm not sure how many people choose to stay home purely for "funsies" but surely very few stay home purely because it's too great a risk to have their child in the care of anyone else?

I guess my issues aren't a common one. My job involved sleep overs. After losing Eve in her sleep, there was no way I could have gone on to leave any of my subsequent babies for any period of time let alone over night, even with DH.
Im probably a really extreme and rare example but for me it's absolutey an issue.

completely understandable hun. I've not been through what you have but tried working nights after Honey and I couldn't cope with it in part due to not being there for them if anything happened.

On a separate note to Lora, I don't get it irking people if a sahm lists what she does during the day, no it's not a job but it isn't any easier to juggle washing up and children for a sahm than it would be for a child minder/nanny/nursery worker. Would they not be allowed to list off what they did either?

As for the post about not being a sahm if it's not their wages doing it. The thing is some circumstances make that very difficult. I don't think that stuff is anything to be worked up about tbh, I'm far more worried about the fat cats than the little people trying to scrape by!

I did say I worded it wrong. What I meant by being irked is if sahm says oh yeah it's a job I have to do blah blah blah and you get to go off to work, that kind of thing. I don't care if people choose to work or not, I go between working full on 50 hour weeks to not working for weeks on end because I can't strike the balance at all.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I don't consider it a job any more than I considered existing on my own with my own home a job before I had Lucas. It's just life.
I don't mind other people using the term really, it is what it is. In defence of "full time mum", I got into the habit of saying it when I didn't work, just because it's a term people could understand and needed little discussion. Otherwise I'd have awkward conversations like:
"So what do you do?"
"Nothing, I don't work"
"Oh... why?"
"I'm a single mum and haven't been able to get back to working yet"
"So you're a full time mum then..."
It was just easier to use it. And given that being at home with him was ALL I did, that filled my entire day, it was a good descriptor. No I dont describe myself as a part-time mum now that I work, but I don't call myself a full time mum because the term doesn't bother me enough to hijack it. I appreciate what it's supposed to mean even if its a flawed way of saying it.

 

[loeylo]

I also hate the term full time mum!

I have a very fulfilling job which I love. I worked hard to get to where I am. I can't wait to have my baby so I can feel as fulfilled at home as I do at work. There is no way I could give up part of my fulfillment (work) to be a parent, but that doesn't make me any less of a parent for feeling like that. My job (as a secondary school teacher) and the training I do in my job will make me a better parent than I would have been without my job (not saying that you need to be a teacher to be a good parent, simply that I have a better idea of how children's minds work than I did before I started teaching) - both parts of my life are simply that - part of my life. Neither defines me.

There is a saying - get a job you love and you will never work a day in your life. I completely disagree! I'm really lucky in that I will get long periods at home with my baby even when I go back to work due to long holidays, so I get to experience being a sahm in a way despite working. I know there will be days in the holiday that I am stressed out wishing I was back at work. But there are also going to be days during term time when I wish I was on holiday!

I'm feeling really conflicted as to what working pattern is going to suit. I always thought we would use childcare but I can't bring myself to do it. We always thought oh would work part time and I would go back full time, but now we are both going to cut our hours and ask family to step in to help. It is such a emotional topic and I can understand why people get so worked up about it.

Parenting isn't a job. Jobs pay you, parenting costs money!

 

[LoraLoo]

Loeylo couldn't agree with that last phrase any more!

 

[dani_tinks]

I don't know why it 'irks' people so much. I'm a 'sahm' 'housewife' 'home-maker'. No it's not a job as in a career, but it is what I do. Yes it's a lifestyle choice, I choose to stay at home and keep the house nice for my family. Am I sat at home watching morning tv filing my nails? No. But I am doing my part for my family.
It's sometimes very hard to justify and answer when people ask what I do, what my job is. I could technically go back to work now Jacob is in school, but we're in a fortunate position where it's not essential to need a wage from myself. So I don't think sahm's say looking after children is their job to piss working mums off - it's just said as there's nothing else to say when asked 'what do you do?'.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

^ I agree with you danii.

I also understand fears RE childcare. I know people do it with no issues but where I never needed too I must admit it would have sent me in a panic personally because it would be such a huge change not not what I ever planned or hoped.

Nothing wrong with still not returned to work when Jacob started school either. I didnt and enjoyed being able to help in school

 

[suzib76]

It doesn't irk me what people do, or even how they describe it. What I was trying to say has been totally lost. I don't know why anyone feels they need to justify their choices. Maybe because there are so many people out there waiting to judge. If I tell people I am not working I get a totally different response to if I tell them I am a taxi operator and both of those answers involve me not working! I can say I run my own business which is true but I'm not so fussed what people think so I usually say I do nothing, because at the moment I am doing nothing! Tags, labels and descriptions don't mean anything to me. The thing I was annoyed about was when I hear sahm saying how hard done by they are having all that to do as if working mums don't that's all. But it wasn't meant to be an opinion on what people actually do as it doesn't matter in the slightest to me. I don't care if people work, don't work, live off husbands earnings or claim benefits. All that bothers me is when someone try's to make like they have it harder than another, we are all mums and we all have hard days.

 

[Lauraxamy]

I work, and it doesn't bother me when SAHM Mums say that's their job or what they do because although it technically isn't 'a job' there is always jobs to be done - it's not like SAHM Mum's are sat at home on their backsides all day, there's always a job/work to be done when you have kids. It's a shame so many feel judged for making the decision to stay at home with their LO's, I actually often feel judged for going out to work a lot of the time when really I had no choice. Being a single Mum I have nobody else to bring in money for me. I'd love to be a SAHM Mum.

 

[Pearls18]

I know what you meant Suzi. And no one has said they are "irked" by any choice, just the wording of it sometimes, nothing wrong with that it's important to think how language impacts on people. People are reading between the lines to create a debate when largely people havent disagreed with one another!!!

 

[dani_tinks]

I was just explaining it from the other side, not trying to cause a debate at all.

 

[suzib76]

I am often guilty of writing something with a full explanation in my head but only putting down half of that onto paper!!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Childminders get paid. I do the same things with my daughter, just saving the need for childcare so this is my job for the family. (I do actually work part time LSA in a school lol)

 

[loeylo]

The housework point is a valid one too. Facebook is the worlds worst for it - I had a huge clear out the other day because I was so fed up of everyone moaning or boasting 24/7.

One girl I know is the same age as me, has two kids (7 and 5) and she stays at home with them. Which would be fine, except her partner also stays at home. The kids are at school now, so there is absolutely no excuse for neither parent to work - I refuse to believe that neither of them have had a job offer in that time! Their house is a complete mess (I'm not talking clutter and toys, I mean unhygienic!) and they still manage to go on holiday each year and have a car.

I work 50+h per week, my partner works 40h plus commutes over an hour each way to and from work, I'm 30w pregnant. My house is clean and tidy, but we can't afford fancy holidays and our car (which we only have one of) is 7 years old with no prospect of replacing it for a while yet. When our baby is born, we will both work 30 hours and yes our house might not be perfect, but you can bet your bottom dollar there won't be dog poo near the kids toys or mouldy baby bottles at my sink. My kids will go to the park or the library some days rather than spending every day at home on games consoles because we are too "skint" to go out.

That is what annoys me more than people who say parenting is a "job" - yes it is bloody hard work, but the reward you get is seeing your kids grow up and spending time with them. Believe it or not, I don't go out to work to have "fun" - I do it because I want to be able to pay my kids through Uni, I want to be able to live in a stable house in a nicer area.

Another slightly contentious reason for working is that I don't want to rely on my partner financially, I didn't fall in love with him for his money and I want my daughter to grow up in an environment where it is okay for her to be ambitious and successful. I want my future son (if I have one) to know it is okay to want to cut his hours to spend more time with his future kids. I don't want my kids genders to define who they are, so I ensure that myself and my partner share the burden of housework, earning money and raising children equally between us. That's what works for us and we are happy with it. I absolutely do not think it is okay to sit on your bum playing Xbox all day when your kids are at school, pop in and collect a takeaway on your way home from picking the kids up and do literally no housework. But I'm guessing that not many parents do that anyway!!

 

[harrieth]

I really don't understand what the problem is? If you want to call yourself a 'full time mum' and believe its your job then fine, why can't you? I don't think any stay at home mothers are accusing working mums of not being a parent they are just referring to their own situation.

I actually work part time so am not a sahm, but I really don't understand why people get irked. It would be a boring old world if we were all the same.

 

[loeylo]

In that respect I could call used a "full time dog owner" if I wanted? Which I am, obviously, but it isn't my job, is it?

 

[Larkspur]

In that respect I could call used a "full time dog owner" if I wanted? Which I am, obviously, but it isn't my job, is it?

Given that you can leave your dog at home alone for several hours every day while you go and do whatever you like, I'm not sure it's a fair comparison!

 

[BabyMamma93]

i knew this would be taken out of context and a little debate would happen.

this post is not to slate stay at home parents, or mums/dads on benefits, i was asking if people agree whether being a parent is a job, whether or not you work or SAH. i wouldnt say that a SAHM has the hardest job of looking after their child, because its not a job, its a choice, a privilege, but i also wouldnt say that being a parent in any way shape or form again whether you SAH or not, is easy, and another thing i hate? when single parents make out that 2 parents have it easier, and therefore each one is only half a parent, im not aiming this at anyone here. the whole thing that started this was i saw a picture on FB my thought was not linked to the picture, just peoples comments saying how its a job, its hard etc. then my OH 'cousin' jumped down my throat that i have it easy bcos i have a OH to help me, she is a full time mum bcos she is a single parent and is unable to work, that got my back up because in so many words that stating im only half a parent, my OH is only half a parent and we have it piss easy because there is 2 of us. i would never say either is easier or harder, i think in different ways they are both as hard as each other.

 

[BabyMamma93]

Childminders get paid. I do the same things with my daughter, just saving the need for childcare so this is my job for the family. (I do actually work part time LSA in a school lol)

being with your own kids is not baby sitting, its parenting.
Thats another thing that gets me, my OH has 2 friends, if he asks them what either are up to they will say 'oh just baby sitting' if someone told me they are baby sitting i assume they mean their nieces/cousins/friends baby not their own child...