'Having a baby IS a job'

[catty]

my childcare would be dearer than my wage so no way I can afford to work in the daytime which is a pity. od earn roughly £1100 and my childcare would be £1600. I assume id get some help with that through tax credits or something but id be working full time for essentially nothing

 

[lindseymw]

See it works the other way too, some people can't afford to work because childcare is so expensive, some of those would love to work and therefore it's a privilege the other way too!!

But how do people afford to live without work?

My wage is LESS than what my childcare costs are, then tax credits fund some of my costs and then obviously I make up the rest with my wage. Unless you are earning mega money then childcare is always gonna be expensive.

It would have cost me around my entire wage for the childcare if I had to pay. We were entitled to very little in terms of tax credits - childcare element (£1.50 per month). We don't earn 'megabucks' either. I gave up work because it wasn't financially viable for me to carry on.

We live on DH's wage alone but we are in a position to do this as we have paid the mortgage off.

 

[katherinegrey]

I dislike this thread, although I see it has remained civil (although I've not read it all).
I feel it implies women who do feel being a mother is their job right now (as I do) are being criticised.
If I gave my children to someone and paid them to look after them, that's a job. If I pay someone to clean for me, it's a job. So on with cooking, laundry and driving them about.

I don't get a wage, so it's not a job? Freelance writers don't get paid unless they're published, is anything they write if it doesn't make print not work?

Why if I pay someone to do what I do it's a job but it's not work for me?

I don't understand. However we describe what we do, be that full time mum, working mom, stay at home mom, whatever, what's it matter? If someone outright insults you and calls you a part time mother then by all means defend yourself, but this seems defensive for no reason to me.

Being a mother for me is a full time job. My husband works and is successful, and he couldn't be successful and have a family if I didn't sacrifice my career for my family. He'd have to pitch in with childcare and household work if I also worked, which means he couldn't give his all at his job or work the hours he does, he'd have to take into account my own work commitments before agreeing to that overtime or that project. My support means he can progress whilst I take care of the children and home for now. If the children are sick we don't have to worry about who will take the day off or if we can send them to nursery because they're unwell, I care for them. No stress needed. I'm here.

I say for now because this won't always be my role. As the children age and I get more free time, my role will change and I will probably get a paid job and my contribution will also be financial.

Right now this is my job. Yes, job.

 

[loeylo]

I dislike this thread, although I see it has remained civil (although I've not read it all).
I feel it implies women who do feel being a mother is their job right now (as I do) are being criticised.
If I gave my children to someone and paid them to look after them, that's a job. If I pay someone to clean for me, it's a job. So on with cooking, laundry and driving them about.

I don't get a wage, so it's not a job? Freelance writers don't get paid unless they're published, is anything they write if it doesn't make print not work?

Why if I pay someone to do what I do it's a job but it's not work for me?

I don't understand. However we describe what we do, be that full time mum, working mom, stay at home mom, whatever, what's it matter? If someone outright insults you and calls you a part time mother then by all means defend yourself, but this seems defensive for no reason to me.

Being a mother for me is a full time job. My husband works and is successful, and he couldn't be successful and have a family if I didn't sacrifice my career for my family. He'd have to pitch in with childcare and household work if I also worked, which means he couldn't give his all at his job or work the hours he does, he'd have to take into account my own work commitments before agreeing to that overtime or that project. My support means he can progress whilst I take care of the children and home for now. If the children are sick we don't have to worry about who will take the day off or if we can send them to nursery because they're unwell, I care for them. No stress needed. I'm here.

I say for now because this won't always be my role. As the children age and I get more free time, my role will change and I will probably get a paid job and my contribution will also be financial.

Right now this is my job. Yes, job.

I agree with the sentiment of what you are saying however I don't agree that it is your job. It is your role in your family to do the above, and that is fine, but it isn't a job per se. When my baby is born, I wil have to do the above whilst doing a job, so do I have two jobs?

I don't have a problem with sahm who are aupported financially by their partners by any means, but I do not think that they are any more effective as parents as working mothers are.

As for the emboldened bit - why not? Why should his career matter more than yours? My partner has progressed in his career and will continue to do so when he is a dad. He also cooks and cleans an does 50% of tasks in the house. For me it is important that my oh doesn't miss out on the joys of fatherhood by being at work all hours whilst I get to stay at home enjoying the joys of motherhood.

 

[Kirsty3051]

I think this is one of those situations where everybody could give arguments for both sides. It depends on each individual and their circumstances. I'm quitting my job when we have our second because it's a decision we made for our family. We could easily put both of them in nursery or drop them with a childminder but have decided against it.

 

[Tasha]

See it works the other way too, some people can't afford to work because childcare is so expensive, some of those would love to work and therefore it's a privilege the other way too!!

But how do people afford to live without work?

My wage is LESS than what my childcare costs are, then tax credits fund some of my costs and then obviously I make up the rest with my wage. Unless you are earning mega money then childcare is always gonna be expensive.

It would have cost me around my entire wage for the childcare if I had to pay. We were entitled to very little in terms of tax credits - childcare element (£1.50 per month). We don't earn 'megabucks' either. I gave up work because it wasn't financially viable for me to carry on.

We live on DH's wage alone but we are in a position to do this as we have paid the mortgage off.

I dislike this thread, although I see it has remained civil (although I've not read it all).
I feel it implies women who do feel being a mother is their job right now (as I do) are being criticised.
If I gave my children to someone and paid them to look after them, that's a job. If I pay someone to clean for me, it's a job. So on with cooking, laundry and driving them about.

I don't get a wage, so it's not a job? Freelance writers don't get paid unless they're published, is anything they write if it doesn't make print not work?

Why if I pay someone to do what I do it's a job but it's not work for me?

I don't understand. However we describe what we do, be that full time mum, working mom, stay at home mom, whatever, what's it matter? If someone outright insults you and calls you a part time mother then by all means defend yourself, but this seems defensive for no reason to me.

Being a mother for me is a full time job. My husband works and is successful, and he couldn't be successful and have a family if I didn't sacrifice my career for my family. He'd have to pitch in with childcare and household work if I also worked, which means he couldn't give his all at his job or work the hours he does, he'd have to take into account my own work commitments before agreeing to that overtime or that project. My support means he can progress whilst I take care of the children and home for now. If the children are sick we don't have to worry about who will take the day off or if we can send them to nursery because they're unwell, I care for them. No stress needed. I'm here.

I say for now because this won't always be my role. As the children age and I get more free time, my role will change and I will probably get a paid job and my contribution will also be financial.

Right now this is my job. Yes, job.

I agree with the sentiment of what you are saying however I don't agree that it is your job. It is your role in your family to do the above, and that is fine, but it isn't a job per se. When my baby is born, I wil have to do the above whilst doing a job, so do I have two jobs?

I don't have a problem with sahm who are aupported financially by their partners by any means, but I do not think that they are any more effective as parents as working mothers are.

As for the emboldened bit - why not? Why should his career matter more than yours? My partner has progressed in his career and will continue to do so when he is a dad. He also cooks and cleans an does 50% of tasks in the house. For me it is important that my oh doesn't miss out on the joys of fatherhood by being at work all hours whilst I get to stay at home enjoying the joys of motherhood.

I don't agree that it's any body else's business what she/we/you define it as - a job, full time mum, what ever. I think we should be able to say I am... or this is.... And as it doesn't affect anyone else at all, then that's okay.

The bit about why not. It will be a very individual thing for each family.

 

[katherinegrey]

Just to clarify, my husband is very hands on and does pitch in, but the pressure is removed from him HAVING to do those things. If he's worked a 16 hour day he's free to go sleep, what he chooses to do is his matter.

I will consider you to have two jobs, yes. Looking after a family isn't easy. How you consider yourself is up to you. It's not up to you to define my role however, I see it as my role and an important job to do in my family, it is not up to you or anyone else to tell me otherwise.

The fact is in our house my husbands job is very demanding and he needs to give that his priority right now so he can continue to be successful and provide for us, I enable him to do this.

It's a very personal thing how your own family runs, it's not really anyone's place to say how you define it is right or wrong.

 

[Abz1982]

I prefer the title Disaster Avoidance Supervisor.........as that seems to be how my day goes. Clearing up mess and disaster that DS creates. hahaha

Right now I am a SAHM because I cant find a job that will cover childcare costs and cant do shift work as OH has lots of contracts to work away and no one will watch my wee darlings over the weekend or evenings .

When I did work I did 37 hours plus 90% child care when at home. 100% cleaning, 95% cooking. 100% laundry 90% grocery shopping. I got 6 weeks off a year, 4 weeks of that time was used to watch the kids whilst the childcare was on holiday

Now I do 100% childcare. 100% cleaning, 100% cooking. 100% laundry 100% grocery shopping. I get 0 weeks holiday.

But, I had kids, our choice so..........

 

[Larkspur]

If you would pay someone else to do it were you not to do it yourself, then surely it's fair enough to call it a job.

Still, even if you disagree, it boggles the mind that the way someone else describes what they do all day attracts nine pages of spirited discussion and substantial disapproval. NINE PAGES. Honestly. It's like feminism never happened.

 

[smileyfaces]

See it works the other way too, some people can't afford to work because childcare is so expensive, some of those would love to work and therefore it's a privilege the other way too!!

But how do people afford to live without work?

My wage is LESS than what my childcare costs are, then tax credits fund some of my costs and then obviously I make up the rest with my wage. Unless you are earning mega money then childcare is always gonna be expensive.

It would have cost me around my entire wage for the childcare if I had to pay. We were entitled to very little in terms of tax credits - childcare element (£1.50 per month). We don't earn 'megabucks' either. I gave up work because it wasn't financially viable for me to carry on.

We live on DH's wage alone but we are in a position to do this as we have paid the mortgage off.

Yeah, my entire wage is not even enough to cover childcare costs. Childcare costs more per month than what I actually earn and I rely on tax credits to help out on that front. If I was to give up my job we would be no better or worse off, it would make no difference financially for us but I choose to work because its my time away from the house.

 

[catty]

smileyfaced it sounds like you would be breaking even though. I would be in minus money and I think there is something very wrong when going to work doesnt actially pay at all. I work in the evenings though so dont need to pay for childcare

 

[lindseymw]

smileyfaced it sounds like you would be breaking even though. I would be in minus money and I think there is something very wrong when going to work doesnt actially pay at all. I work in the evenings though so dont need to pay for childcare

I would have been in minus money. I would be handing my wage over to childcare provider but still have to find money to pay for petrol, parking etc to get to work. That was for one child in fulltime school and one in school nursery.

I can't work nights as DH works shifts.

And no I don't consider being a SAHM a job. I had a job and a career but I had to give than up to look after my children.

 

[Pearls18]

See it works the other way too, some people can't afford to work because childcare is so expensive, some of those would love to work and therefore it's a privilege the other way too!!

But how do people afford to live without work?

My wage is LESS than what my childcare costs are, then tax credits fund some of my costs and then obviously I make up the rest with my wage. Unless you are earning mega money then childcare is always gonna be expensive.

It would have cost me around my entire wage for the childcare if I had to pay. We were entitled to very little in terms of tax credits - childcare element (£1.50 per month). We don't earn 'megabucks' either. I gave up work because it wasn't financially viable for me to carry on.

We live on DH's wage alone but we are in a position to do this as we have paid the mortgage off.

Yeah, my entire wage is not even enough to cover childcare costs. Childcare costs more per month than what I actually earn and I rely on tax credits to help out on that front. If I was to give up my job we would be no better or worse off, it would make no difference financially for us but I choose to work because its my time away from the house.

This is how it is for me, I have had to take on a full time job and due to loss of tax credits for childcare I will be the same as when I was working part time (technically less off as my commute is more expensive) but I'm career driven and this was the only option I had to further my career (moving areas so couldn't remain in current position). Tax credits enable a lot of women to go back to work, it depends on the husband's wages as to whether the amount of TC can make the woman's wages viable (unless both salaries are high) I don't think many people realise just how much TC can help, you can still get TC on salaries over £45,000 for the childcare element.

 

[suzib76]

When Jack and Leah were little I worked at a loss for about 2 years, but it was a manageable loss for us - it is definitely dependant on more than just what you would lose/gain individually. At the time I kept my job because I thought it was the right thing to do, the kids would be in school eventually and I would have no job and have to start further down the ladder again to gain experience after a huge break. I thought setting the example that we were a hard working family was key to their future. I thought I had to work. 10 years (and another Lo) down the line I have no idea why I wasted my time. I was rushed, stressed and barely managing to keep on top of things at home let alone actually sit down and enjoy the children. Since then I have opened up my freedom by self employment. So I am here when I need to be, when I want to be, when the kids want me here. At the moment I am not working, I have someone who does the work (basically rents my taxi) so I can spend every minute of the holidays with the kids. I have always considered a job to be a job and my family to be life. I don't need a job description for staying at home, because imo it's quite simply that, staying at home

 

[Tasha]

For us it isn't just about childcare though, our rent was £1.5k a month (we are in the middle of moving because of this) and an increase of around £10-12k a year would mean completely losing out housing benefit but the rent was £18k a year, so you see we would be in minus before even adding in childcare costs, travel cards etc.

 

[Tasha]

I still don't get though why we feel the need to define other people? We are free to define what we do and tbh it's no one else's business!

 

[Pearls18]

I guess that's just hindsight, we all have to do what we think is best in that moment whether that's staying at home, forging a career or anything in between that, we can't have regrets as life is too short. Right now I am doing what is best for my family and me, but who knows what we will all be doing in a few years especially as we uproot our lives every few years. I don't have to justify my life to anybody and nobody has to justify their life to me, this whole thread is just semantics, language we all interpret differently.

 

[CRWx]

I don't have my LO yet but does it really matter? As long as your LOs are looked after (which everybody's are!) then why does it matter how you define what you do? Wether you're a SAHM or a working mum or believe you have 700 jobs or 0? It's everybodies individual lives and if it works for them, brilliant!

 

[catty]

is it bad that I cannot wait for yhe day where I can go to work (in the daytime) sit at my desk, chat about the weekend and get a warm coffee before firing up my computer and dealing with my emails that are specifically for me. I miss it lots, I never ever thought having children would mean I actually cannot afford to go to work but thats ehat happened. instead just as OH is getting home from work I am going out. I sometimes wonder if the children even realise there mum and dad are together as were rarely seen in the same room. anyway I loveeee being at home with my kids. love love love it, I just really wish I could do both or at least have the option. it wont be forever though I know that, I will get to work in the day when there at school and I bet il look back and wish I could do it all again

 

[JessyG]

I don't think it does matter. As far as I can see no one has told anyone else how they should live their lives.

As usual in threads like this, it goes off on a tangent....benefits, working mums, stay at home mums etc.

I work, too much for my liking but I am trying to change that. My friend is a stay at home mum, we have completely different lives but that's ok. Our kids are all pretty awesome so that's the main thing!